Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Control
2. Found
One might experience in his or her life, an event so amazing, so monumental that their lives will never be the same again. For many, this is a birth, a marriage, finding some sort of “long lost” deity.
I found Audrey.
A year had passed since Pete drugged me for the first time. Andy and Joe wanted me to get coffee before we went into the studio. We were just finishing what would be our fourth album in Los Angeles. It was a nice city, don’t get me wrong. But it was no Chicago. Busier sidewalks, more traffic, and apparently less places that would serve vegan coffee. Right now was one of those times I wished Andy would just chill out and drink milk for once, but I knew better than to harass him about it. I also needed to leave. I had problems looking Pete in the face the morning after, and last night happened to be one of those nights. Compared to previous nights, I was lucky I could walk straight today.
I finally found a coffee shop with soy in one of the nicer districts. I took a seat in one of the chairs and waited for the order to be finished. This was my last moment of selfish thought.
A young woman sits down next to me, apparently she just ordered as well. Why hadn’t I noticed her when I walked in? She was beautiful in every sense of the word. Dark brown hair and olive skin, with deep brown eyes. She was small, shorter than me at least. For this, I was thankful, tall girls intimidated me. I was at least able to mumble a simple “Hi” and hope she didn’t pull the “oh you’re in that band?” skit. Thankfully, she just smiled.
“I’m Audrey,” she said with the polite smile not fading.
“I’m Patrick,” I replied. I was never good with girls, and even if I did meet one, I was afraid of how Pete would “punish” me. He would drug me over the minutest things. Not singing in key, late to practice, arguing over lyrics. And he would always manage to get them in me some how.
“I like that name” I laughed. “You don’t look like a Pat though.”
“I hate being called Pat”
“Well Patrick it is then.” She smiled again and I asked for her number. She put it in my phone for me, since I was just getting the hang of unnecessary technology. But Pete insisted, mostly so he could keep tabs on me at all times.
“Do you live near by?” I told her the address and found out she only lives two blocks from me. I also found out she lives in the same apartment as Pete. Another problem with having girlfriends is if Pete ever found out, I would be dead and I don’t want to know what would happen to the girl.
“Well maybe I’ll drop in sometime next week.” She stood up to claim her order.
“Yeah…that would be nice…” She gave me one last smile and walked away.
“PATRICK STUMP FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST COME GET YOUR DAMNED COFFEE” I jumped a mile in the air, grabbed the drinks and high-tailed it out of there before my phone buzzed again.
Seven days later.
I just finished the vocals on the last track. I was done. Home free. In a few months I would be back home, free from the pressures of perfect pitch and being in key. I hoped to distance myself from Pete a little more once I was home, in my own apartment, in my own life, outside of the band.
Pete, of course, wouldn’t let that happen. He went through my phone and found Audrey’s number. I thought he was going to yell at me, threaten me with what he would do to me later. But he just handed me the device and walked away without a word. I had never been so scared in my life.
The day before I went out to lunch with Audrey. She was easily the most considerate human being I have ever met. She was the antithesis of Pete in every way. I found out she was a nurse, lived in LA all her life, and had never listened to any of Fall Out Boy’s music. This was a pleasant relief from the hordes of girls wanting to date me and the guys only because we were “famous”. It was casual and short, but it was the best date I had been on in a while. She promised to stop by my apartment before work sometime in the next few days. I could only hope she really, genuinely liked me.
I didn’t get back to my apartment until midnight, I had to pack up all of the guitars in the studio and drag it all down to Joe’s, then drive my car to the garage, and only then did I get to my door. No matter how hard I tried, my apartment would never feel like home to me. Mainly because of the nightmarish activities that have taken place here, but partially because LA would never be Chicago.
