Gerard's anger is in control of his emotions.
Three weeks into the tour the band had left the stage when Ray pulled Mikey aside on the way out of the venue. “I’m worried about Gee.” He said bluntly.
Mikey saw that Alicia was waiting for him by the bus. He waved letting her know he’s be there shortly and nodded for Ray to follow him. A short distance away he stopped and spoke. “Me too but I don’t know what to do. He’s so fuckin’ unhappy. I know it’s because of Willow but he won’t talk about it. Fuck, I mentioned her name earlier today and he blew up at me. He said he don’t ever want to discuss her again. He said she’s part of his past and that he’s moved on.”
Ray took out a cigarette and lit it before asking, “What do you think really happened? I know he thought at first that things were good and that she was moving to New York. Something must have happened that last night at the Paramour. Did he tell you anything?”
Mikey didn’t want to break his brother’s confidence but he understood Ray was worried about Gerard. “He did think she was okay with the idea. But for what ever reason she took off the morning we left without saying anything to him.”
“So she changed her mind?” Ray guessed.
Mikey shrugged, “I just can’t imagine her not telling him if that ‘s what happened. She told me she loved him.”
“She told me the same thing.’ Ray admitted.
Mikey was surprised, “When?”
Ray decided to tell Mikey the truth, “Remember the day I went out to talk to her? The day Brian arrived?”
“She confided to me that she was in love with him but that things had changed between them.”
Mikey had the feeling what Ray was about to tell him was important, “Changed how?”
“She couldn’t hear his thoughts anymore.”
“Oh, I knew that. Gerard explained to me that something weird had happened and that when they touched it quieted her mind. She couldn’t hear his thoughts at all.”
Ray shook his head, “No, she told me that once they had become intimate she couldn’t hear his thoughts anymore. He had become like me to her. No sound at all in her head. But she didn’t want him to know.”
“Are you serious?’ Mikey was shocked. He realized this was something Gerard didn’t know.
“Yeah, that’s what she said and I think it scared her. I asked her why she didn’t tell him but she wouldn’t really explain other than to say she was afraid if he knew the truth he’d stop touching her. It was like in her mind she really believed the only reason he’d touch her was to keep her from hearing his thoughts.”
“Fuck, that’s messed up.” Mikey said softly.
“I think she was telling the truth.” Ray said with a frown, “ but I think there was more to it. I sorta got the feeling that Willow thinks it’s because of her gifts that Gerard was attracted to her. I really think she believed that was the only reason he wanted to be with her.”
“That’s crazy.” Mikey said shaking his head, “ Yeah her abilities make her fuckin’ special but that’s not the only reason people like her.”
Ray tried to make him understand, “Look, think back to when we first met her. It was easy to see that she thought people wouldn’t like her because of her abilities. Remember how she said she had no friends because no one would want to be around a person who could hear their thoughts?”
“Yeah, I remember. But we all proved that wrong. She became our friend.”
Ray nodded, “Right, but why? Think about it. She became our friend because of her abilities. She came into our lives because she used those abilities to help you.”
Mikey was starting to understand, “So you’re saying she thought her abilities was the only thing what made all of us including Gee want to be her friend.”
“I really do believe that’s what she was thinking.” Ray’s voice sounded sad, “She’s had a fuckin’ rough life. Her parent’s behavior fucked her up. Shit, how could the way they treated her not fuck her up?”
Mikey was suddenly consumed with sadness. “If you’re right then we really need to find her and fix this mess.”
Ray gave him a puzzled look. “Find her? What do you mean?”
Mikey realized he’d just revealed more than he had intended. Only he and Bob knew that Gerard had been unable to reach Willow since she had left the Paramour.
“Mikey, what’s going on? Hasn’t Gee talked to her? Hasn’t he tried to call her?” Ray persisted.
“You can’t tell Gee I’ve told you this okay?” Mikey waited until Ray nodded, “Gee tried to call her a bunch of times. The first time he called he left his number with her roommate but she never called back. After that every time he tried to call no one answered. Then when Gee collapsed on stage I decided to call her. I knew she’d want to know. But her home phone number has been disconnected.”
