Really slow start on this one. You do not do such a hot job of setting your scene. The readers already know that Jaken simpers for Sesshou and that Yash chopped off Sesshou's arm. You could cut the first five or six paragraphs with no detriment to the story.
If I were you I'd focus more on the way the characters were feeling. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru fight a lot. What precipitated this particular fight? What makes today different?
Author\'s Response: My first review on this site! Thank you. You give some good advice which makes sense and I appreciate and value that.
- Ithilwen has some good points, but overall the middle/end did get to me.. the begining is slow and there isnt much of any real... um...momentum or reason to the fight with sess. but i did like it. alot actually.. i am quite embarassed about now though. i cried a bit in class.. ahhaha
nice job. it takes a lot sometimes to get me to cry. great story.
Author's responseThank you! I think the most important part about writing is connecting with the reader on an emotional level. I am glad to know that this story did that. I don't know if I will get around to reworking this story, but if I do, I will definately work on the beginning of it. Thanks for the review!
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