"I opened the door and saw the poeple I saw at the My Chemical Romance concert who I called ‘Creeps.’ "
“Yeah?” I asked.
“These arrived in the post for you today” My father waved a My Chemical Romance ticket in front of me.
“Oh yes, Josh! Damn it I was suppose to phone him.”
“We thought you didn’t like MCR, hmm” My mother said and it wasn’t a question.
“I don’t, Jesus no! I can’t stand them, but you know what Josh is like, he’s dragging me there.”
“Zeke! Don’t take the Lords name in vain!” My father demanded.
“Meh, so yeah is that all you wanted me for?” I asked.
“…I think so” My mother said looking at my father.
That was strange usually they would just leave something on the table if it were for me and the way my mother looked at my father. Hmm, maybe I’m just overreacting. Maybe I should phone Josh.
“Hello is Josh there? Oh hey Josh!”
“What’s up? You okay?”
“Could be better”
“Why what’s wrong? Anyway Andrew said something to me today, about you being more than a friend sorta thing”
“Umm… nothing’s wrong, I’m just… tired. What? I don’t know what he’s talking about”
“Yeah me neither, haha! You more than a friend, that’s just fucking creepy”
“Yeah…I guess it is, huh, I’m gonna go here, bye”
And then the phone went dead. That was a short lived conversation. He sounded very…depressed?
I don’t know what to do anymore.
It’s not even just today. It’s everything before. People who say ‘Once the past always the past’ they lie, because if it’s always the past why does it always come back and smack you in the face?
Why can’t it just stay where it is and don’t come back?
The past sucks and I just wish it would die and never come back. But that’s hard to do when you have reminders every day you live. Scars, scars and more scars, they’re fucking disgusting, some have faded. But most are still there. I don’t know why I did this to myself, I guess that’s just what sick people do to themselves thinking it’s a release when actually all it is doing is causing you pain. Because when
you grow out of it and get older, you’re going to look back and despise those things. They’re just a reminder of how weak you were. I finally grew out of it after doing it two years, what sort of sick 10-year-old self-harms, it’s just wrong.
I put on Slayer on my iPod and eventually fell asleep.
“And if your heart stops beating, I’ll be here wondering did you get what you deserve?”
“AHHH!!! OH MY GOD!!! I FREAKING LOVE THIS SONG!!!” Josh screamed in my ear.
Dude, I’m at a freaking MCR gig! Ah! What if someone I know sees me here! Oh dear…
AND we are smack bang at the front of the stage.
Ooohh guitar solos.
“Come on Toro!” shouted the lead singer.
“If life ain’t just a joke then why are we laughing? If life ain’t just a joke then why am I dead? DEAD!”
The lead singer walked over to the lead guitarist and said something, then the fro guy looked at me…
“Ah oh my God! I swear! I cannot believe I am at a MCR concert! MCR!!!”
“Joshhh, there’s no need to scream like that!” I shouted back.
- - -
“Josh dude where are you? Josh?!” I yelled, I lost Josh after the show, I have no clue where he went.
“JESUS?! GOD DAMMIT! JOSH!!!” I yelled even louder than before.
“Jesus dude, no need for that shouting, seriously!” he yelled walking over to me.
“Where the fuck were you?!” It’s not easy being polite.
“Umm, I was just talking… to some old friends” he stuttered.
“Well next time tell me!”
“Meh, so am I still staying at yours?”
“Yes Josh you are” I said through gritted teeth, some security guy kept on staring at me for some odd reason. That’s it.
“Why the fuck? Hey I’m sexy, but why the hell are you staring at me like I have three dicks on my forehead!?” I said pointing to my forehead.
“Hey Ray, he isn’t much different from you after all” some specky guy said.
“I’m a fucking way creeps” I said as I was about to walk away.
“Uh no, I don’t really think you are a Way” some other small guy chuckled.
“Psychos” I said under my breathe as I walked away. I think I’ve saw those creeps somewhere.
“And you say I run away!” Josh said, quite loudly.
“Well sorry, but some guy kept staring at me then these psychos popped up outta no were!”
We got a taxi home in silence, it looked like Josh was deep in thought and he kept staring at me ever so often, geez why does everyone stare?
“Hey umm, I’m just going to your bathroom” Josh said leaving the room.
I walked out of Zeke’s room and silently tried to walk down the stairs quietly.
“Daniel, Liz, I got talking to them” I whispered.
“Good good, what did they say?” Liz, Zeke’s mother asked.
“Really we just talked then I slipped it in because I saw Gerard looking at Zeke at the gig” I informed.
“And?” Daniel, Zeke’s father asked.
