Amy learns the truth about Vince.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I peered upwards to meet Tommy's concerned face, "Amy, I'm not trying to pry, but this is making our band fall apart. Just tell me what's going on, okay? I swear I won't tell anyone. All your secrets are safe with me." I trusted Tommy. As a matter of fact, he was the only one I trusted these days. I took a deep breath and decided to share the last couple days' events with Tommy, "Um...do you remember the other day when I came to your house in tears?" Tommy nodded and gave me a how-could-I-forget-that look. I continued, "Well, I had been over at Nikki's house. I just wanted to talk to him. He told me I could just come inside his house whenever I wanted without knocking. The lights were off and nobody responded to my knocks, so I just let myself inside his house. And...um...I found Nikki sleeping with some girl on the couch." I bit my lip and fought back tears. This shouldn't really be such a big deal to me now. I had Vince; Nikki was out of my life.
"Ouch," Tommy said sympathetically. "That would be awkward. I'm so sorry, Amy. Do you still like Nikki in the same way you used to?" I didn't really want to answer Tommy's question. I had been avoiding asking myself that question for weeks now. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. One single droplet fell from my eye and streamed down my face.
"Please don't cry, Ames," Tommy pleaded and put an arm around me consolingly. "I wish I could make Nikki treat you right. I'd do anything for you, girl. So is this why there's all this tension between you two?"
"Um..." I hesitated, unsure of how to explain the rest of the situation to Tommy without hurting him too much. Tommy gave me an encouraging glance, "Go on." I wiped the tear from my cheek and reluctantly explained, "Vince came to pick me up tonight before the party. He came early and we had the house to ourselves so..." I paused again.
"Just spit it out, girl!" Tommy sighed, "it can't be too awful. Besides, you're driving me crazy with suspense." I managed a small smile and continued, "Anyways, Nikki came over and erm...found us on the couch." Tommy looked confused, "Um, okay? I don't see what's so terrible about that though. Do you think Nikki's jealous of you spending more time with Vince than him?" I could feel my face grow hot and I quickly added, "I didn't have my shirt on, Tommy."
Tommy's eyes widened and reliazation dawned on his face, "Ah, I see now. So you and Vince were...?" he trailed off without finishing his sentence. He didn't need to finish it, I already knew what he was going to say. I nodded to answer Tommy's unfinished question, "Yeah. Nikki sorta interrupted us." Tommy flinched, "Well, I guess that explains hostility between you and Nikki. Have either of you talked to each other alone since any of this happened?"
I gave Tommy a look of horror, "Of course not! I don't want to be alone with him anytime soon!" Tommy sighed, "Yeah, I can see why. But Amy, we're never going to get this solved unless you two get things worked out."
"I know, I know," I replied, "But I'm not talking to him, okay? I have enough problems in life to deal with right now." A silence fell between us. I could tell that Tommy was scrutinizing me, "This may sound like kinda a weird question, but did Vince hurt you at all, Amy?" I gave Tommy a have-you-lost-your-marbles look and replied, "Of course not. What would make you think that?" Tommy shrugged uncomfortably, "I dunno. He looks at you like he'd like to rip you to shreds though."
I could refrain from smiling. I wanted Vince to rip my clothes to shreds and love me. We both wanted each other; that much was clear. I remembered our makeout scene this afternoon before we were interrupted by Nikki. I loved the way Vince tenderly kissed my lips and the way he licked my breasts...
"What's so funny?" Tommy interjected into my thoughts. I quickly wiped my smile off my face and tried to replace it with a frown, "Oh, nothing." Tommy rolled his eyes at me, "You're crazy, you know that? Anyways, shall we go meet the others now? They're probably getting tired of waiting for us."
"Yeah, good idea," I replied. Tommy took my hand and the two of us marched out of the theater and found our friends' cars. Tommy gave me one last sympathetic glance before climbing into Mick's car. I scowled, remembering that I had to ride in Nikki's car. Reproachfully, I climbed into the backseat and slammed the car door shut behind me.
"There you are, baby," Vince smiled at me, "I missed you." I gave Vince a flirtatious smile, "I missed you too. So where are we going now?"
"Mick wanted to go to some restaurant nearby. Is that okay with you?" Vince asked. Personally, I didn't like restaurants one bit. Mainly because I was anorexic and pretty much hated eating. I answered Vince truthfully, "I don't mind where we go as long as I'm with you." Vince smiled and took my hand. I leaned over and kissed his neck. Vince sighed contentedly and I snuggled closer to him. I felt someone staring at us.
