Bob stood frozen,his eyes baring into mine. No emotion crossed his face but he turned on the stair and walked down to the ground floor. We stood on the small landing as if time had frozen us. Below us, I heard the crashing of drums and symbols, as Bob took out his anger on them. I looked to Gerard and he took my hand.
His eyes didn't shine and his face was sullen. I turned towards the stairs and descended them. I had left Gerard's hand behind and his support had been left with it.
“Bob,” He didn't stop playing as I walked into the room and sat down upon the floor in front of him. He played for hours, never looking at me. His face didn't turn from it sallowness. The tension within the room could be sliced with a knife.
I tired slightly as the hands of the clock on the wall turned to 3pm, we hadn't moved and nobody had entered to check on us. I rested my head against the couch and my eyes dropped. Bob's playing became gentle and soothing.
The sound of drumming stopped and Bob came to lay beside me.
I looked into his eyes and began to cry, I couldn't help it. I hated him ignoring me and couldn't resent him more for his self-control. He rested his arm behind my neck and gently soothed me as the tears flowed thick and fast. “I, I, I..” I started but sobs again overcame me and I had to stop to dry my tears. “Shh..”
“No, look, I, I, I just cant help it. I'm falling for him.” Bob sighed and dried the tears from under my eyes.”I don't want you to get hurt though, and your all emotional anyway, your hormones are everywhere. And it's not just you what about Gerard, what if you hurt him? It would rip the band apart.”
“I know. I would pull myself away before I could hurt him.” We were both silent for a while as we contemplated our predicament. “What if? What if he only wants to be with you for the baby?” I looked at him and frowned, what was he talking about? Gerard had said he wanted me before he knew about the baby. “Why would you think that?” I asked pulling away from his hold.
“Its just, before you came along he thought he was going to have the baby with LynZ and he was really excited about being a dad, but then when he found out it wasn't his, he was so angry. He's getting older and he really thought LynZ was the one, and wanted her to be the father of his children. Maybe he thinks of this one as like a surrogate kid.” I pulled myself off the ground carefully and felt a sharp pain in the bump but held tight and kept a straight face. I left Bob sitting on the floor and went to find the others.
Ray and Frank sat in the living area playing guitar hero while Mikey watched from the sidelines, wary of violence. Ellie sat at the table on her laptop and Gerard lent against the counter sipping coffee. I sat down opposite Ellie and watched as her face dropped, “He's bad right?” I shook my head in reply and turned the laptop to face me, LynZ's face stared back at me. I quickly read the headline beneath the image.
LynZ melts down as Gerard leaves her and Baby is left fatherless, fears of miscarriage spread.
I slowly turned the screen back to Ellie and looked a the table. Why was Gerard here with us when he should be supporting his wife. He loved her. He should care for her baby no matter who the father was. I made sure to keep my face blank of all emotion and watched as Ellie flicked away from the news site and instead began to visit the websites of our friends, we took it in turns to comment on each new image or blog.
My hand froze over Ellie's as she tried to click the image away. I found myself wanting to smile, to remember all the good times before it. “Kat, you shouldn't..”
I squeezed her hand and she stopped, she looked at me and I saw her and Gerard exchange a glance. I was smiling, just smiling. The grass around me was spring green, and the sun gleamed from the corner of the photo. My hand rested protectively over my unborn child and I felt a tear slip from my eye. I brushed it away quickly as Bob walked into the room and stared first at Gerard then Ellie then Me. His eyes shifted to the the computer screen and a snarl ripped from his throat.
The image of Simon and I stared back at us from the computer screen as if it was that day, last summer.