“They want to meet him and to be honest, I think Zeke should too, I mean he’s part of his life, he can’t grow up not knowing about his real yano” I whispered in case Zeke was listening.
“He’s right, Daniel. He needs to know, soon” Liz said.
“How soon? We can’t just force this upon him and what if he left us? Going through all the legal things” Zeke’s father huffed.
“Soon enough. Very soon. He’s my son, well I brought him up. Don’t be stupid Daniel, he won’t leave, go on Josh, go back up to Zeke” Liz said sounding as if she was about to cry.
I walked up the stairs and sat on the floor outside Zeke’s room. I feel like I betrayed him? I don’t know, he’s suppose to be my best friend and I go behind his back and as something important as this and I need to tell him what I feel, I can’t be like this anymore.
“Uh dude, why are you sitting out here?” Zeke asked looking very confused.
“Um, was gunna scare ya” I said trying to sound believable.
“Whatever, come on” Zeke said motioning to his room.
“Zeke” I stood up walking into his room, “ I need to tell you something, I don’t think this is the right time, but I don’t thing there will be a right time”
“Why does it sound like your going to tell me you killed my dog?” he smiled, probably trying not to laugh at himself.
I hugged him. Very tightly.
“Umm Josh what are you –“ I cut him off by pressing my lips to his, I can’t stand it anymore.
I pulled away, ready for him to go crazy.
But he didn’t instead he just pulled me against him and fell on the bed hugging me.
“I’m sorry” he whispered, what does he have to be sorry for? He hasn’t did anything…
“Not liking you in that way, I know you do now obviously, I mean I guess I always knew, but…” he trailed off.
“But I’m not good enough for you, yeah” I said, I know that I’m not but it just feels like I need him. Fuck heroin, he’s like cocaine, you sniff him up and it feels as if all your worries have disappeared. Well until it wears off. Then it’s shit.
“It’s not that, it’s defiantly not that. You’re amazing, yeah. But in a friend way amazing.”
“Can’t we change that? Or at least try to?” I asked feeling desperate.
“Josh, no. I can’t, I can’t try to change something that just can’t be changed. I can’t change in what way I feel about you” he said in a soft tone.
“I guess, gah now everything’s gunna be all weird, oh and by the way Zeke, your very cheesy” I laughed.
“Yeah I can be, well we’ll try not let it get to weird” he grinned.
“Hmm, Zeke, can’t we just be friends with benefits?” I asked innocently.
“Maybe we can” Zeke kissed me hard.
One month later.
“Summer break is good” Bailey a guy from my form said as we walked out of our form room to the gates and then we have our freedom for two whole months.
I heard four ‘heys’ coming from behind me as I walked out of our school gates.
I turned around and saw Josh, Andrew and the two new guys who came from … okay I can’t remember.
“Hey Josh, Andrew, you guys…”
“Ahaha, Zeke this is Nao and Chris” Josh said pointing to the two new guys, ha! How could I be so stupid they’re from Sweden, well one of them is anyway.
“Oh hey guys, Nao, Chris, where are you guys from? I don’t think I’ve ever talked to you’s”
“Yeah, we’re from Sweden” Chris laughed looking at Nao.
“So both of you are from Sweden, no offence but Nao is it? Aye whatever, Nao’s the only one who looks…Swedish…if it‘s even possible to, uh, look Swedish” I said slowly.
“Yeah, we’ve heard that a lot, actually, it‘s weird…you can‘t look Swedish” he grunted.
Apparently we all lived near each other, I spent the whole time in the taxi home talking to Nao. He’s a pretty cool guy, apart from his thick accent, compared to Chris‘s accent, it‘s like he is speaking Swedish.
It’s been a eventful month I guess, I came to terms with myself that I might be bi-sexual, more less aye and that me and Josh could just stay friends and I think he likes Andrew anyway but he won’t tell me.
Note To Self: Figure out Josh.
“Gah, I can’t believe its thee summer already!” Chris shouted.
“I know, like everything’s went so…fast” I said.
“Yeah it ‘as” Nao stuttered with a bit of his accent.
“Aw that’s so cute!” I squealed
“Mmm” Josh said in a disgusted tone.
“Alright son what’s wrong with you?” I asked.
“Nothing, just the fact that a person seems to think he can steal something from me” Josh blurted.
Chris looked at Nao and Nao looked at Josh. Uh-On.
“I may not be as familiar with your accents and what you say, but I know when someone is talking about me” Nao sneered.
“Ooooh” was heard from Andrew.
“Well he’s mine right, so fuck off, go back to Sweden” Josh gloated.