To my surprise, Nikki was glowering at the two of us. Honestly, I could see why Nikki was slightly upset at me, but this was going way too far. I would have to talk to him sooner or later.
Thankfully, the restaurant wasn't too far from the theater and we reached it within a few minutes. As soon as we parked, I shot out of the backseat, thankful to get away from Nikki. Vince and I entered the restaurant, leaving Nikki and Lorraine to trail before. I couldn't help but feel the slightest bit of empathy for Lorraine. Nikki hadn't talked to her once all night.
The receptionist brought us to a large table where Mick, Rachael, and Tommy were already sitting. I took a seat across from Vince at the far right of the table, trying to stay as far away from Nikki as possible. To my delight, he sat on the far left the table.
A few minutes later, the waitress came over and took our orders. Everyone ordered beer or wine. I bit my lip nervously; I didn't want our party to get too out of control. Unfortuantely, that's exactly what happened. Things took a turn for the worse about halfway through the meal. I had lost count of how many beers Vince had drank.
I had to admit that I was slightly drunk as well. My body felt jittery and full of energy. I had spent the entire meal gazing at Vince. It was easy enough to do; he was simply gorgeous. I wanted to shred his clothes and knock him onto the ground. Finally, I couldn't resist him any longer. Spontaneously, I grabbed his hand and forced my lips onto his. I could feel Vince smile under my lips. Without further delay, Vince leaned across the table and kissed me back passionately. Neither of us could get enough; one innocent kiss led to a series of intense ones. I could feel Vince's tongue exploring my mouth.
The two of us knew we were making quite a scene. Several couples were oogling at us and giving us reproachful looks, but neither of us cared. All that mattered was our affection for one another.
Suddenly, a loud voice interrupted us and brought me out of my dreamy world, "You're an asshole, Vince, you know that?" Vince and I abruptly broke apart to see who had spoken. To my surprise, it was Nikki. He was red in the face and trembling slightly. Vince gave him a sassy look, "Oh really, Sixx? Well, I think I could kick your ass." I exchanged a worried look with Tommy. Both of us knew that Nikki was very unpredictable when he was drunk.
Nikki stared at the two of us for a moment longer and then picked up a plate nearby and sent it flying at Vince across the table. I flinched and leaned back. The plate smashed right in front of us and glass went flying everywhere. I felt a sudden pain in my right hand and gave a little cry of agony. A shard of glass had embedded itself in my right palm. Vince took my hand gently and pulled the chunk out of my palm. I couldn't help but whimper softly as blood started spilling from the gash.
Vince stood up and stared daggers at Nikki, "You know what, Sixx? You're gonna pay for that one!" Vince grabbed another glass plate nearby and raised it high into the air. I tried to grab Vince's hand and pull the plate away. Luckily, before Vince could send the plate flying at Nikki, the receptionist came storming at us and ripped the plate from Vince's hand.
"Get out! All of you! NOW!" she shrieked at us in a high pitched voice. We didn't need to be told twice; all seven of us leapt to our feet and marched out of the restaurant. As soon as we were outside, Tommy grabbed Vince's wrist, "You two are going to ride with me. Nikki and Lorraine can ride with Mick." Vince scowled, "Someday I'll repay him for that."
"No, you won't," I replied firmly as the two of us slid into the backseats of the car. "We've already caused enough trouble tonight." Vince shrugged and took my injured hand, "Are you gonna be alright, Amy?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied. "Hopefully the bleeding will stop in a few minutes." Vince quickly stripped off his shirt and pressed it against my palm in an attempt to stop the bleeding. I couldn't help but gaze at his chest. It was so romantic to stare at his bare chest in the moonlight.
Much too soon we pulled into Tommy's driveway. Tommy got out and called, "You two better get out now. I want you to have left before Mick gets back with Nikki. Our band just got together, I don't want it to fall apart after only a week." A guilty feeling washed over me as we transferred to Vince's car. Before we drove away, I waved to Tommy and yelled out the window, "Sorry about all this, Tom." Tommy shrugged and waved back at me with a hint of envy in his eyes.
As soon as Vince and I hit the road, I felt fatigue washing over my body. Within moments, my eyes were closed and I had fallen into a deep, untroubled sleep.
