Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > If The Clouds Were Singing A Song.
Chapter Four: You're A Stranger I Know Well.
"If this is a test, I'm wasting my breath. You're a stranger I know well, and not at all."---The Academy Is...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
He felt safe there. As if Jon's car would protect him from all evil. Even if there was constant bickering over what radio station to listen to or just sibling rivalry, the seat belt pulled Ryan into harmless harbor of a certain security within these strangers. He liked them. Comfort swelled into the content emotions he felt with the oh-so vivacious Violet, the somewhat up-tight Madeline, and the easy-going Jon. He didn't understand it. He barely knew them, but he wanted to be like them. It would be lovely to have friends like this. Despite all their differences and sarcastic banter, you could tell they were the closest people in the world. Ryan wouldn't exactly mind it if he were to be close to them, either. Alas, he felt certain that he didn't belong with them. He was so boring and quiet. Not anything like these people.
"Joooooooooooooooooooooon Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt! That's my name toooooooo!" Violet sang, as Jon laughed, "We need to hang tomorrow."
"Can't." Jon responded as Violet scoffed. She looked genuinely confused as to why anybody didn't want to hang out with her.
"And why not?" she asked.
"Madeline and I have a date." he answered as Madeline turned around in her seat and stuck her tongue out at Violet.
"Ugh! Your girlfriend always gets you. When does your best friend have a chance?" Violet whined.
"I'm sorry, Violet. Maybe next weekend." Jon said.
"Aren't your best friends supposed to come before your girlfriends?" Violet prodded, as Madeline just rolled her eyes.
"I believe you are referring to the 'dicks before chicks' theory, Violet. There's just one problem, you don't have a dick." Madeline answered, as Jon laughed again.
"Damn." Violet said, defeated.
Ryan felt the conversation was completely amusing, yet he felt somewhat left out. He knew that Jon was just giving him a ride home out of courtesy, but Ryan wanted to at least partake in the conversation. He wanted to laugh with Jon, roll his eyes with Madeline, and ramble with Violet. But he didn't really belong. And he had a suspicion that they felt that way too. He was just someone getting a ride home, not a candidate for friendship. Ryan wished he could say something, but he felt it would be too awkward and unnecessary. He began recollecting the emotions of middle school, where everyone craved to "fit in". That's how it felt now. He so wished to belong.
"Hey, Ryan! Do you want to hang tomorrow, since my best friend and sister are lame?" Violet asked, pulling Ryan out of his trance. He blinked twice, not knowing what to say.
Sometimes wishes may come true.
"Uh, um. Sure." he stumbled as Violet smiled.
"Cool beans. I'll just get your address from Jon, since he's dropping you off anyway."
"Uh, okay." Ryan smiled. He was hanging out with someone on Friday.
The evening sun drifted into a broken golden beneath the leafy trees as Jon pulled into Violet and Madeline's house. A flurry of green was illuminated by a vibrancy of rainbow that burst through the stems and leafs of the hedge. Violet and Madeline seemed to have a flower garden stretched across their perfectly mowed grass. Ryan chalked their lawn to be the best lawn he has ever seen. And to accompany the garden, a few palm trees were planted there as well. If the front lawn looked this good, Ryan wondered what the backyard looked like.
"Here we are, ladies." Jon announced as he parked in their driveway.
"Oh, wonderful. 'Grease Lightning' is here." Madeline muttered sarcastically as she peered out the window to see a very tale male leaning against a motorcycle, sporting dark shades and a nice leather jacket. His hair grew a little past his squared jaw line and he reminded Ryan of those "cool guys" in eighties movies. He appeared to be very relaxed, but held a certain bored and impatient expression, as though nobody made this guy wait.
"William!" Violet squealed, oblivious to the rude comment her sister had just made, as she quickly opened the car door and ran to greet 'William'. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her toes to kiss him. Which made Ryan's heart sink a little. He didn't completely understand why; perhaps it was the tiny attraction and fascination he had for her taking a toll on his emotions. Still, he felt somewhat of a longing to be this William character. To share a connection with the mysterious Violet like nobody else had. It was intriguing. He decided he wanted that connection with someone, preferably her, but he knew it would never happen. Violet was exciting. Ryan was uninteresting. Besides, he just met the girl. He didn't understand the miniscule clingy sensation he already felt. Yet, there was one disadvantage that being William would serve. Though, he was connected with Violet, Madeline didn't seem to approve of him. And Madeline was somebody that you did not want to be on the bad side of.
