FicWad

I only made about 25 grand every year, but I was driving like I could wipe my ass with Benjamins. I wasn't going fast; I was just going, through back roads and dirt paths. I couldn't stop. It was addicting, it was tiring. I was close to tears, close to falling asleep and possibly not ever waking up, close to beating up the next guy who gave me a weird look. I wasn't going to let my emotions take over-- not again. So I drove. I drove literally until my car began to sputter, cough, choke, and finally went comatose on a dirt road in the country in the middle of nowhere. I didn't believe it right away, until it became obvious I wasn't moving. My arms, which had held on to the wheel with such tension and frustration, fell onto my lap feeling like they were on fire. I breathed in deeply, and exhaled. Even my lungs had been tense...but it was over now.
I felt like my life was over. I had traveled so far, worked so hard, and what did I have to show for it? Nothing but a dirty old car. I didn't even buy this car, my dad did for my twenty-first birthday. I didn't have that much before, either, but at least I had Jay. And he was worth a hell of a lot more than anything I could ever purchase.
"Stop it," I commanded myself. "Move on."
That was a lot easier said than done, but I had no choices left. I had to move on. I started by getting out of my car and analyzing the situation.
I looked around; I really was in the middle of nowhere. The buildings around look abandoned; the fields were full of weeds. "Great," I said outloud, "Just great." I walked to the side of the road and took a seat on the grass. My back rested against a decaying red fence as I sighed. I hated this.
Near my sneakers was a clump of dandelions; I plucked one and held it near my mouth. Ever since I was a little kid, I heard that if you closed your eyes, made a wish, and blew all the little seedlings away, it would come true. I was too old to really believe that now, but I was still young enough for wishful thinking. I closed my eyes, and tried to phrase what I wanted just right. To be with Jay? To turn back time? For everything to be the way it's supposed to be? I opened my eyes to see that my breath had sent the seeds sailing across the spring air. I smiled; if only things could be that easy.
I stood up and wiped the grass from my jeans. The only thing I had to look forward to was work, and that wasn't even until tomorrow morning. I guessed I could just hang around the store. My pothead coworkers could be pretty interesting when they wanted to be.
I started walking. My feet went on autopilot as I picked at my mind. I tried to grasp for something that wasn't related to Jay. I had a life outside him; I swear I did. What was my life like before him? It was hazy; my mind was like a radio that couldn't get the right frequency. There was this guy named Jon. He had a crewcut and baggy pants; that was mostly a sexual relationship because he was more annoying than sugar-high preteens. Most of my relationships had been mostly sexual, which is sort of funny because I love sex-- who doesn't?-- but I'd always longed for something a little more solid. When it comes to bringing up exclusiveness and commitment, I always got a little shy. I don't know; I guess I found it embarrassing. I felt like I must be the only man in the universe who just wanted to settle down and grow old. I hated having to sit down and have "the talk"...shouldn't it be obvious?
But I never had to tell Jay. At least he knew he was supposed to tuck his tail in between his legs and put his ears down when he'd get caught.
My eyes refocused, and I stopped in my tracks. "Fuck." I had no idea where I was. There was a thrift store in front of me, and a gas station across. A sign at the corner of the road revealed this was North Chester; it would take at least thirty minutes by car to get back home. And where the hell had I left my car? I cursed myself for not paying more attention. Well, I could undo some of my stupidity by getting hold of some gasoline and trying to retrace my steps. However, just thinking about retracing my steps was making me tired. I found my way to a wooden bench and lay down, looking more or less like a drunk hobo. I was exhausted, angry, frustrated, and lost. Tears bubbled from my eyes; they scorched my skin and sizzled as they hit the sidewalk like bombs from planes. Slowly, I curled up into myself and fell asleep.
I don't know how long had passed when I woke up, but it was dark. I blinked eye crust away and looked down; my jacket pockets had been raided, which was fine because there had been nothing in them anyway besides a granola bar. Everything worthwhile to steal was in my car, which I had left in Nowheresville like a stupid idiot. "Fuck."
"You're such a retard." Someone voiced what I was thinking. Someone familiar, but it couldn't-- I blinked twice. It was Jay, looking scared as hell, wearing an orange sweatshirt with reddish pants and green striped shoes. "You're such a fucking retard! I should fucking strangle you." He leaned in close and fell on top of me, pulling me into his arms. "It took me forever to find your stupid car, and then you weren't even in it! I thought someone had kidnapped and did...something to you. I thought you were dead!" Jay wavered somewhere between laughing and crying.
"I told you not to come find me, Jay."
"Yeah, okay, fuck that shit. And you know what? Fuck you trying to run away."
I squirmed away. "The hell do you mean, 'run away'?"
"You think we can't fix this. I was thinking that, too. But we can. We can go to therapy, we can get help. It's not as hard as it seems. My parents did it, and it really helped them."
"I don't know, Jay. I don't think that's going to work."
"Fine. Fine, then, let's start over."
I shook my head. This wasn't making any sense.
He extended his hand. "Hey, my name's Jay. You're cute...can I buy you a drink?"
"What are you doing?"
He motioned behind me; I turned, and couldn't stop myself from smiling. Irregularly blinking letters spelled out "Sinnocence" on top of a shady-looking brick building. It was the club where we first met.
"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked again.
I shrugged. "Sure, why not."

I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face; I rolled over, and realized why.
"Morning, Jay," I whispered in his ear.
"Morning, Peter," He groggily replied back.
"Thanks for not giving up on me."
Jay moved in closer. "If I gave up on you, what the hell would I do?"
"Cute boytoys?"
He hit me. "Shut up. Besides, you're the only cute boytoy for me."
"But..."
"But nothing. We have issues, yeah. But...maybe that's okay. Maybe being like every other couple on the block isn't all it's cracked up to be." His lips moved against mine, making them tingle, and I grinned. I wasn't perfect; neither of us were. But if Jay had been the perfect guy the day I had met him, I wouldn't have given him a second thought.
"I'm so glad you're fucked up."
He laughed, and the sunlight meandered over his skin, making it shine like the hide of a Greek god. But he was no god; he was just Jay, imperfect Jay, and thank the lord for that.