The darkness of the open main room and kitchen wasn’t as eerie as it could have been, the large window that took up one wall let the city lights scatter reflections across my furniture. I didn’t bother turning the lights on, I was going straight to bed and not getting up until I was good and ready. My bedroom was a single door at the back of the large room; it could easily be mistaken for a closet. I closed and locked the door behind me, out of habit. When Pete knew where I lived, you could never be too careful.
Before I could even turn around, I heard his voice.
“You think you could get away with seeing someone else than me?” I turned around abruptly, my heart beating wildly, my eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. I would much rather have been under a car’s spinning tires than where I was at that moment. He revealed himself out of the shadows.
“Who’s Audrey.” It wasn’t a question, it was a command.
“Just a-a g-girl I met…” His dark eyes narrowed.
“You like her.” Also not a question. I was too scared to nod.
“You have disobeyed me. I told you not to love anyone but me!” Tears automatically began spilling down my face. He swiftly pinned me against the door and ripped my clothes off.
This would be the worst. The other times, at least he would drug me; make me forget certain things. Now, I would have to remember everything.
What was so bad about having a girl’s number in your phone? Was this really necessary?
I was too paralyzed with fear to say anything, or even protest.
I finally cried out when he forced me into the bed and tore through my body, unforgiving to my nerve endings.
“I hate you!”
He punched me square in the mouth.
I didn’t speak after that.
I tried to do what I normally did, blocking it out.
I pretended to be somewhere, anywhere from there, preferably at home with real friends, family, people that cared about me.
After a few minutes, I blacked out.
All he left was “Sorry” on my arm in black eyeliner.
Morning couldn’t come soon enough. I didn’t have the strength, or will power, to get out of bed. I wanted to tear the sheets apart, but I wanted to cover myself in shame too. My lips were numb, but sore to the touch. I felt pain in every part of my body. I curled up into a ball and started crying uncontrollably.
I didn’t believe in a god, but if there were one, why would he do this to me? Why would he inflict this kind of misery upon anyone? It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right to be dominated by a sole being like this. I sold Pete my soul when I signed up for this band, isn’t that enough?
“Sorry.” As if that could make up for the pain, the humiliation, the lifetime of internal scarring that would never fade. There was a part of me, be it my heart or my soul, that hated him. A part that would beg me to kill him until the day he died. Pleading me to just run away, don’t even think about telling anyone, just up and disappear one night.
If the next ten minutes of my life had not occurred, I probably would have run the second I had a chance.
I heard a soft voice calling within the building. I thought nothing of it; my neighbor made it a habit to have “close friends” stay over night.
The voice progressively became louder, soon forming a word that sounded a lot like my name. Without thinking, I knew it was Audrey.
“Patrick?” I took in a deep shuddering breath. Of all people, she was the last I wanted to see me like this. I tried to stifle my sobs as much as possible when I heard the door creak open.
“Oh my god…Patrick?” I felt a cold hand press against my forehead and I jumped.
“What happened to you?” I tried to cover myself the best I could, shaking my head.
“No…” was all I could say. She removed her hand and I heard shuffling behind me. I felt the coolness of a new blanket draped over my nudity and I finally had the strength to sit up and look at her. Her dark curls were pinned away from her face save for one that hung off center to her forehead. She had a dark sweater on underneath blue-violet scrubs. She knew what was wrong without asking any questions.
“Do you know who did this to you?” She asked quietly. I nodded, feeling incredibly insecure as rivers continued to run down my face.
“I’m going to run a bath for you. Don’t move, okay?” I nodded again. Words were not coming right now. I felt her lips press gently against my cheek and my entire face turned red. Of all things to be embarrassed of right now and I was worried about whether or not it was out of love or just pity she was helping me.
She returned quickly and, the blanket still wrapped around my waist, helped me to the bathroom and into the warm water. At this point, I was beyond caring if she saw me naked, it was too late for modesty. She held my head close to her as I tried to suppress my pain. I thought she would eventually tire, and give some excuse about work or errands and leave me alone for the rest of the day. But she stayed. And that is why I love her today.
