Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Love Me to the Death

Looks Can Kill

by devilsgyrl 1 Reviews

Amy falls in love with the legendary Nikki Sixx and watches him marry and attempt suicide. Will their love for each other unit? Or will Sixx break Amy's heart forever?

Category: Motley Crue - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Characters:  - Warnings: [X] - Published: 2009/12/31 - Updated: 2010/01/08 - 15646 words

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Beep, beep, beep! The raucous, unending blare of my alarm clock jolted me out of my troubled sleep. I sat up straight in bed and tried to get my eyes adjusted to the darkness of 6 am. Slowly, my eyes adjusted and I reached over to my nightstand and slowly flicked off the alarm. I knew I should get up, but the warmth and coziness of my bed was much too tempting. I rolled onto my back and told myself I could stay in bed for only five more minutes. My cat, Daisy, meowed softly in the dark and snuggled closer to me. I gently rubbed her chin.
Sure, Daisy was nice company, but how I had longed for a real person to share a bed with; not a pet. Ever since I was 14 years old, I knew that I would never be satisfied until I found a guy. Not just any guy though. He would have to be cute, smart, funny, share some of my few interests, and he'd have to love me with all his heart. There was just one problem; nobody would ever love me like that. It was impossible that someone could love me. I had figured that out with my first heart break at 14. Guys just didn't seem to like me. I'd never know why.
I myself had been in love several times. But...I had never been in love so much than now. I had fallen for Nikki Sixx the moment I laid eyes on him in high school. He's the just the kind of guy I had always wanted. Tall, dark, and handsome he had stolen my heart and was now ripping it into a million pieces. The two of us were friends, really good friends...but no more than that. And the worst part was the Nikki had a girlfriend.
Nicole Maat was all that I had wanted to be and more. She was tall, blonde and simply gorgeous. She was one of those women who you could sit and stare and for hours and never lose interest or find a flaw. And of course, she simply hated me. Maybe because we were pretty much opposites. I was short and slim with long brown hair and blue eyes. And my complection was marred by the small moles on my face. There was one above my right eyebrow and another one on above the left side of my lip. How I had hated those moles! I had tried to get them removed and had ended up wasting a precious two hundred dollars when they grew back the next year. I knew I was nothing compared to Nicole, but that didn't stop me from wanting Nikki. Nothing could stop those passionate feelings that pulsed through my heart and that trickled through my veins. So I took what I could get. I was one of Nikki's best friends and I would have to be satisfied with that.
The worst part was, my parents didn't support me hanging out with Nikki at all. My parents were the clean, conservative kind of parents that had sheltered me since birth. They always told me to be "moral" and made me dress and look a certain way. Of course, I had become really rebellious and Nikki was one of the best ways to get back at them. Nikki had a wild side, and that was one of the things I loved most about him. He had long, crazy black hair, tattoos across his chest, and he had been known for stealing and for doing drugs. I honestly didn't care if he did drugs or stole though as long as he continued to be my friend. And that's why we never talked about any of that.
As a matter of fact, that's why I was up so early this morning; I was going to visit Nikki. I planned to clean myself up and get dressed long before my parents were up so I wouldn't have to endure their ongoings lecture about how "inappropriate" it was for a girl like me to hang out with Nikki. But really, screw what they always said. I honestly didn't care an ounce about what they thought of me and Nikki. Nikki was my friend and I had ever right in the world to be with him. Also, as an adult, they couldn't stop me from doing anything.
With that thought in my head, I finally pushed back the covers in my bed and jumped to the floor. I shivered; my parents always kept it rather cold in the house. At the moment, it was 57 degrees. I walked over to my drawers and selected a black tank top and pair of dark jeans. Then I stripped as quickly as possible out of my lacy nighttop and pulled on the warmer clothes. After that, I strode across the room and pulled open the bathroom door and flicked on the lights.
Blinking in the sudden lightness, I stared at my image in the mirror in front of me. Ever since I had been called ugly by my childhood crush, I was convinced that I was an ugly girl who could never be pretty no matter how hard she tried. I frowned and tore my gaze away from my reflection and pulled out a pink flat iron from one of my drawers. I ran it through my long brown tresses as I pulled out tubes of makeup from an adjacent drawer. I knew I had to hurry before my parents woke up. After straightening all of my hair, I drew big dark rings of eyeliner around my eyes and smudged gray eyeshadow onto my lids. Every "attractive" girl seemed to be wearing lots of makeup these days. Nicole always seemed to be wearing a lot of eyeliner and so lately I had started copying her. My mom was furious about it said I looked like a prostitute, but I honestly didn't care. After all, there was nothing she could do about it. I applied some bright red lipstick to my thin lips and then stared in the mirror. It was as good as it was going to get.
I opened the door to the bathroom and slightly crept through the living room as not to disturbe my parents. Soundlessly, I slid the key into the lock of our wooden front door and turned the knob. The door swung open with a loud creak. Bitting my lip, I quickly shut the door behind me and slid on my black stilettos. My parents couldn't stop me from seeing Nikki even if they knew I was going. There wasn't anything for me to hide really. I just got a bad feeling in my gut about this. Like that this was going to end up badly or something.
I pushed those thoughts aside and climbed into my black jetta. I was being stupid and paranoid like usual. Angrily, I started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. As I drove to Nikki's house, I turned up my metal radio station and focused on keeping my eyes open. I had a habit of staying up late and waking up early.
I turned the corner and pulled into Nikki's driveway. I knew it was early, but Nikki always said I could just come in and wait in the living room for him. He knew about my parents and liked to make everything as easy as possible for me. Thank God for that! I parked my car and then took a steadying breath. I could feel the blood pulsing through my veins and the beating of my heart. I was crazy for him. That much I knew. And I also knew, that I'd never be happy until I had made Nikki mine.
I pushed open the car door and stepped out into the rather chilly fall day. The wind bit at my face and tore through my hair as I walked up the long black driveway to Nikki's front door. Pushing my hands into my pockets to keep warm, I walked up the stairs and then knocked lightly on the door. I stood shivering in the cold, wishing for Nikki to open the door. To my disappointment, no one came to the door. I took a few steps to the right and peered curiously into the window. The living room was pitch black and nobody was anywhere to be seen.
Oh well, this happened quite frequently. Nikki had probably been drinking last night and was sleeping it off. Cautiously, I tried the doorknob. It turned easily under my hand and swung open without a sound. I crept into the silent house and shut the door behind me. It almost felt a little spooky inside Nikki's house. I had been here on several occasions and yet I had never had this strange foreboding feeling before. After slipping off my boots, I walked over and sat down on the old, dingy couch in the living room and picked up the remote on the table next to it. I flicked on the TV and scanned through the channels until I found my favorite soap opera channel. I snuggled closer against the couch and blew on my hands to try to keep warm. A yawn escaped my lips and my eyelids began to close. The temptation of sleep proved to be too much for me and I was soon fast asleep.



"What are you doing here?" a sharp voice broke through my sweet dreams and I sat up with a start. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I turned to see who my inquirer was. Nicole Maat strode towards me with a disgusted look on her face. She looked slightly disheveled and her blonde hair wasn't quite as flat and shiny as usual.
"What do you think I'm doing here?" I asked, attempting to conceal my awkwardness at falling asleep on the couch. Nicole peered down at me, "Don't you try to be smart with me, Amy. I know why you're here and I know exactly what you want."
"So?" I asked, rather perturbed, "I don't care if you know what I want or not. So just leave me alone, okay?" A sly smile slowly spread across Nicole's full lips, "Just to let you know, there's really no point in trying. No point in you being here. Can't you see Nikki's mine? Quit dreaming and find a guy of your own. Besides, it's quite clear Nikki would never love a girl like you," Nicole sneered. I flushed a dark shade of red and tried to conceal the hurt in my eyes, "Did I ever even say I wanted Nikki? Isn't it clear that I'm his best friend and no more than that?"
"Quite clear," Nicole smirked again, "You're his friend. You'll never be more than that." I could feel tears of hurt springing to my eyes. It wasn't that I was upset at Nicole; it was just that everything she said was hopelessly true. I knew that I would always be a friend to Nikki, but I also knew that I would never be fully satisfied this way.
I bit my lip and turned away so Nicole couldn't see how much she had hurt me. I could hear a barely audible chuckle escape her lips. That was it; I couldn't stay here any longer. What was the point in sitting around and letting my self esteem drop to a zero?
I sprang to my feet and glared at Nicole, "Well, I'll just be leaving. You and Nikki can enjoy your privacy." Nicole shot me an uncaring glance, "I'm sure we will," she said with an evil glance, "Goodbye, Amy."
Just as my hand reached for the doorknob, footsteps sounded from around the corner.
"Who are ya talking to, Nicole?" Nikki asked questioningly as he entered the room. Nicole hid her anger and pasted an angelical smile on her face, "It's just an...associate from school." Nikki rolled his eyes at her and strode across the room at me, "Hey Amy! Whatcha doing? Don't tell me you're leaving because you just got here." Nikki put an arm around my shoulders and led me back into the room. A tingly feeling raced through my body at Nikki's touch. How I wanted so much more from him...so much more I could never have.