Madeline reluctantly exited the car as Jon followed and Ryan felt obligated to do the same. It would be weird if he just sat in the car and waited while the driver was out talking. But, there was another reason why Ryan got out of that car. He was a little anxious to meet this William guy; to see what all the hype about him was. Why he was worthy of Violet's love or why he was the object of Madeline's hatred. He looked to Jon, who just looked at William with a blank expression. Ryan sort of felt that Jon wasn't so fond of him either, but for Violet's sake, he was tolerant.
"Hey Jon, Madeline." William greeted, but his tone changed with annoyance as he said Madeline's name.
"Hello Douche Face." she replied, with an evil smirk.
"Must you always call me that?" William whined, rolling his eyes.
"Well, that's your name, isn't it?"
"You know my name, Madeline."
"Yeah, Douche Face."
Ryan decided that Madeline was a very complicated person. He could tell that you had to work very hard to please her or even become her friend. Ryan wondered how Jon felt sometimes. If he had to endlessly work to please his girlfriend or if he had to choose gifts for her in great precision. Madeline was definitely not someone to mess with. And Ryan only hoped he could earn his way to her good side, because he felt her bad side was the worst place you could ever find yourself. Madeline had the power to make someone feel like the scumiest scum of the earth with just a simple dirty look or with a demeaning word from her wit. He then wondered how Jon must feel when he is ever on Madeline's bad side. Or if he ever had to walk on eggshells just to stay in the safety of her good side.
How could anybody be so in love like Jon was with somebody like Madeline? He seemed to look at her as though she's the only girl in the world. He acted so adoring and loving towards her, but she didn't seem as affectionate. In fact, she acted like his flirtation was obnoxious. They were as different as night and day, yet they were linked together inseparably. Because, Ryan knew, despite Madeline's tough exterior, in her eyes, Jon was the only guy in the world.
"Um, William baby, this is my friend Ryan. He needed a ride home. Ryan, this is---" Violet started to introduce, until she was cut off by her sister.
"Douche Face!" Madeline interrupted through a series of fake coughs.
"Ugh! Madeline, shut up! I never insult your boyfriend!" Violet cried out.
"That's because my boyfriend is actually decent." Madeline said.
"Well, if you happened to be dating someone that wasn't as oh-so wonderful and decent as Jon, then I still wouldn't insult him!"
"I wouldn't ever date anyone that wasn't decent. I wish I could say the same for you!"
"It's hard to believe that you are dating anyone at all!"
Suddenly, Madeline stormed off into their house as Violet took William's hand and exited a different way; both of them equally angry, leaving Jon and Ryan standing awkwardly in the driveway.
"They must be PMSing." Jon piped up, to alleviate the silence.
Ryan laughed as they got back into Jon's car. Despite the sister slander that just occurred moments ago, Ryan couldn't help but recall Violet introducing him as her 'friend'. Even though it was probably a common word she used, it felt nice to have somewhat of a connection to her and this group. And as Ryan gave Jon his address, he felt comfort in Las Vegas. Which, he thought he'd never feel. But these people made him feel like this is what home was supposed to feel like. With people that you didn't always get along with, but still had a good time with. He couldn't remember the last time he had fun. And over the past week, he's had more fun with these strangers than he had back home, on friendless weekends.
"So, what do you think of the whole crew?" Jon asked, as he backed out of Violet and Madeline's driveway.
"Well, you guys seem pretty nice. But, uh, Madeline seems kind of, um, complicated." Ryan stumbled.
Then there was a weird silence and Ryan just closed his eyes as he leaned against the cool leather of the seat. He blew it. He insulted Jon's girlfriend. Jon probably hated him. Within a matter of words, he lost the only connection with 'friends' he basically ever had. But then, out of nowhere, Jon began to bust out in laughter.
"Complicated? Holy crap, that is the nicest way I have ever heard anyone put it. No man, you can be honest. Madeline has the ability to be a bitch." Jon laughed, as Ryan just blinked in confusion.
"I don't understand. Then why are you with her?" Ryan asked, although it did seem slightly personal.
"Because I love her." Jon replied seriously.
"I still don't understand."
"It's hard to explain. I can go on forever about how Madeline and I shouldn't be together, but there are the tiny things that make us perfect. And maybe that's how things work sometimes. With a series of fortunate accidents that tie two people together in a forever. And crap, now I'm quoting Violet." Jon said, but Ryan still looked to him in confusion.
"What does Violet have to do with it?"
"She has this whole theory on forever and shit."
"Oh."
"But, anyway. All I know is that I love Madeline. And even though she won't ever show it, I know she feels the same for me."
"How do you know?"
