Card 51: Seto's User Guide
Card 51: Seto's User Guide
It all began one day, a Monday morning, in Kaiba Corporation or more specifically in Seto Kaiba's office at Kaiba Corporation, when Roland handed Seto Kaiba some statistics representing the possible revenues that the company could obtain if he approved the marketing of a new product they had planned, the Virtual Seto Kaiba. The CEO was not exactly happy about having many virtual copies of him self running around all over the city, but the truth was he could not resist the possible profits that such a product would bring, so the Virtual Seto Kaiba was created.
The new product was a success and sales kept going up with many orders being filled every day. The Virtual Seto Kaiba was improved and upgraded and Kaiba Corporation also began to sell accessories and such things for him. However, some customers became confused by the many uses of the Virtual Seto Kaiba and how he worked, so to help the customers understand their Virtual Seto Kaiba better, make better use of him and accept the fact that Kaiba corporation is '73h 73ch', a standard Virtual Seto Kaiba user guide and instruction manual was issued to be included with the actual product.
A certain girl, among many others, had purchased a Virtual Seto Kaiba. The girl installed the software and managed to turn Virtual Seto Kaiba into a hologram and from there she managed to use Solid Vision to make him a solid virtual clone. However, he did not move or do anything, he was just a life size doll that didn't do or say anything. Before calling customer support to complain about her defective Virtual Seto Kaiba, the girl decided to actually read the user guide, aka instruction manual, that no one actually reads until they encounter a problem and give up guessing. "Virtual Seto Kaiba user guide and instruction manual."
"Part 1: How to activate your Virtual Seto Kaiba."
"Virtual Seto Kaibas or VSKs for short, are kept in small card shaped lockets which are actually high tech computer chips. You may make a special order if you wish to have a locket of a specific color. All lockets come equip with a sample picture of little Mokuba which can be removed and replaced with any picture of your choosing."
"After you remove the protective plastic wrapping from the card, plug it into your computer's mother board and follow the simple step by step installation instructions on your screen when you reboot the computer. Once the installation is complete, you can interact with your Virtual Seto Kaiba on your computer, he is compatible with any operating system."
"Part 2: Functions of the Virtual Seto Kaiba on the computer."
"The VSK, when on the computer environment acts as an anti virus program. He will detect and stop viruses by calling his Blue Eyes White Dragon function. For security reasons, the Blue Eyes White Dragon function only activates while the Virtual Seto Kaiba is in the computer environment. The White Lightning is effective not only against viruses, but also works as a pop up destroyer for those annoying ads."
"Caution: Do not attempt to launch the Blue Eyes White Dragon function or activate its White Lightning on your own, you must let your Virtual Seto Kaiba determine when the action is necessary."
"Warning: Kaiba Corporation will not be held responsible for any damage or loss of data that may occur to your computer because of the inadequate use of the Virtual Seto Kaiba, Blue Eyes White Dragon and or White Lightning programs."
"Your Virtual Seto Kaiba is also an excellent game player. He comes equipped with a virtual card database containing hundreds of cards for you to form your deck with. To add additional cards you must subscribe and download them via the internet. Once you have your subscription, you can set your Virtual Seto Kaiba to automatically update the card database whenever he detects a connection and new updates are available. With the subscription we also provide virus definition updates to make the Blue Eyes White Dragon function and its White Lightning more effective against new threats."
"You can also connect to our game server and test your Virtual Seto Kaiba's dueling skills against the skills of the Virtual Seto Kaibas of other people."
"Caution: To avoid upsetting your Virtual Seto Kaiba you must be very supportive if he loses and assure him that he is still the best."
"Part 3: Using your Virtual Seto Kaiba with holograms."
"Virtual Seto Kaiba is compatible with most hologram devises, however Kaiba Corporation's hologram technology is recommended for the best quality resolution possible. You can duel with your Holographic Virtual Seto Kaiba using any model of Kaiba Corporation Duel Disk. Pease do not treat your Holographic Virtual Seto Kaiba as a mere decoration, he will get bored and cranky if you ignore him. Holographic Virtual Seto Kaiba and Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba use voice command technology."
"Caution: The use of cell phones and other such devises near your holographic Virtual Seto Kaiba may cause some interference; this does not apply to Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba."
