Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Never Say Never
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Chapter 38- Good Luck
Gerard's POV
My knee was bouncing as we sat in the small hospital room waiting for my HIV test results to come back. Maddie was sitting on my lap and had to keep moving around to keep from falling off my lap.
“Gerard,” She said finally putting a hand on my knee and I stopped bouncing it, “Calm down, I have a feeling you don’t have HIV.” She said before smiling and kissing me on the lips.
“I have a right to be worried,” I said quietly.
“Yes you do, but let’s try to think positive,” She said then she put her head on my shoulder and snuggled into my neck.
“Earlier you were Miss Negative,” I mumbled and she giggled.
“Yes, I was, and I apologize. But come on Gerard, I’m trying to be supportive, think happy thoughts!” She said and chuckled to myself.
“Would you take my hoodie off?” I asked and she frowned, “You smell like me,” I told her and her frown turned into a smile as she giggled.
“I like smelling like you, I believe we covered this,” She said before kissing my neck and taking my hoodie off.
I inhaled deeply and I only caught a small whiff of her perfect sweetness, the rest of it was my Irish Spring, “You still smell like me,” I told her and frowned to myself. She giggled.
“I’m glad,” She said.
Caitlin and Ray had gone to the cafeteria to grab us some coffee’s fifteen minutes ago and they should have been back by now. I peered at the clock that said 4:30 and yawned. I hadn’t gotten much sleep at all and was really tired.
“I wish we could have waited until morning,” Maddie grumbled as she yawned too.
“Yeah, but the faster we know the better, right?” I said and she nodded before yawning again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she curled into me and as I assumed fell asleep.
I sat holding onto her warm body and waiting for the doctor to come back with the results, and I really wanted that fucking coffee, why were they taking so damn long? I looked around the room and found nothing in particular that was interesting so I just counted the breaths Maddie took.
The doctor walked in and opened his mouth to speak; I quickly put a finger to my lips and pointed to Maddie who was snoozing softly against my chest. He smiled then walked over to a whiteboard hanging on the wall. He took the blue marker off the top and wrote on the board.
The test results came back negative; you don’t have HIV or AIDS.
I smiled and nodded at him and he walked from the room. I took a deep breath and for the first time in a long time, it filled my lungs completely and a weight seemed to be lifted from my chest. I carefully lifted Maddie up and then put her softly back in the chair. I walked to the whiteboard and wrote under the doctors swirly handwriting in my chicken scratch, I’m going to find Ray and Caitlin, don’t move, don’t worry, I’ll be back soon. I love you, Gerard. I smiled at my note then added P.S. I don’t have HIV!
I put the marker down and walked out into the hallway; I turned right and followed the sign that pointed to the cafeteria. I stopped dead once I had reached the clear glass windows of the cafeteria, Ray and Caitlin were making out with such a ferocity that I thought one of their face’s might break. So that explains their extended absence, I thought to myself. And I thought Caitlin wasn’t happy with Ray, whatever. I shrugged to myself before pounding hard on the window then running back to the room so they couldn’t see it was me who interrupted them.
I walked quietly back into the room and Maddie was still fast asleep, I smiled and erased my note before walking over and sitting in the chair next to her and playing with her hair. Caitlin and Ray joined us momentarily; both of them were pink in the cheeks and looked rather flustered.
I pointed to the whiteboard and Ray smiled exuberantly before clapping me on the back, Caitlin smiled for a second before leaning her head on Ray’s shoulder. Just then a nurse came in; she was reading off a clipboard and didn’t notice our protests as she began talking loudly.
“So looks like I need a Madison Anne De Pauw for an ultrasound,” She said loudly before looking up at us. I rolled my eyes as Maddie began to stir.
“Maddie, Sugar, wake up,” I said and Maddie sat up and stretched like a cat before wiping the sleepiness from her eyes.
“Mm?” She said as she stared at me with a blank look in her eyes.
“It’s time for your ultrasound,” I said and she nodded. She tried to stand up, but she was shaky, I put my arm under her elbow and helped her stand.
“Can we go with her?” Caitlin asked the nurse softly.
“Uh,” She said scratching her short spiked hair, “Sure, why not.”
“Wait, Gee?” Maddie asked turning towards me.
“Yeah, Sugar?”
“You don’t have HIV,” It was a statement more than it was a question, but I answered anyways.
“No I don’t have HIV, Sugar,” I said and she smiled wearily at me.