I was jerked awake a little while later by Vince's intense cursing. I blinked and tried to make out our surroundings, "Where are we, Vince?" Vince glanced over at me, "This is my house, Amy." My mind started to clear, "Oh." Instantly, excitement started pulsing through my veins. Vince had brought me back to his house; it could only mean one thing.
"Aren't we going to go in?" I asked, starting to unbuckle the seatbelt. Vince let out another stream of curses, "We can't." He motioned at the car already parked in the driveway, "I've been tortured all night and now this!" I frowned, "What do you mean by 'tortured'? You didn't like spending the night with me?" Vince rolled his eyes at me, "That's not what I meant. I meant it's been pure torture trying to resist you in public."
"Oh," I replied, unsure of what else to say. The two of us scowled at the car in the driveway, both wishing it would just disappear. I frowned, "So what are we going to do now?" Vince shrugged miserably, "I guess I'm just gonna have to bring you back to your place." A hopeful expression lit up his face, "Are your parents home?"
"Yeah, we never get any privacy at my house," I replied in a disappointed tone. Vince revved up the car and pulled out of the driveway, "Yeah, that figures."
We rode back to my house in silence. I almost fell asleep again. I couldn't help but feel irritated though. I wanted Vince to make love to me so badly, and yet, all of our opportunities were ruined. It was as if the Gods were against us.
We drove into my driveway a few minutes later. Vince and I exited the car and took a few steps before the door. Vince caught my hand as I reached towards the doorknob. I turned around to look at him. Immediately, I was in his arms and his lips were pressed on mine. Vince caressed me gently as we kissed, touching every place of my body. I moaned softly, feeling my nipples perk against his bare chest. Oh why couldn't my parents have gone out for the night?
Suddenly, a bright light flicked on inside my house and footsteps sounded from inside the doorway. Vince reluctantly released me and lightly kissed my forehead one last time before turning and giving me a wave goodbye. I waved back and watched his car drive away into the darkened night. Little did I know how my pain my infatuation with this man was going to cause me in the days to come.
Three days later found me slumped on the couch, staring dazedly at the TV. I felt sick; both emotionally and physically. I had spent all morning vomiting my guts out in the bathroom. My face was ghostly white and I couldn't stop shaking. Mom, of course, was no help. She had insisted on rushing me to the doctor. I refused, telling her I was a legal adult and that I could make my own decisions. After that, she pleaded with me to eat something. Again, I refused. Finally, after an hour of arguing, she gave up and left me alone. I had curled up on the couch and tried to focus on the soap opera I was watching.
Unfortunately, my thoughts were focused on the two men in my life. I had called Vince everyday this week, hoping to go on another date with him. He had told me that he was "busy" or that "he'd like to but he had other things to attend to." I could see through those lame excuses easily. Vince had lost interest in me and was now going to all costs to avoid me; just like Nikki. I felt so alone in the world. There was no one to turn to anymore. True, I could go to Tommy's, but I had decided against. I knew how hard it was for Tommy to be alone with me. I didn't want to make things harder for him.
Suddenly, I heard voices from the other room. Curiosity made me ease myself up from the couch and walk across the room. I pressed my ear against the door to see who my mom was talking to. It didn't take me long to realize that she was on the phone. I could barely make out her voice from behind the closed door, "Oh, I'm sure she'd really love to. But the thing is, she's really sick right now an I'm afraid she won't be able to make it."
Excitement quickly filled me and I burst through the door and grabbed the phone from my mother. It was obviously someone for me; that much was clear. I hoped more than anything that it was Vince. My mom scowled at me for rudely interrupting her conversation. I ignored and spoke into the phone, "Hello?"
"Amy? Is that you? You're mom said you were quite sick," to my surprise, Mick's deep voice spoke back to me from the other end of the phone. I couldn't mask my disappointment; I had been hoping so much that Vince had been calling me.
"Oh hey Mick," I replied as cheerily as possible. "Yeah, I'm sick, but not too bad. What's up?" Mick replied, "Well, I found a manager for our band. He's a good friend of mine actually. I was inviting all the Crue over to come and meet him and his assistant. And since you're part of our band in a sense, I wanted to invite you of course. But if you're too sick and can't come, we completely understand."
"Oh no," I quickly said hastily. I knew that getting out of the house would be the best medicine for me right now. "I'm not too bad. I'll be right over. Is the rest of the Crue already there?"