"You know, I really shouldn't be here..." I stuttered, staring at Nicole's frown. "I really should just leave now." Nikki ran a hand through his wild-looking black hair and raised an eyebrow at me, "You wouldn't have come here if you shouldn't be here. You're not going anywhere." I hesitated, looking from Nicole's scowl to Nikki's red lipped smile.
"I'm the one who really ought to get going," Nicole broke the long silence. "I have a job application this afternoon and I obviously need to get prepared for that."
"Ah, alright," I said, maybe a bit too happily for Nicole turned and gave me a disgusted look. Nikki took a step towards Nicole and wrapped his arms around her slender waist. Then he leaned down and kissed her lips. Nicole pressed her lips against his enthusiastically and in no time, the two were in an indepth making out scene. I watched enviously as Nicole pressed herself against Nikki's body and place her arms around his neck. I knew I shouldn't watch the two lovers, but I just couldn't seem to help myself.
Finally, I tore my gaze from them and shut my eyes for a moment and imagined what it would be like for Nikki to kiss me. I became so entranced by my own fantasy, that it took me a while before I realiazed Nikki had let go of Nicole and she was walking to the door.
"Bye Nikki!" Nicole raised a bony hand and waved goodbye and she stepped outside. I stared after her. Nicole would never reliaze just how lucky she was. She had the looks of a model, the grades of a star student, and most importantly, she had Nikki's heart.
"Amy?" Nikki asked, putting a arm on my shoulder and turned me towards him so he could look into my eyes. "Is everything alright? You seem kinda upset." I felt myself temporarily paralyzed as I looked directly into Nikki's coal black eyes. After a long pause, I look away from him and muttered an insincere, "I'm fine." Nikki rolled his eyes, "No offense, but you're awful at hiding your emotions. Come on, can't you tell me about it over breakfast?"
I shrugged and followed Nikki over to the wooden table. Nikki went over to the refrigerator and rummaged around for a few minutes. Frowning, he emerged from the fridge and turned to the cupboards instead. He pulled out a box of chocolates and a bag of chips and brought them over to the table. I gave Nikki the are-you-half-crazy look.
"What?" Nikki asked innocently, catching my gaze. I raised my eyebrows at him and pointed at the box of chocolates, "Chocolate for breakfast, Nikki?" Nikki shrugged and flashed a smile at me. I noticed the contrast between his blood red lips and pearly white teeth. I gazed at his lips a moment longer. I longed for him to reach over and press his lips onto mine the way he had with Nicole and pull me close to him.
Nikki gave me an odd look, "Is there a problem, girl?" I quickly looked away, embarrassed again for gazing at him too long.
"No, it's fine," I said, avoiding his eyes. Attempting to change the subject, I asked, "Isn't cereal cheaper than chocolate, Nikki?" Nikki shrugged, "Maybe. But I got it on sale. 'Sides, who really cares about being healthy these days anyways?"
Nikki worked at a liquor store, which obviously didn't pay very well. I was constantly trying to help the carefree Nikki sort out his finances. And believe me, Nikki needed the help. If it were up to him, he go and buy whatever he wanted and then end up in credit card debt.
Sighing, I answered Nikki's question, "I do care about being healthy to some extent, you know. " Nikki frowned at me. I had been anorexic when I was 14 and had become anorexic again in the last year. I refused to eat most of the time. After all, food would make me fat and I was currently in a competition with Nicole to be the skinniest.
"Don't be healthy for once," Nikki retorted, holding a chocolate up to my lips and at the same time popping one into his own mouth. Only God knew how Nikki could eat all this junk food and still have an amazing body. I opened my mouth to tell Nikki about my diet, but as I opened my mouth to speak, Nikki popped the chocolate between my lips.
I glared at him as I savored the taste of the chocolate. I knew it wasn't healthy, but that didn't mean it didn't taste good. Nikki looked up and stared into my eyes. I his gaze lock onto mine and he leaned forward; never looking away from me.
Gently, he stroked two fingers across my cheek and ran them down my neck, stroking me ever so gently. I froze under his touch and didn't dare move. I never wanted to forget the sensation I was feeling now.
Nikki slowly pulled his hand away from me and looked back at the chocolate box, "You really aren't happy, are you, Amy? I look into your eyes and all I can ever see is pain there. We must be the depressed duo or something."
I started breathing again; still stunned at what had just happened. Nikki didn't usual touch me in that way, much less caress me.
"You're depressed, Nikki? But why? You have everything..." my voice trailed off, thinking of all Nikki's fortunes. Nikki gave a half laugh and rolled his eyes at me, "You think my life is happy, Amy? I haven't figured out the key to happiness yet. I mean sure, there are some good things in life. Alcohol, sex, drugs, they all help. But it's all temporary. They all disappear from your grips and leave you feeling more depressed and alone than before."
"I think Nicole would be yours," I muttered under my breath. Apparently, Nikki heard because I heard him chuckle and give me an ironic smile, "Funny you mention that, Amy, funny you mention that." I hated it when he said stuff like that without explaining, "Why's it funny?"
"I was just thinking about breaking up with Nicole actually," Nikki said casually, popping another chocolate into his mouth. I stared at Nikki with an expression of bliss, "Really? You're breaking up with her? Why?" Nikki laughed, "What is this - the Spanish inquisition? Seriously though, I'm kind of tired of her. She's not exactly the nicest of girls. Especially to you." Nikki smirked and peered at me out of the corner of his eye.
"Huh?" I tried to act surprised, "Nicole's always been nice to me."
"Oh, sure she has!" Nikki drawled out sarcastically, "It's clear she hates you, Amy. No offense intended." I looked at the ground a little ashamed, "I don't see why she has to hate me. I'm nothing compared to a beauty like her. She's got everything I want and yet she feels like she has to pick on me. How fair is that?"
"No, you don't get it, Amy," Nikki contradicted, shaking his head, "She's jealous of you. I would think that would be clear."
"Um...are you feeling okay, Nikki?" I asked, glancing at him with concern. Honestly, what was he thinking? Why would Nicole be jealous of me? "There's no reason for Nicole to be envious. She's the best looking girl in town. Plus she's knows what it's like to be loved..."
"Ah...you haven't had much luck meeting guys, have you Amy?" Nikki shook his head, "It's strange really. You're quite pretty and your personality would make up for any physical downfalls anyways. May the guys around here just don't deserve you?"
"Nikki...don't. Just don't say any of that. I'm ugly; don't deny it. No guy is ever going to love me. I just have to accept it and move-" my voice cracked and I had to stop speaking. Silent tears started trickling down one cheek.
"Don't do that, Amy," Nikki pleaded with genuine concern. He stood up and walked around the table and pulled me to my feet. I blushed furiously; what was I doing? I was making a complete and utter fool of myself in front of the guy I loved. Great.
Nikki put an arm around my waist. I tried to pull away from him; not wanting him to see my tear-streaked face.
"Aw, come here, baby, it'll be alright," Nikki pulled me against his chest and stroked my hair gently. "You'll find a guy who deserves you someday. Don't worry. I swear to God you will. I can even help find you someone if you want."
I leaned into Nikki; it was so nice to be so close to him. I could smell the faint scent of beer on his chest and I took feel the faint beating of his heart. How I wished he would pick me up and carry me over to the bed...
Ding dong! The ringing of the door bell interrupted our embrace. Nikki slowly pulled away from me and stared with concern at me, "Are you going to be okay?" He leaned down and brushed his finger under my eyes to remove any mascara that had dripped down my cheeks, "Just remember, whatever happens, I'll always be here for you. Always." I nodded, feeling my heart race. How I wanted Nikki! My passion for him clouded my mind and thoughts. I watched him walk to the door and resisted my crazy impulse to go and beg him to love me. I took a deep, steadying breath. Don't do anything stupid, I told myself firmly, That could be the end of you and Nikki.
"Hey Tommy!" Nikki exclaimed throwing open the door and allowing to come instead. Tommy Lee, Nikki, and Mick Mars had formed a band a little while ago. Tommy was the drummer, Nikki the bassist, and Mick Mars the guitarist. Tommy and Nikki had been together for a while and Mick was the newest member of the band. However, they were still in need of a singer. I could only pray that they would find one soon so Nikki's financial situation would start improving.
Tommy strode through the door and waved to me, "Hi Amy! Didn't know you'd be here. Good to see ya though." I smiled and hoped that it didn't look like I had been crying. I had always liked Tommy. He had always been nice to me. Tommy was tall with short dark hair that tended to stick up. I couldn't help but notice that he had tattoos all down his chest. He had a nice chest, but I didn't feel attracted to him as I did to Nikki.
Tommy whipped off his coat and threw it onto the couch, "So what are you two up to? Eating breakfast at one o clock, Nikki? Very suspicious." Tommy raised an eyebrow at Nikki. Nikki gave Tommy an innocent look and said, "In what way is that suspicious?"
Tommy carefully selected a chocolate from the kitchen table and studied Nikki carefully, "It means, my friend, that you either had a girl over here last night or you're suffering an alcohol hangover. But by the looks of you, I'd say that it's more likely you had a girl here."
