Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Three Days
Sorry this took a couple days to get up; I just haven’t had a chance during the day and I’ve been realllly tired at night and going to bed early though I have no idea why. o.O
Thank you so, so much to everyone who’s been rating and reviewing this! You guys are amazing!
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Gerard slipped in the doorway behind Frank, reluctantly letting go of his hand once they were inside.
Ray leaned on the banister, calling up the stairs, “Guys! Guess who’s here?”
There was a sound in the hallway above roughly equivalent to a stampede and even though Gerard was still furious at himself for letting himself get mad at Frank, he couldn’t help but smile. Ray’s kids were great, and all of the guys could hardly have loved them more if they were their own.
They tumbled down the stairs, latching on to Frank first because he was closer.
“Uncle Frankie!” “We missed you!” “I got a kitty, wanna see?” “Dad’s teaching me how to play guitar!” They were both talking at once, voices overlapping, but Frank wasn’t missing a beat.
Frank laughed, hugged them both close, kissed Grace’s forehead and ruffled Dylan’s hair. “Missed you guys too.” He would have said more, but he didn’t have time to get it out. They attacked Gerard next, repeating everything with his name attached, clinging tightly to him.
“It’s so good seeing you two! Damn, Dylan, you musta grown a foot!” For a moment he wondered, belatedly, whether he should have watched his language. But this was Ray’s house, and that had never really been necessary.
He could see Dylan practically swell with pride, standing just a little taller. “Have I really?”
“Course! And…” He rubbed his curly red hair, grinning. “You’re looking more like your dad every day. But you know…” he bent down close, stage whispered in his ear while grinning at Ray over his shoulder. “I’m not sure that’s a good thing. With some makeup and dye, we can work on that.”
Ray moved in and pulled him away from the kids, punching him playfully. “Watch it, buddy. You’re just jealous cause you know I’m better looking.” He had Gerard in a headlock now, messing up his hair.
“Frank! Help!”
Frank was laughing uncontrollably, barely able to get out any words. “Sorry, Gee. You know I’d pick you but this is just too funny to interrupt.”
“Boys!” Christa’s voice put a stop to it, both of them snapping up straight comically quickly. She smirked, shaking her head. “To think, before you got here I only had three kids. Come on, dinner’s almost ready and you hooligans need to set the table.” Gerard ducked his head, sheepish, and when she spoke again her voice was warmer. “And you know that no matter how crazy you are, I’m so happy to see you two again.”
“Good to see you too, Christa.” Frank smiled, stepping forward first to follow her into the kitchen. “You been keeping Ray in line?”
She laughed, warm and sarcastic all at once. “If I had, I’d be a miracle worker. I’ve just learned how to minimize the insanity.” Their voices had drifted into the kitchen and Gerard followed Ray in, winking at the kids as he did. They were both giggling, and he knew they just loved seeing their mom tame grownups like that.
Gerard slipped into the kitchen, watching Ray. He was pulling down plates, so Gerard opened every cabinet he could, searching for something useful like glasses.
“Shit…Frank, I’m sorry!” Nope, definitely no need to watch his language here. Gerard gave up, turned around to focus on the conversation. “Ray, this is your fault!”
Ray hadn’t been listening either, but he turned around at that. “Of course it is. What’d I do?”
Christa smiled at that, slightly, but she still looked guilty. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing them for dinner, and I don’t have much for Frank! I mean, vegetables but those are just side dishes and if I’d known I could’ve-“
“Christa, it’s cool. Really, I’m fine, promise.” Frank’s smile was genuine enough to put anyone at ease. “There’s plenty for me, and it looks fucking fantastic. I’m so glad you didn’t let Ray try to cook any of this, though. Have you ever seen that guy’s attempts at food?” he shuddered, playful. “Disturbing.”
~~~~~
“C’mon, Uncle, Gee, you gotta meet her!” Gerard had barely finished dinner but Grace was impatient, tugging on his arm and staring him down with warm brown eyes he couldn’t resist.
He shrugged, stood up and took her hand. “Looks like I’m being kidnapped, guys. I have to meet ‘her’!” His emphasis on the word got Grace giggling, and he couldn’t resist a smile of his own. Little girls, especially, were so easy to amuse. “Alright, sugar, lead the way. I’m coming.”
