Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Seven Ways To Sunday
So it's been a whole month since I've moved in with Pete and the only night we haven't slept in the same bed was that first night. No we haven't had sex. Pete still wants to wait. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. First he wants me so bad he'll pay thousands of dollars for it and now that I'll give it for free he doesn't want it.
Ryan's still here and yeah things are better with us, he still has his ass moments. Like when we all went grocery shopping, since I do most of the cooking I make the list. He wanted to point out every ingredient that had a cheaper substitute that could be used. Finally I just gave up and said I'd wait in the car.
I was trying really hard not to get in the way of Pete's normal routine or mess up any of his relationships. He didn't seem to care what anyone thought about him and me. Whenever he introduced me to anyone I was his girlfriend. I always knew what was going to happen next. If it was a girl she would cling to her boyfriend as though if we got a second alone I would jump him like a cat in heat. If it was a guy, he would wait ‘till we were alone and then ask how much for a night, the same way Ryan had or they would ask how much Pete paid for me. At first it bothered me, but after a while I just got used to it.
I sat in the waiting room of my psychologist. Pete had still insisted that I see someone, but he let go of the idea of me going to the NA meetings and that was enough for me.
“Nonnie,” the receptionist motioned for me to go back and I stood and went into the doctors office. I sat down on the chair across from him. He looked like all the pictures you see of doctors in the old days, gray hair, thick rimmed black glasses and a note pad in hand.
“How are we feeling today?” I always just sat her playing with the man, trying to think of what he would want me to say so that he would terminate our sessions. I honestly didn’t think I needed to be here, the only reason I was, was to appease Pete.
“Last night was hard,” I said quickly thinking of a story I could tell. It was like a light bulb coming on in my head.
“Oh what happened?”
“I was watching TV and this show came on, it’s called Half in Half. It’s about these two sisters with different mothers but the same father and they are trying to reconnect and stuff. It really got me missing Marcia.” it wasn’t a complete lie, I mean I did miss Marcia and the guys.
“Have you called her yet?” now I was going to give him a little bit of honesty.
“No,”
“Why? I’m sure your old friends would be happy to hear from you,”
“I don’t know what I would say. Hey there Sis you weren’t able to help me but this man who when we first met paid me to sleep with him is doing wonders for my confidence.”
“Or you could say, Hi Marcia how are you doing?” he didn’t understand. I didn’t want to make contact with them until I thought I was better, until I felt like I could handle everything that happened there. Yes I did miss them all terribly. I even missed Jepha, I wondered how things were going with Bert getting clean and I wondered how Frank was doing on tour. I wondered if Gerard had asked Marcia to marry him yet. I wouldn’t allow myself to contact any of them though. I mean that would be my reward for fixing myself. I heard him sigh.
“Did you say something?” I asked.
“I asked…Never mind, you know as long as you don’t cooperate I have to keep asking the same questions. Why don’t you tell me about some of the things that happened with your father.” I swallowed hard.
“He’s not my father. The man who raised me isn’t my father, and there isn’t anything to tell. He beat and raped me most of my life. End of story.” I was always short when he asked me about my…that man.
“How did that make you feel?” the usual follow up question. I rolled my eyes.
“Doc are we done?” I asked knowing full well that I’d only been here for about twenty minutes.
“You know we have a lot of time left.”
“I’ll tell you what, if you just let me take a nap instead of talking. Pete will still pay the bill…”
“Nonnie, you must know that thoughts of killing yourself aren’t normal. No matter how hard things get for you. You’re hear to get help, not to take a nap and as long as you don’t cooperate I’ll keep telling your boyfriend that you need to come back. He’s just as worried about you as I am.”
“You are more worried that he keeps paying you. Than that I’m going to do anything to myself which I’m not cause I’m over that whole kill myself thing. I know how much that would hurt my friends…”
“You need to want to live for yourself, not cause it will hurt someone else.” He said looking at me with disbelief.
“At this point doc if I were you I’d be satisfied with them being the reason,”
“I won’t be satisfied until you realize your self worth.”
