Getting to know eachother, I guess. x3
So I was showing this new kid my favourite way outta school, without even makeing sure he wasn't with Phil and the other jock's first. But I knew somehow, I could trust Gerard, he made me feel, sort of safe. But why did I keep going nervous around him? So I let him go through the gate first, wait. Was I trying to flirt. No way, I'm straight. He walked through the gate smiling at me as he went through. I felt my face blush, I haven't blushed since pre-school.
"Which way to the food then Frankie?" I flinched when he said 'Frankie', I haven't been called that since Pre-school years, since before my mother turned to drugs.
"Keep going along this path." I said trying to force a smile. He seemed to notice I wasn't as happy all of a sudden and frowned,
"Frankie, what is wrong?" He said, he sounded really concerned. I wasn't used to anyone careing about me. This was all new.
"Alot. But I'm Okay." I said, once again trying to force a smile, but looking down.
"Frank. I know something's wrong. Please tell me. I hate to see you like this." I looked up at him searchingly. He didn't look like he was kidding.
"You've only known me for a couple hours. Why'de you give a shit when people I've known my entire life don't care?" I said, I must've snapped it because Gerard frowned deeper. Oh no, I hoped I hadn't upset him.
"I.. don't know Frank. I feel like I've known you forever. Sorry." He said. And for the first time since I'de first seen him this morning, he looked down.
"I know what you mean Gerard. But, how can I trust you. I don't trust myself.." I tried to explain. I hope I hadn't said too much. Gerard looked ahead of himself and I looked the same direction which he was staring. I noticed a bench, then he turned towards me.
"You hungry Frank?" he asked, I think he'de noticed I didn't like the Frankie thing and had stopped. I was thankful.
"Not really. I never usually eat in school anyway. Are.. you hungry Gerard?" I was really nervous to be honest. I'm not sure why but I felt like I needed to impress this new friend, with social skills of some sort. He smiled at me and his eyes were bright. Wow. I melted inside, I felt so high. Why did I feel like that? Is that how you feel when you have a true friend?
"Not atall hungry, Frank. Care to sit on this bench with a friend and get to know eachother?" He grinned.
"Sure, I would love to do just that." I smiled, this conversation thing was fun. He took a seat on the old bench and tapped the room next to him, there was just enough room for me to sit next to him. But our arms were touching, when I sat down the contact was scary. I hadn't had any contact with anyone except my father and mother, which was always rather violent. Or ofcoarse the jocks, which was also violent. This contact was calming, but at the same time it made me shudder. I think he felt me shiver.
"You cold?" He asked smiling down at me, he was a bit taller than me. This was a great excuse, so I went with it..
"Very cold." I said smiling up at him. His smile was so dazzling.
"Oh, here.." He said and took his jacket off and put it around me. I blushed again and shivered more. "You look kinda ill, you want to go home?" He asked looking at me with deep concern.
"No, no. Just a bit cold. There was no need..." he cut me off though,
"Shh." Then he put a finger on my mouth. "Don't even thank me. It's nothing really." Then he took his finger from my lip and put it to his side. He still had the arm he had used to put the jacket over me resting on my shoulder. It felt.. nice.. I felt really safe. I let myself relax into his side a bit more. But then he shuffled slightly so I jumped in shock. I almost got up of the bench, but he pulled his other arm over into a hug and held me there. I tried to lift one of my arms to wrap it around him, but he let go then and I fell back onto the bench. He did not return his arm around my shoulders.
"Aren't you cold?" I mumbled, I didn't realise how tired I was until now. He kept his gaze fixed ahead and simply shook his head. "Are you sure that you're okay Gerard?"
"Sorry." He sighed. I was confused. What was he sorry for?
"Huh, why are you sorry?"
"Can't you see Frank? I shouldn't of let myself come here with you. I've messed it all up." He said, then sniffed, wait... was that a tear under his eye.
"You haven't messed anything up, Gerard. You've fixed it." I said, trying to hold back tears myself.
"Fixed it? By hugging you, giving you my jacket? You're not gay Frank. It's not right. It's selfish." I tried to object but he shook his head and continued.. "Frank, I'm sorry. I shouldn't of done this. We shouldn't be here."
"What if I want to be here?" I said, I think I might of snapped.. but I didn't mean to. Gerard looked down and into my eyes, he had been crying, his eyeliner had run. He smiled and wiped a tear from my cheek. I'de been crying? How embarassing.
"You really want me as a friend? Even though I am gay?"
"Yes, Gerard. Please stay." Then I let out a huge yawn. He raised an eyebrow,
"You're tired? But it's only 2pm."
"Didn't get much sleep last night." I sighed then my eyes shut themselfs.
"You're really tired, Frank." Then he put his arm around me. "Just sleep. I will protect you tonight Frank." He whispered. I leaned into him, not by choice, just because I was too tired to stay sitting up. I had started to drift off. I'm not sure whether it was some sort of dream, or if he actually whispered it, but there was a faint "I love you." other than that. My sleep was dreamless.