He followed her up to her room, grinning appreciatively when he saw it wasn’t the typical pink of girl her age. It was blue, light on the baseboards and door but a deep, midnight blue on the walls. Walls which had a couple of Disney posters and about 5 for rock bands. Pink Floyd hung over her bed.
He had let his attention drift, looking at the walls, and before he knew it something warm and furry was being shoved into his hands. “Here. Her name’s Sierra.”
The kitten was tiny, warm, and very sleepy. Clearly, she’d just been pulled out of a nap. Her little body vibrated with a strong purr, and her blue eyes blinked lazily up at him. Holding her, he remembered why he regretted being allergic to cats. A fact he was definitely NOT going to mention to Grace, whatsoever. He could deal with a little eye itching later if it made her happy. He sat down on the edge of the bed, flipping her over on her back to rub a hand across her belly. “She’s beautiful, Gracie. How old is she?”
“Um…daddy said 8 weeks when he got her, and that was on my birthday so….”
Gerard counted, quickly. “So she’s 11 weeks now. Pretty young girl.”
Grace sat down beside him, wriggled close to get a hand in to pet the kitten. “Mmhm. She’s a Siamese. Like in Lady and the Tramp. But she’s gonna like dogs when she grows up. And not try to eat people’s fish.”
“Is she?”
“Yup. I already told her.”
There was nothing like the certainty of a child. She was adorable, but being with her was bringing a lump to his throat that had nothing to do with his allergies, and he really didn’t want to focus on the source. Carefully, he handed the kitten to her, hugging her with one arm and leaning in to kiss the top of her head. “Sugar, she’s still real sleepy, and babies her age need a lotta rest. Can you tuck her back in, get her all comfortable? I’m gonna head outside for a minute, but I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“Ok, Gee.”
As he left, he could hear her humming softly to the kitten. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it before heading quickly downstairs. A glance in the dining room told him the table was empty, the dishes in the process of being cleared. He turned around, ready to head down the hallway and look for Frank when his question was answered.
“So, how’s everything been for you two? I haven’t been up to see you since August.”
“Good. It’s been real good.”
A dish clanked into the sink. “C’mon, Frank. I know you well enough to know when you’re not telling me something. What’s wrong?”
Eyes closing, Gerard swallowed hard as he leaned back against the hallway wall. He definitely shouldn’t have been eavesdropping under any circumstances, but especially if Frank wanted to talk to Ray and keep it private. All the same…he could rationalize this. If he learned something that could help him, it’d be worth the guilt.
Frank had paused, thinking a minute. Maybe deciding whether he was going to answer at all, but Gerard desperately hoped he would.
“It’s just…I don’t know, I’m sure it’s nothin’ really.”
“Whatever’s bothering you, I’m sure it isn’t ‘nothing’.”
He could hear Frank sigh, uncertain. “It’s just…and I don’t blame him at all, cause he’s doing really well for himself but…these past couple years or so, Gerard’s been so busy. It’s like he’s gone all the time, and when he’s home, I don’t get to see much of him either. I mean, even if he’s in the same room most of the time it’s like he’s not really there at all, you know? I mean he used to…God, I know I sound too clingy or something but-“
“No, no you don’t! What you’re saying, that’s absolutely valid. I mean…that’d get to anybody.” Gerard took a deep breath, as quietly as he could. “Have you talked to Gerard about it? I know he loves you, Frank. Maybe he doesn’t really realize what he’s doing. Sometimes people make mistakes and before they know it, it’s deeper than they thought.”
Wasn’t that the truth.
“I hadn’t told him, not really. I figured it’d just work out, you know? I mean, everybody has problems now and then. I thought things’d get better. And today’s been just…” there was a pause, and Gerard could almost see Frank talking with his hands. “It’s like nothing ever changed. I’m just…just afraid it won’t last, I guess. I don’t know. Think I’m just worrying too much.” The water turned on, rinsing. “What do you think, Ray?”
“I think if things are going good now, don’t question it. Just...maybe he caught himself. Still…might should talk about it. I’m not really the best one to ask, though. I mean I wish I was more help, but I can only say what I’ve learned from Christa. And it seems like with her, we’ve gotta talk about everything. If we don’t, and I think it’s over, for her it’s not, and it’s gonna get brought up and bite me in the ass when I least expect it. But with you two, I really don’t know.”
Frank laughed, soft. “Yeah. I’ll just…see how it goes.” His voice softened, and Gerard could barely hear it over the sounds of dishes moving in the sink. “I’ve just really missed him.”