"Because I'll be honest, I am really annoying. But I'm purposely annoying with Madeline, because I know it bothers her. But she puts up with it no matter how obnoxious I can get. And, since I'm a romantic, I'll say things that Madeline will pretend that she is bothered by, but when I look into her eyes, I can tell that she is completely swept off her feet. I feel as though I can see Madeline's soul through her eyes. But, if anyone ever told her that, she'd probably start wearing sunglasses." Jon explained.
"I wonder why that is."
"My theory is that no matter how strong and confident Madeline wants to make herself appear to be, she is afraid of showing any sign of weakness. She's scared if she might show me some vulnerability, everyone won't look at her as the strong, confident Madeline anymore. But I think that is what makes her weak. How everyone walks around with these egos, but still is frightened of what people think of them. It's confusing."
And right then and there, Ryan felt a wave of understanding. It was confusing; everything was. But somewhere along the lines, he understood what Jon was talking about. Of course, he couldn't empathize, because he never felt that way towards anyone before, but he just understood. Despite the intricacy of Madeline's soul, Jon still loved her. He accepted the way she was and didn't mind. All he wanted was to be with her. Because he loved her. And maybe, Ryan thought, it was possible to have love overcome any flaw.
"But does it ever bother you? That she doesn't even feel comfortable enough around you to show some vulnerability?" Ryan asked, even though he definitely knew that was a personal question. But it seemed like Jon felt comfortable enough to say whatever he felt.
"Sometimes, I guess. But it's not about me. It's some weird self-esteem issues she has, that I can't help her fix. It's her personal problem, she is the only person who has the power to fix it. It's just a matter of changing her own mind."
"Would Madeline feel comfortable with you telling a stranger all this?"
There was a weird silence, and Jon looked as though he was thinking about everything. Maybe he was regretting telling Ryan all of this information, or maybe he was just trying to figure out a tactful response.
"Well, she knows how I feel. She just thinks I'm nuts. And she probably expects everyone else to have the same reaction." Jon laughed.
Suddenly, Jon pulled into Ryan's driveway as Ryan was reviewing everything he just learned inside his head.
"Well, here you are, dude." Jon said.
"Uh, thanks for the ride, Jon." Ryan replied.
"Anytime, man. I'll see you later." he said, waving goodbye and pulling out of his driveway.
Ryan had friends.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Author's Note:
I'm sorry I'm a horrible person and haven't updated in months. I hope all of you forgive me and this chapter will compensate for my absence. I feel terrible. D:
Comment/Compliment/Critique.
Do with it as you like.
"If this is a test, I'm wasting my breath. You're a stranger I know well, and not at all."---The Academy Is...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
He felt safe there. As if Jon's car would protect him from all evil. Even if there was constant bickering over what radio station to listen to or just sibling rivalry, the seat belt pulled Ryan into harmless harbor of a certain security within these strangers. He liked them. Comfort swelled into the content emotions he felt with the oh-so vivacious Violet, the somewhat up-tight Madeline, and the easy-going Jon. He didn't understand it. He barely knew them, but he wanted to be like them. It would be lovely to have friends like this. Despite all their differences and sarcastic banter, you could tell they were the closest people in the world. Ryan wouldn't exactly mind it if he were to be close to them, either. Alas, he felt certain that he didn't belong with them. He was so boring and quiet. Not anything like these people.
"Joooooooooooooooooooooon Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt! That's my name toooooooo!" Violet sang, as Jon laughed, "We need to hang tomorrow."
"Can't." Jon responded as Violet scoffed. She looked genuinely confused as to why anybody didn't want to hang out with her.
"And why not?" she asked.
"Madeline and I have a date." he answered as Madeline turned around in her seat and stuck her tongue out at Violet.
"Ugh! Your girlfriend always gets you. When does your best friend have a chance?" Violet whined.
"I'm sorry, Violet. Maybe next weekend." Jon said.
"Aren't your best friends supposed to come before your girlfriends?" Violet prodded, as Madeline just rolled her eyes.
"I believe you are referring to the 'dicks before chicks' theory, Violet. There's just one problem, you don't have a dick." Madeline answered, as Jon laughed again.
"Damn." Violet said, defeated.
Ryan felt the conversation was completely amusing, yet he felt somewhat left out. He knew that Jon was just giving him a ride home out of courtesy, but Ryan wanted to at least partake in the conversation. He wanted to laugh with Jon, roll his eyes with Madeline, and ramble with Violet. But he didn't really belong. And he had a suspicion that they felt that way too. He was just someone getting a ride home, not a candidate for friendship. Ryan wished he could say something, but he felt it would be too awkward and unnecessary. He began recollecting the emotions of middle school, where everyone craved to "fit in". That's how it felt now. He so wished to belong.