"Nah, no yet," Mick answered. "I called you first actually. I'm about to give them a call after this. So I'll see you in a few minutes then, Amy? Remember, I don't want you to come if you're too sick."
"I'm fine. Really. I'll be right over!" I clicked my phone shut and turned to find my mom facing me with her hands on her hips. She blocked my path to the door, "Excuse me, young lady, but what do you think you're doing? You don't just go around stealing the phone from people. Also, you are not leaving this house while you're sick like this. I forbid it." I sighed gloomily, not wanting to deal with my mother at the moment, "You know what mom? I'm a legal adult. I can do whatever I want whether you say I can or not. Honestly, just let me go, okay?"
My mom bit her lip and exhaled heavily. I could tell she wasn't use to the idea of me being an adult yet. Finally, she shrugged her shoulders exasperatedly and stepped aside from the door. I quickly took a deep breath and flew through the door. I didn't even bother checking my appearance before I left. All I cared about at the moment was getting out of our stuffy house and away from my mother. She just never seemed to understand.
It took me about ten minutes to get to Mick's. I parked in his driveway and then rapped impatiently on his door. I couldn't help but hope that Vince would be there. After all, Mick had said that he wanted all the Crue to come. I heard footsteps inside the doorway before the door opened wide and Mick stood smiling out at me.
"Hi Amy! It's great to see you. Come on in, I have someone to introduce you to," Mick greeted, stepping aside so I could enter the living room. I stepped inside, curious to meet the new manager.
"Amy, meet Allan Coffman and his assistant Eric Grief. Eric and Allan, meet our good friend Amy," Mick introduced. I stared at Allan and Eric. Allan was tall and had dirty blonde hair. Eric was a slightly shorter than him and had dark brown hair and an attractive smile. I shook hands with both of them, "Nice to meet you two!"
"Nice meeting you as well," Allan replied cheerily. "Any friend of Mick's is a friend of mine." I smiled at him and noticed for the first time the other Crue members that were already gathered in the living room. Tommy was looking out the window and Nikki was sitting in an old brown chair in the corner. I quickly turned away from Nikki quickly and turned to Mick, "Did you invite Vince?"
"Yeah, I did," Mick replied. "He said he was busy or something. I don't remember what he said he was busy with though. Oh well, he said we could pick out our managers without him." Mick shrugged uncaringly. I bit my lip and nodded, trying to act like it didn't matter to me that Vince wasn't present. But deep inside, I could feel my heart splitting open. What had I done to offend him that he would avoid our band this much?
"Hey Amy, wanna come sit by me?" Tommy had taken a seat on the couch and was now looking at me inquiringly. I shrugged and plopped down next to him. I made the mistake of looking across the room...right into Nikki's eyes. I quickly averted my gaze and turned to Tommy, "So how have you been?"
"Fine, fine," Tommy replied. "I've heard you've been sick though. Are you okay now?" I frowned, unsure of how I was feeling at the moment. My physical sickness had seemed to have subsided at the moment, but emotionally I felt myself crying out with the pain. Finally, I answered Tommy's question, "Yes...well, no. Sorta." Tommy laughed, "Aw, hope you start feeling better, Ames." I nodded, trying to keep my eyes glued on Tommy. Out of the corner of my eye, I could feel Nikki's gaze boring inside of me.
Feeling uncomfortable, I looked down at myself, trying to figure out what Nikki was staring at. Finding nothing wrong, I whispered in Tommy's ear, "Why's Nikki staring at me like that? It's getting creepy." Tommy turned and looked at Nikki, who had quickly immersed himself in writing something down on a tablet, "I dunno really. I think you two should talk though. This tension between you two is driving me insane!" I frowned, not wanting to speak to Nikki.
Mick, Eric, and Allan seemed deeply engrossed in their conversation and seemed to have forgotten that the rest of us existed. I looked from Tommy to Nikki and then back to Tommy again. To be truthful, I wanted to talk to Nikki more than anything. But being left alone with him just didn't seem like a good idea at the moment. I could be known to do some pretty crazy things; especially when I was feeling lost and unloved.
"Uh...I dunno," I answered Tommy. "I wanna talk to him, but just not now, you know?" Tommy gave me a sly smile and didn't reply. An uneasy feeling started to wash over me. Something in my conscious told me that Tommy had a plan.
