Ray Toro struggles with defeating self-injury
(#) _Amy_Revenge_ 2009-10-14 05:37:56 PMBeautiful.
I absolutely luffed it :)
Honestly, I mean it really did speak to me (as crazy-talk as that sounds) and I totally get where you were coming from..although I have to admit, I saw myself and my best friend in that story; I was the narrator, she was the blade. Bad for each other, but unable to separate for fear of hating myself..
Okay, I think I'm done now..
Author's responseIt doesn't sound crazy at all. In fact, the way you viewed this was
really creative on your part ^^
I'm so glad that this spoke to you in some way. This story was just
a way to help me with my emotions and to know that someone can
take away something from it means so much to me.
Anyways, thanks for reading and reviewing this. I honestly
- I read this and cried. It was as if you knew my story and put it down on the screen.
See I started self mutilating myself when I was 12. I have multiple personality disorder and severe depression and anxiety issues (which, when thrown together, makes a very wonderfully unbalanced and "crazy" person). I take tiny things personal and something my dad said to me as a child made me hurt myself.
The struggle with the blade took me 11 years to deal with. Oh sure, I had my good days... but they were followed by nights of cutting so much I fell asleep with my wrist tied up in rags to stop the bleeding... and excuses as to the marks or long sleeves.
I still get the urge. But I've learned to control it. And the title of your essay says it all. "For I Did Not Loathe Myself Any Longer." And I don't.
P.S. I totally favorited this.
Author's responseIt sounds like you've been through alot, and getting through
that is just amazing.
It's good to hear that you don't hate yourself anymore because no one
deserves to feel that way. No one.
(#) MyFamousLastWords 2009-10-15 09:08:45 AMI absolutely loved this so fucking much! Man, I could relate so much it's unreal.
Learning to get control and then finally being able to stop is the most important thing. I stated when I was 10,
and now that I'm actually going to do something about it - this story sort of all just filled it all up I guess.
The parts where it said:
To be honest though, the thought of my body empty of all blood frightened me after much consideration.
No matter how tempting the idea seemed, at the end of the day the thought of it sent chills up and down my spine. I did not desire a razor blade to be
the death of me. It seemed inevitable in a way. It seemed logical that the end of my life would be at the end of a blade. This left me wondering if
logic always gained victory in the end.
If I knew one thing for sure, it was that I was not about to wait and discover the answer for myself. I needed to give up cutting, and it needed
to be now for I was sure that I did not have much longer.
At times the uphill battle became too much to bear, and I was forced to surrender.
Relapse after relapse would occur each time the blade was removed from underneath my mattress. One can lose a battle, but the war has not yet been
lost. Battles add up after awhile though. One can only lose so many battles before the enemy wins the war. I was beginning to convince myself that
this war would be the death of me. When I hit rock-bottom I was prepared to surrender one final time and lose this war forever.
It was during my darkest moments that I realized that one can only gain victory over an opponent if one can gain victory over themselves. I had to
burn myself down in order to build myself back up from my ashes. I allowed myself to hit an ultimate low. When the hole I dug could not be any
deeper I proceeded to burn all of what was left of me.
It felt like it was written directly to me, now I'm just rambling on and shit but damn, I loved it. Really.
Sorry fot this being so long!
Author's responseCongradulations on your decision to do something! It takes alot
of courage just to have the desire to stop so I praise you on your
Also, I'm thankful that the sections that you felt described you most
were the happier ones. Those parts are truly the ones that represent
hope and I'm glad you noticed. There is hope in every mess. I think
all of us in this type of situation just need to find it.
- You really captured those thoughts so well. And the honesty with which you presented them was touchingly beautiful. It was not understated or overdone. Just honest, pure and clean. You have a beautiful way with words and descriptions and you did such a great job. Just wanted to let you know. Thank you for sharing this. ~ Harley
Author's responseBeautiful? Honest? Wow. Thank you for saying all that. It's so very
nice to hear those kinds of words =D
(#) Leah270193 2009-12-04 12:57:40 PMwow that struck a cord. i wish i could stop self harming :( but truly this was amazing. so I will give you a rating for moving i think :)
Author's responseOne day you will overcome self-harming. Maybe it'll be tomorrow, or maybe it'll be five years from now. But as long as you want to stop self-harming, you will. Good luck with everything and take care :D