For some reason unknown to me, Gerard locked his door, so he had to unlock it for us to get in. I didn't really see a point in him locking it, unless he thought he was going to go home until he saw me. What did he want to talk to me about? Did he want to tell me again to stay away from Mikey and Frank? It wouldn't matter, I wouldn't listen anyway.
He pushed open the door and walked in, his hands in his pants pockets. I only noticed just now, that Gerard wore a lot of black. He hardly ever wore colors, except today he was wearing a red tie. A dark man, wearing dark clothes, who has a very dark past, a dark present, and a dark future. I laughed at how silly that thought was.
I watched as he walked over to his desk. He placed his hands on top of his black swivel chair, turning it to the left.
He looked up at me with a blank expression, "Sit down." He said. I'm guessing he wanted me to sit in his chair, but why?
He noticed my hesitation and rolled his eyes, "It's just a chair Samantha, it's not going to eat you." I glared at him, but he took no notice, he just watched me, staring. It was actually really creepy and scary.
I took a few steps forward and slowly sat down in the large chair that was surprisingly really comfortable. I actually don't know why I expected it not to be. Gerard walked around me and sat in a regular students chair. What was he doing?
The way he looked at me sent a shiver down my spine. The way he was looking... it was as if he had committed a crime - murder even. My heart rate increased; I was scared.
He opened his mouth to talk, "We need to talk." He paused, "About a couple of important things - school things. I would say that I chose to help you with this, but I would be lying. I was pretty much forced to do this with you. It's not very often I'm forced to do things." Why did he tell me that? He didn't have to. He could have just said he was helping me with something. Why he had to tell me he was forced to, I didn't know. He didn't have to tell me that, but he did. Why?
I opened my mouth, "Uh, I actually need to get home." I went to push the chair back, but Gerard placed his hand firmly on my thigh, pulling me forward again, "You are not going anywhere Miss Phillips. I have had to miss out on something important with my family this evening because of this. You are staying." When I didn't say anything, he moved back in his chair, running his hand down my thigh as if stroking it, he then laced his hands together across his chest.
He didn't do anything for a couple of minutes. He didn't move, he didn't talk. He face was blank. I would have said he was thinking, but it didn't look like he was. I decided to talk first, "Why did you tell me this wasn't your choice to help me? I didn't need to know." I would have asked him what I needed help with, but he may have avoided this question.
He sighed and sat up in his seat a little, "I don't lie. I will let you know exactly how much I hate you. I could tell you now if you would like?" I was curious as to what he thought of me, not thinking how harsh he could be, so I stupidly nodded.
I thought I saw a faint smirk appear on his face, but the next time I looked, it was gone when he started speaking, "The second you walked into my classroom last Wednesday, I knew you were going to be someone I loathed with everything I have in me. Your appearance, the way you present yourself makes me sick. The fact that you feel so comfortable in your body that you walk the halls half naked makes me feel sick. You may as well have blonde hair and jump about with pom poms because that's what you look like to me."
He paused for a second, then continued, "Your voice is something I hate also. What you say, the things you come out with. Stupid questions, a fucking fish has a bigger brain than you! It's not as high pitched as the slutty whores that come here, but it's still just as whiny. The way you walk... like you own the fucking school. I hate that too. When I hear your footsteps, you walk in a certain way, a certain pattern. I know when you're near me. Samantha - God! Even your name is annoying! Everything about you annoys the crap out of me."
Honestly? The things he said hurt, a lot. I didn't expect it to hurt so much, but it did. He hated me for being myself.
But what hurt the most was that I hadn't actually done anything for him to hate me so much. There must be a proper explanation for it. Tears welled up in my eyes as I stupidly replayed what he said in my mind.
Gerard stood up, but stopped at the side of my his chair and placed a hand on my upper arm, "Just ignore what I just said yeah? I'm gonna need your full attention for what I originally needed to talk to you about." I nodded and he squeezed my arm slightly before going over to the other side of the classroom.
I brought my legs up on the chair and buried my face in my knees, crying. I didn't want to do this while he was here, but I couldn't hold it in. This man hated me for a reason, but I didn't know what. I knew I had to find out what it was though.
When I heard his footsteps come back over, I raised my head and let my legs drop. I wiped my eyes so he wouldn't think I was crying, though I knew he heard me. He stopped at the side of the chair again and extended his arm holding some tissue. I looked up at him through watery eyes, but his face held no expression or emotion. I looked down and took the tissue from him, wiping my eyes.
He sat back down in his seat, "Okay, so..." He began, as if nothing had happened, "What I needed to talk to you about was that there is an Art competition being held in New York City. It happens every year, I'm not sure if you've heard of it?" I shook my head.
"Anyway, each school from around America picks a certain student in their Art class. The other Art teachers are doing it too. We pick the person who is capable of winning, I guess. We think, and by 'we' I mean all the teachers except me, think that this is a great opportunity because a few of the judges are people from different Art colleges. Have you thought about college at all?"
I shook my head again, but this time said something, "No not at all. Because I've been home schooled my whole life, I haven't really been given advice or anything about any college."
He nodded, "Yeah, I understand that. That is a disadvantage with you, but... I'll happily work around it with you." I laughed when he said the last part. His face kind of cringed at the thought and his voice tried its best to sound convincing. Surprisingly he cracked a small smile, "I was kinda forced to say a few things too." I laughed a little more, which was weird seeing as he's the guy that made me cry just a minute ago, "You're smiling again."