The next hour passed in idle conversation between me and Tommy. Mick, Eric, and Allan continued to be oblivious to us, and Nikki continued his writing. I assumed he was working on song lyrics like usual.
Finally, Mick looked over at us with a triumphant expression on his face, "Guess what guys?" Tommy and I looked up questioningly. Nikki didn't even bother looking up from his scribbles. Undetered by our lack of interest, Mick continued, "Allan is going to set up a tour for us! We'll be touring Canada at the end of May, just after we release our first album as planned. Isn't that great?" Mick had finally gaining Nikki's interest, "Hm, that does sound pretty good. Thanks for doin' that Allan," Nikki finally spoke, flashing Allan one of the smiles I loved.
"Yeah, anytime," Allan replied. "Eric and I had better get going now though. It was nice meetin' y'all. Hopefully I'll be able to meet your singer next time I come." Mick nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, definitely. I'll walk you out to your car." I watched as Mick, Allan, and Eric tromped through the open doorway and out into the cool, spring day.
Tommy looked over at me covertly and stood up, "I'll be right back guys." I scowled at his back as he wandered into an adjacent room, leaving me and Nikki alone together. Not trusting myself to look or speak to Nikki, I focused my gaze on the ground, praying for Mick to return soon.
After about five minutes of straine silence, Nikki finally stood up and started walking over to me. I peered up at him as he stood infront of me. He looked so attractive with his crazy black hair flying all over the place. I waited for him to speak to me, feeling jittery. Just as Nikki opened his mouth to speak to me, the door burst open and Mick popped inside, "Well, I'd say that meeting went well! I can't believe we're gonna be going on tour so soon!"
I felt like swearing and screaming. Whenever something important or meaningfuly was going to happen to me, something else always happened to interrupt it. I must have offended the Gods somehow. Or maybe I was born under an unlucky star?
I pasted a fake smile on my face, not wanting to ruin Mick's elation, "Yeah, it's awesome!" Tommy walked back through the door, frowning slightly. He was obviously upset that Nikki and I hadn't gotten a chance to work things out. I started feeling like I might get sick again, "Hey guys? I think I'm gonna go too. I'm not feeling all that well."
"Aw, okay," Mick said with a kindly expression. "At least you got to meet Al and Eric. Hope ya feel better soon, Ames!" I waved to the threesome and dragged myself dejectedly to my black jetta.
As I pulled out of the driveway, a plan formed in my head. I would stop at Vince's on my way home. I was dying to see him again and I needed to figure out how I had offended him so much the other night. So instead of taking the familiar drive back to my house, I took the right turn instead of the left, and arrived at Vince's two-story brick house a few moments later.
I set my jaw and popped out of the car. I was going to figure out Vince's problem, no matter what it took. Purposefully, I strode up to the front door and raised my hand to knock.
However, I never ended up knocking. At that moment, something in the window caught my eye. Vince and another woman were passionately entwined and were kissing each other all over the mouth. I couldn't help but stare at the two of them. What the hell was Vince doing? He gave the woman a dreamy-eyed look and touched her in the same ways he had touched me. I turned green with envy and was unable to take my eyes off the two lovers.
But I still hadn't found out the worse. A ray of light shone through the open window and my gaze was immediately brought to something sparkling on the woman's finger. She was wearing a large, intricately-cut diamond ring. My focus quickly shifted to Vince's finger where a gold wedding ring was present. That was the moment that I found out that Vince Neil was already married.
My whole body seemed to shut down as I stared at the couple before my eyes. I couldn't seem to be able to move, let alone avert my gaze from them. I watched helplessly as Vince kissed the woman's neck and stripped off her shirt. Just then, Vince looked up and gazed towards the window. I immediately broke free of my paralysis, turned, and ran back to my car. I prayed to God that Vince hadn't seen me.
I revved up the car and pulled out of the driveway in shock. My misery was beyond the point of tears; I couldn't even make myself cry. All I could do is drive home and remind myself of how much of an idiot I had been.
After what felt like the longest drive of my life, I reached my familiar two-story gray house. I parked in the middle of the driveway and bolted out of the car with my head in my hands. I yanked the doorknob open and tumbled into the living room. My parents had gone out for the day so I was home all alone. I was thankful to have the house all to myself.