One might experience in his or her life, an event so amazing, so monumental that their lives will never be the same again. For many, this is a birth, a marriage, finding some sort of “long lost” deity.
I found Audrey.
A year had passed since Pete drugged me for the first time. Andy and Joe wanted me to get coffee before we went into the studio. We were just finishing what would be our fourth album in Los Angeles. It was a nice city, don’t get me wrong. But it was no Chicago. Busier sidewalks, more traffic, and apparently less places that would serve vegan coffee. Right now was one of those times I wished Andy would just chill out and drink milk for once, but I knew better than to harass him about it. I also needed to leave. I had problems looking Pete in the face the morning after, and last night happened to be one of those nights. Compared to previous nights, I was lucky I could walk straight today.
I finally found a coffee shop with soy in one of the nicer districts. I took a seat in one of the chairs and waited for the order to be finished. This was my last moment of selfish thought.
A young woman sits down next to me, apparently she just ordered as well. Why hadn’t I noticed her when I walked in? She was beautiful in every sense of the word. Dark brown hair and olive skin, with deep brown eyes. She was small, shorter than me at least. For this, I was thankful, tall girls intimidated me. I was at least able to mumble a simple “Hi” and hope she didn’t pull the “oh you’re in that band?” skit. Thankfully, she just smiled.
“I’m Audrey,” she said with the polite smile not fading.
“I’m Patrick,” I replied. I was never good with girls, and even if I did meet one, I was afraid of how Pete would “punish” me. He would drug me over the minutest things. Not singing in key, late to practice, arguing over lyrics. And he would always manage to get them in me some how.
“I like that name” I laughed. “You don’t look like a Pat though.”
“I hate being called Pat”
“Well Patrick it is then.” She smiled again and I asked for her number. She put it in my phone for me, since I was just getting the hang of unnecessary technology. But Pete insisted, mostly so he could keep tabs on me at all times.
“Do you live near by?” I told her the address and found out she only lives two blocks from me. I also found out she lives in the same apartment as Pete. Another problem with having girlfriends is if Pete ever found out, I would be dead and I don’t want to know what would happen to the girl.
“Well maybe I’ll drop in sometime next week.” She stood up to claim her order.
“Yeah…that would be nice…” She gave me one last smile and walked away.
“PATRICK STUMP FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST COME GET YOUR DAMNED COFFEE” I jumped a mile in the air, grabbed the drinks and high-tailed it out of there before my phone buzzed again.
Seven days later.
I just finished the vocals on the last track. I was done. Home free. In a few months I would be back home, free from the pressures of perfect pitch and being in key. I hoped to distance myself from Pete a little more once I was home, in my own apartment, in my own life, outside of the band.
Pete, of course, wouldn’t let that happen. He went through my phone and found Audrey’s number. I thought he was going to yell at me, threaten me with what he would do to me later. But he just handed me the device and walked away without a word. I had never been so scared in my life.
The day before I went out to lunch with Audrey. She was easily the most considerate human being I have ever met. She was the antithesis of Pete in every way. I found out she was a nurse, lived in LA all her life, and had never listened to any of Fall Out Boy’s music. This was a pleasant relief from the hordes of girls wanting to date me and the guys only because we were “famous”. It was casual and short, but it was the best date I had been on in a while. She promised to stop by my apartment before work sometime in the next few days. I could only hope she really, genuinely liked me.
I didn’t get back to my apartment until midnight, I had to pack up all of the guitars in the studio and drag it all down to Joe’s, then drive my car to the garage, and only then did I get to my door. No matter how hard I tried, my apartment would never feel like home to me. Mainly because of the nightmarish activities that have taken place here, but partially because LA would never be Chicago.