"Part 4: Using Solid Vision with Virtual Seto Kaiba."
"With Solid Vision the abilities of your Virtual Seto Kaiba increase greatly. First you must install him on your computer and project the hologram. Then plug in a standard USB port Kaiba Corporation Solid Vision creator and choose the Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba option on your screen. Please do not interact with the computer or your Virtual Seto Kaiba while he is becoming solid. If any errors occur, reboot your computer and start the process from the beginning, making sure everything is connected and functioning properly. If you experience further difficulties contact Kaiba Corporation's customer support twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week for a small fee of only one dollar... (per second)."
The girl rolled her eyes, she was now glad she didn't call customer support after all, but she was still yet to find the answer to her problem so she continued reading.
"To ensure that the Solid Vision process has been completed successfully, gently poke your Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba to ensure he is in fact solid."
"Caution: Do not poke him with a sharp object and do not poke him at all in the eyes or other sensitive areas, this will make him angry and uncomfortable and he will not function at his best."
"Part 5: Functions of the Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba."
"Some of Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba's functions are listed here but are not limited to: doing your homework, babysitting children and pets (except dogs), organizing your Duel Monsters deck, repairing all your Kaiba Corporation products as well as other electronics. He can also drive cars and motorcycles as well as pilot helicopters and airplanes. He is not programmed for doing chores such as washing dishes, doing the laundry, cleaning the house and other such things. Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba prefers cats to dogs and does not generally get along well with dogs, so please do not leave him alone with your dog."
"Warning: Kaiba Corporation will not be held responsible for any damage that occurs to your Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba and or your dog if you leave them unattended."
"Part 6: Accessories."
"There are many accessories that you can purchase for your Virtual Seto Kaiba, other than the duel disk, to use these accessories he must be in solid mode. Here are a few accessories, check the Kaiba Corporation Virtual Seto Kaiba catalog for more."
"Cat Ears, when placed on Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba the cat ears will make him act cat-like, he will purr if you pet him and allow you to pet him as much as you want as long as you do so in an appropriate way, not too hard. He will also take frequent naps, which is good since he doesn't generally sleep a lot, and play with cat toys. The Cat Ears come with a little bell collar which you can put on your Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba or wear it yourself and a toy Blue Eyes White Dragon with mouse ears for him to play with. Due to inappropriate use in the past, such as excessive pulling, the cat tail accessory has been discontinued."
"Bunny Ears, when placed on Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba's head, the Bunny Ears will make him act all cute and cuddly. He will experience the urge to eat carrots and cuddle soft fluffy things such as plushies. The Bunny Ears come with a Blue Eyes White Dragon plushie in a carrot suit for him to play with."
"Caution: Do not mix two different animal ears, his behavior in such cases is unpredictable and or insane and could be violent and or dangerous."
"Part 7: The three alternate personalities."
"Virtual Seto Kaiba has three alternate personalities; they are similar but have a few differences. The three personalities are CEO, Big Brother and Bishounen. What personality he uses is up to the user to decide, however we would like to make a few suggestions. The CEO personality works best when you want him to do your homework or repair electronics. The Big Brother personality works best when you want him to baby-sit and the Bishounen personality makes him a little more tolerant toward fan behavior such as hugging and or glomping."
"Part 8: Recharging Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba's energy."
"We have provided a special connector used to recharge Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba. The other forms of Virtual Seto Kaiba will get their energy from your computer or hologram machine respectively. To recharge Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba you may place the plastic end of the white connector cable provided in his mouth and place the USB plug end on your computer, then choose the recharge option on the screen. However, he will keep the computer's CPU occupied recharging so the computer cannot be used during this time except for the Virtual Seto Kaiba program."
"To speed up the process you may change him back into a hologram or load him back into the computer by selecting those options from the program you installed, while the connector is attached. If you wish to keep him in solid form, there are alternative ways to recharge his energy without keeping your computer busy. You can place the straw like end of the blue connector cable provided in his mouth and plug the other end to an electric outlet on the wall or simply feed him. Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba is capable of converting almost any kind of food into energy, but if the food tastes bad, he will complain and refuse to eat it."
"Part 9: The Dos and Don'ts of Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba."
