Falling apart isn't very pretty.
tonytay113: Aww, thanks for the support. It's flattering that you like the story so much.
Tissamy: The question is more like 'What isn't going on in Soap's head?' I'm a sucker for the dramallama.
rawrlittledino: Thanks for the feedback. BTW: I've been whoring you and Evie out on all my stories ;)
doyleangel: Yes, Gabe/Soap drama is possible.
chocolatechortle22: Yeah, sorry about the lack of updates. School is getting the best of me.
---delilah: Don't worry. Pete will suffer for as long as he needs to.
alex_-nods-: Lol. I loved the dramatic review.
Naothemagnificent: Don't give up on Santeria! It's a good song!
x_slowdown: Yep. Gabe cares. A lot.
xFallxOutxBoyxFanx: Bliss can only last for so long.
In general, it seems that you guys don't take Soap's drinking too seriously, but take into account that she can't remember the last time she was sober.
Now onto the Pete/Soap drama...
43: i ’ m a m e s s
Upon reaching the 5th floor apartment, I knocked on the door three times. On the other side, a quiet shuffling of feet was followed by the sound of a chain being taken off, then the click of a lock.
“Hey,” Peyton greeted, wrapping me in a hug.
“How’s Sophie?” I asked as she pulled away.
Before she had the chance to respond, Sophie appeared in the hallway and shot me a broad smile. “JOE!” The petite girl ran over to and wrapped me in a bear hug. “What’s shakin?”
“Not much,” I replied, pulling away.
“Allergies acting up again?” I asked, referring to the puffiness in her eyes.
“Well, this isn’t Claritin, but I passed by the bakery and thought that you’d like these.”
I handed her a white cardboard box and she quickly opened it.
“Cupcakes!” She kissed my cheek then walked over to the coffee table and set them down. I followed her to the couch and took a seat next to her.
“No problem. I hope you both like them,” I said poking her stomach. She smiled and pulled one of the pastries from the box.
“If the baby’s anything like me, he or she will love ‘em.” With that, she took a big bite.
“Yummy?” I asked.
“Mhmm,” she mumbled, nodding her head. After finishing the remainder of the cupcake, she turned to me. “Man, with the way you guys bring me food, I’ll be huge in no time.”
“What do you mean?”
“The other day, Andy came by with a bean sprout salad and some tofu burgers. On Saturday, Dirty brought a basket of fruit. And last week, Patrick brought some of his mom’s pumpkin squares. Not to mention Peyton’s fridge stocked with ‘pregnant friendly’ foods.”
“Well, we all want you and the baby to be happy.”
“Yeah,” Peyton said, taking a seat on the other side of Sophie. “It takes a village to raise a child.”
“Trust me. At this rate, this will be the most spoiled baby in the history of babies,” she replied, placing both her hands over her stomach.
“How far along are you?”
“According to the doctors, it’s been about three months—”
All of a sudden, she stopped mid-sentence and her eyes went wide.
“What’s wrong?” I immediately asked. She blinked a couple of times before a smile crept over her face.
“The baby. It just kicked…”
Peyton and I glanced at Sophie’s stomach, silently asking if we could take a look, erm, feel.
“Go ahead,” she said, lifting the hem of her t-shirt. We placed our hands next to hers, anxiously waiting for some type of movement. “Say hi to Aunt Peyton and Uncle Joe…”
And just like that, we felt it—tiny feet pushing beneath her skin.
“Wow,” was all I could manage to say.
“How does that feel for you?” Peyton asked with an awestruck look on her face.
“I don’t know how to describe it… It’s…Amazing,” she said, still beaming. “But enough about me and my growing belly. How’ve you been?”
“Alright. Just hanging out at home. Nothing too exciting,” I said truthfully.
“Aww, come on. You must’ve done something noteworthy in the past week.”
“I did hang out with John Mayer on Wednesday. Jammed for a while.”
“See, you’re not as boring as you think,” she said, playfully pushing my shoulder.
Sophie turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels. After watching an episode of ‘I Love Money’ and half of ‘Reality TV Bites Back,’ she flipped over to MTV.
“Crap, I forgot Panic’s new video is premiering today. I hope I didn’t miss it,” she said.
“I’m pretty sure it hasn’t played yet. Brendon’s not on the phone asking if you liked it,” Peyton said.
“Okay, so before we show you guys the new music video from the boys of Panic At the Disco, here’s a word from their boss, Pete Wentz…”
At this, Peyton and I glanced at each other, unsure of what to do or say.
