An explantion of why I've been MIA.
11:33am Central Standard Time
Lake Charles, LA
I've been MIA. I know. The last story I started was Mean Guyz, and I haven't been back since. I know there were a LOT of you that were DYING to read the first chapter, as that was only a preview. I also have yet to complete My Chemical Childhood #2: Pottytime Vampires.
Thanks so much for the reviews on my other stories, particularly Gift. Gift took the largest of chunk of emotion out of me to write, and I was pressed to post it before Lindsey had the little one. These reviews mean the world to me, especially after hearing a lifetime of "you won't be anything." Not word-for-word, but I've been told similar things. It stopped somewhere around after I moved to Oakland, California in 2005 after Hurrican Rita at the age of 18. That's why i'm tearing up to get back home. My home is in San Francsico, not Lake Charles.
Remeber what Billie Joe sang? "Home is where the heart is but what a shame, because everyone's heart doesn't beat the same. It's beating out of time." Yeah. That's whet I go by. Of course, he lives in Berkely, which is about a 45min. drive from san Fran on a good day.
Until I get back home, I don't think I'm going to be able to write. It's not coming here anymore. And all of we authors know better than to force a story out.
I'm sincerely apologizing for bandoning you all. I've started stories for you all and haven't finished them.
I just haven't been in the mood to write. Writing hasn't been one of the lst things on my mind (it's actually been one of the first), but I physically haven't been wanting to do it. There hasn't been anything there for me. I literally haven hundreds of ideas and hundreds of stories and books to write, but the will power hasdn't been there. I don't know what happened.
This happens to me periodically, ever since age 11 when my father tore my KISS stories to shreds right in front of my face and used to force me to draw, giving me false hopes that I was going to become a cartoon animator. See Congratulations! Fanfic Authors Are Stupid After All for details on that dark event. Ever since that happened, it's messed up my writing flow. I'm also in the middle of transitioning back to San Francisco.
I've only been a third of myself as of late, we almost lost our house a few days ago, and I'm balancing joyous melancholy if any of you know what that is.
No, I'm not suicidal and I'm not wanting to hurt myself. I just don't want to write right now. I mean, I do, but I can't.
I'm trying ot get my band together, I'm asking God where I'm going to be living when I do get back to San Francisco--because if I have to hitchhike and sell my ass, I'm going back by June 26th, ya heard--, I'm just so tired and I'd like to be feel alive again.
I came back to Lake Charles March 2008 after jumping bail. I went to jail Christmas Day 2007 for domestic abuse. I was bigger than my boyfriend, so I got in trouble. Long, stupid story. After I made bail, my boyfriend (the one I beat/fought with) with me. He left last May for San Fran, his home.
I've been here for over a year in Lake Charles, the place I was born and raised, and it's killing me. On top of that, my mom and sister havent' treated me too good for the most part.
Ever since I've been back, I feel as though my wings were clipped, like I'm in a gilded cage. When I'd just gotten out of jail, I was staying at the Lark Inn Homeless Youth Shelter. I should've stayed.
I'm sorry i can't write. THere's too many mental blocks, and I feel the worst because it's really you guys, my readers, that have to pay for it. I write the stories, but they wouldn't hold much meaning if no one read them. That you all, the readers. The only thing that sucks about having so many fans is that I can't meet them all.
Lord knows I'm undeserving, as we all are. (Speaking from a follower of Jesus' perspective. I do my best to accept and understand everyone's religion/belief systems, and I don't think everyone is going to hell for it.)
I'm sorry, everyone. I've been tired and sleep can't fix this tired.
Please forgive me. :(
P.S. Kendra Wilkinson (of E! Network's The Girls Next Door) is pregnant. No hate on her, even though she was a Playmate, she's a good person. An as we all know, in the MCRmy most of us soldiers were victims of some form of hatred and abuse. There's no reason to hate on Miss Wilkinson or her unborn child. Remember how protective we were of Lindsey when she was pregnant. I expect the same from the MCRmy to Miss Wilkinson. That way, even if you disagreed with the things Miss Wilkinson done, we'll always be able to say the MCRmy was there to support her. Even if Kendra isn't innocent, the baby is, just like Bandit. If someone says something mean about Kendra, counter back. Congratulations, Kendra. From me and the MCRmy. May god bless and keep you, your child, and your fiancee. You have all my blessings, and I pray this child changes you for the better. :)
12:13PM Central Standard Time