Why am I like this?
Is this really me?
Why do I feel okay when im not okay
Why do I lie?
Why can’t I tell the truth for once?
Why do I drink?
When people ask me if im okay I just smile and reply
Who can I go to?
Why do I feel alone?
Am I that much of a fuck up?
These are the questions I keep asking myself every single day and I still don’t get answers
My mind feels like a smashed piggy bank, all my logic and sanity is scattered in pieces.
Do you know what you’re doing to me?
Do you know how many times I have thought about death?
It wouldn’t? Take much ya know just a simple slice of a vein or taking a couple more pills then the recommended dose.
I was laughing last night you should remember I was laughing and screaming and crying into my pillow trying to form some sort of logic in what im doing with my mind your consuming me
My brother and friends don’t seem to notice what a complete stranger I am.
I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t even know who I am any more…
Scratching the pen against paper I don’t realise the creak and groan of my wooden door
“Hey mikey!” my brother whispers causing me to jump in fright
“Ww-what” I stammered slamming the notebook shut
“Come downstairs I seriously think im on to something” he replies jumping up and down excitedly.
Before I could what he means he begins describing this parade and about how death comes to you in the form of your happiest memories.
“Wow you’re actually on to something gee”
“I know right I think it’s the house come on I wanna tell ray” rambles yanking me outside my door.
Its amazing how easy it is to act like nothings wrong and for people to believe it but to actually be okay is sometimes the most hardest thing you can ever do.
this was supposed to be about what mikeys going thru back when he had his breakdown i was watching a interview and just the stuff he said about it was like me so much such as things like always being the one to hold it togther for people an bottling up ur emotions aswell anyway be lenient it ur harsh criticism lol