I quickly looked up at Nikki with an intense expression on my face, "You slept with Nicole last night?" Nikki looked from me to Tommy and chuckled, "What are you two turning into? My mother? I don't see how it's any of your guys' business who I've had sex with."
"Aw, come on, Nikki," Tommy pleaded, "We're just curious!" Nikki rolled his eyes, "If you must know," he let out an exasperated sigh, "Nicole did stay over here last night."
"So you did sleep with her..." I stated dully, trying not to let the pain show in my voice. Nikki frowned, "You shouldn't assume things, Amy. She stayed over, yes, but I didn't sleep with her. She's not worth it."
"Wait, are you two talking about Nicole Maat?" Tommy asked with interest while taking a seat at the table next to me and Nikki. "Isn't she that blonde hottie?" Nikki shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. You could define her that way."
"What have you done, Nikki?" Tommy asked in a mock serious tone, "I would kill to sleep with a girl with a body like that!" Nikki shrugged and gave an embarrassed look towards me, "Anyways, what's up, Tommy? You must've come here for a reason."
"No, I just randomly stopped by here for no good reason," Tommy said sardonically, rolling his eyes. "Well, you know how we still need a singer?" A gloomy expression instantly replaced Nikki's smile from a moment before, "Yeah?"
"Well...I thought of the perfect singer for us!" Tommy said excitedly.
"Who?" Nikki and I asked curiously in unison. Tommy laughed at us, eyes shining happily, "Well, you've all heard of the band Rock Candy, right?" Nikki and I nodded.
"I've been thinking," Tommy continued, barely able to contain himself, "That Vince Neil would be the perfect singer for our band!" A long, awkward silence fell over the small, dingy room.
"What?" Tommy asked with a look of confusion on his face.
"Erm..." Nikki broke the awkward silence, "Vince is a part of Rock Candy. He's not just going to go and ditch them for us, right? I'm not saying that we're not good...but there's no reason for him to want to join our band." Tommy's face fell, "You never know, Nikki. It's worth a try at least. Besides Rock Candy is performing at the Starwood soon. We could ask Vince then. I'd be a perfect opportunity!"
"Alright," Nikki shrugged, a small spreading across his red hot lips. "Besides, it'll be awesome to visit Hollywood. Have you told Mick about this yet?" Tommy nodded, "Yep, I told him earlier. We just needed to get your permission."
"Wait a minute, guys!" I said, interrupting their chatter. "How exactly do you plan to pay for all this? We'll have to travel, get a hotel, and pay for other expenses. I'm in college and obviously don't have spare money to spend on trips."
"Ugh, why are you always worrying about money, Ames?" Nikki complained, "Just don't worry about it for once, alright? I'll pay for you too. Besides, haven't you always to go to Hollywood?" I bit my lip to the point where I tasted blood. I truly wanted to go to Hollywood especially since that would mean more time with Nikki. But what about the money? He was already in debt...what would happen if someone got drunk on the trip and ended up spending thousands?
"Aw, come on, Amy!" Tommy sighed and then added with a twinkle in his eye, "It'll all be fine. Besides, maybe you'll meet a guy and get laid."
I peeked over at Nikki and blushed. Nikki looked up and met my gaze suddenly and said in a low, pleading voice, "Please Amy? You need to come. I really need you." I felt my frustration at the situation disappear as I looked into those coal black eyes, "Of course, Nikki. Anything for you." Nikki and I gazed at each other a moment longer before Tommy broke the silence with a whoop, "We're going to Hollywood, guys! Can you believe it?"
"Not really...I was planning on spending a boring week and school. And now I'm going to a rock concert with my best buds," I answered excitedly.
"Okay, I've really got to go now though," Tommy said in a regretful tone. "I have some unfinished business to take care of. See y'all later?"
"Of course, seeya Tommy!" Nikki replied as Tommy stood up and strode over to the door.
"Bye Tommy!" I added, waving as Tommy pulled the door closed behind him. As soon as the door shut, Nikki leaned over and threw his arms around me, "We're going to Hollywood, Amy! It'll be our first time out in ages. I'm so glad you're coming with me." I buried my face in Nikki's neck and murmured, "So am I, Nikki. So am I."
I stared in frustration at my miniature suitcase in front of me. No matter how I tried, I couldn't quite seem to fit everything into it. Sighing, I peered at my watch. It was early, but I wanted to get to Nikki's as soon as possibly. We were leaving for Hollywood this afternoon and I could barely contain my excitement! But first, I had to get this stupid suitcase shut.
I tried to cram my makeup bag into my suitcase. Luckily, I was able to just fit it inside. I zipped it shut and then ran into the bathroom to check my appearance. My face was slightly flushed, but besides for that, I looked okay.
Ding dong! I looked at the door with surprise. I wasn't expecting anybody. Curiously, I strode over to the door and pulled it open. Nicole stood in the doorway looking at me with a small smile on her pink lips.
"Um, hi Nicole," I managed to stutter. What was she doing here? Nicole and I weren't friends. The only time I ever say her was at Nikki's. "What are you doing here?" Nicole flashed me a stiff smile, "Aren't I allowed to visit a friend? Be polite and invite me in for God's sake, Amy!" I stepped back from the door and allowed her to come inside, my head whirling with confusion. Maybe she was looking for Nikki? But if she was looking for Nikki, wouldn't she have called him or something instead?
Nicole walked over to the other side of the room and took a seat on our burgundy leather couch, "Come sit with me, Amy!" she suggested with a sickly smile on her face. Still completely bewildered, I crossed the room and took a seat next to Nicole.
"So what's up, Nicole?" I asked curiously, "You've never been here before." In a quick movement, Nicole whipped out a small pink cell phone from her purse and waved it in front of my face. I jerked backwards with surprise.
"I'll tell you what's up!" Nicole yelled hysterically, waving the phone back and forth in my face, "A text message! That's it, just a text message!" I tried to read the typing on the phone, but Nicole was moving it too fast so the letters just blurred together.
"Come on, Nicole, tell me what's going on," I said as calmly as possible, hoping the girl wasn't insane. "What's this about a text message?"
Nicole's eyes seem to bulge out of their sockets as she stared at me in shock, "You don't know?" I shook my head in puzzlement.
"Nikki Sixx broke up with me, that's the problem!" Nicole screeched at me, "And he did it with a text message!" Ah...so this was why she was so upset. Nikki had told me he was going to break up with her. Still though, why was she here talking to me about it?
"Oh," I said, not really sure what else to say.
"Oh?" Nicole asked with a wild-eyed expression on her normally serene face. "All you can say is 'oh'? You're going to pay for this, girl!" With a bloodthirsty smile, Nicole raised her fist and punched me hard right between my eyes.
I tried to stand up, but Nicole grabbed my arms and pinned me to the couch, "You're not going anywhere until I'm done with you!" she hissed menacingly. I could smell alcohol on her breath.
For the first time in my life, I was frightened. Nicole was much stronger than me; she could easily knock me out if she wanted to. But the worse part was that my parents had gone out for the day and I didn't have a cell phone to call for help. I was completely at Nicole's mercy.
She hit me again. Blood spurted from my nose and spattered onto Nicole's tank top. The girl was completely nuts when she was high, that was for sure! I twisted myself away from her and shut my eyes to await the next blow. But it never came.
A knock sounded on the door and then it opened with a loud creak. I whipped my eyes towards the door to see who my savior was. Mick, Tommy, and Nikki all stood in the doorway gazing at Nicole and me with frozen expressions.
Nicole immediately let go of me and ran over to Nikki with a crazy smile on her face. She dropped onto her knees and gazed up at Nikki, "Please...can't we just talked?" She slurred her words together in a drunken stupor.
Nikki grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet, "What the hell are you thinking, girl? Get out of here. NOW!" And with that said, Nikki pushed her towards the door with a disgusted expression on his face. Nicole stumbled outside without comprehending anything. Nikki slammed the door shut rather violently.
"How come your girlfriends always turn out as psychotics or sluts?" Tommy asked, trying to lighten the intense atmosphere. Nikki rushed over to me and pulled me against him and cradled me in his arms. The intense throbbing in my right eye immediately went away and I was in complete bliss. Being beat up was definitely worth being held in Nikki's arms.
"Did she hurt you at all?" Mick asked, watching Nikki embrace me from a distance. I didn't know Mick all that well although he seemed like a nice guy. I didn't bother answering Mick; it felt as if I was in a temporary heaven. I hadn't been this close to Nikki before. He was holding me tightly as if he would never let go. I could feel feel every muscle in his arms and the rise and fall of his chest. How I wished to press my lips to his neck just to see what would happen...
"Whoa, you have a pretty heavy nose bleed there," Tommy commented, peering down at me with concern. I jerked out of my romantic fantasies and Nikki slowly pulled away from me to analyze my nose bleed, "Can someone grab a towel from the kitchen?"
"Sure," Mick disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared a moment later with a dark towel in his hands. He gave the towel to Nikki, who pressed it against my nose to stop the bleeding. I gazed up into Nikki's face; he was so beautiful. I tried to read his expression; there were obvious feelings there, but what kind of feelings were they? Did he care for me as a friend would care for a best friend? Or did he care for me as a lover would care for his soul mate? I knew I was being stupid; how could I expect someone like Nikki to love a freak like me? It was impossible, so why did I care so much?
