Saddness..... REAL big change :D
With the tip of my finger, I lightly traced the shape of his lips, his nose, his eyes. I guess my touch tickled since he pressed his face against my neck, away from my fingers.
“You’re loving this, aren’t you? Just having him against you. Fucking gay cunt.”
“Well, sorry! I didn’t mean to get a crush on Gerard. It just happened!”
“Jamia was perfect for you! Pretty, willing to open up.”
“Not everything is about sex. She didn’t love me. She loved what I could do to her!”
“And you love what Gerard does to you. You want him to open you up.”
“I wish I could. I’m sick of being in your head!”
I felt him yawn, his warm breath ghosting down my neck. I shivered slightly. I moved a little, so I was no longer hugging him. I hadn’t realized till then.
‘Don’t, you’re keeping me warm.’ He mumbled against my bare shoulder. I lay with him, listening to his steady breathing. We said nothing. There was nothing to be said in all honesty. I looked down at his face. The black eye was fading slowly. It blended in well with the dark shadows.
His face nuzzled into my shoulder before he sat up. I sat up with him, rubbing my arms for warmth. It was late September and the air was getting chilly.
‘What time is it?’ He asked groggily. I shrugged my shoulders, staring at his smooth chest. I wanted to see if it was as smooth as it looked but I wasn't game enough to reach out.
‘Around 4, I think.’ I whispered, finally tearing my eyes away from him.
‘You know, you didn’t have to stay with me. I am a big boy.’ He giggled, standing up and stretching.
‘I know. I just wanted to make sure you actually slept.’ I whispered again. He knelt down on the bed, placing his hands either side of my thighs. He slowly leant in, biting his lip slightly. My heart sped up, my brain freezing as the blood pulsed faster through my body. His lips were so close to mine, his cool breath blew around my face. I saw him smile slightly then peck my cheek. His lips lingered for a moment then he pulled away quickly, standing up with his back to me.
‘Come on, hon. You must be starving.’ I stood up slowly, following him out of the room. He made sure I was behind him at all times. I thought he was ashamed of what he had done but I wasn't completely sure. He was smiling though, I could see his risen cheeks.
I sat at the kitchen table as Gerard cooked. I couldn’t see what he was making but it smelt divine. Even when he went to the cupboards to fetch ingredients, I still couldn’t see. He was cooking in a large pot. I tried to get a glimpse of whatever was in the pot a few times but Gerard blocked my view each time. In the end, I settled for staring at his arse as his hips swayed to whatever music was playing in his head. I was so transfixed on his round arse, I didn’t notice him turn around or place a bowl in front of me.
‘Frankie? Don’t make me slap you.’ I heard him say.
‘You wouldn’t dare.’ I giggled, looking up at him. He raised his eyebrows, standing up. I just shook my head and began to eat the carbonara Gerard had made. I was never a huge fan on it, till I ate Gerard’s. The flavor was strong, almost to the point of a burning mouth. It was creamier, thicker and, over all, better than what my mother made.
‘How the fuck did you make that?’ I asked when we’d both finished. I could still taste it on my tongue.
‘Do you ever get bored of a night and just want to make something?’ He asked, taking our plates up to the sink. I just nodded, watching his hips sway again. I guessed it was just natural for him.
‘Well, that’s what I did. We do a lot of shit around here that my mother doesn’t know about. And, if she did know, she’d probably have a heart attack.’ He giggled.
After a very mindless conversation, we left the kitchen. Gerard said he was going to get changed while I searched for Mikey, E-Jay or some other living being in the house. The house was empty, besides Gerard and I.
‘No-one’s here!’ I yelled from the lounge room. Gerard came jogging into the room, tackling me to the couch. He pinned my arms above my head and sat on my thighs. He waited till my breathing regulated before anything.
‘Gotcha!’ He said, giggling. I struggled underneath him, trying to wiggle out.
‘So unfair! You’re…. stronger!’ I grunted, using what body strength I had to flip both of us off the couch. Gerard landed on his back, still holding my wrists above our heads as I fell on top of him.
‘Well…. You’re pretty strong for a munchkin.’ He giggled, letting go of my wrists and placing his hands under his head. I rolled my eyes and say up, using his thighs as a seat.
‘I’m not a munchkin. I’m just vertically challenged.’ I said, pouting slightly.
‘Well, if you’re not any taller in 5 years, then I can call you a munchkin. Deal?’ He asked, holding his hand out for me. I shook his hand, smiling like an idiot.
‘What happened to Bob?’ I asked, trying to avoid the awkward silence.
‘After you passed out, we took him to the hospital. You were right. Some drug substance was in the steam pipes. He has to stay in hospital for a while, y’know, for some treatment.’ He said with a smile. I nodded, thinking things over.
‘He’s fine, Frankie.’ Gerard whispered, patting my thigh.
‘Why Bob? He’s so nice. Why not me? Why did it have to be Bob?’ I said, getting annoyed over nothing.
‘Don’t say that. If it were anyone else, they’d be dead. Especially you. Bob is strong, his body can fight whatever had got to him. Ray could fight it too but you, Frankie, it’d kill you so easily.’ He said, sitting up. He was face to face with me, his nose just inches from mine.
‘He doesn’t deserve what happened.’ I said, turning my head away from him.
‘What makes you think that you’d deserve it?’ He asked. I didn’t reply. I just sat in his lap, looking out the window.
‘Frankie?’ He whispered, placing his hand on my cheek and turning my face towards him. He kissed my cheek gently, his lips lingering like they had earlier. I caught a whiff of a familiar scent. Not just the cigarettes, but something from my childhood. I took another breath, taking in more.
‘What?’ Gerard asked, looking at me weirdly.
‘I don’t know. You smell like something I know.’ I said, thinking again.
“Great! You’re now smelling him like a dog! What next? Humping his leg?”
‘I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not.’ He laughed. I shrugged my shoulders, still trying to figure out the smell. Diesel for sure. But I knew no-one who wore it.
‘Okay, stop smelling me. It’s kinda weird.’
‘Sorry. But it’s really bugging me now.’ I said, sliding off his thighs. I sat on the couch, throwing a pillow down at Gerard as I lay down.
‘You’ll figure it out when you stop thinking about it.’ He said, closing his eyes. I nodded to myself and lay down like Gerard.
‘Hey, Frankie?’ he said after a while of silence.
‘Where’s your father?’ He asked, looking up at me.
‘Jail, I think. I’m not really sure. Why do you ask?’ I said, shrugging. Gerard jumped up suddenly, making me jump a little.
‘No reason. Really. I’ll be back, kay? Just gotta call mum.’ He said in a hurry. I just nodded and watched him scramble from the room. I heard him pick up the house phone and take it somewhere else. I sat up, trying to listen. I walked slowly to the kitchen door, pressing my ear against it.
‘-come home. I need you too….. Please? I can’t handle this on my own….. No, I’m not over it! How can you just assume that?.... Alright. Sorry. Don’t be long okay? I don’t want to hurt his feelings or anything.’ I heard him say. I quickly walked back to the couch, laying down like I was before.
‘I’m gonna go have a shower. Won’t be long, hon.’ He said, poking his head through the kitchen door. I just nodded. I could hear fear in his voice. Or pain. I didn’t understand what I had done to scare him or cause him pain. I wanted to look at his face, see what emotion is portrayed but I was too afraid to see the pain.
Did I take too long?