More answers to the past
Bob stared at the exquisite piece of cream coloured card in his hand. He read the words without really taking them in, his conscious mind chose to ignore the fancy lettering while his subconscious mind soaked it up. He fingered the lace ribbon on the corner delicately as he read the words for the second time, this time trying to actually focus on what they said.
‘You are cordially invited to the wedding of Amber Louise Drake and Richard David Prett.’
He shook his head as his eyes scanned over the details, St Anne’s Church 2.00pm etc etc. This was bullshit! Throwing the card in frustration he watched it skid along the large pinewood table from one end to the other before falling onto the floor. He smirked at his handy work and went to the fridge grabbing the orange juice and drinking straight from the carton in an attempt to stop the regrettable churning in his stomach.
‘Morning’ a voice said coming into the kitchen ‘sleep well?’
‘Well enough’ Bob said closing the fridge door he eyed his companion, she was wearing one of his t-shirts and nothing else. He watched her pour herself a cup of coffee his eyes focusing on her naked legs, travelling up her thighs before settling on her shapely bottom. He felt a twitch in his manhood and knew exactly what he had to do to get thoughts of Amber’s impending wedding out of his mind.
‘Bob?’ Amber cried in surprise as she opened her front door she hadn’t been expecting him at all, it had been over two weeks since New Years day and he hadn’t bothered to return any of her calls. Instinctively she threw her arms around him, breathing in his scent and revelling in the rough feel of his bearded cheek against her face. ‘I’ve missed you’ she said and to her joy she felt his arms hug her back. ‘I’m so sorry for everything.’ She sobbed ‘you’re right I should’ve done more.’
‘Shh’ he said smoothing down her wild red hair ‘I didn’t come here to talk about that... I just-I just came to pick up my stuff.’
‘What?’ she said pulling away so she could look into his eyes ‘I don’t understand’
‘I’m going back to Chicago’ he said making his way into the house ‘I need to get away from here, from everyone.’
‘But why?’ she said dumbly all she could think about was him leaving Jersey without her.
‘What do you mean why?’ He said trying to control his temper ‘Were you not there on New Years Eve. Did you not see what happened? Everything has gone to shit. I don’t even know the people I share my fucking life with.’
‘You do know them’ Amber said quickly ‘they’ve all just made horrible mistakes, myself included but it doesn’t mean they’re not the people you love.’
‘I can’t stay here’ he said pushing past her into the bedroom. He quickly located his duffle bag that he bought his things over in and started stuffing his clothes and toiletries inside.
‘Yes you can’ Amber said grabbing a handful of things out of the bag and throwing them on to the bed ‘you can stay here, this whole thing will blow over you guys just need to talk about it.’
‘They’re all a bunch of liars Amber’ he said angrily grabbing a stack of CD’s off the shelf not bothering to check if they were all his ‘I wouldn’t even know who’s telling me the truth.’
‘It’s not that bad’ she said tears starting to fall down her face as he packed and she unpacked his things. She knew she should’ve said something to him, told him what she knew but she couldn’t, this incident wasn’t her fault, they couldn’t end what they had like this.
‘Not that bad’ Bob said turning to her in disbelief ‘Gerard cheated on my cousin with his ex, who blackmailed Frank into sleeping with her to make Frank get into Gerard’s head. Meanwhile everyone knows there’s something going on. Jamia has lost her husband, I have no idea which of my so-called friends I’m still speaking to and as of this very moment there is no more My Chemical Romance and you don’t think things are all that bad’
‘Well when you put it that way’ Amber said blushing at how stupid her statement sounded when you broke it down like that. ‘I just meant nothing is really severely damaged all of those things can be fixed. We can be fixed’ she said looking at him. He had stopped mid-pack a bunch of old t-shirts screwed up in his large fist. He sighed heavily, he really didn’t want to hurt her, but he couldn’t stay he needed to breathe, needed to be able to think freely and he couldn’t do it here he needed his home, his solitude. He needed Chicago.
‘Listen to me’ he said softly ‘I can’t honestly say I understand your decision Amber and I am mad but I don’t hate you, you have to know that, but I have to leave, I need to get out of here and I know that is selfish but I have to go and I don’t want you or anyone else to come with me. I need to be on my own.’
‘But what about us?’ she asked her voice filled with emotion to the point where Bob didn’t want to look at her.
