Based on the Song 'Cancer' by MCR.
“Can you get me some water?” I croaked. He nodded and stood up, walked to the bathroom and brought me a little plastic cup filled with cool water. I smiled slightly and sipped it slowly.
“Do you need anything else? I can get you anything you want, babe.” He asked, sitting back down in the chair. I shook my head and handed him the cup of water.
“I didn’t mean to put you through this.” I whispered, letting a tear roll down my cheek. His eyes welled up, but he refused to cry. Not in front of me. If he cried, then he was giving up on me. He wasn't going to give up.
“Don’t be sorry, babe. Every minute I spent with you was the highlight of my life.” He whispered back, his voice quivering.
My mind flashed back to four months ago.
I sat inside the bright doctors office. I hated the doctors since I was a little kids, the older you get, the worst the tests get. There is no getting out of it. The door opens and a petit woman walks in wearing a white lab coat with a black skirt. She sits down across from me behind her desk.
“Kristina, the test results came back positive. You have breast cancer.” She said softly. Her eyes looked pained and sad. I had heard what she said, but the meaning didn’t really sink in yet. “Kristina, there are ways to deal with this.” She added after a moment of silence.
‘Breast cancer? I jog every day, I eat healthy, never smoked a day in my life. Why is this happening to me?’
“There is nothing you could have done to prevent this.” The doctor said, reading my mind.
‘I should be crying, shouldn’t I?’
“We can start chemotherapy as soon as possible. Tomorrow would be best.” She said, tearing a sheet of paper out of her note book. She scribbled a time and address on the paper and handed it to me. “This is the best center around. We can talk more tomorrow if you want to go over your options.” She explained.
Next thing I knew, I was standing outside trying to hail a cab.
I opened the door to my apartment quietly, careful to not wake Bob. We had only been dating for a few months and he was crashing at my place for a few days. He had just gotten back from Germany and was still jet lagged from the flight. He was on the couch, even though there was a perfectly good bed in the next room.
I closed the door, set my purse on the table and walked out into the living room and sat down in front of him. I ran my hands through his hair and took in every feature of his face. He had a lip ring on the right side of his lower lip. He opened his eyes, those dark blue eyes that made my heart melt.
“Hi honey.” I whispered, kissing his cheek softly.
‘Don’t cry now. Now is not the time to cry!’
He sat up and yawned. “Hey babe, how did the doctors go?” He asked, stretching his arms to the ceiling. I didn’t answer. He looked down and saw the tears in my eyes. I looked up at him and started crying. “No…” he whispered, sliding off the couch onto the floor next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. “It’s going to be okay.” He cooed. “It’s going to be just fine.”
“We need to call someone.” I said dryly. He looked up at me and frowned in confusion. “Ya’ know, to get the funeral ready.” I explained. He bit hit lip and wrinkled his nose.
“Why are you talking this way?” He asked sadly. “It’s not over yet.” He added. I could hear the desperation in his voice. I ignored him and continued to talk.
“You should call my Aunt Marie. She knows all my favorite colors and what I would like to be buried in.” I explained. Bob just shook his head and wrung his hands together. “Help her get everything ready too. Clean out my apartment.” I added. “She won’t know what would go where and everything.” I said, smiling slightly.
“Chemo isn’t working Kristina.” She said slowly. I nodded, knowing this already. “The next step is surgery.” She explained. I nodded.
“If surgery doesn’t work and the cancer is still…inside me, how long will I have?” I asked. Bob squeezed my hand and bowed his head. The doctor looked at her charts and sat down on the rolling chair.
“The cancer is very progressive. It’s moving through you very quickly. If we can’t remove all the cancer in surgery, then I would have to say four to six months.” I heard Bob sigh loudly. I looked over at him, but he wouldn’t-no, he couldn't look at me.
“What are the percentages of getting all the cancer out?” I asked, still holding Bob’s hand.
“I don’t want the surgery.” I stated. Bob looked up and shook his head.
“No, she does. I want her to have it.” He turned to me and grabbed my other hand with his free one. “Babe, you need this surgery. I need you to have this surgery.” He pleaded. I shook my head.
“I don’t want to go through that if I’m just going to end up back here! I don’t want anymore hospitals! I don't want anything to do with this anymore! I just want to be done with it!”
“Why are you still here?” I asked sadly. Bob looked up at me, cocked his head to the side and frowned. “I’m not beautiful like I used to be. My hairs gone, my eyes are sunken and I’m sickly skinny.” I asked. He didn’t answer me. “God dammit Bob! Fucking answer me!” I yelled as loud as I could. “I’m fucking disgusting and you still sit here with me! Tell me why!”
“Because you’re my everything.”
I broke down. I couldn't take it anymore. He leaned in to kiss me but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Kissing him would be like kissing him goodbye.
Bob must have known that’s what I was thinking because he didn’t pull away.
“I’m going to tell you that if you decide to move on, please don't ever forget me.” I pleaded, tears rolling down my face. “You’re the only man I’ve ever loved and I couldn’t bare the thought of you forgetting who I was and what I meant to you.”
Bob turned away and sniffled. He had given up. He turned around and looked down at me. Tears glistened in his eyes, his body was shaking. “The hardest part of this is knowing that I’ll never be able to marry you.” He whispered. “That’s what I wanted more then anything in this world.” He added. I sobbed loudly. “I’ll never forget who you are and what you meant to me.” He said in a hushed tone. “I’ll always be true to you.”
My heartbeat slowed and my eyelids became heavy.
“Bob, I think its happening.” He rushed over to me and grabbed my hand. “I love you.” He nodded and got down on his knees and pressed his forehead against my hands. He was whispering something. I couldn't make out what he was saying. Everything was getting fuzzy, everything was getting dark. “Say it.” I managed to say softly.
“I love you.” He cried softly.