“I understand, man.” A sound he thought he recognized, probably Ray’s hand on Frank’s shoulder. “But I know you guys are gonna be ok. You’re the couple, remember? It’s been so long, I can barely remember a time when you two weren’t together. Or, really, a time when I didn’t know you were gonna be.”
“You knew? You knew and you didn’t tell me?” Frank’s voice was indignant.
Ray laughed, loud. “I think I knew he was fucking head over heels for you before he did! He didn’t wanna let himself think it, cause you were so much younger I think he felt like a pedophile or some shit like that but we’d all known each other so long, and we knew each other so well, and I could just see it coming, that you two’d work out perfect. And, like I said, I could tell he was crazy as hell over you.”
Gerard leaned away from the wall, wiping tears from his cheeks. For the first time, remembering how he felt falling in love with Frank didn’t do much to raise his spirits. It didn’t matter all that much if he had fallen in love with him, didn’t even matter all that much that he had saved him if it was only to end up hurting him like he had. He had failed, failed at the only thing that had ever been really important.
Pushing away he slipped quietly down the hall and into the living room, out the back door and onto the deck. He was alone out there, and though he had meant to come out to smoke he sat down on the bench first, head in his hands attempting to calm his emotions. Hearing Frank practically admit he had been neglecting their relationship in the car had been heart wrenching enough. Hearing him say it point blank to Ray was just another blow.
A light flipped on below and to the left, and he stood up to look out, watching as Dylan and Frank came out a side door, laughing.
“Dylan, man, I hadn’t been on one of these things in years! Seriously, I’m gonna kill myself.”
Dylan shoved a skateboard in Frank’s direction, hopping up onto his own with ease. “Come on, Frank, it’s easy! Dad said you used to be really good!”
“ ‘Used to be’ are the key words there, kiddo.” Still, Frank was climbing on the board, despite his complaints. From the distance, to Gerard, he looked like he was skating as smoothly as ever.
He took out a cigarette and lit it, leaned against the railing to watch more closely.
“He’s good with him.”
This time, he didn’t jump at Jackson’s voice. He was too emotionally burnt out already. “Thank you for pointing that out.”
“Well, it’s true. Someone as kind as Frank, he’s a natural at this.”
“Yes. He is. I know that.”
Jackson leaned against the rail beside him, backwards. “He would make a wonderful father.”
Gerard could feel his head pounding, and he pressed his free hand to his temple against the pressure. “I know that too.”
“Then tell me, Gerard…if you know that, why isn’t Frank a father?”
Gerard gritted his teeth, refused to look at the man. Angel or not, his calm face was somewhere between fucking unnerving and downright infuriating. “Because I’m a fucking idiot, that’s why. There, are ya happy with that answer? Frank’d be a fucking great father, and I’m the son of a bitch that was too stupid and selfish to see that. Alright?”
“You sell yourself short way too often, you know. You’re wonderful with them too.”
Gerard shook his head, slow. “That’s cause they’re Ray’s kids and they’ve grown up knowing me and hearing about me from their dad and they think I can do no fucking wrong. And they’re not around me enough to be contradicted.”
“You forget, Gee, I’m your guardian angel. I know everything about you, and I know that that isn’t all it is. You love them, too.”
“Of course I do. Ray’s practically another brother to me.”
“And you would love your own child even more, if you had ever adopted one. Or, if you had ever chosen to have one. Either one of you. And I know you thought about, and that he’s thought about it even more, and that you’ve both talked about it, but you’ve kept stalling-“
“Because I’m a fucking idiot, we’ve established this, can we please drop it now?” he was trying not yell now, beyond sick of the conversation.
“Gerard, you are nothing like your father.”
The words took all the fight out of him. “I think I’m more like him than you think. And even if I’m not…I know nothing about…about how to do it right.”
Out of the corner of his eye he could see the flash of teeth as Jackson smiled wider. “And you think everyone does? Yes, some people learn from their parents but there are plenty of others who never had any at all or who had both worse than your father, and yet they still manage. Look at Frank. What do you think he learned from his parents, hm? Mostly, he learned what he won’t do…and sometimes knowing that is the most important part.”
“I never…thought about the ‘why’. I just kept telling him we’d think about it later, when we had more money. I didn’t even want to think about what it was actually about, me wanting to wait. I didn’t…want to think he had any power over me at all. Not even like this.”