“So there is no way to get hold of her?”
Mikey shook his head, “Nope. She doesn’t have a cell.”
Ray thought a minute. “So she’s broken off all contact.”
“It seems that way. I just think that if she and Gee could talk they could work this out. He loves her.” Mikey said softly.
“Are you sure? Did he say that?” Ray had believed this was the case but was shocked to hear Gerard had admitted the fact.
Mikey nodded, “Yeah and at first he said it was his fault she’d broke it off with him but he never said why.”
“They do need to talk.” Ray took a drag off his cigarette, “Do you think he will try to see her when we get home?”
This was a question Mikey asked himself often. “He’s so fucked up about this I just don’t know. His attitude seems to have changed since he collapsed on stage. At first I just thought it was because he was sick but now it’s like he’s blaming her. I think it’s because he’s afraid she used him.”
Ray remembered what Brian had told them. “Because of the money.”
“Yeah, because he paid off all her bills. He thinks she took off once she found out he’d done that.”
“And Brian’s mistrust of her has feed into that feeling.” Ray added.
Their conversation halted when they saw Gerard come off the bus. He glanced over at them then walked in the opposite direction. They were shocked to see him walk towards a roadie who was standing with a blond woman. As they watched Gerard said something to the guy before taking the woman’s arm and walking towards the parking area with her.
“Who the fuck is that?” Ray asked continuing to watch as Gerard put his arm around the woman as they walked.
Mikey had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, “He’s doin’ what he did before. Just like after the divorce.”
“So Sugar, Lee tells me you’re a singer.” Gerard said as he slipped into her car while searching his mind trying to remember her name. It was some sort of food. Not that it mattered to him. She would be nothing more than a quick fuck.
She smiled revealing perfectly whitened teeth, “Yeah, I’m the lead singer for my band, Deep Water. We’ve done a lot of local shows.” She was hoping that getting closer to the lead singer of My Chem would pay off by gaining some connections. His band was hugely popular over here in Europe and she hoped he could help her group get more recognition.
Gerard nodded faking interest. Lee had told him he’d explained to her what was expected and she’s readily agreed. Gerard needed to get away for a short time and let loose. Supposedly her place was within minutes of the venue. That was important because the busses were going to pull out within the hour. He was relieved when a few minutes later she turned into an apartment complex. Gerard got out of the car and followed her into the building.
“I’m on the third floor.” She took off up the stairs making sure to wiggle her ass for his viewing pleasure.
Gerard enjoyed the view. She was young, thin and had great boobs and a tight ass. She was just what he needed. He took two steps at a time and caught up with her. Putting his arm around her shoulder they walked the rest of the way up the stairs together. Once they reached the door to her apartment he released her so she could unlock the door. She walked in a flipped on the light. “It’s a mess.” She said with a shrug, “I wasn’t expecting company.” She waited until he walked in then shut the door. “But I’m glad you’re here.” She moved toward him and gave him a suggestive look.
Gerard wanted to get down to business. It has been too long. He grabbed her and pulled her roughly into his arms, “Yeah, I’m glad I’m here too.” His lips crashed down on hers.
After a few minutes she pulled back, “Would you like a drink?”
He almost agreed thinking how much he’d welcome the burn of straight whiskey sliding down his throat. He almost agreed but didn’t. “That’s not what I want.”
She gave him a coy look, “What do you want?”
Gerard smirked, “You know what I want Sugar.” His fingertips brushed her plump lips. “You know exactly what I want.”
“Yeah, I know what you want.” She said with a throaty laugh. She took his hand and led him over to the sofa. Pushing him down she quickly straddled his lap.. Gerard watched with growing desire as she pulled her tee shirt over her had revealing perfect, bare breasts. She leaned forward towards his open mouth. Gerard took her right nipple into his mouth and began sucking in earnest.
Cherry threw back her head and moaned.