The darkness of the open main room and kitchen wasn’t as eerie as it could have been, the large window that took up one wall let the city lights scatter reflections across my furniture. I didn’t bother turning the lights on, I was going straight to bed and not getting up until I was good and ready. My bedroom was a single door at the back of the large room; it could easily be mistaken for a closet. I closed and locked the door behind me, out of habit. When Pete knew where I lived, you could never be too careful.
Before I could even turn around, I heard his voice.
“You think you could get away with seeing someone else than me?” I turned around abruptly, my heart beating wildly, my eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. I would much rather have been under a car’s spinning tires than where I was at that moment. He revealed himself out of the shadows.
“Who’s Audrey.” It wasn’t a question, it was a command.
“Just a-a g-girl I met…” His dark eyes narrowed.
“You like her.” Also not a question. I was too scared to nod.
“You have disobeyed me. I told you not to love anyone but me!” Tears automatically began spilling down my face. He swiftly pinned me against the door and ripped my clothes off.
This would be the worst. The other times, at least he would drug me; make me forget certain things. Now, I would have to remember everything.
What was so bad about having a girl’s number in your phone? Was this really necessary?
I was too paralyzed with fear to say anything, or even protest.
I finally cried out when he forced me into the bed and tore through my body, unforgiving to my nerve endings.
“I hate you!”
He punched me square in the mouth.
I didn’t speak after that.
I tried to do what I normally did, blocking it out.
I pretended to be somewhere, anywhere from there, preferably at home with real friends, family, people that cared about me.
After a few minutes, I blacked out.
All he left was “Sorry” on my arm in black eyeliner.
Morning couldn’t come soon enough. I didn’t have the strength, or will power, to get out of bed. I wanted to tear the sheets apart, but I wanted to cover myself in shame too. My lips were numb, but sore to the touch. I felt pain in every part of my body. I curled up into a ball and started crying uncontrollably.
I didn’t believe in a god, but if there were one, why would he do this to me? Why would he inflict this kind of misery upon anyone? It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right to be dominated by a sole being like this. I sold Pete my soul when I signed up for this band, isn’t that enough?
“Sorry.” As if that could make up for the pain, the humiliation, the lifetime of internal scarring that would never fade. There was a part of me, be it my heart or my soul, that hated him. A part that would beg me to kill him until the day he died. Pleading me to just run away, don’t even think about telling anyone, just up and disappear one night.
If the next ten minutes of my life had not occurred, I probably would have run the second I had a chance.
I heard a soft voice calling within the building. I thought nothing of it; my neighbor made it a habit to have “close friends” stay over night.
The voice progressively became louder, soon forming a word that sounded a lot like my name. Without thinking, I knew it was Audrey.
“Patrick?” I took in a deep shuddering breath. Of all people, she was the last I wanted to see me like this. I tried to stifle my sobs as much as possible when I heard the door creak open.
“Oh my god…Patrick?” I felt a cold hand press against my forehead and I jumped.
“What happened to you?” I tried to cover myself the best I could, shaking my head.
“No…” was all I could say. She removed her hand and I heard shuffling behind me. I felt the coolness of a new blanket draped over my nudity and I finally had the strength to sit up and look at her. Her dark curls were pinned away from her face save for one that hung off center to her forehead. She had a dark sweater on underneath blue-violet scrubs. She knew what was wrong without asking any questions.
“Do you know who did this to you?” She asked quietly. I nodded, feeling incredibly insecure as rivers continued to run down my face.
“I’m going to run a bath for you. Don’t move, okay?” I nodded again. Words were not coming right now. I felt her lips press gently against my cheek and my entire face turned red. Of all things to be embarrassed of right now and I was worried about whether or not it was out of love or just pity she was helping me.
She returned quickly and, the blanket still wrapped around my waist, helped me to the bathroom and into the warm water. At this point, I was beyond caring if she saw me naked, it was too late for modesty. She held my head close to her as I tried to suppress my pain. I thought she would eventually tire, and give some excuse about work or errands and leave me alone for the rest of the day. But she stayed. And that is why I love her today.
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