“He doesn’t have power over you, Gerard. Not unless you let him. But he is a part of your life, and you shouldn’t have shut him out, either.”
“He’s the one who shut that door. I just haven’t opened it. And it’s been better that way.”
On the driveway, Dylan fell off into the grass and Frank quickly ‘fell’ too, making them equal.
“It’s been better that way, has it? If you say so.” His tone was too smug, too all knowing, and Gerard had the urge to deck him.
“Well apparently you-“ When he turned, ready to look Jackson in the eyes as he snapped at him, he was already gone.
“Uncle Gee?”
Gerard jumped, turned around to face the door. “Hey, Gracie. What’s going on?”
“Mom got dad to get his guitar and microphone out, and she said to ask you if you’ll come sing with him.”
Gerard laughed, shaking his head. “Conniving. Guarantee you your daddy told her to ask.” Ray had always been of the opinion that Gerard would make a fantastic lead singer, and that the five of them would have made an amazing band.
“She says she thinks you’re really really good.”
“Bet he told her to say that too.”
She stepped outside, coming over to tug on his hand. “And that I’ve never heard you. And that Uncle Frankie would love it.”
Both of those pulled at his heart, but especially the last part. It was true, Frank had always loved hearing him sing and lately he hadn’t been doing that for him at all. Just one more thing he had been foolish enough to forget. He sighed dramatically, folded his hand around her tiny one. “I don’t really have a choice then, do I? Take me to ‘em.”
When the walked into the finished basement that Ray used as his practice room, Gerard saw that Frank and Dylan had come in for the ‘show’. It was impossible to look exasperated with being dragged into this when Frank was sitting there grinning at him.
He left Grace to climb up into her mom’s lap on the chair next to the couch Frank and Dylan were on, and he took his place by Ray, at a microphone already set up for him. Turning around, he grabbed Ray’s shoulder, pulling him close enough to whisper in his ear. “I am so gonna kill you for this.”
“Nah, you’re not. Look at him. he’s fucking over the moon.” And he was right, of course. “Besides, this is just a family thing. It’s not like I’m asking you to get up on stage. We’re all just hanging out.”
True. Gerard rolled his shoulders, thinking. “So…what do you feel like playing?”
“Oh no, you pick. I can go with whatever.”
That was good, because Gerard wanted to do something for Frank, something to make him feel at least a tiny fraction of how special he was. Choosing the song, he whispered it to Ray before turning around, facing his tiny audience. He took a deep breath, starting before Ray.
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ray kicked in then, backing him up, and he didn’t feel quite as much the center of attention. He met Frank’s eyes, smiling at the look on his face. Yes, this was totally worth it.
I don’t want a lot for Christmas there is just one thing I need
And I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I don’t need to hang my stocking way above the fireplace
Santa Clause won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, you baby
I wont ask for much this Christmas
I wont even wish, oh I wont even wish for snow.
I’m just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe
I wont make a list and send it to the North Pole for St Nick
Wont even stay awake to hear the magic reindeer play
Cause I just want you here tonight,
Holdin on to me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, oh baby
Oh the lights are shinin surrounding everywhere
Where the sounds of children’s laughter fills the air
And everyone is singin' oh I hear those sleigh bells ringin'
Santa wont you bring me the one I really need
Wont you bring back my baby to me
Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
This is all I’m askin for
I just want to see my baby standing right outside my door
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you, you, its you, you, oh baby
All I want is you
He finished, smiling, pointing at Frank before flipping his hand over, beckoning Frank toward him. “All I want…is definitely you, baby. And the moment, I want you up here playing guitar with us because you’re fucking incredible, so get up and get over here.”
Everyone laughed and Frank jumped up, coming over to take the guitar Ray offered him. Gerard stepped away from the microphone, stepping back to put his hand on Frank’s shoulder as he faced away from the family to tune the guitar.
“You like it?”
“Like it? That was beautiful, Gee.” Gerard scoffed, but he didn’t get a chance to disagree. Frank leaned in, brushing his lips against Gerard’s briefly. “Thank you.”
“Anything, babe. Anything for you.”
“Daddy? Play Stairway To Heaven!” Grace’s little voice was adorably pleading and the guys laughed, taking their places.
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This went a little longer than I anticipated, I think cause there was a little more with the kids than I anticipated, but that’s ok because it just came out that way and I think it works. at least, I hope it does. :)
Thanks again for all the support! I’m so, so glad you guys are enjoying this!