Suddenly Gerard saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. He released the nipple in his mouth and sat back.
“Mind if I join you?” The new girl asked.
“Gerard, this is my roommate Shelly.”
He looked at her in shock. She had bronze color hair straight from the bottle and huge kohl rimmed eyes. It was her hair that shocked him into silence. It was almost like Willow’s but somehow reminded him of a cheap version.
“What’s wrong?” Cherry asked with a pout. “Don’t you want Shelly to join us? Lee said you were looking for an intimate party.”
Gerard forced himself to play the part. This wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind but why not? “Sure I do.” He smirked. “How could I resist the attention of two beautiful ladies?”
Shelly smiled. She couldn’t believe it. When Cherry had said she’d be bringing home Gerard Way she hadn’t believe her but here he was and she was more than ready. Quickly shedding her dress, revealing she wore nothing underneath, she moved to sit on the sofa beside him.
Gerard watched her through hooded eyes. Until a minute ago he’d been worried that the memory of Willow would haunt him but now he saw the perfect opportunity to fix that problem. Shelly wasn’t as beautiful as Willow but there was just enough resemblance. It was what he needed. Gently pushing Cherry off his lap he stood and shed his clothing. The girls watched and waited. He reached out, took Shelly’s hand and positioned her so that she was kneeling on the sofa. His fingers found her hot, tight hole and began to ready her. His need was strong and he just wanted this to be fast and hard. After a few minutes when his fingers dripped with her juices he reached down and grabbed the foil packet from his jeans pocket. His dick throbbed as he tore open the condom and rolled it on with shaking fingers. Not wanting to be left out since she was the one who’s brought him here, Cherry completely undressed then sat on the arm of the sofa facing them.
Gerard ran his hands over Shelly’s back as he spoke to Cherry. “Yeah, spread those beautiful legs “ he urged her. One she did as he requested he leaned over Shelly to whisper in her ear. “Baby, lick her pussy for me.”
Both women were more than happy to do as he requested. Gerard watched a few minutes while Shelly’s tongue ran up and down Cherry’s wet slit. Cherry leaned her had back and moaned while fingering her own nipples.
Gerard smirked, “Yeah, Sugar you pleasure her while I give you some pleasure.” He had his dick poised at Shelly’s hole ready to thrust inside. Suddenly, without warning, he thought of Willow and froze.
Cherry’s moans were getting louder as Shelly’s tongue continued to lap. She let go of her nipples and reached down to spread her lips giving Shelly’s tongue better access. Gerard angrily forced the memory of Willow out of his mind. What the fuck is wrong with me, he wondered. Two hot chicks ready to fuck and I’m not hitting this. His anger was centered on Willow. This was her fault but he wouldn’t let this happen. With one quick thrust he was inside Shelly. She grunted from the force and fell forward burying her face in Cherry’s pussy. Gerard’s dick throbbed once more.
He had to make himself want this. “Eat her pussy.” He said giving Shelly’s tight ass a quick slap. “Do it.”
The scene before him should have driven him over he edge but it didn’t. He closed his eyes knowing what he had to do. In his mind it was Willow he was thrusting into over and over again. It was her body he was feeling surround his dick. Cherry tried to lean forward enough to capture his lips but he moved away quickly. He thrust harder into Shelly feeling his release getting closer and closer.
“Fuck me” Shelly cried out.
He heard her words spoken in Willow’s voice. One final thrust and he came. But his release brought a terrible crushing feeling of emptiness and regret.
“Oh” Shelly moaned. “So fuckin’ good.”
Gerard pulled out of her quickly and fell back on the sofa. Cherry was there in a moment straddling his slowly softening dick. She felt cheated. She was supposed to be the one who was going to fuck him. She reached down and tried to guide his dick inside her. Gerard’s eyes were closed.
Without warning he pushed her off his lap sending her crashing to the floor. Cherry looked up at him in surprise.
“Sorry.” Gerard muttered standing and pulling off the condom. He tossed it into the trashcan he spotted by the table and began pulling up his clothes. “I gotta go.”