"Hey, Ryan! Do you want to hang tomorrow, since my best friend and sister are lame?" Violet asked, pulling Ryan out of his trance. He blinked twice, not knowing what to say.
Sometimes wishes may come true.
"Uh, um. Sure." he stumbled as Violet smiled.
"Cool beans. I'll just get your address from Jon, since he's dropping you off anyway."
"Uh, okay." Ryan smiled. He was hanging out with someone on Friday.
The evening sun drifted into a broken golden beneath the leafy trees as Jon pulled into Violet and Madeline's house. A flurry of green was illuminated by a vibrancy of rainbow that burst through the stems and leafs of the hedge. Violet and Madeline seemed to have a flower garden stretched across their perfectly mowed grass. Ryan chalked their lawn to be the best lawn he has ever seen. And to accompany the garden, a few palm trees were planted there as well. If the front lawn looked this good, Ryan wondered what the backyard looked like.
"Here we are, ladies." Jon announced as he parked in their driveway.
"Oh, wonderful. 'Grease Lightning' is here." Madeline muttered sarcastically as she peered out the window to see a very tale male leaning against a motorcycle, sporting dark shades and a nice leather jacket. His hair grew a little past his squared jaw line and he reminded Ryan of those "cool guys" in eighties movies. He appeared to be very relaxed, but held a certain bored and impatient expression, as though nobody made this guy wait.
"William!" Violet squealed, oblivious to the rude comment her sister had just made, as she quickly opened the car door and ran to greet 'William'. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her toes to kiss him. Which made Ryan's heart sink a little. He didn't completely understand why; perhaps it was the tiny attraction and fascination he had for her taking a toll on his emotions. Still, he felt somewhat of a longing to be this William character. To share a connection with the mysterious Violet like nobody else had. It was intriguing. He decided he wanted that connection with someone, preferably her, but he knew it would never happen. Violet was exciting. Ryan was uninteresting. Besides, he just met the girl. He didn't understand the miniscule clingy sensation he already felt. Yet, there was one disadvantage that being William would serve. Though, he was connected with Violet, Madeline didn't seem to approve of him. And Madeline was somebody that you did not want to be on the bad side of.
Madeline reluctantly exited the car as Jon followed and Ryan felt obligated to do the same. It would be weird if he just sat in the car and waited while the driver was out talking. But, there was another reason why Ryan got out of that car. He was a little anxious to meet this William guy; to see what all the hype about him was. Why he was worthy of Violet's love or why he was the object of Madeline's hatred. He looked to Jon, who just looked at William with a blank expression. Ryan sort of felt that Jon wasn't so fond of him either, but for Violet's sake, he was tolerant.
"Hey Jon, Madeline." William greeted, but his tone changed with annoyance as he said Madeline's name.
"Hello Douche Face." she replied, with an evil smirk.
"Must you always call me that?" William whined, rolling his eyes.
"Well, that's your name, isn't it?"
"You know my name, Madeline."
"Yeah, Douche Face."
Ryan decided that Madeline was a very complicated person. He could tell that you had to work very hard to please her or even become her friend. Ryan wondered how Jon felt sometimes. If he had to endlessly work to please his girlfriend or if he had to choose gifts for her in great precision. Madeline was definitely not someone to mess with. And Ryan only hoped he could earn his way to her good side, because he felt her bad side was the worst place you could ever find yourself. Madeline had the power to make someone feel like the scumiest scum of the earth with just a simple dirty look or with a demeaning word from her wit. He then wondered how Jon must feel when he is ever on Madeline's bad side. Or if he ever had to walk on eggshells just to stay in the safety of her good side.
How could anybody be so in love like Jon was with somebody like Madeline? He seemed to look at her as though she's the only girl in the world. He acted so adoring and loving towards her, but she didn't seem as affectionate. In fact, she acted like his flirtation was obnoxious. They were as different as night and day, yet they were linked together inseparably. Because, Ryan knew, despite Madeline's tough exterior, in her eyes, Jon was the only guy in the world.
"Um, William baby, this is my friend Ryan. He needed a ride home. Ryan, this is---" Violet started to introduce, until she was cut off by her sister.
"Douche Face!" Madeline interrupted through a series of fake coughs.
"Ugh! Madeline, shut up! I never insult your boyfriend!" Violet cried out.
"That's because my boyfriend is actually decent." Madeline said.
"Well, if you happened to be dating someone that wasn't as oh-so wonderful and decent as Jon, then I still wouldn't insult him!"
"I wouldn't ever date anyone that wasn't decent. I wish I could say the same for you!"
"It's hard to believe that you are dating anyone at all!"
Suddenly, Madeline stormed off into their house as Violet took William's hand and exited a different way; both of them equally angry, leaving Jon and Ryan standing awkwardly in the driveway.