“I’m fine, you guys,” Soap said, reading our faces. “I’m not gonna burst into tears, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but quickly closed it, knowing that lying to her would be pointless. Peyton and I cautiously turned back to the television and waited for Pete to finish his little intro for Nine In the Afternoon, all the while watching Sophie out of the corners of our eyes.
Though the music video ended, Panic continued to play. This time, it was in the form of a ringtone.
“Right on schedule,” Peyton commented as Sophie got up and grabbed her cell off the counter.
Hey, Brendon… Yes, of course I watched the video just now…
With that she walked over to the guest bedroom and closed the door.
“It looks like Soap’s holding up pretty well,” I quietly commented.
“Emphasis on ‘looks like,’” Peyton said, still looking back at the hallway. “She puts on a strong front, but she’s not nearly as happy as you think.”
“What makes you say that?”
“When you guys aren’t around, she spends most of her time working extra shifts at the salon or moping around the apartment… And she doesn’t think I’ve noticed, but every night for the past month, Soap’s gone to sleep listening to Fall Out Boy and I can hear her crying as the songs play… She can deny it all she wants, but allergies aren’t the reason her eyes are puffy all the time.” Peyton sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “God, as much as I hate to admit it, she’s a fucking mess without Pete.”
“The concept was all Ryan’s idea. I don’t how the hell he came up with it…”
As much as I tried paying attention to Brendon, my mind kept wandering back to Pete. Contrary to what I’d said, I was on the verge of tears throughout the whole video. By the looks of it, he’d lost some weight. And despite how happy he seemed, talking about how much Panic had grown since their last album, I noticed that his smile never reached his eyes.
“Soph, you there?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry, Brendon,” I said, suddenly remembering that I was still on the phone. “I’ve got a lot on my mind…”
“No problem. I was just asking how you’ve been doing lately.”
“I’ve been good. The baby kicked for the first time today.”
“Holy crap, you’re that far along already?” I chuckled at his response.
“Yeah.” With a half-hearted smile and put a hand over my stomach.
“Wow,” he said, still surprised. “…Oh, shit. I’ve gotta be at an interview, but before I go, can you do me a favor?”
“I just e-mailed a mix the guys and I made for you and the baby. Think you could give it a listen?”
“Of course,” I softly replied.
“Okay, thanks. Bye.”
After hanging up, I pulled my laptop onto the bed and checked my e-mail.
with love from panic
Here’s a compilation of cute songs we thought you and the soon-to-be baby would like. Don’t worry, there’s no profanity, screaming, or sexual references (Ryan triple checked). Hope you two like it!
Brendon, Jon, Spencer, & Ryan
My heart sank a little upon seeing the track list. First was Hellogoodbye’s “Dear Jamie…Sincerely Me.” The title triggered memories of a conversation Pete and I had a while back.
We were lying in bed, watching an episode of One Tree Hill.
“Do you want kids?” Pete asked as Jamie and Gavin DeGraw sang the show’s theme song.
“Yeah, eventually,” I replied, turning toward him. “Why do you ask?”
He shrugged and looked down at his hands. “I guess watching Nathan, Haley, and Jamie got me wondering about what would happen if we decided to start a family…”
Smiling, I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his cheek.
“If we decided to start a family, I think you’d be an awesome dad.”
“You mean that?”
He pressed his lips against my forehead and pulled me to his chest.
“God, I love you, Sophie.”
As the song played over the laptop speakers, I noticed drops of water on the keyboard. It took a few seconds for me to realize that they were my tears.
After wiping my eyes, I hit the stop button and shut my eyes as tight as I could. Hard as I tried, the tears leaked through and spilled down the sides of my face.
When it came down to it, all efforts to keep myself from falling apart were useless.
I was filling a cup with water while poking holes in its bottom.
I was tearing at the seams while sewing myself shut.
I was letting go of Pete while holding onto him for dear life.
I was losing my mind.
“Soap, are you okay?” Peyton asked, softly knocking at the door.
“I’m fine,” I said, voice cracking.
So much for being “fine.”
She and Joe cautiously opened the door and took seats next to me. They both wrapped me in a hug, and I couldn’t help but feel like they were the only things holding me together.
As always, I beseech thee to review.
It would be highly appreciated if you did.
Or you could always AIM me @ disast3rous.
I swear I don't bite.
PS. moocow & rawrlittledino = amaaazing. I command thee to read their fics.