Suddenly, my heart filled with rage against Vince. I wanted to scream or shout. How dare he do this to me? I had almost had sex with a married man. For the first time, I felt grateful to Nikki for interrupting us. Having sex with a married man was just plain wrong. I didn't live by a strict moral code like my mom, but I wasn't about to turn into a slut anytime soon. I had merely been Vince's toy. He didn't truly love me; he only wanted my body.
I sank down into the far right corner of the living room. My body felt weak and I was shaking slightly. It was then that I finally noticed the torrent of tears streaming down my face. I cried and cried as if my tears could wash away the pain. Nothing seemed to help though; the betrayal had broken my heart. I needed a distraction from the pain in my heart. That's when I made a decision that I would regret the rest of my life.
I forced myself to get up from my corner and walk into the kitchen. I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt to try to clear my blurred vision. As soon as I had entered the kitchen, I found what I had been looking for. A long, sharp knife was lying innocently on the top drawer. Without thinking through what I was about to do, I snatched up the knife and returned to my corner.
I sank down onto the cold wooden floor, eying the steel point of the knife in my hand. Without delay, I pressed the knife against my wrists until blood started to ooze from the cuts. I screamed with the physical pain and dropped the blood-stained knife to the ground. It landed with a clatter by my foot. Blood gushed from my wrists and trickled down my arms. It wasn't long before my whole body seemed to be covered dark burgundy stains.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and let my tears fall faster. The tears were different from before; this time they were from pain. My distraction had worked. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to enjoy the pain. I deserved it after all. I had been stupid enough to fall for Vince and to actually trust him. Until now, I had truly believed he had loved me. I had loved him with all my being, and yet he treated me like a piece of garbage.
Suddenly, without warning, the front door burst open. I quickly tried to subdue my tears. Without a doubt, it was my parents returning from their outing. The last thing I wanted right now was for them to find me like this. I was sure I made quite a scene sitting in my little puddle of blood and sobbing my heart out.
To my chagrin, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I tried to restrain my tears, but found I couldn't restrain myself. I whimpered as quickly as I could with the pain that was starting overcome my body. Suddenly, I felt a hand gently grip my shoulder. Crap. My parents must have found me. I didn't bother raising my head to see whether it was my mom or dad. My mind seemed to have stopped working. All I could do was feel the agony that ripped through my veins.
"Amy, look at me!" a sharp voice ordered. I was so shocked not to hear my parent's voices that I raised my tear-streaked face to the intruder. To my utmost surprise, Nikki was kneeling on the floor next to me.
"Nikki?" I gasped, "what are you doing here?" Nikki grabbed one of my hands roughly and flipped it over so he could examine my wrist, "I followed you on the way back to your house. I wanted to talk to you. I didn't know you were planning on stopping at Vince's..." Nikki trailed off as he gazed in horror at the bloody mess of my wrists, "What the hell did you do to yourself?" Nikki yelled at me. I had never seen him like this before. His black eyes shone with fury and he was trembling slightly.
"Um...I cut myself," I replied in a weakened voice. Nikki glared at me, "What's happened to you, Amy? You didn't just randomly cut yourself for no good reason." I didn't reply. Explaining my stupidity with Vince was the last thing I wanted to discuss with anyone, especially Nikki.
"Oh fine, don't tell me!" Nikki snapped, turning slightly red in the face. "It's not hard to guess. What'd Vince do to you?" Avoiding Nikki's eye, I answered, "I never said it was Vince." Nikki rolled his eyes in exasperation, "No, you didn't. I didn't say you did. It's obvious Vince is the cause of this though. Come on, Amy, tell me what he did."
"Not like it's any of your business," I started, "but Vince Neil is apparently married." Nikki's eyes widened in astonishment, "I knew that bastard was messing with you. But that doesn't matter now. We need to get you to a hospital." I shot Nikki an alarmed look, "I'm not gonna go to the hospital. They'll think I was attempting suicide or something like that." Nikki gave me a puzzled look, "Um, isn't that exactly what you were trying to do?"
I thought about Nikki's question for a moment. Had I wanted to kill myself? Had I actually just attempted suicide? My mind fogged over and all I could do was moan softly. Nikki tore off his shirt and pressed it firmly against my wrists in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Even in my groggy condition, I couldn't help but stare at Nikki's gorgeous, tattooed chest.
"What are you looking at?" Nikki snapped irritably. I immediately lowered my gaze and found that he was gazing at my chest as well, "What are you looking at?" Nikki quickly returned his gaze to my wrists and blushed bright pink.
