Dinner does not go well at all.
Willow closed her menu. “Well since you’ve been here before I’ll trust your decision. I’ll have the same.”
The waitress arrived and Gerard placed their order. Willow took the time to look around the restaurant. She was surprised to see several people from the entertainment industry she recognized.
Once they were alone Gerard took a sip of his water and cleared his throat. “So, there are some things we need to discuss.”
Willow stared at him in silence.
Now that he finally had the opportunity to talk to her he was finding it difficult to find the right words. “Uh, I’ve been thinking…” Suddenly an older woman appeared at their table.
“Gerard, good to see you.” She said with a smile.
“Heidi, good to see you too.” Inwardly he cringed. Heidi Claren was a reporter for one of the more popular music magazines. He saw that she was looking over at Willow waiting for an introduction.
“Heidi, this is Willow. Willow, Heidi works for Rock Now.” Gerard explained.
Willow smiled, “Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you.” Heidi gave Willow a very fake smile then turned back to Gerard. “So, rumor has it your band is working at the Paramour again.” She wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to get the latest scoop on My Chem. She also wanted to know about the woman sitting across from Gerard.
Willow glanced down at the table fighting the temptation to listen to Heidi’s thoughts.
“Uh, we just rented the place for a week.” Gerard explained.
Heidi laughed, “After what you all went through last time you recorded here? Come on Gerard, there has to be more to the story than that.”
Willow glanced over at Gerard and saw the nervous look on his face. It was obvious to her that he didn’t want to answer Heidi’s questions but was trying to remain friendly.
“Well we just thought that even though we went through a lot of shit there we did record some great music. So we decided to go back and record a few songs.”
“Really?’ Heidi said. “That’s interesting. So how’s it going?”
Gerard smiled, “Really well. When we leave on Sunday we’ll have a couple of really great tracks done.”
Heidi nodded, “Good to hear. I imagine you’ll be glad to get a new album out so you can hit the road again.”
“It’s always great to tour.” Gerard said giving the standard answer he always gave.
Heidi looked over at Willow, “And do you work for the band?”
Willow hadn’t been expecting the question. She stared blankly at Heidi.
“She does.” Gerard answered quickly just as their salsa and chips arrived at the table. Heidi stepped back to let the waitress set down the bowls.
“Well looks like my dates here.” Heidi said glancing across the restaurant at a dark haired man moving in her direction. “Nice seeing you.” She said to Gerard.
“Always good to see you, Heidi.” He said relived she was leaving.
“And nice to meet you, Willow.” Heidi had turned to her.
“Nice meeting you.” Willow murmured. She picked up a chip and dipped it into the salsa hoping the woman would leave.
Turning Heidi walked away from the table. Willow took another chip avoiding Gerard’s eyes.
“Can’t go anywhere without running into people.” He muttered. “So what was she really thinking?”
Willow looked up with a surprised expression. “What?”
“Well didn’t you listen to her thoughts?”
“And why would I?” She felt her temper rising.
He recognized that tone and knew he was treading into dangerous territory. “I just thought maybe you would.”
“I’ve told you a thousand times I don’t go around just listening to people’s thoughts. Why do you have such a hard time believing that?”
“You did with Jessica.” Once the words left his mouth and he saw the look on Willow’s face he knew it was the wrong thing to say.
“Yeah, I did and I’m not proud of that fact. That was something I would never have done before.”
“Before?’ Gerard repeated, “Before what?”
Willow spoke the truth, “Before I became involved with you.”
He tapped his fingers on the tabletop, “You say that like you regret becoming involved with me.”
“I didn’t say that.” Willow looked away, “I just mean that I’ve done things that I never would have done before.”
He really wished he could hear her thoughts. What the hell went on in the beautiful head of hers, he wondered. “Look I shouldn’t have brought Jessica up. That was stupid of me.”
Willow shrugged but continued to look away.
“And I shouldn’t have asked you about Heidi’s thoughts.”
She suddenly turned to look into his eyes, “Why?”
“Why?” He repeated feeling very confused.
“Why shouldn’t you have asked me?”
He sat back in his chair, “Because you believe it shows I still don’t trust you. That I still don’t believe you when you say you don’t listen in to people’s thoughts.” He really hoped that was the right answer because nothing was going the way he’d planned.
Willow nodded, “Yeah, but you know what? I didn’t really think you would believe me. Maybe that’s for the best.”
Gerard was shocked by her words, “What? Why would that be for the best?”
Willow shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.” She abruptly changed the subject, “So why did you tell her I work for MCR?”
Gerard had a sinking feeling the perfect evening he had planned was sailing out of sight. “Well you do in a way.” He hedged.
“So this is a business dinner?” She asked glaring at him.
