Categories > Original > Drama
The Fear of Being Alone
0 reviewsDrayton Sanatorium is home to Autumn Hamdon - the girl with two personalities. Jane, the other side of her, introduced herself shortly after a car crash that killed Autumn's parents. The acciden...
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Chapter 1: Nightmares
The nightmares jerk me awake. My head is throbbing - same with my heart. I feel that unwelcome winter cold and clutch the starchy sheets to my chest. It doesn't help like I want it too, but the rough itch distracts me.
[Jane?] I ask, my words fumbling into my mind, [You awake?]
There are a few moments of silence. In that small pause I assume that my best friend has gone, this time for good. Like always I'm happily surprised to hear her voice, [Yeah... yeah.]
I wait before speaking, afraid I might break into sobs, [I hate this place, espesially this room.]
[All the white reminds me of snow,] She responds and I agree. [We need to get out of here.]
We do get out of the room, but we can't escape the plain white walls of Drayton. I'm led by a nurse to the laundry. I'm forced to strip down and accept new, starchier clothes. Then I'm escorted to the conference room for Resolve/Group Meeting.
Everyone looks so calm in their pale blue smocks. No one is calm. You can smell the stink of tension; today we're discussing out pasts. More specifically our families. It's not something I'd like to talk about. I pick a seat away from the counsellor. It's near the window, which is almost never opened. Even though it's likely to be 30+ in here.
On second thoughts, maybe it's not tension I'm smelling.
I go to touch my nose, to plug it for a second, and the counsellor takes it as volunteering, "Autumn, would you like to speak?"
I barely shake my head. Instead I turn to look at the forest that surrounds Drayton. Right now it's the broughtest thing in our room.
"Oh, come on. It's best if you get those feelings out. Spe--"
"Feelings?" There's laughter from across the circle, "As if Autumn has any feeling."
I turn my gaze to the voice and recognize the girl as Lauren. She's obviously a part of the eating disorder group. Instead of being anorexic she's overweight. A startling contrast to the stick-thin girls that I see stalking around.
"Why would you want her to talk anyways. She doesn't have a family," Everyone turns their gaze to Lauren and she sits up straighter. "They died right? In an accident."
The patiants turn their eyes to me and Jane silently reminds me that she's still here. I suddenly wondered why no one has come over to shut Lauren up.
"Weren't you driving on a deserted road? Yeah, that's right," She taunts, "You swerved to miss a deer and flipped your car. Then you stayed in that car. For how long, Autumn? Three hours? You don't say!"
I realize that her summary is basically right, except for a few minor details; it wasn't a deserted road, and it wasn't a deer. I don't respond, I don't even look at her. But I still felt Jane's anger rise and my hands clench into tight fists.
"You were in the car for three hours with your dead, upside-down parents. And when you finally got the courage to walk away from the wreck, you were all alone for two days!" Lauren's face jiggles as she speaks, there's a sheen of sweat on her forehead. I can't tell if it's from excitment or excertion.
[No! You weren't alone, Autumn. There was someone...] She's speaking through clenched teeth, and Jane's words aren't comforting.
It's our anger that causes me to stand up abruptly, knocking over the chair behind me. Until then everyone had been silent. At the sound of the falling chair they burst into laughter. As I took a step forward, I felt a nurse come up behind me, her hand curling around my arm.
As I'm being hurried out into the hallway I watch Lauren's laughing, gaping mouth. I make a silent vow to get back at her. It's either that or leave this place.
The nurse has a hand wrapped around my upper arm, her painted nails digging into my sleeve. Her grip warns me not to turn around and run back to kill Lauren. I resisted the urge, letting her lead me to my room.
She urged me in, her grip never leaving until I was on the other side of the door. She heaved a tired sigh from behind me. I didn't turn. Without a word she closed the door, followed by the click of it locking from the outside.
I immediatly crawl into my bed, finding an odd comfort in the scratchy sheets.Jane isn't calm enough to speak, but I call out to her anyways.
[Jane?] I pull out my diary from under my pillow.
