Gerard almost gives in to the darkness.
Gracie crossed the kitchen quickly mindful of the glass and touched Willow’s arm. “Honey?” She said gently, “What’s wrong?”
Willow forced herself to look at her friend and away from Elena. “I’m sorry.” She sputtered looking down at he glass. “It just slipped through my fingers.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Gracie gently led her through the glass over to the table. “Now you just sit here and I’ll get this cleaned up.”
Willow nodded while glancing over to the spot where Elena has stood moments earlier. She was gone but what she’d shown Willow was fresh in her mind. As Gracie returned with a mop Willow suddenly jumped to her feet. “I’m sorry,” She said near tears, “But I have to go.”
Gracie sat the bucket down and turned to her, “You gonna go lay down? That’s what you should do, Honey. You don’t look good. Maybe that bug everybody’s been commin’ down with has got you.”
Willow nodded, “I think you’re right. I’m gonna go lay down for just a little bit. I promise I’ll come back and help close up the kitchen.”
“You’ll do no such thing.” Gracie said with a smile. “You’ve done enough work for today. Go on up and relax. I’ll bring you up something to eat in a bit.”
The older woman’s concern touched Willow’s heart. “Thank you.” She said softly then quickly headed for the stairs. Her heart was racing as she reached her room. With trembling fingers she grabbed her purse and dug for the slip of paper.
The music was loud, the lighting dim. All around people were laughing and drinking but he ignored it all. Alone in a booth in a darkened corner of the bar he sat feeling numb. On the table sat a glass of bourbon and coke, his poison of choice. Slowly he reached out placed his hands on the cool glass feeling the moisture seep into his skin.
He blinked shocked to see Jessica standing looking down at him. Without waiting for an invitation she slipped into the booth settling down next to him.
“I saw you when you first walked in.” She said moving closer. “I waited to see if you were meeting someone but I guess not.”
He shook his head, “No, I’m alone.”
She smiled, “Look about what happened in LA. I’m sorry.” She placed her hand on his arm, “Are you still mad at me?”
He wanted to shake off her hand and tell her to go to hell but the mood he was in made it impossible. He just didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything.
Jessica took his silence in stride. “So since you’re alone and I’m alone tonight maybe we were meant to meet up.” She took a drink out of the glass she’d brought with her and smiled, “No on really wants to be alone, do they?”
“No I guess not.” He said feeling anger course through his body again. He turned to look into Jessica’s eyes, “So you wanna have a few drinks then go back to your place and fuck?”
“Yeah” She was surprised to hear he was drinking again but happy at the same time. He was always so much more fun when he was wasted. She leaned over and whispered in his ear, “You know I wanna fuck, Baby.”
Gerard reached out and pulled her to him. His lips crashed down on hers, his tongue forced her mouth open. He could taste the liquor on her tongue. He sucked the fiery taste into his own mouth feeling the burn.
Jessica slid her hand under the table to his crotch and began to rub him. She couldn’t believe she was getting this chance to get back in his good graces. Obviously something had happened between him and that woman.
Gerard continued to fuck her mouth with his tongue. This was what he needed to forget everything. Nothing mattered anymore. Willow was gone, he had nothing in his life. He moved his hand under the table, yanked up her skirt, and then moaned. Jessica, good bitch that she was, was wearing only a g-string. He roughly pushed her legs apart and thrust a finger inside her. He didn’t care if he hurt her, actually he wanted to hurt her.
Jessica tried to act as though his actions were exciting her. She moaned into his mouth and parted her legs even further. If this was what he wanted now that was fine. Once he had a few drinks she would call the shots.
“You like that?’ He panted against her lips.
“Yeah, Baby.” She whispered, “But I need another drink, don’t you?”
Gerard continued to thrust his finger in and out her hot hole while she picked up her glass and downed the rest of her drink. As soon as she sat the empty glass down he grabbed her hair and pulled her head to him. Again the alcohol taste in her mouth spurred him on. He inserted another finger and continued to fuck her under the table.
They both jumped at the voice of the man towering over the table. Gerard pulled his fingers out of Jessica and sat back. “Yeah?”
Bob balled his fists at his side trying to control the rage he was feeling. “I need to talk to you.”
Gerard made a move for his glass but Bob’s hand shot out and slid it across the table out of his reach. “Now, Gerard.”
“I’ll be back in a minute.” Gerard said to Jessica as he slid out of the booth. She watched as the men exited the bar while making her plans for what would happen later.
The cold air hit Gerard as they walked out onto the sidewalk. Bob continued down a short distance to the alley knowing Gerard was behind him. Suddenly he turned, “That the fuck were you doing in there?”
“Fingering Jessica under the table” Gerard smirked. He didn’t know how Bob had found him or why but he didn’t care. There was a hot piece of ass and a drink waiting to make him forget everything. He never had time to duck as the punch Bob flung at him connected with his chin. Gerard stumbled back and hit the brick wall hard.
“You stupid motherfucker.” Bob shouted moving towards him, “We’re you drinking too?”
“What the fuck is it to you?” Gerard said rubbing his chin.
