Categories > Books > Harry Potter
Speed Of Time
12 ReviewsMy poorly written, overly graphic, undoubtedly inconsistent take on the Dimension travel where Harry meets his female counterpart plot. Harry/OC(female counterpart)
Reviews
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Speed Of Time
(#) LDA 2009-05-13 08:51:49 AM
Funny ass first chapter, I have never seen a version of this written this way... well done though I can't wait to see where you take it next. -
Speed Of Time
(#) rb8 2009-05-13 09:07:37 AM
I love it. Completely over the top. I wasn't quite sure exactly what happened to Luna, but it didn't matter much, did it?
I always wondered in the back of my head where Harry picked up his morality from...definitely not the Dursleys. I guess in this story, the clear answer is that he didn't! -
Speed Of Time
(#) theVerb 2009-05-13 09:57:14 AM
"My poorly written... undoubtedly inconsistent take..."
At least it's truth in advertising. -
Speed Of Time
(#) zicou 2009-05-13 10:53:42 AM
that's a good start, maybe you can extend a little more on descriptions, it seems you are in hurry, and just had a run!
Continuuuuue!
Z. -
Speed Of Time
(#) britael 2009-05-13 04:33:02 PM
First of all, sorry my bad english. Not my first language.
That said...
Damn... You´re bloody! Gruesome fighting scene.
Still on that scene, the whole deal with Hermione is surreal. What kind of moron would stop to rape someone in the middle of an attack, while his companions were still fighting? And they were in the middle of the MoM for God's sake!
You didn´t need to kill everyone, and the entire gringots scene is far too much... He just saw all his friends being brutally murdered, so he thinks about money? A little too much OOC for me, and a poor excuse for you to ignore finance problems in the future.
My last critic is: Don´t rush! You're speeding you text too much, the encounter between Harry and Evy happened too fast. In the fighting scene everything is so confusing and appears to happen really fast, but in fact someone is raped and them choked to dead. As I see, this takes time, so, take your own time. (still think it´s not logical, but if you have to do it, do it right)
I hope you can apreciate a little critic. Great idea. Not so sure about the execution.
Cheers! -
Speed Of Time
(#) thomaswatts 2009-05-13 07:59:40 PM
Okay, Ginny died in Evies second year, Ron was expelled. Neville is the boy who lived. What about Hermione? Did the troll kill her? What about Luna? I am curious enough to want to read more. -
Speed Of Time
(#) Branwyn 2009-05-14 04:43:40 PM
Looks like a complete and total off-the-rails one to me thus far. If you can rein it in and develop the plot a bit more, it might turn out very interesting. :) -
Speed Of Time
(#) Aelfwine 2009-05-14 09:15:05 PM
Britael's said most all of what I'd wish to say. This is an interesting idea, but some of what's happening simply doesn't make sense.
With some rewriting, however, this could be quite good. -
Speed Of Time
(#) thyrokio 2009-05-15 02:11:54 PM
Nevile killing Dobby was damn funny for some reason. I feel kinda bad at having laughed so hard at his death.
Good work -
Speed Of Time
(#) Cateagle 2009-05-15 02:28:31 PM
Some good scenes and some interesting concepts; I'll be interested in seeing how you develop and flesh them out. You probably do need to slow the action a bit now that you've got the basic exposition out of the way. I will admit that I'm looking forward to seeing more of this story.