She shines in a world full of ugliness.
- There's a lot to like about this story. It feels real, as if I'm reading the official backstory of "colossus". You have a way of evoking the mood and the epic theme of the game that's very exciting. In particular, I liked the following paragraph very much:
"The whiteness of the stag for the gleam of her smile. The lunar paleness of the pelt for the milkiness of her skin, satin smooth against his own. Was there any more fitting way of acquiring his little flower than this?? Had a more appropriate trade ever been made??"
I don't think the double question marks are necessary, but minor nitpick aside, that's some good writing.
(#) Stealth_Noodle 2006-05-17 10:58:19 PMLoved it. I agree with the other reviewer that story feels like an official part of the SotC world-- you've done a fantastic job of capturing the spirit of the game. I particularly like the parallel of the hunter accomplishing what was thought to be an impossible task for the sake of his love.
The only things I can pick at are the two instances of double question marks, which I found unnecessary and a bit jarring. The word "flirtatious" broke the mood for me, too; it just didn't seem to fit with the story's tone. Other than that, though, I think the phrasing works well.