I feel like shut right now. David has been ignoring me for the last five days. He doesn't send me to school anymore. He doesn't drop me home or bring me out to eat ice cream. No one to kiss me and tell me that he loves me. I thought I can get over him. But I cannot. "Hey Phoebe, hello?" Pierre waves his hands in my face, bringing me back to the crappy reality. "What?" I asked, obviously annoyed. "We're home, I left and got into the house and your still sitting in the car staring into space"
"Oh sorry" I shook my head and walked into my house after Pierre. I sighed. "Phoebe are you alright?" he asked in a soothing voice which isn't all that soothing to me. "Yes Pierre I'm fine, lets just pretend everything is fine that your sister is not going through a heartbreak and dying from it, pretending it's not your fault that you told him to end this because f your selfish reason, anything that makes your life work. Your life is perfect I get it, but why can't you leave mines alone? I want to live my life satisfied but no Pierre Bouvier had to ruin it, always the perfect one of the family can't I at least love someone and remain a happy relationship with him?"
I feel my tears begin to fall as shouted at my brother. "Its not my fault, my life isn't perfect" he shouted back at me. "Oh isn't it?" I glared at him, my tears blocking my vision. "Trus me if life went the way I wanted, I would have been living on life with a smile in my face" he said silently and walked into the kitchen. I walked to my room. The pain is killing me. I've been putting on a brave face for everyone to see. Especially David. I showed him the I don't care you broke up with me face. But I'm breaking down. I cry from the second I get home to when Pierre called me to dinner. I would go to the bathroom and clean myself up and go downstairs.
When the guys come over I take Pierre's car and go somewhere or lock myself in my room. Today the guys are coming over again. I continued to cry as I thought about the times David and I had. I slapped myself to keep myself from that thought. I didn't want to feel this kind of pain anymore. I hate how I can't get over him. I just wanted to feel brand new again. I knew what I can do to make myself feel better.
I mean drugs are the best thing that made me feel better. I looked in my drawers and couldn't find the prescription. I swore loudly not even realizing what I was saying anymore. Swearing loudly in French. I think Pierre probably found them so I went to wash my face before I headed downstairs.
I realized the other guys are there. They were laughing happily on the couch. I walked over to Pierre. I heard Chuck and Seb greet me but I ignored them and grabbed Pierre by the collar. "Where is it?" I growled. "What?" he looked at me, confused. "Don't fucking lie to me" I yelled. "Leave him alone you fucking bitch!" A female voice said coldly. I turned around to see a dark haired girl with heavy dark makeup. She was skinny. Her body was perfect. Her life must be perfect. She glared at me angrilly. What upsetted me the most was that David had both his arms around her and were cuddling against each other.
"And who are you suppose to be?" I said each word with anger. "Im Ellie" she obviously doesn't like me. I don't care I didn't like get either. My heart broke into a million pieces. How cab David move on so fast when I'm still crying over him everyday. "And who are you to tell me to leave this bastard alone? He took my possesion and I want it back" I growled, suddenly walking over to her, pulling her hair. I tried not to look at David in any kind of way. Everytime I see him, I wanted to breakdown.
"Yo Phoebe, calm down" Seb said, patting my shoulders. "Im going to kill this bitch and Pierre if he doesn't give me the meth!" I yelled. I hear some gasps. "Man your crazy, your a messed up bitch" she said, smiling. David elbowed her, probably telling her to stop. "Phoebe, please don't do this to yourself" Pierre begged. "Give it to me!" I screamed. He shooked his head. "Okay I'll find it!" I yelled as I ran to the kitchen. I looked through drawers but couldn't find it.
A sharp object caught my attention. I took the kitchen knife and found myself face to face with Seb. "Phoebe no" he shook his head. I push past him and ran to the kitchen. All of them looked at me with a shocked look. They all went to stop me besides Ellie and David. I pused them all away and ran to Ellie. I pulled her away from David and held my knife against her neck. "Phoebe! What the hell?" David practically shouted. "This bitch..." I mumbled. The guys are now pulling me away from the helpless girl.
"Phoebe, stop the act, why can't you just keep your feelings inside, don't let your anger out" David yelled at me. "Fuck you all! It's all your fault I'm like this. I've been hiding my pain for too long, nobody even cared besides Avril!" I saw Pierre wince from the corner of my eyes. "So I distract David from band practice but this bitch doesn't? Do you know how much pain I am in? I tried to hide it all but I can't you want me to pretend everythings okay right?"