Nikki frowned suddenly, "It looks like you're going to have a black eye, Ames. It's kinda purple at the moment." I swore under my breath.
"This is kind of a bad time," Tommy started hesitantly, "but are you still going with us to Starwood, Amy?" Crap. I had totally forgot about the performance tomorrow night. I gazed up at Nikki; his expression was unreadable.
"Well..." I began nervously, "I'd still love to come. But I'm sure I look like a wreck. So if you don't want me to come, I totally understand." Nikki chortled and cracked a smile at me for the first time that day, "Are you constantly worrying about your appearance, Amy? Do you honestly think that the only reason I have to around is for you to look pretty and sexy?" I shrugged, looking at the floor.
"Of course not, silly," Nikki laughed at me, "that's what my girlfriend is for. I keep you around for being my friend, not for your looks. I'm not saying that you aren't good looking though because you most certainly are. Even with that black eye of yours." I rolled my eyes at Nikki and tried to keep the hurt out of my voice when I said, "Stop lying. You don't always have to be nice to me, you know." Nikki shrugged, "That's what friends are for, girl."
I wanted to say something back to Nikki, but I couldn't trust myself to speak. What did he mean by, "that's what a girlfriend is for"? Was he saying I wasn't pretty enough for him? I would trade anything in the world for his love and yet, he couldn't ever love me because I wasn't beautiful like Nicole?
"So what are we going to do until we leave?" Tommy asked, starting to get bored with our conversation. Mick shrugged and looked over at me.
"I guess we could watch some TV," I suggested, flicking it on with the remote. I tossed the remote over to Tommy. He and Mick started scanning through channels.
Nikki suddenly picked me up, laid down on the couch and pulled me against him. He spread an arm around me and stroked my hair gently.
"I'm really sorry about Nicole, Amy," he whispered in my ear. "I won't let it happen again. Are you upset at me?"
"It's not your fault, Nikki," I answered, "I could never be mad at you." Nikki smiled at me and I relaxed against his chest. Why couldn't I just be happy with Nikki as a friend? And why did I keep wishing Tommy and Mick would leave the room so I get some action going with Nikki?



I finished dabbing shimmery red lip gloss onto my thin lips and then studied myself in the mirror. For once in my life, I didn't look half bad. My strapless black dress and high heels made me look older and more mature than usual. The only thing that ruined the effect was my black eye. Even after putting pound after pound of concealor over it, it was still tinged purple. Oh well, it didn't look that out of place as my eye shadow was a dark purple-black color.
Click! The lock on my bathroom door popped open. I stepped back from the door, thanking God that I was fully dressed. Tommy stood in the open doorway, breathing heavily and looking red in the face. Then he looked up at me, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Amy! I didn't know you were still in here. You look gorgeous though." Tommy analyzed me from my black healed stilettos to my careful curled locks. I blushed and smiled, "Thanks, Tom, you're too nice. Are we going now?"
Tommy, Mick, Nikki, and I had driven over to Hollywood Boulevard last night and were staying a hotel nearby. Tonight we were going to see Rock Candy and propose our idea to Vince Neil. Unfortunately, we had only been able to afford two hotel rooms for the four of us, so two people had to share a single room and bathroom. I had been praying to get to share a hotel room alone with Nikki...for obvious reasons, but of course, Nikki had insisted on sharing with Mick. I didn't see why he had wanted to share with Mick so badly. Maybe he purposely didn't want to be left alone with me?
Tommy looked at his watch, "Yeah, we should probably head out now. We should be at Starwood in thirty minutes. Hopefully, the others will be ready. Last time I checked, Nikki was just getting out of bed." Tommy rolled his eyes at me and then took my hand, "Come on, let's go." I followed Tommy out of the hotel room, still holding his hand. It was nice to hold Tommy's hand; I knew there was nothing between us but pure, understanding friendship. Which was all I wanted from Tom.
The two of us wandered down the hallway and entered the elevator and hit the "main lobby" button. I shivered with excitement as the elevator traveled downwards. This was the first concert I had seen in a very, very long time. Plus, I was going with the guy of my dreams. If only it were a real date.
Ding! The elevator popped open on the main floor with a ringing sound. Tommy and I stepped out of the elevator and saw two figures sitting on a wooden bench from across the room. As soon as they saw us, they strode towards us and met us halfway across the room. My eyes instantly fell on Nikki; he looked absolutely beautiful. The sight of him just about took my breathe away. He was wearing his performing garb along with his makeup. His lips were a delicious blood red color and his eyes were ringed with black. He had also painted two symmetrical black lines under his eyes; I thought it made him look sexy. I had a sudden urge of longing rush through my body and almost pounced on him. I took a deep breath and steadied myself. I had to keep in control before I did something stupid. Besides, I was about to spend an entire night next to the hottest man alive. I couldn't let my sexual urges get the better of me.
"Something wrong, Ames?" Nikki asked with concern, looking down at me, "Do I look okay?" I quickly replaced my flustered expression with a seductive smile and coyly took Nikki's hand, "You look gorgeous. Come on guy!" I pulled Nikki towards the hotel door with me. To my surprise, Nikki didn't pull away and walked next to me. I sneaked a glance over at him; he was so tall! I knew he was 6'1", but the boots he was wearing gave him another four inches. He probably looked like a giant next to a shrimp like me.
The four of us exited the hotel and step out into the moonlight. The breeze ruffled through Nikki's hair and made him look even sexier. I stepped a little closer to him as we walked over to our car. To my disappointment, Nikki got to drive with Tommy sitting next to him. I got stuck in the backseat with Mick.



Twenty minutes later, we arrived at Starwood. Nikki parked the car and then opened my door and gave me a mock bow while he extended his hand. Blushing furiously, I took it and climbed out of the black Mercedes. The four of us entered the building and stared around in awe. The Starwood looked rather large from the outside, but from the inside it was ginormous! People were everywhere! Ever way I looked, I saw scantily clad girls with their partners. I wanted to find our seats quickly before Nikki looked at any of the girls too closely.
"What do we do now?" I yelled over the roar of the crowd. Mick shrugged and then pointed to someone who looked like a manager, "I'm gonna go talk to them, be right back." Mick made his way over to the manager and conversed with her for a few minutes. I noticed Nikki peer around the crowd. I tried to keep him talking and distract him from all the supermodel girls who kept fluttering their eyelashes seductively at him. After a few moments, I say Nikki's gaze zero in on one girl in particular. She was tall, blonde, and very thin. The typical kind of supermodel. I frowned with frustration.
Luckily, Mick came back at that exact moment, "Hey guys, we go through this door on the right. It leads to front row seats. I think we're on the far right side." Tommy and I jostled our way through the crowd and followed Mick to the door. After finally fighting our way through the masses of people, we reached the door a few minutes later.
"Wait, where's Nikki?" Tommy asked as Mick started to turn the door knob. I whipped around and saw Nikki still gazing at barbie with a mesmerized expression on his face. Slightly irritated, Tommy shoved his way back through the crowd and waved his hand in front of Nikki's face. Nikki's dreamy expression quickly disappeared and was replaced by an embarrassed smile as he followed Tommy other to the door.
When all four of us finally made it through the door, Mick turned to Nikki with a evil smile on his face, "So, did you find yourself a girl?" Nikki's cheeks turned red and he shrugged, "Maybe. She had a nice body." My stomach twisted at Nikki's words and I found myself gazing at the stage. All of the sudden, a tall, blonde figure strode across stage and looked directly at me. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen.
I stared at the man on staged, completely paralyzed. He was wearing tall black boots like Nikki's, red and black pants, a black vest, and around his neck were several chains. In a strange way, he reminded me of Nikki. Maybe it was the way they dressed? Or maybe it was the tattoos?
Just at that moment, the man looked up directly at me. My heart stopped as I got a good look at his face. His light blonde hair was pulled back with a headband and his eyes were the lightest blue I had ever seen. He met my hypnotized gaze and flashed me a smile, exposing pearly white teeth.
All of the sudden, I felt some slap me on the back. I jumped in surprise and whirled around. Tommy and Mick were giving me a funny look, "Are you okay, Amy?" Tommy asked, "You're walking the wrong way. We're sitting over here to the right." I flushed tomato red and quickly followed Tommy and Mick to the right. Nikki followed behind me. The four of us walked down two flights of stairs and then found our seats at the far right of the stadium.
"Ladies first," Tommy said and stepped aside so I could sit at the end of the row. To my delight, Nikki sat next to me. We had really nice seats for the most part. We were up close to the stage so I didn't have to strain my eyes to see. Finally, I dared to look back on the stage. The man I had seen there only a few minutes ago, was gone. My heart dropped like a rock falling to the bottom of the ocean floor. Oh well, maybe it was a good thing he had disappeared. I didn't need to end up having another unbearable crush like the one I had on Nikki.