I ruined Frankie and I's friendship. I found out some new things about him though. Like, he doesn't like to be called Frankie, and he has family problems. I would ask him about these later. But right then he is asleep at my side. It felt right, holding him in my arms. But it also felt wrong. I knew he wasn't atall gay and I didn't want to scare him off. I was settling into this new home. Then he moved slightly in his sleep. My thought's were something alike.. 'He looks so cute while he sleeps, wait. Did he just whisper something? Or was that just my imagination. No, there it was again. 'I love you too'.. who's he talking too? He must be dreaming about some girl from school. When shall I wake him up? School's out at 3pm so I think I better get him up before then so he can get home in time. I have a lot of thinking to do. Firstly, why did I let myself fall for a straight guy? This isn't the same attraction I felt for other guys that I've liked. Mabye I'm confused and, Frankie is just a friend.' Then soon enough it was almost 3. I nudged him slightly.
"Frank?" He didn't stir.. "Frank? You have to get up now." His eyes were twiching, then soon enough he opened his eyes fully. They still dazzled me as before and canceled all thoughts of this mabye being just a friendship. I felt a sinking feeling knowing he would never love me back.
"Gerard? Is that you? Please say it's you." He sighed.. still half asleep.
"Why wouldn't you want anyone else to be here?" I asked wondoring what he ment.
"I can only trust you, Gerard. Please stay." He sighed, more of a whine really. Like he was begging me to not leave.
"I will never leave you Frank." I whispered, then added a little louder, "It's time to go home."
"Home?" He said loudly. It startled me.. then he added a little calmer.. ''oh, there." I wanted to know what was wrong back at his house. But it wasn't the time to ask so I used the arm I had around him to sit him up slightly.
"Schools out Frank." I said as softly as I could. He stretched his arms out. Then looked up at me with wide eyes. I smiled at him.
"Schools out." He replied. And then smiled the breathtaking smile at me. Then I stood up, turned to him and offered a hand to help him up. He took it reluctantly and then tripped over his own feet at his first step. I caught him in my arms.
"Watch out Frank, were you drinking in your sleep? jeeze." I said then he giggled. I would never get bored of that windchime giggle. I pulled him onto his feet, "You going to be able to walk?" I asked him. He looked straight into my eyes and replied after some thought..
"I might, but my legs are like jelly. Vegetarian jelly ofcoarse." He added with a huge grin.
"You're veggy?" I asked in awe.
"Yeah." he said, sounding proud.
"Awesome. I could never do that myself." I said smiling back at him. "Now, to get you home." I said and his smile almost dropped but then he tried walking again, fell into my again then giggled more. "Jeeze Frank! I'll help you walk!" I said trying to put on the best fed up voice I could. Then I moved my arm to around his waist, feeling him shiver as I did, then held him up as we trodded through the forest in no hurry. We talked about music and movies as we travelled at a slow pace through the forest. Then when we hit the edge of the forest we were at a street I had never seen before. "How close you live then Frank?" I said looking down into his eyes. He looks straight up at me, then his expression become thoughtfull. Then he looked around the street.
"That way." He said, pointing with the free had that wasn't wrapped around me. Then we heard some people talking at the end of the street and Frank slid his arm from around me. Then he smiled at me "I can walk now, I think. Thanks a lot Gerard." I took my arm from around him slowly.
"You sure sleepy?" I asked jokingly.
"Sure sure. Sure as a... sure person." He said grinning. And he was right, he could walk now. I walked one step behind him as he walked the streets heading for his house. The people at the end of the street were just a couple of kids from a middle school nearby and Frank looked relieved that he didn't know the kids. I wondored why, mabye he knew a couple people from around here who treated him badly.
"Much further?" I called to him, he'de started walking faster now. When he heard me he dropped down to my pace. Then he turned to me,
"Not really, just up the end of this road." He smiled at me again, then he looked away, was he blushing? No, he couldn't of been.
"Oh, Good. My feet are tired. Although once I've walked you home I will have to walk to my house." I said. Then I realised, I had only lived here for a day or two. I had no idea where I lived from here. "Oh crap." I muttered.
"You don't know where you live do you?" He said, sounding amused.
"Not the slightest, to be straight with you." I said, then laughed quietly at the little joke. He giggled too. I really had become addicted to that sound.
"Right, I'll pop in and grab us a snack, then I'll attempt to help you get home?" He said, staring up at the sky.
"Good idea." I said, still smiling after hearing his sweet giggle. He looked at me with a serious face, then smiled and looked away again. I loved the way his eyes smiled with his face. I had seriously fallen for this guy, and I wasn't sure I regretted it. But he was straight, so I needed to get over him.
"Well, here's my house." He said looking at a small, average looking house.
"Cool." I replied.