One shot- frank is bulimic
The sharp edges of my nails scraped against the roof of my mouth as two fingers dug deep down my throat. I had to get rid of it. It had been too long since I had done this, I wasn't expecting it.
My body was thrown forward as I felt the muscles in my throat convulse and gag.
My fingers dug deeper, longing for the process to just be over. The spluttering gagging sound erupted from my mouth, again throwing my body forward.
This time I refused to lose. I was almost there. I held my fingers in my throat as I let my throat gag, then pushing my fingers further down, finally releasing.
It came gushing from my mouth, sending my head thrashing forward as I tried to contain the sound, afraid of waking my parents. I felt the impact begin to subside and awaited for the next wave. Right on cue, I began to shiver violently, tears cascading down my cheeks and reaching out into the darkeness.
Who I was reaching for I had no idea. Someone. Anyone.
The porcelain tiles were ice against my burning skin, gently helping to cool my shivering frame.
But it wasn't over.
My binge wasn't gone yet.
It was all my own fault really. If I hadn't eaten so much, I wouldn't be doing this right now at, what time is it?- 1.04am. I just HAD to get rid of it all.
The agonizing process began again, leaving me weak and sobbing on the bathroom floor, unable to move for the time being.
Once more and I was content enough, seeing the small specks of red escaping from my mouth and leaving a metallic tasting remainder on my tongue.
I brushed my teeth, barely able to keep myself upright. I just wanted it to end. But this was the only way. I hadn't ever expected to be back in this situation. Yet, here I was.
I crawled back to my bed, thankful I hadn't been heard. Lying against the warmth of my pillow, glad it was over for tonight and I could get some sleep. I was exhausted yet, I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried.
I was doomed to yet another night of tossing and turning. I hugged Gerard to my chest. I hadn't a clue why or where I had come up with the name but he was the only thing that made me feel safe, and I could tell everything to. He kept me company when no one else did. In the darkest corners. It didn't matter that he was just a stuffed dog I had gotten for my fifth birthday, he was my best friend.
Nobody had to know. No one. I could just deny it. They didn't have proof. No one did.
It was between me and gerard.