They never came to see me, they just called, but left a message as I didn't answer.
'Oh, hey...I guess your not home, or whatever...Er, it's Mikey. Just letting you know that we're going back on tour tomorrow. Around 9-ish in the morning. You know to fill in the shows we er...missed. Listen, I'm sorry about the way my brother acted last week. I totally didn't expect it as I'm sure you didn't. But, forget him for now and come see us tomorrow before we leave. Please? It wouldn't feel right if we went without saying goodbye. You don't have to see Gee if you don't want to. Meet us outside Star bucks around 8.30. That's where the bus will be. K? Bye.
I wasn't sure if I would go or not. I really didn't want to see Gerard. He scared the shit out of me. I've never seen him like that, even when he knew what Matt did, he never showed me he was angry.
I sighed, I should go. Mikey, Frank, Bob and Ray were my friends. I should say bye to them.
I sighed again, and went to bed.
I couldn't really sleep well that night. Maybe a total of three hours, if that. I glanced over at my alarm clock.
7.34a.m. I sighed. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I got up off the bed and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast.
It was only toast I was making, but hey I like it. I'm not really a cereal person. Turning on the radio, I froze when I heard what song was playing.
I mean this I'm okay [trust me]
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well I'm not okay, I'm really not okay...
Of course they cut out the swearing, it was radio after all. I didn't turn it off though. I liked this song, probably my favorite off Three Cheers.
After breakfast, I got dressed. I didn't bother with a shower for now, I'll have one after the guys are gone.
I wore my red skinny jeans and a black top with white sleeves that also had a hood. I also slipped on my black converses.
I checked the time. 8.10a.m. I still had twenty minutes to go, but I may as well leave now. So that's exactly what I did.
As I was walking towards Star bucks, I mentally slapped myself when I realized I should've worn a jacket or something.
It was freezing.
I wasn't that far away from Star bucks when I bothered to notice the tour bus, and the guys getting everything ready and whatnot.
I sighed once again, and continued making my way over. I still didn't even know what to say to them.
"Hey." I heard Mikey say.
"Hey. Tired?" He nodded, "How long you on tour for?"
"Don't know. We have to do the shows that we missed, then going to Europe I think. But I'm not sure how long we're gone for."
"Hope you have a great time. I know how much you guys love to make your fans happy."
He smiled, "Thanks. You wanna see the other guys? They're inside getting coffee. Ben's there too. Don't worry Gerard's on the bus, sulking." I nodded and headed inside.
I decided to get myself a coffee while I was here and then sat with them.
"Hey." Ray greeted, I said hi in return, "It's not gonna be the same without you, you know. You could always come on tour with us if you want." He said hopefully.
I shook my head, "Guys, you know I can't. Not with all the stuff between me and Gerard. It would be really awkward and shit."
"It's a shame, you're a really cool person Tina. Has anybody told you that?" Bob asked.
"No." I laughed. They laughed too, "I'm gonna go talk to Mikey again. It's been great knowing you guys, don't forget me, please? I'll see you soon yeah?" I got up and hugged each of them for a long time.
"Of course we won't forget you, silly Tina." Frank laughed as he hugged me.
"Okay, bye guys, love you all." I waved goodbye and left to meet up with Mikey again.
When I got outside, I just ran up to him and tackled him in a hug.
"Hey, what's this for?" He laughed.
"I'm gonna miss you so much Mikey, I'm gonna miss all of you so much." I sobbed.
"Aw, Tina don't cry. We'll miss you too. You can come on tour with -"
"No, Ray's already asked. I can't Mikey, you understand right?" He nodded.
I pulled away from the hug and wiped my tears.
"I guess I should go now. I hope I see you again. Bye." I said turning away, but as I did he grabbed my hand.
"Tina. We'll miss you. But not as much as my brother. Please talk to him Tina. You'll regret it if you don't."
I thought about it for a minute before deciding that I should see him. I don't want him leaving with me so mad at him, when I can clearly see now, that he never meant to hurt me. I saw it when I was round his place. He was just as upset as I was.
I opened the door to the bus and climbed inside. It was pretty cool in here. It was huge. It was like a house in here.
I made my way to the bunk area and saw on the bottom right, was Gerard, with his back to me.
I took a seat in the one opposite. I knew he knew someone was back here with him, but he stayed right where he was.
He obviously didn't want to talk to anyone. I felt bad for him. I was so horrible to him. I don't know why I never thought this when Mikey told me he almost starting drinking again.
I finally decided that I had sat here long enough for him not to do anything, so I leaned across and poked his back.
"Fuck off Mikey, I already told you I don't want to fucking talk!" He snapped.
I sighed, "I hope you're not gonna be like that on stage." He spun round and sat up, staring at me with wide eyes, which were still red, and still had dark circle under them.
"T-Tina? W-What are yo -" I cut him off by giving him a huge hug. My arms around his neck and my face buried in his neck. He must have been shocked at first until he slowly wrapped his arms around me.
"I'm so sorry Gerard. I shouldn't have got mad at you."
I felt him shake his head, "No, you had every right to get mad. I was mad at me too. I hurt you so much, I didn't mean to Tina, honest, I didn't mean too."
We sat there for what felt like forever. Him just sitting on the bed, and me straddling him.
"What time do you have to leave?" I choked. I hadn't realized I had been crying until I spoke.
"About half an hour. We're leaving a little later than planned." I could tell by his voice that he had been crying too.
I pulled away from him, but made no attempt to leave his lap.
I didn't look at his face, I stared at the red tie he was wearing, and started playing with it.
"I'm gonna miss you so much Gerard. More than the other guys." I whispered.
He started stroking my cheek, "I'm gonna miss you too. More than anything." He brought his finger under my chin and brought my face up to look at him.
"You mean so much to me Tina. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I don't care how cheesy that sounds." He laughed. I leaned in closer to him.
"Don't worry I like cheesy. And I feel the same. I can't believe you're leaving."
"You could always -"
I sighed, which cut him off. Ray was the first to suggest it, Mikey suggested it, and now Gerard was, too. Could I really do it, though? Could I really go on tour with these guys? It had been really hard for me with things being so awkward between me and Gerard, but can I just forget all that and stay with the band?
"Gerard, I really want to, I do... But it might not be a good idea. What if something went wrong again? I don't think I could go through that again -"
Gerard softly pressed his finger to my lips to stop me from talking, "Nothing is gonna go wrong. If it does, I take the whole blame, and will make it right again... Tina, I can't lose you now, not after everything we've been through this past couple of months... I didn't really want to say it now, I wanted to wait until it was right... But... I'm in love with you. I care so much about you, I've never felt so strongly for one person in my life, you're everything to me. I can't let you go."
I was deeply touched by this words. I knew he meant them, I could tell when I looked into his eyes. And I knew right then that I felt exactly the same way, "I love you, too... And I wanna stay here with you, with the band. There's no way I'm leaving."
We both leaned in towards each other, our noses touched before our lips met in a soft, yet very, passionate kiss. We have had kisses like this, but this one felt like it meant more, like it was the key to bringing us together. This kiss told us that we were forever, and there was nothing to stop it. We were in love and together, like we should have been weeks ago, but because of a silly mistake we weren't. But nothing was going to bring us apart this time.