“Does she need a wheeled chair?” The nurse said with her eyebrows raised.
“She should be good,” I said before picking her up in a baby cradle like way and following the nurse out of the room.
“Maddie stop giggling!” I shouted as Maddie giggled and squirmed all over the bed.
“It tickles!” She squealed as the ultrasound technician laughed and tried to squeeze out more of the blue gel on her stomach.
We were all laughing as she burst into another fit of laughter as the tech tried to smear it around with the little camera thing.
“Okay, honey, you need to stop now,” She said, but she was smiling as she looked at the screen and began searching to find Maddie’s kid.
“How can you tell what gender they are?” Maddie asked the tech.
“Well, at first it’s difficult to see, but as your baby grows you’ll be able to tell what it is, right now I wouldn’t be able to tell you, you don’t look very pregnant,” She tech responded as she stared intently at the black and white screen.
“I don’t feel very pregnant either,” Maddie said looking down at her stomach. Maddie had a very flat stomach, but as I looked closer I could see a small bump. It looked more like a bit of belly fat than a child.
“Well, I’ll be,” The tech said suddenly as she stared at the screen with such amusement I was just burning to find out what she was seeing, all I saw was blobs and lines.
“What? What do you see?” Ray asked as he came closer to get a better look.
“No! Don’t tell me anything! I don’t want to know!” Maddie screamed and the tech laughed.
“Okay, honey, and well according to what Clara Maass sent us they said you were fifteen weeks pregnant? Is that right?” She asked Maddie.
“Good god! How come she is so thin?” Caitlin asked. She voiced the shock we all held.
“That my friend I do not know, but everyone is different, when I was pregnant I barely showed either, it was a shock to me when I went into labor at work,” She said and rolled her eyes.
“You didn’t even know you were pregnant?!” Maddie asked.
“Nope, not at all, no one even noticed, that is until my water broke,” She said.
“That’s crazy,” Ray mumbled.
“Yeah it sure was, but anyways is their information correct?” The tech asked Maddie. She was silent for a moment, staring into space; she shivered before she turned to the tech and nodded.
“That’s interesting; can I talk to you for a moment?” The tech asked me. I nodded and she led me from the room.
“Uh, what’s the matter?” I asked awkwardly.
“Are you the father?” She asked sharply.
“No, I’m not, I’m her boyfriend,” I spluttered, her sudden anger was baffling.
“I meant the father of her children!” She said loudly, and then she nervously looked back in the room. Ray and Caitlin were paying no attention to us at all.
“No, I’m not, someone else is, we don’t know who,” I said and the tech crossed her arms, “Wait, children?”
“The reason why she isn’t large at all is because she will give birth to stillborns,” The tech said sternly.
“To what?” I asked, what the hell was a stillborn?
“She’s having a miscarriage,” The tech said and my jaw almost hit the floor. Oh shit, Maddie wasn’t going to take this very well.
“Wha- what am I supposed to do?!” I sputtered.
“Take good care of her, she would be having twins,” The tech said and I shook my head uneasily.
“This is impossible,” I said to the floor.
“But yet, it’s happening, good luck,” She said before turning and walking away.
What was I supposed to do with that? Good luck? HELL NO. I tried to calm myself down before I walked back into the room, but apparently I had left some trace of annoyance on my face.
“What’s up?” Ray asked. Caitlin and Maddie who had been laughing immediately stopped.
“Nothing, it’s all fine, let’s get out of here,” I said and Ray nodded, I went to Maddie’s side but she was perfectly able to move so she stood by herself. I still put an arm around her shoulders as we walked from the room.
“What’s the matter?” Maddie asked me as she signed her own forms. I stopped tapping my foot angrily against the cool tile floor and met her eyes.
“Nothing,” I said and I noticed how the iced dark green lingered lightly in them. She sighed before looking back at the form; she quickly signed her curly signature then turned back to me. She looked somewhat distraught.
“Ever since the tech talked to you, you’ve been acting different,” She said as I took her hand and we walked to the front door. I sighed and peered outside, the sun was just peeking out casting us into the shadows of trees and nearby houses.
“Maddie I just want you to know I love you, okay?” I asked. She looked up at me with wonder written in her eyes, but she knew not to push me so she nodded then squeezed my hand.
“Are we going back to the cottage?” She asked as we walked out of the automatic doors and into the warm fresh air of the morning.
“Maybe,” I said as we approached Maddie’s truck. Ray and Caitlin were sitting in the trunk bed waiting for us to catch up with them. Caitlin looked up and smiled before hopping swiftly out of the truck.
