Gerard realizes he may not be able to fix things with Willow.
“Fuck” The sound of Gerard’s voice filled the room as he groaned and rolled over on his back to give his stiffing dick room. He tried to clear his thoughts and not think about Willow but it was impossible. She was in his mind, she was in his blood. He craved her and there was no keeping her out of his thoughts. Memories flooded his mind. He remembered the night in Chicago when he’d suggested they hook up. He could hear her voice in his head saying she wanted to fuck. His dick twitched again as he suddenly remembered touching her body for the first time. Would he ever understand that wonderful electric sensation that made his body burn for her? Just thinking about it was making him so hard. Involuntarily he moved his hand under the sheet and grasped his throbbing dick. As he began to stoke up and down he saw Willow in his mind. He imagined it was her hands on him, stroking him faster and faster until…
“Oh fuck.” He groaned as his release came hard and fast but he suddenly felt empty. He understood he was empty; his life was empty without her. He needed her. Didn’t she understand that?
The sun was just peeking over the horizon as Willow walked out onto the back deck with a cup of coffee in hand. She sat down in a chair ignoring the fact that it was still damp from the early morning dew then closed her eyes. There was so much she had to take care of today. So many things she had to do quickly. Her eyes opened and she looked out across the yard at two squirrels chasing each other around the large oak tree. She would miss this place with all her heart. The small house and acreage had become her safe-haven. It was the only place she had ever truly felt at home. It was the only place she had ever felt loved. Her aunt Joan had loved and accepted her. Why she had never seen her aunt since she passed was always a question Willow always asked herself. She wondered if her aunt would be disappointed in the way her life had changed. Would she have understood what Willow was doing?
She took a sip of her hot coffee and sighed. She wondered if she’d known how things were going to turn out would she still have made the same choice? In her heart she knew the answer. Nothing could have kept her from Gerard. Not even knowing her heart would be broken would have kept her from being with him. If only Elena hadn’t shown her….
Willow shook he head to dispel the thought. There was no reason to keep thinking about the past. It was over and she needed to move on. Taking one more sip she stood and gave one final glance out across the lawn. Sadness filled her soul.
Gerard tried Willow’s number as soon as he got out of bed. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and his body felt sluggish. He prayed he wasn’t getting sick but he had a sinking feeling that was what was happening. Sitting down on the side of the bed he listened to the ringing praying someone would answer.. After letting it ring over twenty times he snapped the phone shut. He knew he had to get up and get ready because the van would be arriving in less then a hour to take him to the airport. He made up his mind to call her again from the airport. He would keep calling until she answered.
When Mikey arrived he was shocked to see his brother as he pulled open the door.
“Dude, you look terrible.” He said walking in. “What’s wrong?”
Gerard took a step back and felt a wave of dizziness. “Shit, I don’t know. I think I’m coming down with something.”
“Are you gonna be able to fly?” Mikey asked with concern in his voice.
“I gotta.” Gerard answered taking a deep breath until the feeling passed. “Grab my bag, okay?’ He didn’t feel he had the strength at the moment to lug the huge bag.
“Sure.” Mikey picked it up and asked, “So how’s Willow?” When Gerard didn’t answer he turned to look at him, “You did talk to her, didn’t you?”
“No.” He offered no other explanation as he grabbed his messenger bag and headed towards the door.
“You didn’t call her?” Mikey asked in shock.
Gerard didn’t want to talk about it. “Come on, we need to go.”
Mikey walked towards him, “Gee, did you call her?” He pushed.
“Yeah but she wasn’t home.”
Waiting until they were on the sidewalk Mikey asked, “So you didn’t try again?”
As the driver stowed his bag Gerard leaned against the van and closed his eyes a brief moment. “Look, I feel like shit. I really don’t want to talk right now, okay?”
“Sure, Gee.” Mikey said putting his arm around his brother’s shoulder. He was worried because Gerard looked ready to drop at any moment.
Once they were on the way to the airport Gerard leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.
Alicia leaned over and whispered in Mikey’s ear, “What’s wrong with him?”
“Don’t know. He says he feels like shit.” Mikey whispered back.
“He looks like shit.” Alicia said being honest. “Did he say anything about Willow?”
Mikey glanced over to make sure Gerard wasn’t listening. “He didn’t talk to her. He said he called but she wasn’t home.”
Alicia frowned, “I wish I’d thought to give her my phone number.”
“Yeah, me too.” Mikey said with a nod. “I have to say I’m worried about her.”
Alicia too felt the same way. Yesterday morning when Gerard had come down to breakfast she’d known something was wrong. Thinking back now she realized that Willow had seemed almost too happy, like she had been pretending things were fine. Mikey had told her last night that Gerard was going to call Willow and she had been hoping they’d worked out whatever problems they had. Obviously that hadn’t happened.
Gerard tried to get comfortable in the plastic airport chair but his whole body ached. He just wanted to be left alone. If one more person asked him if he was okay he’d snap. He wasn’t okay. He was sick and Willow wouldn’t answer her phone. He’d found a secluded spot as soon as they had arrived at the airport and had tried her number again. It had simply rang and rang.
Frank slipped into the chair next to him, “Hey, man. Can I get you anything?” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his friend look this bad.
Gerard leaned back against the wall. “No, but thanks.”
“Shit, it sucks you feel so bad. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“Thanks, Frankie.” He closed his eyes and heard Frank leave. A moment later he knew someone else had taken the seat.
“You look like shit.”
Gerard opened one eyes, “Thanks Bob.”
Bob smiled, “Dude, I’m just worried about you. What do you think you got?”