“You are so fucking pathetic. Poor Gerard didn’t get what he wanted so he decides to drink. What is drinking gonna make you feel better?”
“Yeah, it’s gonna make me feel fuckin’ better.” Gerard balled his fists ready to fight. “So leave me the fuck alone. I’m fine. I know what I’m doing.”
Bob shook his head, “So Willow don’t mean shit to you? Is that right?”
Her name caused Gerard to take a step back. “This had nothing to do with Willow.” He lied.
“So you saw her? You talked to her and she didn’t want you back?” Bob asked.
“It’s none of your fuckin’ business.” Gerard ground out angrily. The last thing he wanted to think about was Willow.
“Did you see her?” Bob asked again trying to understand what was going on.
“Fuck off.” Gerard said turning away, “Just leave me alone. I’ve got a hot fuck inside waiting for me.”
Once again Bob moved in. He grabbed Gerard’s shoulders and threw him back against the wall. “I want to know what happened with Willow.”
This time Gerard actually saw stars when his head hit the bricks. He tried to stand but slowly slid down the wall landing in a heap. Tears of anger filled his eyes. “Just fuckin’ leave me alone. She’s gone. She sold her house and took off. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. I fucked up and she’s gone.” He lowered his head.
Bob looked down at his friend and felt his anger fading.
Gerard silently cursed the tears and swiped his hand across this face. He looked up at Bob, “So want me to stand up so you can fuckin’ knock me down again? Wanna call me a stupid motherfucker again?”
He was shocked when Bob put out his hand to help him up. “No, Gee.” He said softly.
Gerard ignored his hand and stood. “So now you know. I fucked up and lost her for good. Maybe I’m an idiot to think I ever had her. Maybe she never loved me.” He stared to brush past Bob but his friend’s words stopped him.
“Don’t do it, Gee. Don’t go back in there.”
Gerard spoke without turning, “Why not? What fuckin’ difference does it make to anyone?”
“It matters to me.” Bob said softly, “It matters to the rest of the guys, your mom and dad, Mikey, it matters to all of us.”
Gerard stood silently.
“And it matters to Willow.” Bob said taking a step towards him. He saw Gerard turn to him with a look of shock.
Bob smiled sadly, “Did you wonder why I suddenly showed up?”
“I don’t understand? What are you saying?”
“She called me.” Bob admitted. He shook his head, “She begged me to find you. I knew this used to be your favorite bar so I came here first.”
“Willow called you?” Gerard felt his heartbeat quicken.
“Yeah, she said I had to find you before it was too late. Sorry I got so pissed but when I saw you with that skank I sorta lost it.”
“Did she say where she was? How did she sound?” He asked excitedly.
Bob shook his head, “I answered and she started talking so quickly it was hard to understand. She said I had to find you and stop you from doing something stupid. I asked her what and she said you were gonna start drinking again. I got now clue how she knew.”
Gerard realized he knew. Grandma must have shown her. He tried to gather his thoughts. “What else did she say?”
Bob replayed the conversation in his head, “That’s about it. She begged me to find you and then she hung up.”
“So she called your cell, right?” Gerard took a step closer to him. “So you can call her back.”
“I already tried that.” Bob said frowning, “No answer.”
“But the number is hers. Maybe it can be traced or something.”
Bob shrugged, “You know someone who can do that?”
Gerard pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one while trying to think. Finally he decided to tell Bob the truth. He told him about flying to Kansas and finding she had sold her house and was gone. He told him about the private investigator he’d hired. Bob listened to his friend and heard the desperation in his voice.
“And what happens when you find out where she is?”
“I’m gonna go there and talk to her. Gonna tell her the truth that I love her.”
Bob’s eyes narrowed, “You sure you love her? Don’t hurt her, Gee. You gotta be sure.”
Gerard looked him straight in the eyes, “I’m sure. I’m tired of fucking things up. Maybe she’ll never forgive me for the things I’ve done but I want her to know. I love her.”
Bob still had to know, “Then what in the fuck were you doing in there?”
Gerard hung his head, “I gave up. I don’t know why but suddenly everything just hit me, you know? During the tour I just wanted to get home so I could see her. Fuck, when I got to Kansas and found out she’d sold her house to pay me back it felt like I’d been punched in the gut.”
“So you called Jessica?”
Gerard shook his head, “Fuck no. I didn’t call her. She saw me and came over to the table.”
Bob sighed, “So what would have happened if I hadn’t shown up?”
“I was ready to throw everything away.” Gerard whispered in shame.
“How did Willow know?”
Gerard leveled with him. “Pretty sure grandma had something to do with it. Mikey has seen her recently too.”
Bob was amazed. He thought a moment then said softly, “So Elena used Willow to save you from yourself just like she used her to save Mikey.”
“Yeah.” Gerard whispered. He looked into Bob’s eyes, “Grandma knows I need Willow. She’s gotta know how much I love her.”
Bob closed the distance between them and placed his arm around his shoulder. “And you gotta make sure Willow knows that too.”
Speaking with a new sense of purpose Gerard nodded, “Yeah, and that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m done fuckin’ shit up.”
Bob hoped with all his heart Gerard’s words were true.