‘I don’t know’ he said ‘At the moment I don’t know if there is an us and not just because of the New Year situation but because if this doesn’t get resolved then my career is over and it’s the one thing that has made me truly happy over the last few years and if that’s ending then I don’t know what I’m going to do.’
‘But if you stay here with me we can do this together’ she sniffed ‘we can take on whatever comes our way we can be there for each other. Please Bob don’t leave me.’
‘I’m sorry Amber’ Bob said hoisting the bag onto his shoulder ‘this is what I wa-need to do.’ He walked over to her and kissed her gently on her forehead, although his mind was ready for the goodbye his heart wasn’t. Even after rehearing it, going over what he would say endless times his head his heart still ached with pain and regret as he left Amber sobbing into her pillow.
Early March 2007
Dr Phillips jumped as her office phone rang making her spill her coffee all over her desk. ‘Shit’ she muttered picking the phone up with her right hand and grabbing some tissues with her left. ‘Hello’ she said wearily as she attempted to stop the waterfall of coffee spilling over her desk onto her standard beige carpet.
‘Ah, hello Dr Phillips how are you?’ the voice said. She felt her entire body stiffen as her mind reacted to the sound of his smooth calm voice. Ever since she had been cornered in the alley by the stranger a few nights back she had been on edge, she was dreading the call, dreading what she had to do.
‘I’-I’m fine’ she said finding her voice ‘how are you?’
‘Same shit different day’ he chuckled ‘now enough with the small talk. Have you managed to do what I asked?’
‘Yes’ she said looking out of her office window to make sure there was no axe wielding maniac waiting to pounce on her. ‘I didn’t like it.’
‘Well never mind life isn’t only things we like is it?’ The caller said matter-of-factly
‘I suppose not’ she replied hesitantly ‘The err, re-results were….’
‘No no no no’ the caller said shouting over her ‘I don’t want to know, I have no interest in the results, my only interest is that you’ve changed them to what I desire them to be.’
‘Then its done’ she said ‘I’ll post them tomorrow morning.’
‘No I’d like to do that myself’ he said ‘to actually make sure it’s posted, I’d hate for you to forget.’
‘Fine’ she said blushing as her lame plan to not post them had been foiled so easily.
‘I’ll meet you outside in ten minutes, same alley don’t be late’ he said hanging up.
‘Dr Phillips we meet again’ he said as she walked towards him under the dark cover of the night sky. It had been exactly ten minutes and he was pleased to see that she could follow instructions. ‘You know it’s not safe for a woman to be out in these streets alone.’
‘So I’m told’ she said dryly her fear not as heightened as it was before, he still made her feel uneasy though but she knew that he wouldn’t hurt her, at least he wouldn’t if she didn’t push him. ‘Here’ she said holding out the envelope, he snatched it quickly from her and placed it in the inside pocket of his jacket.
‘Thank you’ he said and she thought she could hear a smile in his voice ‘your money is in a briefcase behind me, when I leave you can pick it up and do with it what you will. You will not tell anyone about me, or about this night. You’ve never met me, I don’t exist. Got it?’ he told her growling the last two words for emphasis.
‘I got it’ she repeated
‘Well then Elizabeth, it was nice doing business with you’ he said ‘goodbye’
‘Goodbye’ Dr Phillips replied and to her relief not only was the money in the briefcase like he promised but she never saw him again.
Present: September 2012
‘Jasmine come on’ Gerard called from the bottom of the stairs ‘you’re going to make me late.’
‘I’m here daddy’ she said appearing at the top of the stairs, she was wearing a t-shirt with a diamante skull and cross bones and black leggings, with black ribbons in her pigtailed hair.
‘What on earth are you wearing?’ Gerard asked as he regarded his daughter as she slowly made her way down the stairs, holding tightly to the banister.
‘Rock star clothes’ she laughed ‘do you like it daddy? It’s like you’
‘It’s cute’ he said lifting her off the last step and kissing her face ‘are you ready to go to the band meeting?’
‘Yes but I’m the boss’ she said clinging to his neck ‘I’ll tell you what to do’
‘Sure’ Gerard said picking up her Dora the Explorer rucksack off the floor ‘you can be the boss.’
‘You two off?’ Cheyenne asked appearing at the kitchen door, she smiled at them as Gerard lowered Jasmine to the floor and placing the sack on her shoulders.
‘Yes mommy’ Jasmine said ‘I’m going to orgadise the band.’
