Keeping emotions bottled up inside will only lead to hurt in the end, but sometimes... It is hard to release it all. Even (and especially if) when one is 'alone'. But still, there is always a spark...
Disclaimer: Yugioh does not belong to me. And neither does the song, My Immortal.
"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone..."
Everything was so wrong... So different from what it was supposed to be. Oh, she knew what had happened to change it all. That was one of the most obvious things on all of the earth. Betrayal was what begun this entire problem. How could anybody do that to a child?! What had he done to deserve it?
Nothing... Nothing but want to make his father proud. Was that so wrong?
Twenty year old Ishizu Ishtar sighed sadly as she awaited for the plane that would take her to Domino City. She knew what she had to do to save her brother... but would saving him earn her his hatred, just as he hated the Pharaoh? She hoped not, hoped with all of her heart and soul that she could simply have her dear little brother back; the little brother who used to climb onto her lap and snuggle close after he had had a nightmare, the little brother that used to sit and play with her hair, fascinated by it, when he was barely even two years old...
The little brother that was there.
"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"
And what of Rishid? Was he well? She knew that he had gone with Marik in order to keep him safe (as she had not done, though it saddened her greatly. Whenever she thought about it her heart swam with guilt so acute that it hurt, even though that she also knew that doing that would have been out of the question), and she had complete faith in him that he would not fail in that task... But what if something did happen? To either of them? She would be devastated if she ever heard of such an occurrence.
I will never forgive myself if I allow the darkness completely consume your heart, my brother... I swear that I will do everything in my power to bring you back from the light and away from a path that will only lead to pain and destruction.
She sighed sadly to herself as she boarded the plane, glancing back towards the great sands of Egypt that spread in every direction, covering all the ground that she could see. She could see it again, hear it playing out in her mind as if it was only yesterday, no doubt it was being brought back to her attention again due to the whims of her Millennium Item.
Or could it be because of the grief that filled her heart and weighed down her entire being? A grief that she kept bottled up inside no matter what the cost. She had forced herself to keep it all inside for so long now that often it seemed as though she could handle anything. She couldn't. All she wanted was for her family to be reunited... And to have some kind of release from the agony. To cry... It would be a gift in disguise.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me"
She had always been taught how wrong it was to be weak, to allow oneself to feel compassion and emotion. It was often no different in the world that dwell in the light, above ground, but at the same time... It was not seen as something unforgivable.
I won't let either of you down... Not you, Marik, and not Rishid either. You are both the world to me, and that shall never change.
Slowly she sat down in one of the seats furthest away from the isle, by the window. Oh, how she wanted to be completely alone right now. It was a privilege she was not often granted, but she savoured it when she could, especially during times like this. Her clear, aqua eyes closing slowly, she rested back against the comfortable seat.
"Marik!? Rishid?! Where are you?!" Fifteen year old Ishizu cried out desperately as she searched high and low for her missing brothers. She hadn't seen them at all since last night, after... After her father had been murdered. Why had they disappeared?!
Gasping for breath, she collapsed to her knees just outside the entrance to the underground home, having decided that she should take a chance and search outside for her dear siblings. They were no where else that she could think of, and she had been looking high and low for longer than she could think. Where-
"Brother..?" He was right there, standing in front of her with his back turned, staring almost blankly ahead. What was he doing out here? Why would he come out alone, after what had happened the last time he had ventured to the service? Confused, she climbed to her feet and stumbled over to him, ignoring the crumples and sand on the part of the dress that covered her knees, "What is the matter..?"
Carefully, she laid a hand on his shoulder. A brief flicker of panic surged through her as something occurred to her, something that she had tried to forget about. Could it be... Could it be that the -thing- that had taken over Marik before was back again? No! That couldn't be it! Marik wouldn't allow that to happen to him a second ago, and Rishid (where-ever he was..) wouldn't allow it either!
She gasped when he turned his head slightly to look at her, a foreign look in his eyes. It was so... melancholy and sad... Yet at the same time, it was full of bitter anger.
She felt rather than saw Rishid come over as well, to stand by Marik's side, looking at her with those golden eyes of his. She could always see traces of her mother in those orbs, gazing back at her. Now she could see acceptance of the task that he had lain before himself, and immediately she knew.
"You're leaving.." she whispered, more than a thousand things swirling through her mind all at once. It was overwhelming her! All of it! Her mother dying, Marik undergoing that horrible initiation, her father... And now this... "You can't! You can't leave!" she cried then, jumping in front of the two as if trying to block their path. Tears were gathering in her eyes now, blurring her vision and ripping at her heart. They can't... They can't...
"I have to," It was Marik, given her a look that made her want to fall to her knees and sob. It wasn't an evil look, but it was so sad, all the hurt of the years behind it. Before all though was the determination that burned brightly, clear for all to see.
"You can't!" Please, please reconsider this!! Don't go...
"I can, and I will. I'm sorry, sister..." he closed his eyes now, half turning his head, "But the Pharaoh has to pay for what he has done to us."
She tried. Tried so hard to make him change his mind and turn back from the path of darkness that he had set himself on, but it was to no avail. He left, along with Rishid, beginning a journey across the desert together and leaving her there, alone with only the soft breeze for company.
"You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me"
"You have something to do, Ishizu... Your path is not the same as ours..." Rishid had whispered to her, just before they had turned to leave, "I will keep him safe, even if it means I give my life in forfeit."
She had not known what he had meant then, but now, five years later... She knew, and she understood.
Opening her eyes slowly, she glanced to her side a little to look out of the window. The sun was rising, beautiful streams of gold and purple streaming across the horizon against a background of pure blue.
And at long last, she allowed herself to cry.
"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along"