Sure I have always been hard on myself, not liking the person that stares back at me in the mirror, wishing I could just step outside of my comfort zone and show people the real me instead of caring what people will think. See I'm one of those people who fears the disapproval of others even when I know I really don't care...I guess you could say that I have some issues. I don't know why I am this way, but I am. Until I met him I would go through periodic phases of self hate then get over it and go back to being my normal, quiet, but happy self.
But now it has gotten worse...Every time I look at myself I want to rip out my hair or claw at myself until I'm disfigured beyond recognition. I just can't stand who I am any more. And the feeling never leaves me. I just hate myself for the things I've done.
In the early hours of the morning, when I'm still lying awake at 5 or 6 in the morning, I think about what has gone wrong and why I feel this way. The only thing that comes to mind is the fact that I no longer have the one person that truly cared about me, the one and only person that I love...