Categories > Original > Drama
My Father's First
0 reviewsA message I sent my father who is dead (but, hey, it does help) on myspace.
0Unrated
Dear Kevin,
I know you can't read this and it kills me that you can never read the pain I'm about to put into this message. I looked up to you, I really, really did. But after the day I found out you were a disgusting pig, you killed that side of me. Daddy's girl. I remember so clearly you telling me that if a man cheats on me, I leave his ass. It's a little too late now, but I left your ass. I'm ashamed to be your daughter. You told me drugs were bad and never to do them. I'll never do them, I don't want to be like you. I don't want my husband or children being like you.
Those last years of your pathetic life, do you realize how suicidal you made me? I was slowly letting go, you were putting me through hell like Toby Keith says. If I had let you win, I wouldn't have this wonderful life that I have now. There are kinks I still have to work out, but as long as I have Chris by my side, suicide won't be away out, but I'll face my fears on my own two feet. I've been through so much hell after you died. My life has only begun to turn around. Do you know how unfair that is to Chris? He has to deal with all the shit you caused. He's 100 times the man you'd ever be.
Since you've died, your little girl did some major growing up. I'm an author now. Not of the Smokey Show. I have a book out for sale to the public. I'm a real photographer. Not one who snaps pictures around a neighborhood. One who's photographs are placed into books! I have a fiance who wants to be able to support me, one who won't dive in, give me a crappy wedding like you and mom had and not be able to do shit. There is a new man in my life. He has had such an impact on my life. He stopped my letting go by grabbing onto my hand. He faces all the nightmares and demons of my past and future with me.
He doesn't take a drug and run off with another woman like you did. He fights for me when it's impossible for me to fight. He tells me he's proud of me when I don't cut myself. I never knew if you were proud of me. I'm so thankful to have a man in my life like Chris. He's my best friend, my lover, my fiance, my rock, my light in the dark, he's my everything. I hope wherever you are, Heaven, Hell, wherever you are, the ruler of that domain won't let you watch down or up on my wedding day.
There is no way you would give me away to Chris. After that scene you displayed in China Town, why the fuck would you? Though you probably don't remember that day. You were most likely hyped on drugs. How many daddy daughter days were you hyped up on drugs? Do you remember any of them? I do. You would probably be so hyped up on drugs you would ruin my wedding. If you went. My wedding might give you too much racist ammo. I really hope you don't mind that Uncle Jim is taking your place of giving me away cause I know he would be honored too.
I know it is possible for ghosts to make human contact. I truly believe grandma made contact with me when I was a little girl. But if you don't contact me, it won't ruin my belief, I'll just now you don't have the balls to reply back to me. Though from what mom has told me, you don't have balls. I'll write you again, on the next major milestone after the wedding, if I remember you.
- Mickey Hewitt
I know you can't read this and it kills me that you can never read the pain I'm about to put into this message. I looked up to you, I really, really did. But after the day I found out you were a disgusting pig, you killed that side of me. Daddy's girl. I remember so clearly you telling me that if a man cheats on me, I leave his ass. It's a little too late now, but I left your ass. I'm ashamed to be your daughter. You told me drugs were bad and never to do them. I'll never do them, I don't want to be like you. I don't want my husband or children being like you.
Those last years of your pathetic life, do you realize how suicidal you made me? I was slowly letting go, you were putting me through hell like Toby Keith says. If I had let you win, I wouldn't have this wonderful life that I have now. There are kinks I still have to work out, but as long as I have Chris by my side, suicide won't be away out, but I'll face my fears on my own two feet. I've been through so much hell after you died. My life has only begun to turn around. Do you know how unfair that is to Chris? He has to deal with all the shit you caused. He's 100 times the man you'd ever be.
Since you've died, your little girl did some major growing up. I'm an author now. Not of the Smokey Show. I have a book out for sale to the public. I'm a real photographer. Not one who snaps pictures around a neighborhood. One who's photographs are placed into books! I have a fiance who wants to be able to support me, one who won't dive in, give me a crappy wedding like you and mom had and not be able to do shit. There is a new man in my life. He has had such an impact on my life. He stopped my letting go by grabbing onto my hand. He faces all the nightmares and demons of my past and future with me.
He doesn't take a drug and run off with another woman like you did. He fights for me when it's impossible for me to fight. He tells me he's proud of me when I don't cut myself. I never knew if you were proud of me. I'm so thankful to have a man in my life like Chris. He's my best friend, my lover, my fiance, my rock, my light in the dark, he's my everything. I hope wherever you are, Heaven, Hell, wherever you are, the ruler of that domain won't let you watch down or up on my wedding day.
There is no way you would give me away to Chris. After that scene you displayed in China Town, why the fuck would you? Though you probably don't remember that day. You were most likely hyped on drugs. How many daddy daughter days were you hyped up on drugs? Do you remember any of them? I do. You would probably be so hyped up on drugs you would ruin my wedding. If you went. My wedding might give you too much racist ammo. I really hope you don't mind that Uncle Jim is taking your place of giving me away cause I know he would be honored too.
I know it is possible for ghosts to make human contact. I truly believe grandma made contact with me when I was a little girl. But if you don't contact me, it won't ruin my belief, I'll just now you don't have the balls to reply back to me. Though from what mom has told me, you don't have balls. I'll write you again, on the next major milestone after the wedding, if I remember you.
- Mickey Hewitt
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