Thank you so, so much to everyone who’s been rating and reviewing this! You guys are amazing!
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Gerard slipped in the doorway behind Frank, reluctantly letting go of his hand once they were inside.
Ray leaned on the banister, calling up the stairs, “Guys! Guess who’s here?”
There was a sound in the hallway above roughly equivalent to a stampede and even though Gerard was still furious at himself for letting himself get mad at Frank, he couldn’t help but smile. Ray’s kids were great, and all of the guys could hardly have loved them more if they were their own.
They tumbled down the stairs, latching on to Frank first because he was closer.
“Uncle Frankie!” “We missed you!” “I got a kitty, wanna see?” “Dad’s teaching me how to play guitar!” They were both talking at once, voices overlapping, but Frank wasn’t missing a beat.
Frank laughed, hugged them both close, kissed Grace’s forehead and ruffled Dylan’s hair. “Missed you guys too.” He would have said more, but he didn’t have time to get it out. They attacked Gerard next, repeating everything with his name attached, clinging tightly to him.
“It’s so good seeing you two! Damn, Dylan, you musta grown a foot!” For a moment he wondered, belatedly, whether he should have watched his language. But this was Ray’s house, and that had never really been necessary.
He could see Dylan practically swell with pride, standing just a little taller. “Have I really?”
“Course! And…” He rubbed his curly red hair, grinning. “You’re looking more like your dad every day. But you know…” he bent down close, stage whispered in his ear while grinning at Ray over his shoulder. “I’m not sure that’s a good thing. With some makeup and dye, we can work on that.”
Ray moved in and pulled him away from the kids, punching him playfully. “Watch it, buddy. You’re just jealous cause you know I’m better looking.” He had Gerard in a headlock now, messing up his hair.
“Frank! Help!”
Frank was laughing uncontrollably, barely able to get out any words. “Sorry, Gee. You know I’d pick you but this is just too funny to interrupt.”
“Boys!” Christa’s voice put a stop to it, both of them snapping up straight comically quickly. She smirked, shaking her head. “To think, before you got here I only had three kids. Come on, dinner’s almost ready and you hooligans need to set the table.” Gerard ducked his head, sheepish, and when she spoke again her voice was warmer. “And you know that no matter how crazy you are, I’m so happy to see you two again.”
“Good to see you too, Christa.” Frank smiled, stepping forward first to follow her into the kitchen. “You been keeping Ray in line?”
She laughed, warm and sarcastic all at once. “If I had, I’d be a miracle worker. I’ve just learned how to minimize the insanity.” Their voices had drifted into the kitchen and Gerard followed Ray in, winking at the kids as he did. They were both giggling, and he knew they just loved seeing their mom tame grownups like that.
Gerard slipped into the kitchen, watching Ray. He was pulling down plates, so Gerard opened every cabinet he could, searching for something useful like glasses.
“Shit…Frank, I’m sorry!” Nope, definitely no need to watch his language here. Gerard gave up, turned around to focus on the conversation. “Ray, this is your fault!”
Ray hadn’t been listening either, but he turned around at that. “Of course it is. What’d I do?”
Christa smiled at that, slightly, but she still looked guilty. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing them for dinner, and I don’t have much for Frank! I mean, vegetables but those are just side dishes and if I’d known I could’ve-“
“Christa, it’s cool. Really, I’m fine, promise.” Frank’s smile was genuine enough to put anyone at ease. “There’s plenty for me, and it looks fucking fantastic. I’m so glad you didn’t let Ray try to cook any of this, though. Have you ever seen that guy’s attempts at food?” he shuddered, playful. “Disturbing.”
~~~~~
“C’mon, Uncle, Gee, you gotta meet her!” Gerard had barely finished dinner but Grace was impatient, tugging on his arm and staring him down with warm brown eyes he couldn’t resist.
He shrugged, stood up and took her hand. “Looks like I’m being kidnapped, guys. I have to meet ‘her’!” His emphasis on the word got Grace giggling, and he couldn’t resist a smile of his own. Little girls, especially, were so easy to amuse. “Alright, sugar, lead the way. I’m coming.”
He followed her up to her room, grinning appreciatively when he saw it wasn’t the typical pink of girl her age. It was blue, light on the baseboards and door but a deep, midnight blue on the walls. Walls which had a couple of Disney posters and about 5 for rock bands. Pink Floyd hung over her bed.
