Is this thing on? Hellooo? Can anybody hear me? Okay, if you can't hear me - say I can't hear you... Okay cool. So err... my names Gerard... My friends call me Gee and... well, I guess... I might be... I mean just maybe... possibly... like, a 50/50 chance... could probably be... A waste of space. Haha I'm totally kidding... well, ya' know... so yeah. Could be, maybe, possibly - An alcoholic.
"Gee... thats not a confession." Frank sighed, holding up the mini voice recorder and raising his eyebrows at his best friend who was sat on the bed, chewing on his fingernails. Gerard looked up at him, fingers in his mouth and tilted his head to the side.
"Sure it is." He whined, scowling when Frank batted his hand away.
"Would you stop eating yourself? Geez, I'm gonna have to stick mustard on your fingers." He snapped. Gerard raised an eyebrow and Frank looked at him in suprise. "What?" He asked.
"Why would you put mustard on my fingers?" Gerard asked, utterly confused. As far as he was aware, having mustardy fingers really didnt serve any purpose. You couldnt really finger paint with mustard... he was pretty certain mustard couldnt serve for any kinky fun... All it would do is make your fingers stink and look like you just dipped them in baby sh -
"Are you actually retarded Gee?" Frank asked and Gerard scowled.
"No." He pouted and Frank rolled his eyes.
"Well, its obvious isnt it? Mustard... it doesnt taste good... so you wouldnt chew your nails..." Frank said slowly, waiting until Gerard caught on. Finally, the eldest of the Way brothers 'ooh'd in understanding and grinned.
"But... what if I like mustard?" He challenged and Frank shook his head, some what amused as he began pressing buttons on the tape recorder.
"I already know that you dont like it." He said simply, holding the recorder out to Gerard. "Okay, now just press the red button and then say your confession." He smiled. Gerard took the recorder and twisted it round his nibbled fingers with a glare.
"I've already made a confession." He sighed and Frank shook his head.
"Gerard - your therapist guy thing told you to record a confession, which was nice of him cos' you know they usually just make you say it to their face. All you have to do is turn that thing on say 'My name is Gerard Way and I am an alcoholic' and thats it. Saying you might be an alcoholic doesnt count - cos' it means your still in denial." Frank said firmly and Gerard rolled his eyes.
"I'm not in denial." He insisted and Frank folded his arms across his chest.
"Prove it. Make the confession - A real one." He demanded and Gerard glared at him, looking down at the voice recorder before nibbling nervously on his lip. After an agonising five minutes of going to press the red button and then hesitating, he finally put the recorder down.
"I'll do it later - I'm just gonna grab a beer first." He decided, getting to his feet. Frank seized his ankle and yanked him back down again, causing Gerard to land painfully on his rear.
"Oooow!" He whined. Frank thwacked him round the head and shoved the recorder back into his hands.
"Dont you dare Gerard. This whole thing is to help you quit all the drinking - that includes beer. Now I didnt cancel a date with Jamia just to sit here and watch you drink. So you're gonna press that button, record your confession, and get your fat ass down to the clinic and hand it to your therapist thingy guy in person." Frank snarled and Gerard looked at him in surprise for a second before getting to his knees and looking over his shoulder in horror.
"Oh my God you really think its fat?" He gasped, prodding his back side. Frank groaned and rolled his eyes.
"Well it will be if you keep drinking - alcohol has shit loads of hidden calories ya' know." He pointed out and Gerard gave a whimper of terror, yanking his jeans down to better examine his ass.
"Oh my God... oh my god oh my god oh my god... I'm fat - its fat... who could ever love a man with a fat ass!" He cried, wailing loudly. Frank frowned and covered his ears.
"GERARD!" He shouted, waiting until his best friend had turned his gaze away from his pale butt back to Frank. "Its not fat okay - now will you please record the confession?" He snapped and Gerard bit his lip, contemplating.
"Okay... if you tell me I have a good ass." He answered. Frank rolled his eyes again and lowered his hands.
"Fine. You have a good ass." He replied and Gerard pulled his jeans back up, sitting down, cross legged infront of Frank.
"Make me believe you." He challenged and Frank sighed.
"If I do - will you make the confession?" He asked and Gerard nodded eagerly. "Okay. Gee - you have a good ass." He said, as convincingly as he could. Gerard folded his arms and pouted.
"Oh come. You can do better than that." He whined and Frank raised an eyebrow at him before giving in.
"Okay, Gerard, beautiful, manly Gerard muffin - You have THE single most sexy ass this world has ever known. I am truly blessed to be friends with a man with such a good ass as you - that ass could take you anywhere in this world, it is so good. In fact, its better than good - its amazing. Wondrous. Fantasticallytabulous... its better than cookies and poptarts and skittles and coffee and chocolate put together. Man, if I had an ass like you - I would be a king. No - a God! Because that is one fine ass." Frank smirked at Gerards cheschire cat style grin and folded his arms. "Happy?" He asked and Gerard nodded vigorously.
"Exceptionally. You really shouldnt stroke my ego like that Frank - you'll make it cum." Gerard said seriously and Franks face went pale, causing Gerard to laugh loudly.
"Oh Frankie - your face!" He cried before bursting into hysterical laughter. Clutching his sides as he rolled around the floor. Frank glared at him and pulled his knees up to his chest.
"Yeah okay, haha very funny - now make your damn confession before I take it all back." He snapped and Gerards laughter ended with a gasp.
"You wouldnt..." He breathed and Frank smirked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Try me." He teased and Gerard sat up, instantly jabbing the red button on the recorder.
"Okay. My name is Gerard Way - The man with the sexiest ass in the whole wide world, sexier than even the sexiest of sexy people in the world, my ass is so sexy -"
"GEE!" Frank shouted, snatching the recorder and pressing buttons to delete what had been said. Gerard giggled and gave Frank an innocent look.
"What? I'm only saying what you told me." He said sweetly and Frank pressed another button before handing the recorder back.
"Okay Gee - but I dont think your therapist thingy guy wants to know. So just... please, do this seriously." He sighed and Gerard pouted, sulking a little as he raised the recorder to his lips.
"Fine." He muttered, pressing the red button and taking a deep breath. "My name is Gerard Way. And I am an alcoholic." He said strongly before pressing the red button again and handing it to Frank.
"There. Happy?" He asked and Frank gave him a warm smile.
"Exceptionally." He giggled. "And so will your therapist, and Mikey, and Ray and Bob. And all your other friends and family." He grinned and Gerard nodded smiling a little. Heck, even he felt happy. Like he had just got a massive weight off his chest - and he hadnt even had a beer.
"Well. Come on - lets go drop this baby off." Frank said, waving the recorder around and getting to his feet. He pulled Gerard up and gave him a hug.
"You're gonna help me through this arent you Frankie? You wont... You wont leave me to do it on my own?" Gerard asked quietly, sounding small and vulnerable. Frank smiled and squeezed him tighter.
"With an ass as sexy as yours?... Of course I'll help you through it." He giggled, giving Gerards ass a quick slap before being chased from the house, giggling madly.
A/N: Oh man... I dont even know where this came from xD Wrote it in about ten minutes... Cos' I was bored, and suffering a minor writers block. So I thought, fuck it, and wrote this piece of randomness. xD And... cos' I love you all I thought I'd share it with you xD
Hugs, kisses, reviews and rates will make me squeal :D And stroke my ego... hmm... xD
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