“So what’re we going to do today?” She asked cheerily before yawning widely.
“How about we sleep?” Maddie asked and I realized how truly tired I was. I hadn’t slept since about three o’clock and before that I had fallen asleep at like eleven. Sure a good four hours of sleep could hold me. Not. I tried to shake the sleepiness out of my head before I answered.
“Yeah, I think sleeping could do us some good,” I said. Maddie’s eyelids were drooping slightly and she looked like she might collapse at any second.
“Maybe I should drive you all home,” Ray said suspiciously as he looked from me to Maddie. Caitlin crossed her arms defensively and cocked and eyebrow at him.
“I’m perfectly awake,” She said sternly as Ray jumped out of the truck bed next to her. He put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her gently.
“Okay Caitlin, well let’s see what Gerard and Maddie think,” Ray said turning on me. He gave me a look that said ‘Agree with me’ and I turned to Maddie, she had dark circles under her eyes and she was starting to lean against me.
“I just wanna go home,” She whined softly. I kissed her forehead gently then turned to Ray.
“We can’t leave her car here, Caitlin can drive it if she wants too,” I said and Ray gave me a quick scowl. Caitlin was grinning broadly as I threw her the keys then I scooped Maddie up and carried her to the car putting us both in the back seat.
“I’m so tired,” Maddie mumbled into my chest as I placed her in my lap and wrapped a seatbelt around us. She yawned then nuzzled herself into my neck. I laughed softly as Caitlin started the car wit a happy grin on her face.
“Here we go!” She said as we pulled out of the parking lot following Ray’s Volvo. The sun was now creeping its way up over the tree’s and shone brightly in the front seat. Caitlin had clicked on the radio and Sunday Morning was on. The tune seemed to lift my spirits and keep me warm and happy. Maddie and fallen asleep quickly and was drooling a bit on my shirt. I but back laughter and watched the scenes roll by. It was barely six and people were beginning to wake up to ready themselves for work or school. Sprinklers were still running and dogs were sent outside to do their morning business. Soon enough the warmness and peace had taken over my body, completely relaxing me. I closed my eyes and fell asleep; if I dreamt, I didn’t remember it.
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Chapter 38- Good Luck
Gerard's POV
My knee was bouncing as we sat in the small hospital room waiting for my HIV test results to come back. Maddie was sitting on my lap and had to keep moving around to keep from falling off my lap.
“Gerard,” She said finally putting a hand on my knee and I stopped bouncing it, “Calm down, I have a feeling you don’t have HIV.” She said before smiling and kissing me on the lips.
“I have a right to be worried,” I said quietly.
“Yes you do, but let’s try to think positive,” She said then she put her head on my shoulder and snuggled into my neck.
“Earlier you were Miss Negative,” I mumbled and she giggled.
“Yes, I was, and I apologize. But come on Gerard, I’m trying to be supportive, think happy thoughts!” She said and chuckled to myself.
“Would you take my hoodie off?” I asked and she frowned, “You smell like me,” I told her and her frown turned into a smile as she giggled.
“I like smelling like you, I believe we covered this,” She said before kissing my neck and taking my hoodie off.
I inhaled deeply and I only caught a small whiff of her perfect sweetness, the rest of it was my Irish Spring, “You still smell like me,” I told her and frowned to myself. She giggled.
“I’m glad,” She said.
Caitlin and Ray had gone to the cafeteria to grab us some coffee’s fifteen minutes ago and they should have been back by now. I peered at the clock that said 4:30 and yawned. I hadn’t gotten much sleep at all and was really tired.
“I wish we could have waited until morning,” Maddie grumbled as she yawned too.
“Yeah, but the faster we know the better, right?” I said and she nodded before yawning again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she curled into me and as I assumed fell asleep.
I sat holding onto her warm body and waiting for the doctor to come back with the results, and I really wanted that fucking coffee, why were they taking so damn long? I looked around the room and found nothing in particular that was interesting so I just counted the breaths Maddie took.
The doctor walked in and opened his mouth to speak; I quickly put a finger to my lips and pointed to Maddie who was snoozing softly against my chest. He smiled then walked over to a whiteboard hanging on the wall. He took the blue marker off the top and wrote on the board.
The test results came back negative; you don’t have HIV or AIDS.