A few minutes later, the lights in the room started dimming. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I glanced at the stage excitedly. On an impulsive whim, I reached over and gripped Nikki's hand. Nikki looked over at me and gave me one of his smiles that I loved. He gazed down at my fingers gripping his and entwined his through mine.
On stage, four figure emerged. My heart instantly leapt into my throat when I saw that my blonde angel was one of the four. I felt lightheaded as I watched him step up to the microphone. I instantly forgot about the thousands of people around me. All that mattered was this man. I had to have him for my own. Adrenaline pulsed through my body.
"Amy...?" Nikki asked from next to me, "Are you all right? You seem awfully...I don't know..." He stroked my fingers gently. I tore my eyes away from stage and looked over at Nikki. He looked so perfect in the dim light. I fought the urge to rip the clothes from his body so there was nothing left between us. Ugh, what was my problem? Was I becoming a sex-starved pervert? I shuddered at the thought. Of course I wasn't becoming a pervert...Nikki just had a way of turning me on without meaning to.
My head started spinning and I felt as if I was going to faint, but I kept a smile on my face and replied to Nikki, "I'm...fine." Nikki looked towards the stage and gave me a sly smile, "I know," he started, "you're gazing at that man on stage and thinking about how you'd like to make love to him, aren't you?" I felt my face grow hot and I looked away from Nikki, utterly and completely embarrassed. How the hell did he always know what I was think? Especially in embarrassing situations like this?
Nikki laughed and rolled his eyes at me, "You are so easy to read, Ames. Honestly though, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I know you've been looking for the right guy for years." I turned an even brighter shade of pink and pretended to be very interested at the floor. I noticed a piece of squished gum adjacent to my foot and pulled away from it in disgust.
"You do like him, don't you?" Nikki asked me again. I sighed. Nikki had a way of not letting things go. I finally lifted my gaze up to Nikki's and leaned over to whisper in his ear, "Okay, fine, I do like him. Happy now? But you should know, there's someone I like even more." Nikki raised an eyebrow curiously, "Who's the mystery man?" I gave Nikki a sly smile, "I'm not just going to tell you, Nikki. You're going to have to do something for me."
Nikki shrugged, "Whatever. What do you want, girl?" What I wanted most was for Nikki to rent a hotel room for just the two of us tonight, but I obviously couldn't say that. I tried to think of something else I wanted. A perfect idea formed in my mind.
"Well, you have to find out who that man onstage is and then you have to introduce me to him. If you can do all that, I'll tell you who I'm in love with," I stated with a sly smile. I expected Nikki to frown and tell me that was impossible, so I was completely surprised when he shrugged his shoulders in agreement.
"You'll do it?" I asked, rather astonished. Nikki nodded, "Sure, why not? The guy you're interested in is Vince Neil." Time seemed to slow and stop. Vince Neil? The Vince Neil? The one we wanted to become the singer for our band? I shook my head in bewilderment and turned to question Nikki again in case I hadn't heard right. But just then, my vision started to blur and twisted and turn in front in my eyes. What was happening? That was the last thought I had before everything went black.



I felt cold water being splashed onto my cheeks. Slowly, I tried to lift my eyelids. They were so heavy that they felt like weights. I groaned and gave up. A voice somewhere from the distance called my name, "Amy? Can you hear me?" I recognized that voice instantly; Nikki. With a newfounded strength, I pushed my eyelids open and tried to take in my surroundings. My blurred vision slowly cleared and I found myself in a totally unfamiliar room. I was staring at...the ceiling?
"Oh thank God you're awake," Nikki said looking down at me in relief. In that moment, I realiazed that Nikki was carrying me. A faint tingling sensation spread through my body, but I no longer had the strength or desire to strip Nikki. It was as if all the energy from my body had been sucked out of me. I had barely the strength to talk.
"Where are we, Nikki?" I asked, staring around me in bewilderment. "What happened?" Nikki gave me a small smile, "Well, we were in the concert. You remember that, don't you?" Concert? I hammered on my brains trying to remember a concert. Oh yes, we had been at the Rock Candy concert. I remembered now. That was when I had seen Vince Neil for the first time...
"Yeah, I remember," I answered Nikki, a dreamy expression starting to spread across my face. Nikki nodded and then continued, "Anyways, the concert had just started and then I made that deal with you; you'd tell me who you're in love with if I introduced you to Vince Neil. And after I told you that I would...you just sorta passed out." I frowned. How could I have done that? I had actually fainted and had missed the whole Rock Candy concert? Ugh, how could I have let me do something so stupid?
"How are you feeling now, Ames?" Nikki asked, reaching down and brushing a piece of stray hair away from my forehead, "You feel a little feverish." I was going to shrug, but that took too much effort, instead I just murmured, "I just feel faint. And really, really tired." Nikki nodded, looking slightly concerned again, "You want to just sleep? You can, you know." I could feel my vision starting to blur again, "Okay. But Nikki, where are we now?" I swore that Nikki blushed under the pounds of white face makeup he was wearing, "Um, we're in a bathroom," Nikki answered hesitantly. I gave Nikki a are-you-out-of-your-mind look, "Nikki, you really shouldn't be in the girl's bathroom. You could get arrested or something probably! We should get out of here." Nikki rolled his eyes and laughed, "Honestly, Amy, I'm not afraid of getting arrested. Besides, this was an emergency. People would understand and there's not anyone in here anyways."
I tried to laugh, but found that it hurt my chest too much, "Nikki, this was not an emergency. Emergencies are like when people get shot or die or something severe." Nikki frowned, "Amy, look at it from my perspective. You had been acting a little weird all day. Suddenly, you just completely black out. I have no idea what's going on, for all I know, you could be dead."
"Nobody would even care if I died anyways. Death is probably peaceful," I replied in a whisper. From Nikki's expression, I could tell he hadn't been able to hear what I had said.
"Why don't you rest now, Amy? I swear this is like watching your life being sucked from your body," Nikki told me, "you'll be okay in a few minutes. You just need rest." I nodded because speaking seemed like too much effort and let my eyelids close shut. Snuggling into Nikki's chest, I let darkness overcome me and let myself drift away into slumber...
Suddenly, I jerked my eyelids back open and stared up at Nikki, "So Nikki, what happened?" Nikki gave me a concerned look, "Um, what do you mean 'what happened'? I already told you. You're really not feeling good, are you?" Nikki pressed a cool palm against my forehead. I shook my head violently, "No, that's not what I meant. I meant, what happened with Vince Neil? Is he joining your band?" Nikki peered at the clock hanging on the bathroom wall, "I have no idea, Amy. The concert ended about fifteen minutes ago. Mick and Tom are probably talking to Vince now. We had arranged to meet him backstage after the concert ended." "Well, what are we waiting for?" I asked Nikki, "let's go find out what happened!" Nikki nodded, "Good idea. I'm dying to know too. And I can't exactly say that I enjoy spending the night locked up in the girl's bathroom." Nikki rolled his eyes and pushed open the door to the bathroom, still carrying me in his arms.
"Do I still get to meet him?" I asked hopefully. All thoughts of sleep had vanished from my mind. Nikki contemplated this for a moment and then answered me, "If Mick and Tom are still talking to him, then sure I guess. Otherwise, no. I can't just go backstage uninvited to introduce my friend to Vince Neil." I silently prayed that Mick and Tom were still discussing Vince joining our band. Just then, I looked up to see two familiar raven-haired figures trudging towards us. Their gloomy expressions told the whole story. There was really no need for words.
"What happened?" Nikki asked in a depressed-sounding voice, although he already knew what Mick and Tommy were going to say. Tommy sighed and answered, "Vince thanked us for considering him a good candidate for our band, but apparently he's happy with Rock Candy and would like to stay with them." Nikki cursed in a loud tone, causing heads to turn and stare at us.
"So what are we going to do now?" Nikki asked in a defeated voice. Mick shrugged, "I don't know...find another singer I guess? That's really our only option." Nikki nodded and took a steadying breath. I half expected him to let out another string of profanities.
"Come on guys, cheer up," Tommy attempted a smile, "It's not the end of the world. There are plenty of other singers out there. Besides, it's not like someone died or something." Up to this point, I had remained silent during the conversation. Finally, I spoke, "Yeah, there are plenty of singers. But you all have to admit, there's no one like Vince." Nobody said anything. All four of us knew what I had said was absolutely true. A long silence engulfed us.
"So Amy, how are you feeling now anyways?" Mick asked, breaking the tense silence. I shrugged, trying not to let my all-too-obvious disappointment show, "I'm alright. Just tired I guess. Don't worry about me though. I'll be fine. What are we going to do now, guys?" We all looked at each other and shrugged.
"I don't know," Mick finally said, "anyone else have any ideas?" Tommy shrugged, "Not really. But let's not go back to the hotel yet. I just don't feel like it." The rest of us nodded in agreement.
"Why don't we go to a bar or club?" Nikki suggested, "I could really use a drink tonight. How about the rest of you?" Mick and Tommy looked at each other, "Sounds good. What about Amy though?" Nikki looked down at me, "What do you want to do, Amy? Want to go out or go back to the hotel?" I could feel fatigue starting to creep through my body again, but I wanted Nikki to be happy so I replied, "Let's go out. I could use a drink too. I might sleep on the way there though."