Willow squared her shoulders, “Well if I work for the band then I’m an employee. This must be a business dinner.”
Gerard sighed, “Willow, just stop it. What did you want me to say?”
Willow knew what she wanted him to say. But deep in her heart she knew he would never admit that they had any kind of a relationship. “Who cares?” She whispered looking away.
His anger rose, “Why are you being such a pain in the ass? I planned a very nice night for us and you’re fighting with me.”
Willow’s temper snapped, “Okay here is an answer for you. You could have just told her I was the latest woman you’re fucking. That would have been honest.”
At that moment the waitress appeared with their plates. Gerard held his tongue until she was gone. “So now I get what this is about.”
“Do you?’ Willow challenged.
“Yeah, I do. I told you from the start that I was never going to get into a serious relationship. You knew that and we agreed. Did you really expect me to introduce you as my girlfriend?”
Pain coursed through her as the truth reared its ugly head, “No, Gerard. I didn’t expect that. Fuck, I would have been happy with you introducing me as your friend.”
“If I’d done that she would have made it into something more.” He said trying to defend his actions.
“Oh and how terrible that would be.” Willow blinked back angry tears, “God forbid anyone would think I mean anything to you.” She stood, threw down her napkin and walked towards the entrance.
Gerard took a sip of his water and tried to calm down. He should have known this would happen eventually. Sighing he pulled several bills from his wallet and threw them down on the table. As he turned to leave he saw Heidi watching him from across the room with a smile on her face.
Willow walked down the sidewalk feeling completely lost. She was lost mentally and physically. She began to walk back in the direction she believed was towards the Paramour. Blinking back tears she forced her mind to make plans. As soon as she got back to the mansion she would speak to Brian. There was no longer any reason for her to stay. She could have him secure her plane ticket and leave in the morning. She had failed.
She took several more steps before she noticed the van beside her.
“Willow get in the fuckin’ van.” Gerard said slowing down and pulling to the curb.
She ignored him and continued to walk.
“It’s too far for you to walk back. Get in the van.” He yelled.
She shook her head and kept walking. At least she must be going in the right direction.
He pulled the van several hundred feet ahead and parked. When Willow reached the spot he was standing waiting for her.
“Willow, this is stupid. I don’t want to fight with you. Just get in the van and if you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine.”
She realized that is was getting dark and he was right she couldn’t walk back. Without looking at him she walked over to the passenger door and got in. Gerard lit a cigarette before getting into the van himself. He sighed as he pulled back into traffic. Glancing over he saw Willow was turned away gazing out the window. He knew they needed to talk wither she wanted to or not. As the miles passed he decided on a plan to handle the situation.
Twenty minutes later Willow spoke for the first time as he drove past the Paramour’s front gates. “Where are you going?”
“Someplace where we can talk.” He answered without looking over at her.
“I don’t want to talk.” Her tone was flat.
“Well I do.” Gerard said glancing over at her. “We need to talk.”
Willow continued to look out her window. About a mile down the road Gerard turned off onto a dirt road. He knew from this previous stay it was a seldom-used access road for the Paramour Estate. He drove a short distance then pulled off to the side under a stand of trees. Cutting the motor he turned to Willow. “Look I don’t want to fight with you.”
“What do you want to do with me?” Willow asked turning to him.
The fading sunlight shown through the windshield making her hair appear to be on fire. His breath caught at her beauty. “I want to fuck you.” He said without thinking.
Willow closed her eyes disgusted with herself because his words caused desire to flood her body. She understood this was all they really had and it would be all they would ever have. And their time together was almost over. “Then do it.” She whispered so softy he almost didn’t hear her. “Fuck me.”
Gerard felt overwhelmed with emotions. His body was demanding he do as she said yet part of his brain knew it was wrong. This woman deserved more than a quick fuck in the back of a van. He stared at her unable to move.
Willow believed this would be the last time they’d be together. She still planned on speaking to Brain about leaving in the morning. She wanted this memory. Slowly she reached up and pulled off her tee shirt letting it fall to the floor.
Gerard held his breath as she unclasped her bra and slid it from her shoulders. Her tongue darted out and she licked her lips nervously. “Touch me.”
He shook his head slowly. “No.”
Tears filled her eyes. He didn’t want her anymore. She lowered her head and closed her eyes.
In slow motion Gerard reached out and with his finger lifted her chin. The feel of her skin sent waves of desire through his body. “Sugar, don’t believe for a moment I don’t want you. I’ve never wanted a woman more than I want you.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek, “Then why?”
Touching her was driving him insane. There was so much he needed to tell her but it could wait. This overpowering need had to be quenched. “You’re worse than any drug I ever took.” He said softly as he leaned over and pulled her towards his body. “I don’t fuckin’ understand.”