I smiled and nodded at him and he walked from the room. I took a deep breath and for the first time in a long time, it filled my lungs completely and a weight seemed to be lifted from my chest. I carefully lifted Maddie up and then put her softly back in the chair. I walked to the whiteboard and wrote under the doctors swirly handwriting in my chicken scratch, I’m going to find Ray and Caitlin, don’t move, don’t worry, I’ll be back soon. I love you, Gerard. I smiled at my note then added P.S. I don’t have HIV!
I put the marker down and walked out into the hallway; I turned right and followed the sign that pointed to the cafeteria. I stopped dead once I had reached the clear glass windows of the cafeteria, Ray and Caitlin were making out with such a ferocity that I thought one of their face’s might break. So that explains their extended absence, I thought to myself. And I thought Caitlin wasn’t happy with Ray, whatever. I shrugged to myself before pounding hard on the window then running back to the room so they couldn’t see it was me who interrupted them.
I walked quietly back into the room and Maddie was still fast asleep, I smiled and erased my note before walking over and sitting in the chair next to her and playing with her hair. Caitlin and Ray joined us momentarily; both of them were pink in the cheeks and looked rather flustered.
I pointed to the whiteboard and Ray smiled exuberantly before clapping me on the back, Caitlin smiled for a second before leaning her head on Ray’s shoulder. Just then a nurse came in; she was reading off a clipboard and didn’t notice our protests as she began talking loudly.
“So looks like I need a Madison Anne De Pauw for an ultrasound,” She said loudly before looking up at us. I rolled my eyes as Maddie began to stir.
“Maddie, Sugar, wake up,” I said and Maddie sat up and stretched like a cat before wiping the sleepiness from her eyes.
“Mm?” She said as she stared at me with a blank look in her eyes.
“It’s time for your ultrasound,” I said and she nodded. She tried to stand up, but she was shaky, I put my arm under her elbow and helped her stand.
“Can we go with her?” Caitlin asked the nurse softly.
“Uh,” She said scratching her short spiked hair, “Sure, why not.”
“Wait, Gee?” Maddie asked turning towards me.
“Yeah, Sugar?”
“You don’t have HIV,” It was a statement more than it was a question, but I answered anyways.
“No I don’t have HIV, Sugar,” I said and she smiled wearily at me.
“Does she need a wheeled chair?” The nurse said with her eyebrows raised.
“She should be good,” I said before picking her up in a baby cradle like way and following the nurse out of the room.
“Maddie stop giggling!” I shouted as Maddie giggled and squirmed all over the bed.
“It tickles!” She squealed as the ultrasound technician laughed and tried to squeeze out more of the blue gel on her stomach.
We were all laughing as she burst into another fit of laughter as the tech tried to smear it around with the little camera thing.
“Okay, honey, you need to stop now,” She said, but she was smiling as she looked at the screen and began searching to find Maddie’s kid.
“How can you tell what gender they are?” Maddie asked the tech.
“Well, at first it’s difficult to see, but as your baby grows you’ll be able to tell what it is, right now I wouldn’t be able to tell you, you don’t look very pregnant,” She tech responded as she stared intently at the black and white screen.
“I don’t feel very pregnant either,” Maddie said looking down at her stomach. Maddie had a very flat stomach, but as I looked closer I could see a small bump. It looked more like a bit of belly fat than a child.
“Well, I’ll be,” The tech said suddenly as she stared at the screen with such amusement I was just burning to find out what she was seeing, all I saw was blobs and lines.
“What? What do you see?” Ray asked as he came closer to get a better look.
“No! Don’t tell me anything! I don’t want to know!” Maddie screamed and the tech laughed.
“Okay, honey, and well according to what Clara Maass sent us they said you were fifteen weeks pregnant? Is that right?” She asked Maddie.
“Good god! How come she is so thin?” Caitlin asked. She voiced the shock we all held.
“That my friend I do not know, but everyone is different, when I was pregnant I barely showed either, it was a shock to me when I went into labor at work,” She said and rolled her eyes.
“You didn’t even know you were pregnant?!” Maddie asked.
“Nope, not at all, no one even noticed, that is until my water broke,” She said.
“That’s crazy,” Ray mumbled.
“Yeah it sure was, but anyways is their information correct?” The tech asked Maddie. She was silent for a moment, staring into space; she shivered before she turned to the tech and nodded.
“That’s interesting; can I talk to you for a moment?” The tech asked me. I nodded and she led me from the room.
“Uh, what’s the matter?” I asked awkwardly.
“Are you the father?” She asked sharply.