‘You mean organise’ Cheyenne said walking over to them.
‘Yes that’ Jasmine said ‘I’m the boss’
‘Well the boss needs her lunch’ Cheyenne said spinning her finger in a circle instructing Jasmine to turn around. She placed the sandwiches in the rucksack quickly removing one of several Barbie dolls that were in there.
‘Keys please daddy’ Jasmine said holding her hand expectantly. Gerard rolled his eyes and handed her the keys to the fiat he was forced to buy.
‘Don’t scratch the car’ he shouted at her as she raced out the front door and he was sure he heard her giggle.
‘I’ll be back in a few’ Gerard said turning to Cheyenne who folded herself in his arms
‘No rush’ she said kissing his lips gently ‘I’ll try and have dinner ready by the time you get back.’
‘That would be nice’ he said
‘And if you’re lucky there’ll be some dessert.’ She whispered, Gerard’s eyes whipped up to meet hers, he had tried and failed to get a rise out of her last night she had apologised profusely but Gerard still wasn’t comfortable going to bed unsatisfied.
‘Really’ he asked ‘what kind of dessert?’
‘You’ll see’ she said and on cue Jasmine honked the horn loudly. Gerard turned to chastise her but couldn’t as his daughter was clapping her hands and giggling at her own mischief which in turn made him laugh.
‘See you later’ Gerard said pecking Cheyenne on the lips and racing out to the car.
Early March 2007
‘Hey there Miss Bryar’ Bill said, he was her postman, well the streets postman and over the last few days they’d built up a polite friendship as Cheyenne had greeted him everyday waiting for the results that could alter her life.
‘Good morning Bill’ she said politely ‘how are you?’
‘I’m fine, same old same old’ he said, his wrinkly eyes creasing up in the corners as he smiled at her ‘here’s your mail’
‘Thank’ she said taking the wad of letters quickly.
‘So what is it that you’re after?’ he asked grabbing another bundle of letter which were for the house next door.
‘Well I know you don’t come out here everyday just to see my handsome face’ he joked ‘what are you waiting for concert tickets or something.’
‘You got me’ Cheyenne lied ‘I am waiting for tickets, is it that obvious?’
‘A little’ Bill said adjusting the strap of his bag full of letters ‘I hope you get them today.’
‘Me too’ Cheyenne said retreating back up her path ‘bye Bill’
‘See you tomorrow’ he called as she closed her door.
Present: September 2012
‘Order order’ Jasmine said banging Brian’s blackberry on the table trying to get everyone’s attention
‘Whoa don’t do that kid’ Brian said taking his phone and removing Jasmine from his seat. She immediately raced over to Mikey who lifted her on to his lap.
‘Right settle down you animals’ Brian said griming as he waited for the room to come to order. ‘Ok so fifth albums gone out, it’s been received extremely well, it’s gone platinum. We’ve done the interviews, the shows and the magazines so you guys know what’s next.’
‘CAKE!’ Jasmine shouted and then covered her mouth with her small hands, her eyes wide with shock at how loud she’d been. Everyone laughed at her and Gerard shook his head a large grin on his face.
‘No not cake’ Brian said smirking ‘touring. We’re going to go on tour’
‘Its come round fast’ Gerard said throwing a look at his daughter who was now wearing Mikey’s glasses. Secretly he wasn’t ready to go on tour he hated being away from his daughter for more then a day let alone months.
‘Hasn’t it just’ Frank said, now lifting Jasmine onto his lap, she had a habit of jumping from one lap to the next but she usually stayed the longest on Frank’s as she enjoyed tracing her fingers over his tattoos. ‘I don’t feel fit enough to do a tour’ he laughed ‘I’m so out of shape, I pant just going up the stairs.’
‘I know that feeling’ Bob laughed ‘I can feel a heart attack coming any day now.’
‘I’m sure you guys will work it out.’ Brian said before adressing Mikey 'How's the pregnancy going?'
'Slow' Mikey said then laughed 'its going ok, still early days, we're just taking it a day at a time.'
'As you should' Frank said 'The pregnancy is the easy part, the hard part is when the little brat finally arrives.' And he would know, it was common knowledge that Frank was there for Cheyenne throughout her pregnancy when Gerard was not, next to Ray who was an uncle he was the only one who could give advice on pregnancy and children.