"Phoebe just put the knife down" Pierre said, afraid to get closer to me. Everyone stood away from me besides Sebastien who had his hand on my shoulders. "Mayeb I'll do something else with it" I said coldly. "Dont you dare hurt her" David stood in front of Ellie to protect. I smirked. "Dont worry Dave, your little bitch will be fine, I mean she'll be happy as soon as she sees this" I cut across my wrists lightly. I smiled as blood driped out.
The guys looked at me wide eyed, unmoving. "Phoebe" Seb took the knife out of my hand and dropped it to the floor. He grabbed my other wrists and ran to the kitchen and wrapped table cloths around it. I began to break down. Seb put his arms around me and said soothing words in my ears. They weren't at all soothing due to my condition. Seb walked me to my room. He closed the door behind him and sat beside me. "You can go back to the guys I'm fine now"
"Phoebe you are not fine, Avril is not the only one that care, I do too. Don't harm yourself like that. David isn't worth it" he wrapped his arms around me. "Seb?" I asked. "Huh?" he smiled. "Why doesn't anyone care about me?" I sniffed. "They do, they just don't know what to do. Pierre was stupid to make Dave do this, we all are but I really hate Ellie, she's hot and good to look at but she's a bitch" he wiped my tears away. "Is Ellie his girlfriend?" he nodded. I broke down again.
"Phoebe, promise me you'll never do this again?" he said it like a question. I smiled and nodded. He kissed my forehead and left the room. I fell asleep.
"Whos that crazy bitch?" Ellie asked me. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead. "Oh she's just Pierre's sister" I said. "Yeah she's having a major breakdown ignore that" Pierre simply said. "What the fuck is with you guys?" Seb yelled as he ran downstairs from Phoebe's room. "What?" I rolled my eyes. "She happened to be your ex-girlfriend who you dumped and you are the one who broke her heart by being with this bitch" I shouted, feeling like punching him.
"I really don't like this guy" Ellie said to me. "Just ignore him" I whispered. Pierre nodded in agreement. "We're leaving" Chuck and Jeff left, obviously not wanting to be part of this. "Why are you being such a dick?" I asked Seb. "Oh I'm being the dick? Look what you've done to Phoebe? I'd do anything to be in your position and you are lucky to have her and you just throw it all away, not caring about how she feel!" he yelled, face turning red now. Seb likes Phoebe? I don't know why I've been like this.
Me and Pierre seem to be the only ones like this. I don't know what came over me. I tried to get over her. Apparently I'm not. I hurt too. I'm just covering my feelings very well. "Seb you cannot like my sister" Pierre shook his head. "Why not? Whats wrong with your sister? You won't let anyone get close to her and you let this bitch get with David" he pointed at Ellie furiously. "Im leaving" Ellie said. "oh I'll take you home" I held her hand and we went inside the car. "Why are they so mean?" she asked. I shrugged. MY mind started thinking about Phoebe again.
I hurt her. I didn't like myself for that. I caused her to harm herself. I felt like stabbing myself. I have to hide my feelings. I am suppose to be brave like a man and act like Phoebe don't mean a thing to me.
I got out of Seb's car and we walked inside. He insisted on picking me up so he did. Pierre wouldn't drop me to school anyways so why not? We met up with Avril. "Phoebe, Chuck told me what happened last night, I'm sorry I wasn't there these guys are such a dick" she hugged me. "Its fine, Sebastien was there" I turned to Seb and smiled. "Pierre doesn't want anyone to get together with Phoebe" he said to Avril. "I know..." she looked down at her feet. "Im gonna go scream at him afterschool"
"Lets go to class" I said to them. They nodded and we went to class. The day was crap. Everyday is crap. When will this all end. Maybe when I die. After the bell rang I went to my locker. Avril and Seb met up with me and we went to lunch. Leah dropped by to give me cookies. I laughed and thanked her. We ate lunch and I tried not to look across the room. Looking at David hurts. He make me hurt. "Can I come over after school?" Seb asked. "Yeah sure" I nodded. "I'll drop by later to scream at Pierre, then I'll go have fun with you"
Seb parked in the driveway and we went inside the house. I didn't know why Seb was being so nice to me. But i'm glad he cared. We went to my room and I began breaking down again. Seb wrapped his arms around me, telling me to not cry. I kept crying but felt better. About an hour later, Seb got up. "I have to go is that fine?" he asked me. I felt better now so I just nodded. "Seb thanks" I whispered. "Bye" he kissed my lips which surprised me. Then he walked out the door.
I felt worst. The second he left, the uneasy feeling came back again. I smiled, knowing what to do. I went into the bathroom to find my razor. I carved David's name on by wrists. I smiled, feeling so much pain. It made me forget for a second. I fell to the floor, blodd dripping on my blue carpet.