“No, I’m not, I’m her boyfriend,” I spluttered, her sudden anger was baffling.
“I meant the father of her children!” She said loudly, and then she nervously looked back in the room. Ray and Caitlin were paying no attention to us at all.
“No, I’m not, someone else is, we don’t know who,” I said and the tech crossed her arms, “Wait, children?”
“The reason why she isn’t large at all is because she will give birth to stillborns,” The tech said sternly.
“To what?” I asked, what the hell was a stillborn?
“She’s having a miscarriage,” The tech said and my jaw almost hit the floor. Oh shit, Maddie wasn’t going to take this very well.
“Wha- what am I supposed to do?!” I sputtered.
“Take good care of her, she would be having twins,” The tech said and I shook my head uneasily.
“This is impossible,” I said to the floor.
“But yet, it’s happening, good luck,” She said before turning and walking away.
What was I supposed to do with that? Good luck? HELL NO. I tried to calm myself down before I walked back into the room, but apparently I had left some trace of annoyance on my face.
“What’s up?” Ray asked. Caitlin and Maddie who had been laughing immediately stopped.
“Nothing, it’s all fine, let’s get out of here,” I said and Ray nodded, I went to Maddie’s side but she was perfectly able to move so she stood by herself. I still put an arm around her shoulders as we walked from the room.
“What’s the matter?” Maddie asked me as she signed her own forms. I stopped tapping my foot angrily against the cool tile floor and met her eyes.
“Nothing,” I said and I noticed how the iced dark green lingered lightly in them. She sighed before looking back at the form; she quickly signed her curly signature then turned back to me. She looked somewhat distraught.
“Ever since the tech talked to you, you’ve been acting different,” She said as I took her hand and we walked to the front door. I sighed and peered outside, the sun was just peeking out casting us into the shadows of trees and nearby houses.
“Maddie I just want you to know I love you, okay?” I asked. She looked up at me with wonder written in her eyes, but she knew not to push me so she nodded then squeezed my hand.
“Are we going back to the cottage?” She asked as we walked out of the automatic doors and into the warm fresh air of the morning.
“Maybe,” I said as we approached Maddie’s truck. Ray and Caitlin were sitting in the trunk bed waiting for us to catch up with them. Caitlin looked up and smiled before hopping swiftly out of the truck.
“So what’re we going to do today?” She asked cheerily before yawning widely.
“How about we sleep?” Maddie asked and I realized how truly tired I was. I hadn’t slept since about three o’clock and before that I had fallen asleep at like eleven. Sure a good four hours of sleep could hold me. Not. I tried to shake the sleepiness out of my head before I answered.
“Yeah, I think sleeping could do us some good,” I said. Maddie’s eyelids were drooping slightly and she looked like she might collapse at any second.
“Maybe I should drive you all home,” Ray said suspiciously as he looked from me to Maddie. Caitlin crossed her arms defensively and cocked and eyebrow at him.
“I’m perfectly awake,” She said sternly as Ray jumped out of the truck bed next to her. He put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her gently.
“Okay Caitlin, well let’s see what Gerard and Maddie think,” Ray said turning on me. He gave me a look that said ‘Agree with me’ and I turned to Maddie, she had dark circles under her eyes and she was starting to lean against me.
“I just wanna go home,” She whined softly. I kissed her forehead gently then turned to Ray.
“We can’t leave her car here, Caitlin can drive it if she wants too,” I said and Ray gave me a quick scowl. Caitlin was grinning broadly as I threw her the keys then I scooped Maddie up and carried her to the car putting us both in the back seat.
“I’m so tired,” Maddie mumbled into my chest as I placed her in my lap and wrapped a seatbelt around us. She yawned then nuzzled herself into my neck. I laughed softly as Caitlin started the car wit a happy grin on her face.
“Here we go!” She said as we pulled out of the parking lot following Ray’s Volvo. The sun was now creeping its way up over the tree’s and shone brightly in the front seat. Caitlin had clicked on the radio and Sunday Morning was on. The tune seemed to lift my spirits and keep me warm and happy. Maddie and fallen asleep quickly and was drooling a bit on my shirt. I but back laughter and watched the scenes roll by. It was barely six and people were beginning to wake up to ready themselves for work or school. Sprinklers were still running and dogs were sent outside to do their morning business. Soon enough the warmness and peace had taken over my body, completely relaxing me. I closed my eyes and fell asleep; if I dreamt, I didn’t remember it.
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