'That's why I don't plan on having any' Brian remarked as he felt a tug on his sleeve ‘what?’ he asked, he wasn’t very good with kids, he didn’t really like them but Jasmine didn’t bother him too much.
‘Up’ Jasmine said her arms flying up over her head
‘Jeez’ he said pushing his chair out and placing her on his lap ‘but you got to sit still’ he warned her ‘you’re so squirmy.’
‘Squirmy?’ she said scrunching up her nose which meant she didn’t understand what he meant
‘Yeah you know wiggly’
‘Wiggly’ she said ‘I’m not as worm Mr Brian’ she said making Gerard laugh out loud. He had once called Brian, Mr Brian and for some reason it had stuck with Jasmine.
Brian laughed at the way she spoke she could be so proper sometimes, more adult then a four and a half year old should be. ‘My God Gee what are you teaching this kid?’
‘I don’t it’s that Dora person that teachers her stuff’ he said ‘she listens to her more then me.’
‘I hate Dora I just wanna kic...’ Bob started
‘Bop’ Frank said loudly ‘watch what you say’
‘Yeah Uncle Bop what watch you say’ Jasmine said. Like Brian he had been lumped with a nickname and every time he heard it he despaired. He couldn’t get over how a two year old couldn’t say Bob. That was how old Jasmine was when the nickname came around, for some reason she couldn’t say Uncle Bob always instead calling him Uncool Bop and so the name Bop had stayed with her and to his annoyance with his band mates.
‘Ok so’ Brian said clasping his hands around Jasmine’s tiny waist ‘we’ll need to start planning, I know some of you won’t want to do this as much now you have families but its part and parcel of this job, I’ll try and get a decent schedule I’ll get you as many breaks as I can but I can’ promise anything.’
‘We trust you Brian’ Ray said honestly ‘you’re the best manager a band could have.’
‘Oh My God group hug’ Frank cried sarcastically not moving from his seat, he winked at Jasmine who was giggling, he knew she didn’t know what he meant it was just the outburst that made her laugh. Brian shook his head tiredly, Frank to him was like an energy drainer, in fact they all were but he wouldn’t change them for anything. He whispered in Jasmine ear and she giggled.
‘Go on say it’ he urged her ‘tell them what I just said.’
‘This meeting is adourned’ she announced clapping her hands.
Early March 2007
‘Wow you have really good timing’ Frank said stepping out of the way so Cheyenne could cross the threshold into his home. ‘Jamia’s just left.’
‘I know I watched her leave’ Cheyenne replied ‘I’ve been out there for just over an hour.’
‘Why didn’t you come in?’ he asked but Cheyenne didn’t answer she just shrugged her shoulders.
‘I take it you’ve got the results’ he said taking her hand and leading her into the living room where they sat side by side on the sofa.
‘Yep’ Cheyenne said opening her bag and retrieving the envelope which she handed to Frank.
‘It’s not open’ he said staring at the unbroken seal
‘I know’ Cheyenne said ‘I didn’t want to open it by myself.’
‘Good things the tour was pushed back or the envelope would’ve stayed sealed ‘til I came home’ He joked trying to lighten the sullen mood in the room.
‘Why’s it been pushed back ?’ Cheyenne asked and then answered herself ‘Gerard’
‘Let’s forget about that now’ Frank said turning the letter around in his shaking hands.
This was it, the moment of truth, the thing he had been agonising over for the last week or so, his future was written in this envelope whatever it said would determine what would happen for him next. ‘I want you to know that whatever it says in here, I’ll help you as much as I can. I promise.’
Cheyenne smiled a small smile but said nothing as she watched through worried eyes as he tore open the envelope to retrieve the letter. She watched his eyes move form line to line, air caught in her lungs as she held her breath waiting for the answer. It seemed like a life time, she’s never been so desperate for someone to speak in her whole life.
‘I’m not the father’ Frank said dropping the letter to floor and rising out of his seat.
‘What?’ Cheyenne whispered, she watched him pace his hands raking through his hair, his breath coming out in fast heavy bursts. Through teary eyes Cheyenne snatched up the letter and read through blurred vision confirming what Frank had just told her. He wasn’t the father, he wasn’t the daddy of the baby she carried it wasn’t half her and half Frank like she prayed it was half Gerard.