"Okay then," Mick said, leading the way out of the Starwood and into the darkness of the night outside. I shut my eyes again and tried to relax. Secretly though, my chest was aching. I couldn't tell if it was from pain or if it was because Vince Neil had already captured and stolen my heart. I had only seen the man once, and yet I already had a insane crush on him. I felt like slapping myself.



Two hours later, I found myself sitting in a darkened room with my three buddies. Loud, head-banging rock music screeched through the room. Normally, I enjoyed this kind of music, but tonight it was giving me a headache. I was still feeling weak after my fainting episode. The thing I wanted most right now was to be in my hotel bed where I could finally enter the undisturbed darkness of slumber. We had been at the bar for almost two hours now. I sighed and looked around the wooden table we were sitting at.
Mick's eyes had glazed over and he stared unblinkingly at his glass. Tommy yawned and checked his watch. Nikki, on the other hand, seemed wide awake. His face was flushed and most of his makeup was smeared. I had lost count of how many drinks he had drunk after number four. Nikki had a drinking problem; that much was obvious. Once he started, it was almost impossible to make him stop. I didn't dare say anything to him about it since I didn't think it was worth risking our friendship over. That didn't stop me from worrying about him though.
Nikki started cracking loud, crude jokes, causing several people to turn and stare at our table. I hated being stared at. Nikki was obviously pretty drunk. I observed silently as his jokes got louder and louder and then I noticed him staring at something in front of him. I peered around the shiny head of a bald guy to see what Nikki was looking at.
That was when I saw her. She was a gorgeous brunette girl who looked to be around the age of seventeen or eighteen. She met Nikki's unmoving stare and smiled at him sexily. Great. I was already in a bad mood, and now Nikki had decided to start flirting. I caught Tommy's eyes and gave him an exasperated look.
Impulsively, Nikki stood up from the table and walked over to where the brunette was sitting. She giggled and moved over so he could sit next to me. I let out a loud sigh and whispered to Tommy, "I'm tired, can't we go now?" Tommy nodded and gave me a knowing look, "Yeah. Hopefully, Nikki will finish up whatever business he has with that girl soon." Tommy and I turned and stared at Nikki and the brunette.
They conversed for a few minutes and then walked back other to our table. Nikki gave us a lopsided smile and slurred, "Mandy and I are gonna ride back to the hotel with each other. See y'all there in a little bit?" Mick nodded with a disgusted look on his face. With that said, Nikki put an arm around Mandy and they swaggered out of the bar together.
"Come on," Mick said, standing up almost immediately, "let's get out of here!" Without delay, Tommy and I jumped to our feet and followed Mick outside. We were about twenty feet from our car when I felt all the remaining strength leave my body. With a soft cry of pain, I slumped and toppled over onto the hard, dirt ground.
I felt myself being lifted and heard a voice from a distance ask, "Amy? Can you hear me? Maybe we should get you to a hospital..." I could recognize Tommy's voice and without opening my eyes I replied, "No really, I'm fine. Just exhausted." Tommy didn't reply and I could feel him lifting me into the car.
"You know what makes me mad?" Mick burst out in an irritated tone once we were on our way back to the hotel.
"Hm?" Tommy replied in an uninterested voice. Mick scowled, "Wherever we go, Nikki's always the one who ends up getting all the attention. And he always ends up with a girl by getting drunk. But what bothers me the most, is that he totally forgets that the two of us are suppose to be sharing the hotel room. There's no freakin' way I'm going to spend my night with those two making love in our bedroom. I mean seriously, how unfair is this situation?" Tommy couldn't help but let out a snicker.
"What?" Mick asked angrily. Tommy smiled and then said, "The fact that Nikki forces you out of his bedroom by making love to another girl. It is kinda funny if you think about it." Mick gave Tommy a look that said maybe-you've-had-too-much-to-drink-too.
"Don't worry about it, Mick," Tommy said, slapping his friend on the back, "You can sleep on the couch in our room tonight. It'll be okay." Mick gave Tommy a begrudging smile and muttered, "Well, thanks Tom. But if it weren't for Nikki, we wouldn't be in this situation." I silently agreed with Mick.
By that time, we had finally reached the hotel. Mick parked the car and Tommy walked over to the backseat and scooped me up. We entered the hotel and were in our hotel room within a few minutes. Tommy laid me down gently on my bed and tucked a blanket around me, "Sleep well, Ames. You'll feel better in the morning." I didn't answer, there wasn't enough strength for me to say anything. I heard Tommy and Mick fumbling around in the room for a few more minutes before the lights were flicked off and everthing was completely silent.
Fifteen minutes later, I was still awake. I tossed and turned, what was wrong with me? Here I was, obviously exhausted, and yet I couldn't quite seem to be able to fall asleep. Suddenly, I felt tears fill my eyelids. I didn't bother holding them back and soon I was crying my heart out.
"Amy?" a soft voice asked questioningly from the bed adjacent to me, "Are you alright?" Between sobs, I managed to say, "I'm f-fine...r-really. D-don't worry about me." Tommy slid out of bed and came over to mine and put his arms around me in a hug, "I'm so sorry, Amy. I know just what you're going through right now. And it hurts me just to watch you."
"Y-you know what?" I asked Tommy questioningly in a sharp tone. A groan sounded from the other side of the room; Mick. I had forgotten he was asleep on the couch.
"I know, Amy. I'm not that stupid," Tommy said in a lowered tone. I gave Tommy a questioning look. Tommy gave me a sad little smile and said, "Isn't it obvious? You're in love with Nikki." I stared in shock at Tommy and found that I was crying harder than before. Tommy hugged me tighter, "It's okay, girl. It'll all work out. Just get through this night." I buried my face into Tommy's neck and slowly cried myself to sleep in his arms.



"Amy?" I ignored the voice calling my voice and pulled my pillow over my head to block out the noise. I didn't want to have to get up, think, or feel. I just wanted to lie here silently in this bed for the rest of my life. I felt a hand on my back gently, "Amy? I know you're up. You've really got to get up. Our hotel reservation ends in an hour and you still have to pack and get ready." I continued ignoring the persistent voice and rolled over onto my other side. I felt absolutely horrible; both physically and mentally.
I felt someone removing the blankets on my bed. I was suddenly engulfed in freezing cold air. Shivering like crazy, I sat up in bed and looked to see who was troubling me to get up. Tommy's concerned chestnut colored eyes stared back at me, "Amy...what's wrong?" I opened my mouth to speak, but instantly felt a churning in my stomach. It rose up into my chest and into my throat. I couldn't breathe. I leaped out of bed and ran into the bathroom and kneeled in front of the toilet. Vomiting in the morning wasn't something I was used to. Apparently, drinking on an empty stomach last night had been a bad idea.
I threw up with a groan. Ugh, I felt just terrible. My insides seemed to be twisted in knots. I took a deep breathe, stood up, and looked in the mirror. My reflection looked like a ghost. My face was pale white, my hair was matted, and my eyes were dark and puffy. I looked revolting. There wasn't another word for it. I took a hair brush from the counter and ripped it through my hair. I honestly still didn't look much better though. I slipped out of my pajamas and pulled on a black sweatshirt and dark jeans. After smudging some black eyeliner around my eyes, I allowed myself one last glance in the mirror. I looked just like a vampire with my pallid skin and dark eyes. If it weren't for our hotel reservation, I would've hidden in the bathroom all day. Too bad I didn't really have a choice. Reluctantly, I opened the bathroom door and stepped outside.
Tommy and Mick were sitting on their suitcases talking in low voices. They quickly ceased talking when I entered the room. I looked from one guilty face to another. It wasn't hard to tell that they had been talking about me.
"What's up guys?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to know what they were going to say. Tommy looked at Mick and Mick looked at Tommy. I tapped my foot against the ground impatiently, "I'm waiting."
"Uh," Tommy stuttered awkwardly, "Mick just...erm...wanted to know why you were so upset last night." I squinted at Tommy and glared at him, "And what did you tell him?" Tommy avoided my eyes and looked at the ground without saying anything. Mick quickly cut in, "Tommy just told me that you weren't feeling well. And you aren't obviously." I continued to glower at Tommy, waiting for him to say something more. Tommy continued to look at the ground.
"Ugh, spit it out Tommy!" I demanded in a sharper tone than I had intended on using. "What did you tell Mick?" Tommy finally raised his head and gave me a nervous look, "I just told him that you...um...had certain feelings for Nikki." I shrugged and pretended to act like it was no big deal, "It's nothing really. I'll get over him. No big deal." Tommy and Mick both stared at me with expressions that seemed to say "Have you really lost it this time, Amy?"
"So," Mick started, "It's absolutely 'no big deal' and yet you spent all night crying your heart out because Nikki was sleeping with a different girl?" I scowled at Mick, starting to get angry now, "Seriously, what's the big deal, guys? This is not any of your business. And having you two gossip about my emotions isn't going to help anyone."
"Sorry," Tommy said with a sincere look on his face, "we were just trying to help. I thought maybe if Mick or I said something to Nikki..." Tommy trailed off, not sure how to finish his sentence.