That hit me, I hate it when people tell me to go back to America, Josh can go to hell.
“Josh don’t” I warn.
“And to think all of this started with me saying happy summer…” Chris muttered.
“Don’t what Zeke?! He’s trying to take you away from me!”
“Josh get over yourself, what age are you, two?”
“Fuck off Zeke”
“Maybe I will, Meh, Nao wanna come over to mine?” I asked.
“Um yeah, when?” Nao asked.
“Now if you want?”
So I did fuck off obviously with Josh giving the odd comment while we were walking back to my house since he lived only five doors down.
“Goodbye Josh!” I cheered.
“Your home?” My mother asked when Nao and I walked through the door.
“Ya” I said just as we were about to walk up the stairs
“And you’re not going to introduce me?” My mother laughed.
“Mother dear this is Nao, Nao son this is Thee Mother” I grinned.
“Nice to meet you Nao” My Mother said before walking out the door laughing like a madman.
“Umm is she always like that?” Nao asked, confused.
“Pretty much… Come on let’s go to thee room” I said.
Once we sat down and got comfortable I signed onto MSN. It’s a bad habit.
Caroline, a friend of mine from back in America started talking to me as the little orange bar flashing on the bar at the bottom of the screen signalled.
Xhangemhighx5 is inviting you to start viewing webcam
I clicked on the accept button and my webcam turned on.
Whoa who’s the hott guy sitting beside ya?
“Mwahaha Zeke I’m changing your MSN name” Nao lightly laughed as I walked down the stairs.
Weres Zeke? :S
Zeke ;; Loves NAO | For Life < 33 Says:
Hes gone down stairs o.O and I is Nao (Pro it ‘Now’ basically only with a snobby voice well that’s what Zeke said :L)
Ahaha, that poor boys lost the plot! :L:L Yer hott! (: Aww so are you guys like dating?
Zeke ;; Loves NAO | For Life < 33 Says:
No we’re not…
You guys should! Aww would be cute!
Zeke ;; Loves NAO | For Life < 33 Says:
Idk whatever :L O.o Heres Zekeie (:
Ok, like you and Nao are from now on … DATING! D;
Zeke ;; Loves NAO | For Life < 33 Says:
I always knew Nao wanted me ;P
The rant went on and on until it got to the point we ended up that we signed off on her.
“Kick of your stilettos and fuck me in the back seat” Nao started singing.
“Dude what are you singing?”
“The Medic Droid Fer Sure man!” Nao gasped.
“Meh I don’t listen to that shit”
The day went on quite fast, I suppose it was because I was with Nao. I like him, not in that way! In just like a awesome friend sort of way. There was a knock on my front door as I went down to answer it I heard:
“Dude there mustn’t be anyone in”
I opened the door and saw the people I saw at the My Chemical Romance concert who I called ‘Creeps.’
“Hey, is your Mum home?” Then it hit me, My Chemical Romance were at my door step, what the hell?! I noticed the curly haired afro guy when he asked was my mother home.
“S-Shes at the shop I think … why are you people at my door?” I asked slowly.
“Oh dear! Zeke go inside and we’ll talk to you later” I heard my mother call.
Nao went home and I went up stairs and sat thinking why those people were in my house and why my mother seemed so panicked. Something wasn’t right and I knew it. Could this be the thing that my parents were talking about before?
I’m not sure. But I did say the truth always comes out.
My mother called me down stairs for me to come down and have a ‘very important talk’ with her and those people from that band.
“As I said, don’t expect much from him, he isn’t your biggest fan” My mother mused.
“You can say that again” I hissed while I walked into the living room were they all sat.
“Zeke me and your dad were going to tell you about this but since you father is in Russia at the moment… I decided that I should just tell you as soon as possible
“The thing is, I don’t now how to say it…” my mother trailed off.
“Just get it done and over with!” I shouted, I really wasn’t in the mood now.
“I’m your dad” the muscular tanned man announced looking up at me as he sat down.
They all looked at me including my mother as if I was nailed to a cross.
“W-what? No! You’re not! You can’t be, my birth certificate! It’s not your name! You’re not my father! No!” I screamed then I ran out the front door.
“Josh!” I cried, “Answer your fucking door!”
“Zeke what are you doing – “ Josh’s sister asked, bemused.
“Josh!” I ran up to his room knowing he had to be there.
“Zeke what the hell?! What do you want?” he spat.
I busted out crying, I don’t know why but it was depressing for me to find out that all my life I hadn’t been living with my real father, that all my life I was being lied to, that every day when I called my father and he replied ‘Yes’.
It was all a lie.