Frank was sitting now he had collapsed in his favourite chair, his elbows on the arm rests and his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe that he wasn’t the father he had stupidly convinced himself he was, he had thought of possible names, of where they would live of him telling his mom she was a grandmother. But on the other hand he was deeply relieved. He wouldn’t have to leave Jamia now, wouldn’t have to break her heart again. He loved her more then anything, more then the love he felt for Cheyenne but a baby would’ve been everything, it would’ve been amazing to have an extension of himself, a new life to watch develop. He would’ve been a great dad.
‘I’m sorry Frank’ Cheyenne cried she was kneeling in front of him now, he removed his hand to look at her, he could see the sadness in hr eyes, the pain she was feeling and he felt tears run down his cheeks.
‘It’s ok’ he told her stroking her hair ‘it was 50/50’
‘But I wanted you to be…’ she broke off sobbing and Frank wrapped his arms around her shoulders cuddling her as her body shook from violent sobs, he cried too, his tears falling into her hair.
‘What am I going to do?’ she wept ‘I-I-what do I do?’
‘You have to tell Gerard’ Frank said fighting the anger and the injustice he felt at his friend being able to receive this wonderful gift whilst he was denied.
‘But he’s unfit to do this’ she said sniffing ‘I hate him.’
‘No you don’t’ Frank soothed ‘listen to me, Gerard is in a bad way but give him a chance to step up to the plate, let him do this, after all the baby is his also. I know if the tables were turned I would want that chance.’
‘You can have that chance’ Cheyenne said desperately her mind racing as she spoke ‘we can tell everyone the baby is yours, nobody will need to know its Gerard’s and we can do this together.’
‘I can’t do that’ Frank said wishing his conscience would allow him to say yes to the idea ‘but it wouldn’t be fair on Gerard.’
‘FUCK GERARD’ Cheyenne screamed pushing Frank’s chest ‘why are you so fucking loyal to him? He nearly ruined your marriage, he ruined everything and you still sit here worshipping him. I don’t understand.’
‘I don’t worship him’ Frank snapped back ‘but I’ve seen him at his lowest, when he couldn’t possible fall any lower and I’ve seen him turn himself around. He’s a good guy but just like everyone else is flawed, he is too. We’re not perfect Cheyenne that baby inside of you could’ve been mine. We slept together I cheated on my wife and you cheated on Gerard, yes he did cause this mess but we were fucking around before we found out he cheated and yes you could argue that we resisted but in the end we still slept together. We are not blameless here so don’t sit there and be a God damn hypocrite.’
‘You’re right’ Cheyenne said shocked at the way he spoke to her, the honesty in his words were raw and they embarrassed her ‘but at least we tried to resist, Gerard didn’t even put up a fight.’
‘He did Chey’ Frank said
‘How do you know?’ she snapped ‘Oh yeah I forgot you were the one telling him it was ok to sleep around.’
‘It wasn’t like that’ Frank said
‘You still haven’t told me why you did it’ Cheyenne said angrily.
‘Now isn’t a…’ His phone rang cutting his sentence dead and Frank was more then grateful, he still couldn’t find the guts to tell Cheyenne the truth at why he had egged Gerard on when it came to Lyn. He didn’t tell her because he didn’t have the guts to tell her that he too had slept with her.
‘Mia?’ he said as he answered his cell phone ‘is something wrong?...no that’s not a problem…I’ll be there as soon as…bye.’
‘You have to go’ Cheyenne said her red tired eyes meeting his.
‘Yeah Jamia needs me’ Frank said
‘We need you’ Cheyenne said her hand instinctively settling on her stomach.
‘I’ll always be there for both of you, I promise but Jamia is my wife’ he said ‘and that baby is Gerard’s let him be there for you too, let him be the father the kid needs. Give him a shot’
Cheyenne nodded silently feeling defeated. She had so hoped today would’ve been different, she loved Frank a lot maybe not as much as she had once loved Gerard but she knew she could, she could fall head over heels for Frank in no time, but she had always stopped herself as he was Jamia’s but she hoped that a baby would relinquish Jamia’s claim on him and make Frank hers, he was a man worth keeping hold of and she realised that is why Jamia still hand him now. Jamia knew his worth.
‘Come on’ Frank said helping her up, Cheyenne rose with him and instinctively curled herself inside his arms.
‘I’m sorry for everything Frank.’ She said ‘I really am, despite the mass problems it would’ve brought I would’ve loved for you to have been the father of my baby.’
‘Me too’ Frank said sadly emotion filling his voice ‘But everything in life happens for a reason and this just wasn’t meant to be.’