Cherry regained her composure. She controlled her anger saying, “I’ll drive you back to your bus.”
“It’s okay, I’ll walk.” By this time he was almost to the door.
“Hey, next time you’re in town give me a call, okay?” Cherry followed him to the door.
He paused, “Yeah, sure.” With that he pulled open the door and took off for the stairs before she could say more.
Cherry closed the door and looked over at her fried who was still on the sofa. “What the fuck was that?”
Shelly rolled over and smiled, “Worked for me.”
“Well yeah.” Cherry said letting her anger surface, “Of course it did. He fucked you.”
“Hey you said it would be okay if I joined in.” Shelly reminded her.
Cherry walked over to the sofa and sat down, “Yeah, joined in. Not take all the attention.”
Shelly laughed, “Maybe he’s just into red heads.”
Gerard stepped out onto the sidewalk and started for the bus trying not to run. He just wanted to get the fuck away from here as quickly as possible. What he’d just done sickened him. A voice in his head asked him why. Why was he upset? He’s just been with two more than willing women and he’d gotten his rocks off. But he knew why. He’d had to pretend the red head was Willow or he wouldn’t have been able to do a fuckin’ thing. Willow had fucked with his mind so badly he’d been reduced to pretending someone else was her. He felt like a fuckin’ idiot for running out like he had.
A block from the bus he slowed down and with trembling fingers lit a cigarette. He had to get this under control. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” he whispered to himself.
He moved towards the shadows and leaned heavily against a brick wall. Thunder rumbled then the skies opened up and rain fell. The cold droplets hit his skin but he took no notice. It didn’t matter he was getting soaked. It didn’t matter he ran the chance of getting sick again. Nothing mattered. Nothing at all. His life had turned once more into a pile of shit because of a woman. His cigarette was out as he raised it to his mouth. He tossed it away angrily then began walking again. Uncontrolled rage burned in his veins. She had done this to him. She had gotten into his head and he had to find a way to get her out. If there was more time he’d go back to Cherry’s apartment. He’d fuck those girls until he was raw, until every memory of Willow was erased from his mind.
He was almost to the bus when the rain started to let up. He ran his hand through his wet hair then rubbed his eyes. Shock registered on his face when he felt the hot tears.
“Hey, man.” A voice called out.
Gerard wiped his face quickly again and turned to see Lee walking towards him with a raincoat thrown over his head.
“Man, I figured you’d slide in right before the busses took off. You have a good time?”
“Yeah, fer sure.” Gerard said falling into character.
Lee laughed stopping in front of Gerard. “What did you think of your surprise? That Shelly is fuckin’ hot ain’t she?”
The memory of the red head flashed through his mind. The woman he’d pretended was Willow. “Yeah, fuckin’ hot.” He smirked hoping Lee was buying the act.
“Hey, just let me know when you wanna hook up again. I know lots of lovely ladies that would be happy to meet ya.” Lee said with a laugh.
Gerard felt his stomach churn. He needed to get to the solitude of his bunk. He just wanted to close his eyes and block out everything. “Yeah, thanks.” He brushed past Lee and climbed the bus steps.
Mikey looked up as Gerard entered. He heart ached for his brother. “Gee?”
Gerard looked into his eyes then quickly glanced away. “Gotta get out of these wet clothes.” He hoped Mikey accepted that excuse for why he wouldn’t stop to talk.
“Gee, don’t do this.” Mikey said softly.
Anger flared through Gerard, “Do what Mikey? I ain’t doing anything wrong. Just getting my life back in control.”
Mikey stood and walked towards him. “Gee, it will be okay.” He tried to explain his feeling but Gerard cut him off.
“Everything is already fuckin’ okay, Bro. I dodged a fuckin’ bullet. You can lie to yourself and say she loves me but that ain’t the truth. She got what she needed then took off. Pretty fuckin’ obvious.”
“You’re wrong.” Mikey said shaking his head sadly,
Gerard looked at him a moment then turned, “No, not wrong.”