He had let his attention drift, looking at the walls, and before he knew it something warm and furry was being shoved into his hands. “Here. Her name’s Sierra.”
The kitten was tiny, warm, and very sleepy. Clearly, she’d just been pulled out of a nap. Her little body vibrated with a strong purr, and her blue eyes blinked lazily up at him. Holding her, he remembered why he regretted being allergic to cats. A fact he was definitely NOT going to mention to Grace, whatsoever. He could deal with a little eye itching later if it made her happy. He sat down on the edge of the bed, flipping her over on her back to rub a hand across her belly. “She’s beautiful, Gracie. How old is she?”
“Um…daddy said 8 weeks when he got her, and that was on my birthday so….”
Gerard counted, quickly. “So she’s 11 weeks now. Pretty young girl.”
Grace sat down beside him, wriggled close to get a hand in to pet the kitten. “Mmhm. She’s a Siamese. Like in Lady and the Tramp. But she’s gonna like dogs when she grows up. And not try to eat people’s fish.”
“Is she?”
“Yup. I already told her.”
There was nothing like the certainty of a child. She was adorable, but being with her was bringing a lump to his throat that had nothing to do with his allergies, and he really didn’t want to focus on the source. Carefully, he handed the kitten to her, hugging her with one arm and leaning in to kiss the top of her head. “Sugar, she’s still real sleepy, and babies her age need a lotta rest. Can you tuck her back in, get her all comfortable? I’m gonna head outside for a minute, but I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“Ok, Gee.”
As he left, he could hear her humming softly to the kitten. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it before heading quickly downstairs. A glance in the dining room told him the table was empty, the dishes in the process of being cleared. He turned around, ready to head down the hallway and look for Frank when his question was answered.
“So, how’s everything been for you two? I haven’t been up to see you since August.”
“Good. It’s been real good.”
A dish clanked into the sink. “C’mon, Frank. I know you well enough to know when you’re not telling me something. What’s wrong?”
Eyes closing, Gerard swallowed hard as he leaned back against the hallway wall. He definitely shouldn’t have been eavesdropping under any circumstances, but especially if Frank wanted to talk to Ray and keep it private. All the same…he could rationalize this. If he learned something that could help him, it’d be worth the guilt.
Frank had paused, thinking a minute. Maybe deciding whether he was going to answer at all, but Gerard desperately hoped he would.
“It’s just…I don’t know, I’m sure it’s nothin’ really.”
“Whatever’s bothering you, I’m sure it isn’t ‘nothing’.”
He could hear Frank sigh, uncertain. “It’s just…and I don’t blame him at all, cause he’s doing really well for himself but…these past couple years or so, Gerard’s been so busy. It’s like he’s gone all the time, and when he’s home, I don’t get to see much of him either. I mean, even if he’s in the same room most of the time it’s like he’s not really there at all, you know? I mean he used to…God, I know I sound too clingy or something but-“
“No, no you don’t! What you’re saying, that’s absolutely valid. I mean…that’d get to anybody.” Gerard took a deep breath, as quietly as he could. “Have you talked to Gerard about it? I know he loves you, Frank. Maybe he doesn’t really realize what he’s doing. Sometimes people make mistakes and before they know it, it’s deeper than they thought.”
Wasn’t that the truth.
“I hadn’t told him, not really. I figured it’d just work out, you know? I mean, everybody has problems now and then. I thought things’d get better. And today’s been just…” there was a pause, and Gerard could almost see Frank talking with his hands. “It’s like nothing ever changed. I’m just…just afraid it won’t last, I guess. I don’t know. Think I’m just worrying too much.” The water turned on, rinsing. “What do you think, Ray?”
“I think if things are going good now, don’t question it. Just...maybe he caught himself. Still…might should talk about it. I’m not really the best one to ask, though. I mean I wish I was more help, but I can only say what I’ve learned from Christa. And it seems like with her, we’ve gotta talk about everything. If we don’t, and I think it’s over, for her it’s not, and it’s gonna get brought up and bite me in the ass when I least expect it. But with you two, I really don’t know.”
Frank laughed, soft. “Yeah. I’ll just…see how it goes.” His voice softened, and Gerard could barely hear it over the sounds of dishes moving in the sink. “I’ve just really missed him.”