Cheyenne took a deep breath and knocked loudly on the door. She heard Donna’s familiar voice shouting she’ll be right there before the door swung open to reveal the lady of the house.
‘Cheyenne’ Donna exclaimed ‘Thank God’ she cried taking a step forward and grabbing Cheyenne in a vicelike hug, Cheyenne hugged her back feeling herself relax as the older woman embraced her.
‘Where have you been? I’ve been so worried we all have’ Donna said pulling back and looking into Cheyenne’s eyes which she silently noted were red and puffy ‘come in sugar, come in.’
‘I can’t stay’ Cheyenne told her as she wiped her feet on the old welcome mat ‘I just came to speak to Gerard.’
Donna sighed ‘he’s really messed up honey, I haven’t been able to get through to him, no one has. Loosing you has been hard on him honey’ Donna told her, she had been filled in on the whole situation by Mikey and Donna had kept a very very close eye on her son ever since, she’d be damned if she lost him now but he was so unreachable that she feared she would spend the rest of his life watching him waste away. ‘But I’m glad you’re here maybe you can get through to him.’ She said hopefully and it was the only hope she had felt for a long time.
‘I’ll try’ Cheyenne said honestly. He intention was to come and tell Gerard she was pregnant not to be his self help counsellor but seeing Donna so worn out, so weary and tired made her determined to try.
The first thing she noticed about the basement was how dark it was, it was normally dark with only a single window to provide light but Gerard had covered it up plunging the room into near darkness save for the small lamp with the red bulb on the desk. She also noticed the smell, it stank of cigarettes and stale sweat and Cheyenne tried to concentrate on not gagging, at first Gerard didn’t see her, oblivious to the fact that he had company, in his own little world in his self made dungeon he was the only living thing, eventually he looked up and smiled
‘Hello sugar’ he slurred ‘to what do I owe this obvious pleasure?’
‘Hello Gerard’ Cheyenne said keeping her distance she didn’t want to get too close to him. ‘how are you?’
‘How do I fucking look?’ he asked before taking another swig of his drink.
‘Like shit’ Cheyenne said pulling out the desk chair and sitting on it.
‘Well then there’s the answer to your question’ he said and she could hear the grin in his voice. ‘But I can’t look that bad you’ve come back haven’t you. Come for a fuck did you, missed it have you. They always come running back in the end.’
‘What are you doing?’ she sighed in annoyance ignoring his immature comments ‘look at you Gerard what have you done to yourself.’
She saw his shoulders move in the dim light of the table lamp but he said nothing.
‘After everything you’ve been through you’ve ended up here.’ She said. She didn’t think she would feel for him but seeing him so low down was more painful then knowing he slept with Lyn.
‘Maybe this is where I belong’ he said quietly ‘I always somehow end up back at this very point, so maybe I’m not supposed to leave it.’
‘No’ Cheyenne cried rushing over to his side ‘don’t ever say that, you’re better then this Gerard.’
‘No I’m not’ he hissed ‘look at what I did to you at what I did to everybody I’m no better then the shit outside on the fucking street.’
‘You are and deep down you know it’ Cheyenne said ‘I know that what has happened as shook us all badly but that doesn’t mean we should throw away our lives. Look at you drinking your life away, should all of us take this road then? Should we all just stay in our rooms and drink ourselves silly.’
‘I don’t give a fuck what any of you do anymore’ he said ‘all I care about is the music I make all I care about is My Chemical Romance.’
‘There is no My Chemical Romance’ Cheyenne said ‘not if you continue like this they’ve already had to postpone the tour.’
‘What?’ he said in drunken disbelief
‘Yeah the tour was meant to begin on the 22nd February its now not going head till next week we’re in March by the way it was done in the hope you’ll snap out of your self loathing stupor.’
‘You’re lying’ Gerard said taking another swig of the vodka in his hand.
‘I’m not lying’ Cheyenne said snatching the bottle away from his lips and hurling it across the room, it landed on the carpet with a dull thud it’s contents pouring out of the top.
‘You bitch’ he said as his alcohol wasted away before his eyes ‘what the fuck are you doing here?’
‘I came to tell you something’ she said fighting the voice in her head which was telling her to leave and not come back.
‘So tell me and then maybe we can use your lips for something other the talking’ he said taking her hand and placing it on his crotch.