"They must be PMSing." Jon piped up, to alleviate the silence.
Ryan laughed as they got back into Jon's car. Despite the sister slander that just occurred moments ago, Ryan couldn't help but recall Violet introducing him as her 'friend'. Even though it was probably a common word she used, it felt nice to have somewhat of a connection to her and this group. And as Ryan gave Jon his address, he felt comfort in Las Vegas. Which, he thought he'd never feel. But these people made him feel like this is what home was supposed to feel like. With people that you didn't always get along with, but still had a good time with. He couldn't remember the last time he had fun. And over the past week, he's had more fun with these strangers than he had back home, on friendless weekends.
"So, what do you think of the whole crew?" Jon asked, as he backed out of Violet and Madeline's driveway.
"Well, you guys seem pretty nice. But, uh, Madeline seems kind of, um, complicated." Ryan stumbled.
Then there was a weird silence and Ryan just closed his eyes as he leaned against the cool leather of the seat. He blew it. He insulted Jon's girlfriend. Jon probably hated him. Within a matter of words, he lost the only connection with 'friends' he basically ever had. But then, out of nowhere, Jon began to bust out in laughter.
"Complicated? Holy crap, that is the nicest way I have ever heard anyone put it. No man, you can be honest. Madeline has the ability to be a bitch." Jon laughed, as Ryan just blinked in confusion.
"I don't understand. Then why are you with her?" Ryan asked, although it did seem slightly personal.
"Because I love her." Jon replied seriously.
"I still don't understand."
"It's hard to explain. I can go on forever about how Madeline and I shouldn't be together, but there are the tiny things that make us perfect. And maybe that's how things work sometimes. With a series of fortunate accidents that tie two people together in a forever. And crap, now I'm quoting Violet." Jon said, but Ryan still looked to him in confusion.
"What does Violet have to do with it?"
"She has this whole theory on forever and shit."
"Oh."
"But, anyway. All I know is that I love Madeline. And even though she won't ever show it, I know she feels the same for me."
"How do you know?"
"Because I'll be honest, I am really annoying. But I'm purposely annoying with Madeline, because I know it bothers her. But she puts up with it no matter how obnoxious I can get. And, since I'm a romantic, I'll say things that Madeline will pretend that she is bothered by, but when I look into her eyes, I can tell that she is completely swept off her feet. I feel as though I can see Madeline's soul through her eyes. But, if anyone ever told her that, she'd probably start wearing sunglasses." Jon explained.
"I wonder why that is."
"My theory is that no matter how strong and confident Madeline wants to make herself appear to be, she is afraid of showing any sign of weakness. She's scared if she might show me some vulnerability, everyone won't look at her as the strong, confident Madeline anymore. But I think that is what makes her weak. How everyone walks around with these egos, but still is frightened of what people think of them. It's confusing."
And right then and there, Ryan felt a wave of understanding. It was confusing; everything was. But somewhere along the lines, he understood what Jon was talking about. Of course, he couldn't empathize, because he never felt that way towards anyone before, but he just understood. Despite the intricacy of Madeline's soul, Jon still loved her. He accepted the way she was and didn't mind. All he wanted was to be with her. Because he loved her. And maybe, Ryan thought, it was possible to have love overcome any flaw.
"But does it ever bother you? That she doesn't even feel comfortable enough around you to show some vulnerability?" Ryan asked, even though he definitely knew that was a personal question. But it seemed like Jon felt comfortable enough to say whatever he felt.
"Sometimes, I guess. But it's not about me. It's some weird self-esteem issues she has, that I can't help her fix. It's her personal problem, she is the only person who has the power to fix it. It's just a matter of changing her own mind."
"Would Madeline feel comfortable with you telling a stranger all this?"
There was a weird silence, and Jon looked as though he was thinking about everything. Maybe he was regretting telling Ryan all of this information, or maybe he was just trying to figure out a tactful response.
"Well, she knows how I feel. She just thinks I'm nuts. And she probably expects everyone else to have the same reaction." Jon laughed.
Suddenly, Jon pulled into Ryan's driveway as Ryan was reviewing everything he just learned inside his head.
"Well, here you are, dude." Jon said.
"Uh, thanks for the ride, Jon." Ryan replied.
"Anytime, man. I'll see you later." he said, waving goodbye and pulling out of his driveway.
Ryan had friends.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Author's Note:
I'm sorry I'm a horrible person and haven't updated in months. I hope all of you forgive me and this chapter will compensate for my absence. I feel terrible. D:
Comment/Compliment/Critique.
Do with it as you like.
Sign up to rate and review this story