In a flash, my laughter stopped and the happiness went. I couldn't tell by his voice whether he was angry that I was smiling or not. I just kinda stared at him, waiting for any anger to show, but none came. Instead, Gerard just stared at me too. I was shocked by his expression. There was no anger there. There was no glare. He wasn't angry with me at all. He just stared as if he wished for something he couldn't have.
After another minute, he blinked and turned away from he, and so did I, both our faces heating up a little. Gerard cleared his throat, "So... Are you interested at all? I'm not going to force you to enter if it's not something you don't want to do."
I sighed. What I really wanted to know was: why me? "Can I ask something first?" He nodded, "Just... why have you picked me? I haven't been here a week, you don't really know what I'm able to do."
He leaned back in his chair and breathed out deeply, "Your parents brought in some stuff that you've been doing since you were... they said five. Don't ask me why they brought in pictures of stick people that you draw, 'cause I don't have a clue. But, I looked at some recent stuff, from about three years ago onwards. I must say Samantha, I am very impressed. Very impressed. The talent you have amazes me. Guys at the Art college I went to couldn't do what you do. You do things I wish I could do." My face heated up again. It was weird having someone talk about my Art; nobody ever has done before.
What happened next really did leave me shocked. I had never been so surprised in my life. My eyes widened and my breathing hitched.
Gerard Way... smiled. A real genuine, happy, friendly smile! When he did, he looked so much better, so much more calm. When he smiled, it reached his eyes. Years were taken from him. He didn't look worn down, he looked like a normal, healthy young man.
I smiled at his smile, "You're smiling." I said, repeating his words.
His smile faded a little, but the fact that he was happy was still there, "Hmm... I'm going to get some coffee." He said, avoiding my comment. He stood up and walked to the classroom door, but stopped and turned back, "Do you want anything? I'll tell you now that I don't share coffee with anyone." His smile had now disappeared, but the happiness still shone in his eyes.
I shook my head, "No thank you." He nodded before turning away without another word.
Wow. Gerard just... changed right there. It was so different, and I liked it. Why couldn't he always be like that? And what the things he said to me? He just seemed to pretend that it didn't happen.
Suddenly, a thought came to mind. I was alone in his Art classroom. Now was my chance to have a little look around to find out some things about him.
I got up off the chair and bent down to look in the drawers of his desk. I opened the first drawer and pulled out the paper that was in there. I flipped through them, but not really finding a lot.
"Hmm... Gerard Arthur Way... Oh. April 9th, same as me... teaching for two years - is that it?" Other than that, I couldn't really find anything from that drawer so I put everything back, in quite a messy state. I was sure he would notice if he was to check when I left.
I pulled open the second drawer, and getting out some more paper. Most was rough sketches of things, nothing important. I found a picture of him and Mikey from when they were little. I thought it was cute, happier times for Gerard, I'm sure. Other than that, there wasn't anything there either.
I sighed as I opened the third drawer. I didn't think I was going to find anything here after all. The answers must be either where he lived, or buried deep inside of him. I pulled out yet more papers. Again some were rough sketches, and old teacher's planner and a photo.
The photo was of four people. Mikey and Gerard were obvious to point out. They looked really young, maybe early teens. Stood beside Gerard was a middle-aged man with his arm around his shoulders. I could only guess that it was his father, Donald Way. On the side of Mikey was a woman with blonde hair tied back. I was sure that was Donna Way. The family looked so happy together. It almost brought a tear to me eye when I remembered that Mikey and Gerard no longer had parents.
I put that photo back, but saw another one. This one was just of two people, maybe taken a couple years later than the other one. The woman, who I still thought was Donna, looked a little older, but her hair was still a bright blonde, but this time down past her shoulders. She had a smile on her face and her eyes were closed. Next to her with his arms around her was her son, Gerard. His hair was much shorter, but still black. He had lost weight since then, but his eyes were the same, except now they were only filled with negative emotions. Gerard, in the photo, was kissing his mom's cheek. I knew that Gerard must really miss her, and his dad. Mikey must miss them too.
"What the fuck are you doing?" A voice startled me. I threw my head up and saw Gerard himself, looking more pissed off than I had ever seen him, "Put that fucking thing back." He spat.
I put the photo and the other papers back in the bottom drawer and slowly stood up. My heart started to beat faster. It was only a matter of seconds before he flipped.
When I next dared to look up, I only had enough time to duck when he threw his coffee mug at me. Some coffee landed on me, burning my skin slightly. Then he screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING GOING THROUGH MY THINGS!?"
Tears sprang to my eyes. I wanted our moment back, when he was smiling. Gerard stomped loudly over to me. He raised both his hands and held onto my shoulders. He kept pushing me back into the wall, "TELL ME!" He screamed.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I choked as the tears ran down my face, "Please stop, I'm sorry." I tried to look away from him, but he let go of my shoulders and used one hand to take hold of my face, forcing me to look at him.
He stared into my watery eyes with his own. I knew he was about to break and cry too, but he tried to hard to keep it held in. Every so often, he would wipe away a few of my tears. I noticed Gerard move closer, still staring into my eyes. He was so close... I thought he was going to kiss me.
Gerard was so close now. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to kiss me, why would I? Luckily, someone must have heard my thoughts because at the last second, he pulled back, "Just... get the fuck out of here." He said in a low voice. I didn't move. I was still a little scared, "GO!" He yelled, causing me to jump.
I went away from the wall, running over to his desk to grab my bag. I looked back at him and saw he was glaring at me. Again. I turned around and ran out of classroom, running all the way home, scared.