Things Haven't Changed For Me, and Thats not Okay, I feel the same and she's on her way...
I've given up with this.
This God damn struggle!
I discovered it was all wrong---
It was right! Not left!
The stupid revolving door, you turn it right when coming in from the outside...and left when going outside. I finally got it. I really don't know why they don't put more of these doors in Vegas, I need practice with this stuff.
These past three months of college have been hard.
Mostly because I'm really hating it. Ryan hasn't contacted me at all... I haven't contacted him, and I miss the closeness, but ever since he sung that song...I've hated to think about it. If he doesn't want the negative attention, well, he shouldn't go seeking it. He very much so knows that it drives me completely crazy.
"You have a roomate today, Rachelle," The resident of the dorm next to me said, flipping her blonde hair. "Oh great, my dorm room before was small with only my TV, bed and nightstand. Now I have to fit a whole other person in there? Thats like a whole 5 feet and 150, possibly more, it depends on if their fat or not. The fatter, the less room I have for my shit," I muttered, rather fast for my shy nature. "Uh, Rachelle! It's me!" The abnoxious bubble gum blowing blond said, popping another bubble. Crap. "Uh, what's your name again?" I asked, creeped at the thought of her knowing my name and me being clueless of hers. "Brooke! My parents named me after my great, great, great, great, great, great, great---" I zoned out. She was irking me, so I shut the door in her face.
She was still talking.
So I turned on the TV and turned it up really loud so I wouldn't have to hear her blab on brainlessly about her ancestors. There was a Flirty Girl Fitness commercial on. Joy. I don't think it's at all fun to watch morbidly fat woman pole dance. Just saying. I grabbed my backpack, and emptied it out onto my bed. I had to write a 20 page essay on the history of photography, and a 9 page essay on what kind of light is best used with what brand of camera. Photography wasn't the thing for me. I took at least 20 pictures with my finger in front of the lens, and it took me the whole first month to learn how to get the flash turned on. I truely hate college, even the parties here suck, I mean, what happened to a good old fashioned party? With talking? Maybe a cocktail party---although I'm still not legal, but I have a gorgeous cocktail dress that I'm dying to wear, it's elegantly black, with a satin red trim around the edges, absolutely beautiful.
The Flirty Fat Woman Fitness commercial was over, and TRL was on. I decided to go to my closet and pull out that dress I was telling you about, did I mention its stunning? I think I did. I't would look amazing with my new converse...
"Here's a preformance by, a band that I discovered playing blink 182 covers... and I think will get far in the music world, they have an original style, of clothes and music, and the most original name I have ever heard, here's Panic! At The Disco!" Pete Wentz said, he was hosting TRL that night.
That's an odd name for a band. I thought. I slipped on my cocktail dress, just for giggles, and turned to the TV, so I could hear them play.
Then I saw what I almost couldn't believe.
I saw Ryan, and Brendon, and Spencer and Brent...
Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
I was ready to scream, my lungs filled up with air I just had to let out.
So I screamed. I screamed really loud.
No one came.
Crap, I was hoping for some sort of drama! That was disapointing.
I watched the live audience clap as the song ended. I found myself clapping a bit myself. The camera's view shifted into a view of the audience---and I saw Tori in the front row, cheering them on.
When she stood up...
Then I knew she was pursuing...
Pursuing that dream...
A ring was on her finger and I suddenly wondered, Who's the father?