“I understand, man.” A sound he thought he recognized, probably Ray’s hand on Frank’s shoulder. “But I know you guys are gonna be ok. You’re the couple, remember? It’s been so long, I can barely remember a time when you two weren’t together. Or, really, a time when I didn’t know you were gonna be.”
“You knew? You knew and you didn’t tell me?” Frank’s voice was indignant.
Ray laughed, loud. “I think I knew he was fucking head over heels for you before he did! He didn’t wanna let himself think it, cause you were so much younger I think he felt like a pedophile or some shit like that but we’d all known each other so long, and we knew each other so well, and I could just see it coming, that you two’d work out perfect. And, like I said, I could tell he was crazy as hell over you.”
Gerard leaned away from the wall, wiping tears from his cheeks. For the first time, remembering how he felt falling in love with Frank didn’t do much to raise his spirits. It didn’t matter all that much if he had fallen in love with him, didn’t even matter all that much that he had saved him if it was only to end up hurting him like he had. He had failed, failed at the only thing that had ever been really important.
Pushing away he slipped quietly down the hall and into the living room, out the back door and onto the deck. He was alone out there, and though he had meant to come out to smoke he sat down on the bench first, head in his hands attempting to calm his emotions. Hearing Frank practically admit he had been neglecting their relationship in the car had been heart wrenching enough. Hearing him say it point blank to Ray was just another blow.
A light flipped on below and to the left, and he stood up to look out, watching as Dylan and Frank came out a side door, laughing.
“Dylan, man, I hadn’t been on one of these things in years! Seriously, I’m gonna kill myself.”
Dylan shoved a skateboard in Frank’s direction, hopping up onto his own with ease. “Come on, Frank, it’s easy! Dad said you used to be really good!”
“ ‘Used to be’ are the key words there, kiddo.” Still, Frank was climbing on the board, despite his complaints. From the distance, to Gerard, he looked like he was skating as smoothly as ever.
He took out a cigarette and lit it, leaned against the railing to watch more closely.
“He’s good with him.”
This time, he didn’t jump at Jackson’s voice. He was too emotionally burnt out already. “Thank you for pointing that out.”
“Well, it’s true. Someone as kind as Frank, he’s a natural at this.”
“Yes. He is. I know that.”
Jackson leaned against the rail beside him, backwards. “He would make a wonderful father.”
Gerard could feel his head pounding, and he pressed his free hand to his temple against the pressure. “I know that too.”
“Then tell me, Gerard…if you know that, why isn’t Frank a father?”
Gerard gritted his teeth, refused to look at the man. Angel or not, his calm face was somewhere between fucking unnerving and downright infuriating. “Because I’m a fucking idiot, that’s why. There, are ya happy with that answer? Frank’d be a fucking great father, and I’m the son of a bitch that was too stupid and selfish to see that. Alright?”
“You sell yourself short way too often, you know. You’re wonderful with them too.”
Gerard shook his head, slow. “That’s cause they’re Ray’s kids and they’ve grown up knowing me and hearing about me from their dad and they think I can do no fucking wrong. And they’re not around me enough to be contradicted.”
“You forget, Gee, I’m your guardian angel. I know everything about you, and I know that that isn’t all it is. You love them, too.”
“Of course I do. Ray’s practically another brother to me.”
“And you would love your own child even more, if you had ever adopted one. Or, if you had ever chosen to have one. Either one of you. And I know you thought about, and that he’s thought about it even more, and that you’ve both talked about it, but you’ve kept stalling-“
“Because I’m a fucking idiot, we’ve established this, can we please drop it now?” he was trying not yell now, beyond sick of the conversation.
“Gerard, you are nothing like your father.”
The words took all the fight out of him. “I think I’m more like him than you think. And even if I’m not…I know nothing about…about how to do it right.”
Out of the corner of his eye he could see the flash of teeth as Jackson smiled wider. “And you think everyone does? Yes, some people learn from their parents but there are plenty of others who never had any at all or who had both worse than your father, and yet they still manage. Look at Frank. What do you think he learned from his parents, hm? Mostly, he learned what he won’t do…and sometimes knowing that is the most important part.”
“I never…thought about the ‘why’. I just kept telling him we’d think about it later, when we had more money. I didn’t even want to think about what it was actually about, me wanting to wait. I didn’t…want to think he had any power over me at all. Not even like this.”