“Well ask Pete how much I’m worth I’m sure he’d be happy to tell you,” I probably shouldn’t have said that to him, but he was really starting to get on my nerves with all his stupid questions. That’s the way the rest of the session went. Every question he asked would be answered with a snide remark from me. Sarcasm is my friend.
Ryan's still here and yeah things are better with us, he still has his ass moments. Like when we all went grocery shopping, since I do most of the cooking I make the list. He wanted to point out every ingredient that had a cheaper substitute that could be used. Finally I just gave up and said I'd wait in the car.
I was trying really hard not to get in the way of Pete's normal routine or mess up any of his relationships. He didn't seem to care what anyone thought about him and me. Whenever he introduced me to anyone I was his girlfriend. I always knew what was going to happen next. If it was a girl she would cling to her boyfriend as though if we got a second alone I would jump him like a cat in heat. If it was a guy, he would wait ‘till we were alone and then ask how much for a night, the same way Ryan had or they would ask how much Pete paid for me. At first it bothered me, but after a while I just got used to it.
I sat in the waiting room of my psychologist. Pete had still insisted that I see someone, but he let go of the idea of me going to the NA meetings and that was enough for me.
“Nonnie,” the receptionist motioned for me to go back and I stood and went into the doctors office. I sat down on the chair across from him. He looked like all the pictures you see of doctors in the old days, gray hair, thick rimmed black glasses and a note pad in hand.
“How are we feeling today?” I always just sat her playing with the man, trying to think of what he would want me to say so that he would terminate our sessions. I honestly didn’t think I needed to be here, the only reason I was, was to appease Pete.
“Last night was hard,” I said quickly thinking of a story I could tell. It was like a light bulb coming on in my head.
“Oh what happened?”
“I was watching TV and this show came on, it’s called Half in Half. It’s about these two sisters with different mothers but the same father and they are trying to reconnect and stuff. It really got me missing Marcia.” it wasn’t a complete lie, I mean I did miss Marcia and the guys.
“Have you called her yet?” now I was going to give him a little bit of honesty.
“No,”
“Why? I’m sure your old friends would be happy to hear from you,”
“I don’t know what I would say. Hey there Sis you weren’t able to help me but this man who when we first met paid me to sleep with him is doing wonders for my confidence.”
“Or you could say, Hi Marcia how are you doing?” he didn’t understand. I didn’t want to make contact with them until I thought I was better, until I felt like I could handle everything that happened there. Yes I did miss them all terribly. I even missed Jepha, I wondered how things were going with Bert getting clean and I wondered how Frank was doing on tour. I wondered if Gerard had asked Marcia to marry him yet. I wouldn’t allow myself to contact any of them though. I mean that would be my reward for fixing myself. I heard him sigh.
“Did you say something?” I asked.
“I asked…Never mind, you know as long as you don’t cooperate I have to keep asking the same questions. Why don’t you tell me about some of the things that happened with your father.” I swallowed hard.
“He’s not my father. The man who raised me isn’t my father, and there isn’t anything to tell. He beat and raped me most of my life. End of story.” I was always short when he asked me about my…that man.
“How did that make you feel?” the usual follow up question. I rolled my eyes.
“Doc are we done?” I asked knowing full well that I’d only been here for about twenty minutes.
“You know we have a lot of time left.”
“I’ll tell you what, if you just let me take a nap instead of talking. Pete will still pay the bill…”
“Nonnie, you must know that thoughts of killing yourself aren’t normal. No matter how hard things get for you. You’re hear to get help, not to take a nap and as long as you don’t cooperate I’ll keep telling your boyfriend that you need to come back. He’s just as worried about you as I am.”
“You are more worried that he keeps paying you. Than that I’m going to do anything to myself which I’m not cause I’m over that whole kill myself thing. I know how much that would hurt my friends…”
“You need to want to live for yourself, not cause it will hurt someone else.” He said looking at me with disbelief.
“At this point doc if I were you I’d be satisfied with them being the reason,”
“I won’t be satisfied until you realize your self worth.”
“Well ask Pete how much I’m worth I’m sure he’d be happy to tell you,” I probably shouldn’t have said that to him, but he was really starting to get on my nerves with all his stupid questions. That’s the way the rest of the session went. Every question he asked would be answered with a snide remark from me. Sarcasm is my friend.
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