Something from my past...
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Cold. Empty. Lonely... I can't take the things I feel anymore; especially not packed together like they are. It hurts too much to deal with and I could easily kill myself.
But I can't.
It's not that I don't have the courage; it isn't because of my family. It's them; the person who holds my heart without knowing it.
I've lost count of the days and night, minutes lost, just thinking about them.
I imagine what it would feel like to have their arms around me, lips on mine, or even feel their warm breath fanning my skin as we lay together; just holding each other, nothing more. I would kill to have them say those three words to me just once.
Even if their voice sounded sincere, but they weren't, I would still be happy because it was directed to me.
How could one person mean so much to me?
How could one person be enough for me to make myself suffer?
I don't know. I can't explain it. It's just the way I feel in my heart.
If I EVER were to lose them, I know I would give in to the pain. I would no longer have anything to live for anymore without them.
As long as I can hear their sweet voice, smell their intoxicating scent, and see their gorgeous face, I will hold on. All of this is enough for me; even without having their love.
As long as they are alive and do not harbor hatred towards me, my life will be bearable. Until the day they leave the world, I will love them. And after I'm gone, I know my soul will keep loving them.
But until then, I'll enjoy their company.
[Author's Note: I wrote this back in 2003, I just left it in its original format, no editing done, back before I ever told someone how much they meant to me... It amazed me how deeply I cared for them then so I wanted to post this, so you guys can see something from my past. To my Emmi, I'm so glad I have you now, instead of who this had been meant for.]