“He doesn’t have power over you, Gerard. Not unless you let him. But he is a part of your life, and you shouldn’t have shut him out, either.”
“He’s the one who shut that door. I just haven’t opened it. And it’s been better that way.”
On the driveway, Dylan fell off into the grass and Frank quickly ‘fell’ too, making them equal.
“It’s been better that way, has it? If you say so.” His tone was too smug, too all knowing, and Gerard had the urge to deck him.
“Well apparently you-“ When he turned, ready to look Jackson in the eyes as he snapped at him, he was already gone.
“Uncle Gee?”
Gerard jumped, turned around to face the door. “Hey, Gracie. What’s going on?”
“Mom got dad to get his guitar and microphone out, and she said to ask you if you’ll come sing with him.”
Gerard laughed, shaking his head. “Conniving. Guarantee you your daddy told her to ask.” Ray had always been of the opinion that Gerard would make a fantastic lead singer, and that the five of them would have made an amazing band.
“She says she thinks you’re really really good.”
“Bet he told her to say that too.”
She stepped outside, coming over to tug on his hand. “And that I’ve never heard you. And that Uncle Frankie would love it.”
Both of those pulled at his heart, but especially the last part. It was true, Frank had always loved hearing him sing and lately he hadn’t been doing that for him at all. Just one more thing he had been foolish enough to forget. He sighed dramatically, folded his hand around her tiny one. “I don’t really have a choice then, do I? Take me to ‘em.”
When the walked into the finished basement that Ray used as his practice room, Gerard saw that Frank and Dylan had come in for the ‘show’. It was impossible to look exasperated with being dragged into this when Frank was sitting there grinning at him.
He left Grace to climb up into her mom’s lap on the chair next to the couch Frank and Dylan were on, and he took his place by Ray, at a microphone already set up for him. Turning around, he grabbed Ray’s shoulder, pulling him close enough to whisper in his ear. “I am so gonna kill you for this.”
“Nah, you’re not. Look at him. he’s fucking over the moon.” And he was right, of course. “Besides, this is just a family thing. It’s not like I’m asking you to get up on stage. We’re all just hanging out.”
True. Gerard rolled his shoulders, thinking. “So…what do you feel like playing?”
“Oh no, you pick. I can go with whatever.”
That was good, because Gerard wanted to do something for Frank, something to make him feel at least a tiny fraction of how special he was. Choosing the song, he whispered it to Ray before turning around, facing his tiny audience. He took a deep breath, starting before Ray.
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ray kicked in then, backing him up, and he didn’t feel quite as much the center of attention. He met Frank’s eyes, smiling at the look on his face. Yes, this was totally worth it.
I don’t want a lot for Christmas there is just one thing I need
And I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I don’t need to hang my stocking way above the fireplace
Santa Clause won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, you baby
I wont ask for much this Christmas
I wont even wish, oh I wont even wish for snow.
I’m just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe
I wont make a list and send it to the North Pole for St Nick
Wont even stay awake to hear the magic reindeer play
Cause I just want you here tonight,
Holdin on to me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, oh baby
Oh the lights are shinin surrounding everywhere
Where the sounds of children’s laughter fills the air
And everyone is singin' oh I hear those sleigh bells ringin'
Santa wont you bring me the one I really need
Wont you bring back my baby to me
Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
This is all I’m askin for
I just want to see my baby standing right outside my door
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you, you, its you, you, oh baby
All I want is you
He finished, smiling, pointing at Frank before flipping his hand over, beckoning Frank toward him. “All I want…is definitely you, baby. And the moment, I want you up here playing guitar with us because you’re fucking incredible, so get up and get over here.”
Everyone laughed and Frank jumped up, coming over to take the guitar Ray offered him. Gerard stepped away from the microphone, stepping back to put his hand on Frank’s shoulder as he faced away from the family to tune the guitar.
“You like it?”
“Like it? That was beautiful, Gee.” Gerard scoffed, but he didn’t get a chance to disagree. Frank leaned in, brushing his lips against Gerard’s briefly. “Thank you.”
“Anything, babe. Anything for you.”
“Daddy? Play Stairway To Heaven!” Grace’s little voice was adorably pleading and the guys laughed, taking their places.
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This went a little longer than I anticipated, I think cause there was a little more with the kids than I anticipated, but that’s ok because it just came out that way and I think it works. at least, I hope it does. :)
Thanks again for all the support! I’m so, so glad you guys are enjoying this!
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