My brother checked in on me around nine, he heard me crying, I told him it was nothing, I’m not much an open book, I never am. I just said I had a lot on my mind which was partly the truth. When we went out to town with a bunch of his friends I crawled into bed just feeling exhausted all of the sudden.
The next day, sadness and depression hung over me again, Caleb being gone and my mother just felt too much. I found myself reaching for a kitchen knife. I don’t know what would’ve happened if Sam hadn’t pulled it from my hands setting my down shaking me yelling ‘don’t do this, c’mon Im taking you to school.’ It seemed like I lost all emotions, I climbed from the car once we reached school not looking back to wave to Sam or anything. I didn’t pay attention to anything in class, the teachers kept insisting that I go see a counselor like I was insane or something. At lunch I sat under the shade of the bleachers, images of Caleb kept appearing everywhere, it was too much, I took out a small pocket knife and just started slitting deep cuts into my wrists stuffing handfuls of different pills into my mouth, something that could sure kill a person,m mixing different types of medication.
“Buffy, Buffy, what are you doing, stop, Buffy, stop it” yelled a familiar voice, I could tell it was Rays’ but I didn’t stop. He sat next to me pulling the knife from my hand “Buffy what the hell are you doing to yourself?” I couldn’t help it, no one else was around and I couldn’t control myself so I burst into tears crying into Ray’s arms.
“My boyfriends dead….my mother is dead….I don’t want to live like this anymore” I blubbered, Ray patted me on the back, he really was like a brother, caring and sweet.
“Buffy, stop, its okay, Im here, you have friends here” he reassured over and over to calm me down.
“It will never be okay, everywhere I go I see his face, when I close my eyes I see it everywhere…”
“Buffy! Don’t throw your life away, it’ll be hard to move on but you have to, you have friends here, a brother, a father” Ray explained wiping tears from my face. It’s like Ray just knew what to say, he was right, before I didn’t have friends, my father was always away but he was been calling and writing a whole lot more and I am close to my brother but I told Ray everything, he understood why it hurt.
Before long Mikey, Bob and Frankie came out of nowhere, Mikey saw me crying and they all tried to make me laugh, lighten the mood and just talk. When I explained I just started bawling again. I saw Gerard walking from the other end of the field; he had a cigarette in his mouth, still dressed in all black and wearing a pair of sunglasses.
He cocked an eyebrow at me “what the fucks your problem, besides cutting yourself and the fact you have no friends” he sneered. I felt a cry in my chest but I forced myself to keep it down, I was already in a wreck and I didn’t need to start bawling again, he already knew I’ve been crying.
“And I thought I told you to stay away from my brother, and I thought I told you” he faced Mikey “to fucking keep away from her.” Mikey was right, he does treat him like shit, he treats me like shit, he treats everyone like shit. I could’ve said a million different things right there and then but all I did was glare at him. He stared at me, inhaling then blowing puffs of smoke from his cigarette. I could see everyone getting agitated at Gerard, ‘big brother’ Ray looked like he wanted to curse and shout at Gerard for saying that. Mikey, Frankie and Bob all had a look on their face; basically it read ‘you are the world’s biggest jackass right now you know that.’
TELL ME IF YOU LIKE IT, I WAS BORED AND I HAD NOTHING TO DO AT THE TIME