"Don't either of you two dare say anything to Nikki!" I screeched at them, "Do you have any idea how much damage that could do? I could end up losing Nikki forever that way." Tommy frowned, thought for a moment, and then replied, "Okay, I guess I see your point. Mick and I promise not to say anything, right Mick?" Mick nodded in agreement.
"But," Tommy continued, "Do you honestly think you'll ever be happy this way, Amy? It's clear how much you want Nikki. Anyone can see the love in your eyes when you look at him. Don't you think it might be worth the risk of telling him? True, you could lose everything. But on the other hand, you could end up getting everything you want. Who knows? Maybe Nikki's in love with you too?" I gave a derisive laugh, "How can you say these things, Tommy? Nikki's never going to want a stupid, ugly freak like me!" my voice rose into a hysterical sob. I felt the knots inside my stomach tighten. Ugh, I was going to have to throw up again. I turned and ran back into the bathroom just as I heard the hotel room door click open.
I vomited once more and then returned to where Tommy, Mick, and Nikki were now standing.
"Is there a problem?" Nikki asked innocently as I joined the group. "I could hear your raised voices from a mile away." Mick gave Nikki a hard look and retorted, "YES, of course there is a-"
Tommy slapped a hand over Mick's mouth and gave him a harsh look, "Later Mick." Then he turned to the rest of us, "Come on, let's head home. I'm pretty sick of this hotel." The three of us followed Tommy out of the room, down to the hotel lobby, and then out to our car. Mick took my small suitcase and heaved it into the trunk with the others. I slid into one of the backseats, trying desperately to ignore the sharp spasms coming from my stomach. Tommy took the seat next to me, gave me a sympathetic look, then reached over and squeezed my hand. My resentment at Tommy for sharing my secret disappeared instantly and I gave him a small smile. Nikki held out his hand for the car keys, "Want me to drive?" Tommy shrugged, but Mick cut in, "No, I don't want a drunkard like you driving my car!" Mick snatched the keys out of Nikki's hand and took the driver's seat. Nikki shrugged with a bewildered expression on his face and dropped into the passenger seat.
The four of us rode in an intense silence for ten minutes straight. It was starting to become unbearable. I was just about to ask Mick to turn on the radio when Nikki broke the silence, "So what's up? You guys are acting like I'm a criminal or something."
"All you can say is 'what's up' after last night?" Mick asked in a vexed tone. Nikki gave Mick an innocent look, "Come on guys, stop playing these stupid games. What'd I do?"
"Well, let's see," Mick tapped his forehead in mock puzzlement, "first of all, you get drunk. Then you take an innocent girl and rape her, and you decide to use my hotel room for your dirty acts." Nikki looked in shock at Mick for a few seconds and then let out an uneasy laugh, "Oh, is that what this is all about? I can pay you back for your hotel room if you want." Mick turned an ugly red color and raised his voice, "That was so not my point. Do you have any idea how many people this is hurting?"
Nikki rolled his eyes, "Back off, Mick. My sex life is no concern of yours. I don't even see why you've been thinking about it," Nikki paused for a moment and then continued, "Oh wait, I get it. You're jealous because you haven't slept with a girl for ages, isn't that right, Mick?" Tommy and I exchanged looks. We both knew that this was going to lead into a big argument.
"You just don't get it, do you, Nikki?" Mick snarled at Nikki with hate written all over his face. "Haven't you ever considered just choosing one girl for the love of your life and sticking with her instead of disposing her after having sex? You act like these girls are just your toys and you can throw them away like garbage after you've gotten tired of them. Have you even once considered their feelings?" Mick paused for a breath and then continued, "Of course you haven't. You don't even remember that they have feelings. You're so blind, Nikki. You can't even see how much you're hurting Amy."
"Huh?" Nikki asked in a confused and hurt voice and spun around to look at me, "I'm hurting you, Amy?" I was instantly paralyzed as I found myself looking into his big, black eyes. All my anger at Nikki for sleeping with Mandy the night before instantly evaporated. An intense longing filled my heart as I stared at Nikki. I studied his dark red lips and thought about kissing them. I wondered what would happen if I just touched my lips to his...
"Amy?" Nikki asked again in a rather panicked voice. I ripped my eyes away from his inviting lips and gave Nikki a seductive smile, "What are you talking about, Nikki? Of course you're not hurting me. You're my best friend." The crease in Nikki's forehead went away and he flashed me a lopsided smile, "Just making sure."
"Ugh!" Mick sighed in a loud tone from the front seat, interrupting my conversation with Nikki. Mick opened his mouth to say something, but Tommy shot him a warning glance. Mick shut his mouth reluctantly and the tense atmosphere resumed. I hated awkward silences. I wished someone would scream and yell instead.



Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we reached Mick's house. Mick parked in front of his house and tossed the keys back to Tommy, "See you guys soon." Tommy caught the keys and took the front driver's seat. We continued to ride in silence until we reached Tommy's home. Tommy then passed the keys over to Nikki and said in a forced-cheerful tone, "See you two tomorrow? I need to do some practice on my drums." Nikki shrugged and nodded, "Fine by me. We'll swing by your house tomorrow afternoon sometime." Tommy gave another forced smile and waved, "Bye!" Nikki and I waved and then backed out of the driveway. I was hoping the maybe the awkward silence would have evaporated now that Tommy and Nikki had left. But to my annoyance, it continued to loom over us like a storm cloud overhead. Nikki and I had never had silences like this before.
A few minutes later, we reached my house. I expected Nikki just to drop me off, but instead he parked the car and got out. I opened my car door, pulled my luggage out of the trunk, and then turned to Nikki, "Is there something you wanted?" Nikki stared uncomfortably down at his tall, black boots and hesitated before saying, "You know what Mick was saying? Well, it's kind of bothering me. I was just wondering...do you think he's right?"
"About what part?" I asked curiously. I was rather surprised that Nikki was bringing this up with me. Nikki paused for a moment then said, "The part about finding the love of my life and staying with her." I didn't need to think about my answer, it popped from my lips easily, "I agree with Mick, yes. You just have to find that special girl. She's out there for you somewhere."
"Maybe," Nikki shrugged, "Also, you were being truthful about me hurting you, right Ames?"
"Oh yes," I replied in as happy a tone as I could muster. Nikki didn't reply. He just gave me an intense look. I met his gaze and felt the usual intense longing for him rip through my body. Nikki slowly leaned in towards me until we were barely inches apart. I doubted our lips were even an inch apart. It would be so easy to just lean forward and gently press my lips to his...I hesitated for a mere moment, unsure of what to do.
That moment of hesitation was a moment too long. Nikki quickly backed away from me and quickly smiled as if to cover up the awkwardness, "Well, seeya tomorrow, Ames?" I nodded, trying not to let the disappointment show on my face. Nikki climbed back into the car, lifted a hand and then drove away. The moment he left, I felt my knees tremble and my eyes fill with involuntary tears. I tried to hold them back, but found it was too much of an effort. I sank down on the stone driveway and buried my face in my hands. In my heart, I knew Tommy was right. I would always be living in pain this way. I needed to confess my feelings for Nikki. But what if telling him ruined our relationship forever?



I sat twiddling my thumbs at the kitchen table, staring out the window with a blank expression on my face. It was three weeks after Mick, Nikki, Tommy, and I had gone to the Starwood. Ever since then, things had seemed to change. Mick and Nikki had developed a hatred for each other. My relationship with Nikki had changed somehow as well. I had no idea what had caused it, but things were different than they had been in the past. Conversations between us were awkward and short. And to my utmost disappointment, Nikki didn't invite me over nearly as much as he used to. The only times I saw him was when Tommy invited the three of us over. We needed a change; something that would make things go back to the way they had been.
I continued to gaze unblinkingly out at the gloomy day outside without really seeing anything.
"Amy?" a sharp voice cut into my contemplations. I peered upward to see my mom giving me a worried look, "Amy, you should eat something. You look really pale. I don't like seeing you just sit and gaze outside like that. It's depressing to watch." I stared at my mom without saying anything. I didn't want to eat anything. I hadn't eaten for two days, but I didn't feel hungry. Besides, all not eating did was make me skinnier. My mom squinted at me closely, "Something's wrong, isn't there? That friend of yours...Nick or whoever, he didn't hurt you, did he?" I felt my heart contort tightly at the mention of Nikki.
"I'm fine, Nikki and I aren't really friends anymore," I filled my mom in. My mom could barely conceal her excitement. She had always thought that Nikki was a bad influence on me, "It'll be okay, sweetie. There are tons of other people out there who would jump at the chance to be your friend." I stopped myself from rolling my eyes and screaming, "All I want is Nikki, mom! Can't you see that? Can't you see I don't want any other man?"
My mom studied my expression and retreated to the pantry. A few minutes later, she reappeared with a bowl of cereal and some milk, "Eat," she commanded, placing the bowl in front of me. I drowned my cereal in milk, and tried to make all the cereal sink to the bottom. I didn't want to eat, but I didn't want to worry.