Jane takes a few seconds to calm down. When she speaks her words are soaked in disgust, [When we leave this place, Autumn, this will all seem like a nightmare.]
The nightmares jerk me awake. My head is throbbing - same with my heart. I feel that unwelcome winter cold and clutch the starchy sheets to my chest. It doesn't help like I want it too, but the rough itch distracts me.
[Jane?] I ask, my words fumbling into my mind, [You awake?]
There are a few moments of silence. In that small pause I assume that my best friend has gone, this time for good. Like always I'm happily surprised to hear her voice, [Yeah... yeah.]
I wait before speaking, afraid I might break into sobs, [I hate this place, espesially this room.]
[All the white reminds me of snow,] She responds and I agree. [We need to get out of here.]
We do get out of the room, but we can't escape the plain white walls of Drayton. I'm led by a nurse to the laundry. I'm forced to strip down and accept new, starchier clothes. Then I'm escorted to the conference room for Resolve/Group Meeting.
Everyone looks so calm in their pale blue smocks. No one is calm. You can smell the stink of tension; today we're discussing out pasts. More specifically our families. It's not something I'd like to talk about. I pick a seat away from the counsellor. It's near the window, which is almost never opened. Even though it's likely to be 30+ in here.
On second thoughts, maybe it's not tension I'm smelling.
I go to touch my nose, to plug it for a second, and the counsellor takes it as volunteering, "Autumn, would you like to speak?"
I barely shake my head. Instead I turn to look at the forest that surrounds Drayton. Right now it's the broughtest thing in our room.
"Oh, come on. It's best if you get those feelings out. Spe--"
"Feelings?" There's laughter from across the circle, "As if Autumn has any feeling."
I turn my gaze to the voice and recognize the girl as Lauren. She's obviously a part of the eating disorder group. Instead of being anorexic she's overweight. A startling contrast to the stick-thin girls that I see stalking around.
"Why would you want her to talk anyways. She doesn't have a family," Everyone turns their gaze to Lauren and she sits up straighter. "They died right? In an accident."
The patiants turn their eyes to me and Jane silently reminds me that she's still here. I suddenly wondered why no one has come over to shut Lauren up.
"Weren't you driving on a deserted road? Yeah, that's right," She taunts, "You swerved to miss a deer and flipped your car. Then you stayed in that car. For how long, Autumn? Three hours? You don't say!"
I realize that her summary is basically right, except for a few minor details; it wasn't a deserted road, and it wasn't a deer. I don't respond, I don't even look at her. But I still felt Jane's anger rise and my hands clench into tight fists.
"You were in the car for three hours with your dead, upside-down parents. And when you finally got the courage to walk away from the wreck, you were all alone for two days!" Lauren's face jiggles as she speaks, there's a sheen of sweat on her forehead. I can't tell if it's from excitment or excertion.
[No! You weren't alone, Autumn. There was someone...] She's speaking through clenched teeth, and Jane's words aren't comforting.
It's our anger that causes me to stand up abruptly, knocking over the chair behind me. Until then everyone had been silent. At the sound of the falling chair they burst into laughter. As I took a step forward, I felt a nurse come up behind me, her hand curling around my arm.
As I'm being hurried out into the hallway I watch Lauren's laughing, gaping mouth. I make a silent vow to get back at her. It's either that or leave this place.
The nurse has a hand wrapped around my upper arm, her painted nails digging into my sleeve. Her grip warns me not to turn around and run back to kill Lauren. I resisted the urge, letting her lead me to my room.
She urged me in, her grip never leaving until I was on the other side of the door. She heaved a tired sigh from behind me. I didn't turn. Without a word she closed the door, followed by the click of it locking from the outside.
I immediatly crawl into my bed, finding an odd comfort in the scratchy sheets.Jane isn't calm enough to speak, but I call out to her anyways.
[Jane?] I pull out my diary from under my pillow.
Jane takes a few seconds to calm down. When she speaks her words are soaked in disgust, [When we leave this place, Autumn, this will all seem like a nightmare.]
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