Willow didn’t understand either. His touch made it impossible for her to think clearly.
He moved back slightly and shifted out of his seat. Taking her hand he led her to the very back of the van to the bench seat. There he quickly undid her jeans and panties then pushed her down so that her body was lying before him. He kneeled down and ran his hands over her nude body feeling the electricity under his fingertips. “Why?” He whispered.
She understood what he meant. What caused this feeling was unexplainable. “Why ask why?” She said softly.
He shook his head, “I don’t know why I wonder. I don’t know why I just don’t enjoy this without question.” He lowered his mouth to her nipple and began to suckle her sweetness greedily.
Willow arched her back as pure passion rose from the pit of her stomach. His mouth continued to make love to her breast but she needed more. “Gee, I need…”
He looked into her eyes, “You need more than I can give you.” He whispered.
Willow fought not to cry again. “Give me what you can and that will be enough.”
The look of sadness in his eyes tore at her heart.
He quickly shed all his clothing then lowered his body over hers. “Spread your legs for me.”
Willow did as he demanded mindlessly. With one hard thrust he filled her. She wrapped her legs around him and arched her back to meet each frenzied thrust. It was over within minutes. Each had reached a perfect climax. Yet they both felt empty inside. Gerard climbed off her and turned away to redress. Willow waited until he’d gone back to the drivers seat to pull on her jeans. When she reached the passengers seat she quickly donned her bra and tee. Gerard was looking out the driver’s side window smoking a cigarette. Once he knew Willow was ready he started the van, turned around and headed back towards the road.
“Willow looked like she’d been crying.” Christa whispered to Ray as she took her seat next to him. She’s gone for popcorn and had seen Gee and Willow arrive back at the mansion.
Ray glanced over at her. “Really?”
Mikey who was sitting on Ray’s other side heard Christa’s comment. “Where is she now?”
Christa shrugged, “Probably up in their room. That’s where she was headed.”
“Where did Gee go?” Mikey asked thinking that maybe now was a good time to talk to him alone.
“He headed out towards the pool.” Christa answered.
Mikey got up and left the room in hopes of finding Gerard. He ran into Willow in the hallway.
“Where is Brian?” She asked him.
He looked at her closely and knew something was very wrong. “What happened?”
Willow forced herself to smile. “Nothing. Things are fine. I just need to talk to him.”
“Why?’ Mikey asked.
Willow looked away. “Where is he?”
Mikey sighed, “He went out but he should be back any minute.”
“Okay, thanks.” Willow continued down the hall before he could say anything else.
Shaking his head sadly Mikey started for the pool area. There he found Gerard sitting looking into the water with a blank expression.
“Bro what the hell is going on?” Mikey asked taking a seat next to him.
Gerard shrugged. “We had a fight. No big deal.” He knew it was a lie but he just couldn’t talk about this right now. He had to think.
“Well I got a pretty good idea Willow is going to ask Brian to get her a plane ticket so she can leave here.”
Gerard turned to face him. “What? Did she say that?”
“She asked where Brian was but she wouldn’t say why she wanted to talk to him. What happened?”
“Shit.” Gerard stood and tossed away his cigarette. “Where is she now?”
Mikey looked at his brother. “She was headed towards the front door. She’s probably waiting for Brain to show back up.”
“Fuck.” Gerard muttered. He took off leaving Mikey shaking his head sadly.
Willow sat on a bench just outside the front entrance trying to get her emotions under control. She knew Brain distrusted her so she was sure he’d be happy to secure a plane ticket leaving in the morning for her. She took several deep breaths trying to gather her thoughts.
“Willow?” Gerard spoke her name softly. “Don’t”
She looked up at him. “What?”
“Don’t leave tomorrow.”
Willow looked out into the gathering shadows, “I came here to help Mikey and I did that. There’s no reason for me to stay any longer.”
He sighed, “You came here to help Mikey and me.”
He cut her off, “Please don’t leave tomorrow. We really need to talk about this. Don’t run away.”
Suddenly everything came crashing down on Willow. She burst into tears hating how weak she’d become. Gerard kneeled down in front of her. “Come on Sugar. Let’s go to bed.”
His words caused her body to stiffen. Gerard saw her reaction.
“I want to hold you in my arms. If you don’t want to talk about us I’ll understand. It can wait until tomorrow.” He looked into her eyes, “I just want to hold you.” He prayed she’d understand.
Willow’s tears continued to fall. “I’m just so tired.” She tried to explain. It felt as if her mind refused to think anymore.
He put out his hand. “Come on. I’ll even sing you a lullaby.” He would promise her anything at this moment if she would just agree to stay with him. When she reached out and took his hand it felt as if a weight had been lifted off his heart.