My mom gave me a funny look, "Honey, playing with your cereal isn't going to do you any good." I scowled at her and took a hesitating bite of cereal. I chewed and swallowed the contents as quickly as I could. Just at that moment, the phone rang. I jumped to my feet and raced across the room to where the phone was, but my mom beat me to it.
"Hello?" my mom answered the phone. I tapped my foot impatiently, waiting for my mom to tell me who was calling. To my annoyance, she ignored my questioning look and continued talking. Just when I was about to leave the room, she held the phone out to me, "It's for you." I picked up the phone, wondering who had called me. I couldn't help but hope it was Nikki.
"Hey?" I asked into the phone. A familiar voice on the other end sounded, "Hey Ames. I'm having everyone over at my house. I thought we'd do some practice and you could come hang out with us? I've been practicing my drums all morning, but it gets kind of lonely around here, you know?" I smiled into the phone, "Yeah, I know. It's been really lonely around here too..." I trailed off, not wanting my voice to crack as a vision of Nikki came swirling into my head.
"I wanted to talk to you about that too," Tommy replied, as if knowing my thoughts. Innocently I asked, "you wanted to talk to me about what?" A chortle sounded from the other side of the phone, "You know what. It's obvious that something's changed between you and Nikki. Anyways, I want to take to you about it in real life. Will you be over here in a few minutes?"
"Of course," I replied, thankful for a friend like Tommy. "I'll be right over." I closed the phone and set it back on the counter. My mom looked at me curiously, "What's up?"
"I'm gonna go to Tommy's for a bit. See you in a while?" I answered her, grabbing my purse and leaving my cereal untouched on the kitchen table. My mom shrugged; she didn't mind me going to Tommy's. For some reason, she thought he was a much better influence on me then Nikki.
"Well, see you in a little bit. Have fun!" my mom called to me as I waved and headed out the front door. I popped inside of my car and took the short five minute drive to Tommy's house. It had been a while since I had been to Tommy's house. Tommy made a special effort to call me everyday though. Ever since Nikki had stopped seeing me as much, Tommy and I had become much better friends. I was starting to wonder if Tommy wanted to become more than friends with me. I decided not to worry about that until he said something about it though. I had enough things to worry about at the moment.
I parked in Tommy's driveway where two cars were already parked. Mick and Nikki must already be inside. I climbed out of the car and knocked at the front door. I heard a faint voice from inside the house call, "Come on in!" I slung my purse over my shoulder and stepped inside Tommy's house. Tommy, Mick, and Nikki were all arranged in the living room. Tommy had his drums out and Mick was playing a tune on his guitar.
"Hey guys," I greeted them, taking a seat on an ancient-looking leather chair. Tommy gave me a big smile, "Hi Amy!" Mick raised a hand in greeting. Nikki looked up at me. I met his black-ringed eyes and tried to read his thoughts. He gaze at me for a few moments and then he gave me a cold look and turned away. It was as if he had taken a knife and split my heart in two. I took a deep breath to keep from breaking down, "I'll be right back." With that said, I turned and ran into Tommy's bedroom. I flopped down on the bed, hid my head in my arms, and tried to figure out what had done wrong.
I hadn't been on the bed more than a few minutes when I felt a hand stroke the hair away from my face and say in a gentle voice, "Are you alright?" I lifted up my tear-streaked face to meet Tommy's genuienely concerned gaze.
"What the hell did I do?" I asked Tommy. Tommy only shook his head at me, "I have no idea. But we've got to get this sorted out at some point. I'll make sure you and Nikki get a chance to talk at the end of the day, alright? Hopefully, you'll be able to sort things out then. And if not, remember that I'm always here for you." A memory of Nikki saying almost the exact same thing to be popped inside my head and I gave a little sniffle.
"Aw, come on, Amy. It'll be okay. I hate seeing you like this. You're always in tears these days," Tommy told me, whipping the tears from under my eyes and giving me a little squeeze. "Are you ready to go back to the living room?" I nodded and followed Tommy out of the bedroom. Mick gave us a questioning look as we entered the room, but Nikki kept his gaze on the floor. This time, I kept my head high and sank back down onto the dilapidated chair.
"Hey guys, let's play that song we were working on earlier, shall we?" Tommy asked with a cheery smile.
"Sure," Mick agreed. Nikki merely shrugged. I heard Tommy give an almost inaudible sigh. Then music filled the room. I closed my eyes and let myself be engulfed in the melodies. The three of them were absolutely amazing. Everything was perfect...almost. We needed a singer. Without a singer, our band would never be complete.
"Stop," I interrupted during the middle of the song. Tommy gave me a shocked look, "Is it that bad, Amy?" I shook my head, "No, no. It's beautiful. But honestly, how can you guys keep on doing this when we don't have a singer? Isn't that what our goal right now should be?" Tommy, Mick, and Nikki all exchanged looks. Finally, Tommy sighed, "You're right, Amy. But where are we suppose to get a singer from? Nobody wants to join us." I shrugged and then an idea popped into my head, "Maybe we could ask Vince Neil to join us? Just once more? It couldn't hurt, could it?" I asked in a rush.
"I suppose it couldn't hurt," Tommy agreed with me. "I'll go call him now or at least leave him a message. Alright?" I gave Tommy an excited smile, "Okay. Thanks Tommy!" Tommy grinned and me, "Anything for you, Ames." An awkward silence filled the room as soon as Tommy left. Mick looked nervously from me to Nikki and then back to me again.
Finally, when the silence started to become unbearable, Mick stood up, "I think I'm gonna get going now. I have some things to do at home. Bye guys." I waved to Mick as he stepped out of the door, leaving me and Nikki alone together. I couldn't decide if I had wanted this or not.
We sat in silence for a few moments before I couldn't stand it any longer. I went over to where Nikki was leaning against the wall and asked, "Nikki? What's going on?" Nikki blinked and stared down at me with an uncaring expression on his face, "What do you mean 'what's going on'? Nothing's going on." I felted like screaming, but instead I persisted, "Something's obviously up, Nikki. Why are you ignoring me like this? I can't take it anymore. Just tell me what I did, please Nikki?" I pleaded with him.
Nikki said, "Okay, okay. I admit I've been avoiding you." I pushed back the tears that were starting to fill my eyes...again, "But why, Nikki? Why?" Nikki took a deep breath, "You know when Mick said I was hurting you?" I nodded and waited for Nikki to continue. A short silence stretched between us before Nikki added, "Well, I've been thinking. And Mick's right. I am hurting you. I'm a horrible friend Amy. You can't deny that. Mick hates me and I know that your mom doesn't like you being friends with me. We're better off without each other, Amy. Can't you see that?"
I stared at Nikki in complete shock, "No, Nikki, of course not. Can't you see how much I've been hurting without you? It's so much worse this way. I miss you..." I trailed off, not sure what else to say. Nikki hesitated and then wrapped his arms tightly around me. I could smell the familiar scent of alcohol on him as I was pressed to his chest. Nikki held me close for a few moments and then spoke softly, "You're right, Amy. I can't resist you anyways." Nikki stared into my eyes and began stroking my hair and then my cheek. There was something in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. I couldn't quite figure out what it was though.
Nikki continued stroking me as his hand gently moved down my body. I sucked my breath in, not daring to breathe. I felt his hand rest temporarily on my breast as he caressed me. I quickly looked up into Nikki's eyes. He didn't meet mine, instead he leaned towards me until our lips were millimeters apart. I closed my eyes and prayed for Nikki to kiss me.
"So guys," a voice interrupted us and Nikki quickly drew apart from me. I forced my eyes open and saw Tommy standing awkwardly in the door with an embarrassed expression on his face, "Uh...sorry...wrong moment?" Tommy forced a laugh to try to lighten up the situation.
"No, no," I replied as Tommy began backing towards the door, "come in. Did you give Vince a call?" Tommy nodded, walking back into the room, "Yeah, I did. I had to leave a message though. Hopefully, he'll call me back in the next few days."
"Yeah, hopefully," I agreed and then shot a sidelong glance at Nikki. He was slightly flushed.
"Um...I think I'd better get going now," Nikki announced. Tommy shrugged, "Okay. Take it easy, buddy." Halfway across the room, Nikki paused and glanced at me. Before my mind could process what had happened, Nikki retraced his steps and gave me a tight hug then whispered in my ear, "Can you stop by tomorrow? I have something to tell you." I felt my heart flutter, "Of course," I answered, feeling light-headed. Nikki grinned at me, waved at us and then headed out the door.
"Well," Tommy said after Nikki had left, "I take it you two have gotten things resolved?" I shrugged, "I sure hope so." Tommy nodded and looked at me with a curious expression on his face, "Did he kiss you?"
"No," I answered in a disappointed tone. I saw a several different expressions cross Tommy's face in the next moment. Then suddenly, he had pressed his lips against mine. It was a gentle kiss - soft and sweet. To my surprise, I found that I was kissing him back. The next moment, we were immersed in an intense makeout session. When we finally parted, the two of us were gasping for breath. We stared at each other in shock. I didn't know what had happened. True, I had suspected that Tommy had feelings for me. But what about me? Did I have feelings for him? Why the hell did life always have to be this confusing?
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