- Some grammar issues (check the punctuation!) but otherwise a good read. I'm kinda familiar with the various incarnations of Kane/Kain so this could be interesting. Personally though, I think turning Harry/Harrell into a Vampire will probably take the story too far out of the Harry Potter realm and deeply into the Legend of Kane for my liking. I'll have to read the next chapter or two to make a better determination.
Good luck on writing this!
(#) deckman1063 2009-12-04Interesting premise, not so good grammar, spelling, and word choice. There were many instances where you used the word "a" where "I" was meant, and "for history arbores a paradox" at the end of the chapter should be "for history _abhors_ a paradox". Still, interesting idea, and with some cleanup and maybe a beta reader you can improve on it.
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