"You should take him for a walk every now and then. Do not leave him out in the sun for too long because he has sensitive skin and can get sun burned very easily. Let him interact with other Solid Virtual Seto Kaibas. Do not let him get too overly competitive with other Solid Virtual Seto Kaibas. Tell him he is a good duelist and duel him often, also tell him he's cute and give him lots of compliments. Don't glomp him too hard, once in solid mode he will need oxygen to function properly. Let him use your computer or provide him with a computer of his own."
"Do not insult him; yell at him for no reason, kick him, punch him, slap him and so on. If you are reported as having abusive behavior toward your Virtual Seto Kaiba, solid or not, your Virtual Seto Kaiba will be taken away and donated to a random fan girl who will be nice to him."
"Caution: To ensure appropriate use, Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba is equipped with a mind reading devise that detects bad intensions, if such thoughts occur, he will warn you to maintain your distance and if you do not listen to his warning, he will immediately self destruct."
"Warning: Kaiba Corporation will not be held responsible for any damage that occurs due to Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba activating the self destruct function in his own defense, we will not be held liable because of property damage, fires caused by the explosion, severe emotional trauma, any kind of injuries including serious or mortal injuries, death, etc."
"Part 10: (Very) Limited Warranty."
"Virtual Seto Kaiba in all his forms comes with a thirty day limited warranty. If he is behaving strangely, does not listen to voice commands or any other troubles occur, please bring him to the nearest Kaiba Corp or Kaiba Land and we will repair or replace him for a small fee of five thousand dollars. If you are missing the white and or blue connector cables contact customer support and we will mail the missing cables to you for a small fee of one hundred dollars per cable."
The girl blinked, so if Kaiba Corp. forgot to include a part people still had to pay for it? As if the basic Virtual Seto Kaiba set wasn't expensive enough already and then there was the Solid Vision creator. Besides, doesn't warranty mean not paying? She decided not to think too much of it for now and continued reading, the warranty would at least still be cheaper than getting a whole new product, but luckily hers was complete, so she didn't need it.
"Part 11: Troubleshooting."
"Your Virtual Seto Kaiba in solid or hologram mode won't stop staring at himself in the mirror, this issue has been known to happen when he is in Bishonen mode. Use the voice command to switch him to CEO mode and ask him to help you with your homework, if you do not have any, he will simply inform you that it is finished and most likely he won't go back to the mirror for a while."
"If your Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba is damaged in any way, place the plastic end of the white connector cable provided in his mouth then connect the USB plug end to your computer and choose the restore option from the Virtual Seto Kaiba program you installed before. Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba will be surrounded by electromagnetic energy from the Solid Vision Creator and he will be restored to a functional state."
"Caution: Do not interact with Virtual Seto Kaiba, the Solid vision Creator or the computer until the process is complete."
"If your Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba was stolen, lost or kidnapped you may use the radar option on the program installed on your computer to track him down. For a small extra fee of one hundred dollars per hour you may request the service from Kaiba Corporation's rescue team."
"If your Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba does not move, talk or do anything at all it may be time to replace his batteries which are located in the little square box on the KC belt buckle. Caution: Do not attempt to place batteries in his mouth, ears or any where else except the space provided."
The girl took a deep breath, she had read the entire thing without even stopping to breathe. "Finally! Why is it that they always put the important stuff at the very end?" She then placed the Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba on a chair and opened the KC belt buckle, where there was a space for two small batteries, she knew that buckle had to be that big for a reason and suddenly wondered if the real Seto Kaiba kept spare batteries in there as well.
She grabbed the box where everything came in, but it was empty, looking at the front of the box she noticed something, "batteries not included" was written in the lower right corner. Sighing impatiently, she set off to search for a pair of small batteries.
She then noticed a pink haired girl who kept staring at the unconscious Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba from the window. Recognizing the pink haired girl, she grabbed the Virtual Seto Kaiba user guide and instruction manual and threw it at her, hitting her on the head and scaring her away. "Back off Mary Sue, go buy your own!" She closed the window and resumed her search for batteries finding none.
She decided to borrow the TV's remote control's batteries and finally she was the happy owner of a Solid Virtual Seto Kaiba, a very life like virtual clone of Seto Kaiba, ideal for any fan girl.
End of Card 51
Disclaimer, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! It was inspired by the episode in Noa's arc with the Virtual Seto that Seto created to duel with.