“No idea.” Gerard sighed, “But I can’t remember the last time I felt this bad. Fuck, I just hope it passes quickly.”
Bob was silent a moment then asked, “So what’s up with Willow?”
“What’s up?” Gerard felt his temper boiling just below the surface.
“Yeah, you acted pretty fuckin’ strange yesterday. I figured you’d be happy you got your way.”
“Got my way?’ He opened both eyes and glared. “What the fuck do you mean?”
Bob didn’t back down, “You wanted her so you got her. She’s gonna move to New York to be near you. That’s what you wanted, right?”
Gerard’s temper exploded, “What I want is for everyone to leave me the fuck alone. I don’t want to talk about my personal life and I sure as fuck don’t want it discussed behind my back.”
Bob’s eyes narrowed, “Hey we all like Willow and we’re worried about her.”
“Why?’ Gerard asked pulling himself up straighter.
“Because it’s obvious something isn’t right. Tell me the truth, you still want her?’
Jealousy filled Gerard. “Why? If I don’t you planning on moving in on her?”
“If I thought she cared about me I would. I see what an incredible woman she is. I wouldn’t treat her like shit.” Bob spat angrily.
Gerard had had enough. He stood on shaky legs and glared down at Bob. “Willow is mine. Don’t forget it.”
Bob shook his head, “Yeah, she’s yours. Fuck, can’t you hear yourself? Just like she’s some fucking piece of property.”
Mikey had heard the angry voices and quickly walked over. “Hey, chill.” He said softy to both of them. “People are starting to stare.”
“I don’t give a shit.” Gerard said brushing past his brother and heading for the restroom.
Mikey watched him then turned to Bob, “What was that about? I heard Willow’s name.”
“You’re brother is a jackass.” Bob said still very angry.
“Hey, he’s really sick right now. Cut him some slack, okay?”
Bob shook his head, “Whatever.” He moved off in the opposite direction Gerard had gone.
“What’s going on?” Brian asked walking over to Mikey. He was at the airport to see the guy off and didn’t want any problems.
“Just a disagreement.” Mikey said vaguely.
Brian knew he wasn’t telling him the whole story. “So did Gee connect with Willow?” He asked figuring she has something to do with it.
Mikey knew Gerard didn’t want his personal life being discussed, “He didn’t say.” Mikey lied.
Brian shook his head, “I don’t want this shit to happen again.”
“What shit?” Mikey asked.
“You know what I mean. Remember how bad it was when he went through his divorce. The last thing we all need right now is him being fucked up over some woman while on tour.”
Mikey didn’t want to discuss this with Brian. He knew Brian distrusted Willow and that bothered him. “Gee’s sick. It ain’t got nothing to do with Willow.”
Brian snorted, “Yeah, right. That woman is fucking with him. He needs to concentrate on the tour and not worry about her.”
This time Mikey couldn’t hold his temper, “She’s not fucking with him. I don’t exactly know what’s going on with them but it’s their business.”
“Making sure things run smoothly for the group is my business.” Brian said defending his opinion. “Ever since Gee and Willow hooked up I’ve been very worried something like this would happen.”
“Why?” Mikey asked narrowing his eyes, “Why did you think that them getting together would be a bad thing?”
Brian realized he’d angered him, “Just a feeling I got.” He answered with a shrug.
“Because she’s different? Because she can see the dead and hear people’s thoughts? You think that makes her different? Is that what makes her bad in your mind?”
Brain tired to diffuse his anger, “Look I have nothing against her personally. But you have to admit Gerard was so fucked up after the divorce that another relationship, one that he really didn’t want, was a bad idea.”
“What do you mean, one he didn’t really want?”
“He told me that they hooked up for a purely physical attraction and nothing more. He told me he didn’t want it to be anymore than that. Then suddenly I show up at the Paramour and they are so tight. Just seems sorta strange to me.”
Neither man had seen Gerard nearing them.
“This is the last time I’m gonna say this. I don’t want anyone discussing my personal life. What went on between Willow and me is our business. You understand?” He glared at Brian.
“Sure, I get it Gee.” Brian said taking a step back. “But man, you really look bad.” His concern for the singer was growing by the minute.
“I’ll be fine.” Gerard said running his hand through his hair. “Just leave me the fuck alone.” He walked over to the nearest chair and sat down heavily.
Mikey took the seat next to him. “Still no answer?” He asked softly.
Gerard sighed, “No, no answer. She don’t wanna talk to me. She’s done with me and I should have expected it. She must have realized I got nothing to offer her. I’m too fucked up.”
“What?” Mikey was shocked by his brother’s words, “Why would you say that?”
“Cause it’s true. I treated her like shit. I used her and she knew it. I don’t blame her I just wish she’d have the guts to tell me instead of running.”
Mikey hated to hear him talk this way. “Look, maybe it’s not what you think. Maybe she really did just go back to get things settled.” He wanted to keep Gerard’s spirits up until they knew what was really happening.
“So why won’t she talk to me, Mikey? I left my number with her roommate. She could have called me back. Why isn’t she answering now?”
“Maybe she’s at work.” Mikey offered as an explanation.
Gerard shook his head, “And maybe like I said she’s just done with me.”
AUTHORS NOTE: I want to thank all of you for the reviews. I don’t know why but FicWad is giving me a lot of grief. I’ve tried to respond but have been unable to do so. I’ve also tried to review and rate other stories and that’s not working for me either. I really appreciate all of you who have left reviews. It means so much to me to know what people are thinking about the story. Love ya all.