‘You’re disgusting’ Cheyenne said snatching her hand back and jumping off the bed.
‘You didn’t use to think it was so disgusting when it was inside of you, when I was fucking you, when I was making you cum twice a night. You fucking loved it then.’
‘You’re a fucking pig you know that’ she said readjusting her bag strap ‘I’m out of here.’
‘No no no wait’ Gerard said scrambling off the bed, falling on to the floor. ‘Don’t go, don’t go, stay with me.’
‘I can’t’ Cheyenne said her eyes full of pity at the man she still loved, but he didn’t resemble the man she fell in love, the person on the floor before her was someone else.
‘Please’ Gerard begged ‘don’t leave me again. You said you had something to tell me. Tell me what is it?’
‘I’m pregnant’ Cheyenne said watching him carefully for his reaction ‘I’m eleven weeks pregnant. We’re having a baby.’
‘You don’t look pregnant to me’ he said eying her flat stomach
‘It’s too early to see any big changes but they are there.’
‘We’re having a baby?’ he asked as his mind tried to process the words.
‘Because we had sex.’ She told him matter-of-factly
‘What the fuck are we supposed to do with a baby?’
‘I don’t know what you want to do but I’m going to love it and take care of it.’
‘A fucking baby’ he scoffed ‘I mean what the fuck’
‘Well I’m glad you’re so thrilled.’
‘Of course I’m not thrilled I don’t want a fucking baby. I mean look at me, half of this is growing in your womb. You want to watch that baby end up like this.’
‘No’ Cheyenne said ‘it won’t be like you, I’ll raise it good and proper its half me you know, the baby won’t be anything like you.’
‘Bull it’s going to be exactly like me and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t get rid of it like my mom’s sorry she didn’t get rid of me.’
Cheyenne gasped at his words ‘Gerard, Donna loves you, she doesn’t regret having you at all.’
‘Of course she does’ he spat ‘everyone regrets knowing me, I hold people back I ruin things and here you are making another me you’re so stupid.’
‘No you’re stupid Gerard’ Cheyenne snapped tears forming at her eyes ‘you have so many good things in your life but your too busy drowning in your own self pity to see them. What happened at New Year happened to all of us and you’re the only one not trying to move on. You’re pathetic. I’ve never known someone so into themselves that they can’t see what else is going on, they can’t see what’s good or what’s real. But this is real’ she said grabbing his hand and pressing it to her stomach, moving his hand over her tiny bump, her stomach just beginning to harden ‘but I’m telling you now if you don’t fix up you’ll never ever see this baby I won’t even tell you its born.’
‘You can’t do that’ he said as she walked away from him heading to the stairs.
‘I’m a mother Gerard; I can do whatever I feel is right to protect my child and at the moment it needs protecting from you.’ She said stepping onto the first step of the stairs
‘Get back here you stupid bitch’ Gerard spat his head reeling form the emotions and the alcohol surging through him
‘No. You won’t see me again until you sober up and act like the man I fell in love with and if you can’t do it for me or the baby, then at least do it for your band mates because you’re the reason they’re not on tour right now.’ And with that she ascended the rest of the stairs slamming the door behind her.
Gerard sat for a minute soaking in the news it all seemed so surreal in his drunken state. He had wanted to see her so baldy over the last few weeks he had cried thinking about her ached so badly from missing her and the fist chance he got to see her he screwed it up. He got up using the bed to support himself, he had to stop her, if she left now he wouldn’t know when he would see her again, with tears pouring down his face he called out to her, his voice muffled by his own sobbing. He walked towards the stairs his vision blurred, his body swaying wildly as the alcohol kept up its desired affect, he would beg her if he had to, he’d get down on his knees and beg her to stay with him, he just had to tell her to stay and then it would all be better. He managed to reach the bottom of the stairs before his body gave way submitting itself to the alcohol. He fell backwards with a loud thud his back hitting the carpeted floor followed by his head. He stayed there unable to move crying tears of anguish and frustration until he eventually passed out.
A/N Hello my dears. A thousand apologies for the delayed chapter so much s**t going on a work its not even funny. I hope you liked it and that it's not too confusing with all the different dates its just that there's so many characters and different things happened to them at different times throughout the five years. You’d be glad to know that I’ll be starting the next chapter tonight. I should tell you I’m off on holiday on Saturday so I’ll try and post before then. Peace and rainbows and thanks a million for all your lovely reviews. Reign xx