"Okay, I'll tell ya what girl," Nikki started, "I'm not gonna bring you to the hospital so you don't have to go through that whole suicidal attempt mess. But we do need to get these cuts clean. I'm gonna bring you to the bed and get bowl of water. I want you to soak your wrists in them for a few minutes. After that, I'll bandage you up. Okay?"
I shrugged as Nikki picked up my limp body and carried me to my parent's bed. He laid me down gently and quickly retreated from the room to get the bowl of water. In less than a few minutes, he returned with a big glass bowl. I dunked my arms into the bowl and gazed at Nikki. Nikki sat down at the edge of my bed and glanced up at me with a pained expression, "Amy, don't go doing this, okay? I couldn't bare to lose you. Vince is a bastard; he doesn't deserve you. Forget about him and move on, alright?" I gave Nikki a look that said have-you-lost-your-marbles, "Nikki, Vince was the only man who actually even seemed to love me. I can't just forget about him. I loved him."
"Other people care too, you know," Nikki interjected. "I care more than you can imagine." I shrugged, removing my arms from the now crimson-colored water, "That's different though. Having someone love you and having someone care for you are different. You of all people ought to know that, Nikki."
Nikki remained silent and began wrapping bandages tightly around my injuries. I watched as Nikki wound the gauze around my wrists, waiting for him to speak. Finally, Nikki leaned in close to me so that we were only a few inches apart. I blinked, rather shocked by the change of events. Nikki gazed into my eyes and lightly brushed his lips against mine. My heart pounded against my chest so loudly that I was surprised Nikki couldn't hear it. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of his soft lips on mine.
After a moment, Nikki broke apart from me, "I shouldn't have done that. You're pretty emotionally screwed up right now. That kiss...it meant nothing, okay?" I shrugged without really listening to what he was saying. After all, Nikki Sixx had just kissed me! Nikki frowned and started to stand up, "Should I leave now? I think you're gonna be alright at this point." I jerked into a sitting position and grabbed one of Nikki's wrists, "Don't leave me. Please, I need you." Nikki turned back and crawled next to me on the king-sized bed, "If that's what you want." I nodded and snuggled closer to him. Nikki gave me a shocked look but didn't pull away from me. After a few moments, I gently laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes drowsily. Sleep was calling me. Suddenly, I felt a hand gently stroking my hair. I shivered slightly at Nikki's touch. More than anything, I wanted to confess my love for him at that moment, but I was succumbing to sleep faster than I could handle. Before I knew it, darkness overcame me and I fell into a deep, undisturbed slumber.
"Amy? Amy, where are you?" the anxious calls of my parents broke through my slumber. I popped my eyelids open and quickly remembered where I was. Blinking, I slowly sat up in my parents bed and then whirled around to see if Nikki was still by my side.
"Hey, are you alright?" Nikki yawned and sat up next to me in the bed. "Are your wrists causing you a lot of pain?" I peered down at my heavily bandaged arms. Luckily, they had stopped bleeding.
"I'm not too bad. I think my heart is causing me more pain at the moment. I was so stupid, Nikki. How could I have let myself fall right into Vince's hands like that?" I replied, trying to keep the imminent tears out of my eyes. Nikki pulled me back against his chest and lightly stroked my cheek, "Amy, you weren't being stupid. Vince was flirting with you. He was the one who initiated..." Nikki broke off and blushed slightly. I could tell he was remembering Vince lying on top of me on the couch. My cheeks flushed light pink as well. Nikki shifted to his right so he could look directly into my eyes, "Erm...Amy? Can I ask you sorta a personal question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"You can ask me anything you want, Nikki," I replied sincerely. There wasn't anything I wouldn't deny Nikki. He could have whatever he wanted from me. Nikki blushed and then said in a rush, "Did Vince fuck you that night?" I peered up at Nikki. I was rather shocked that he had asked me about Vince,
"He was going to...but apparently was wife was home so he couldn't," I replied truthfully, finally seeing through Vince's secret. Nikki sighed with relief, "Thank God for that. If Vince ever pressures you to do anything with him, you'll tell me, right?" I shrugged, "If you want me to. I don't see why you should really care though."
Nikki opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted as my parents came bursting through the bedroom door with worried expressions. I had forgotten that they had been calling me moments earlier. Nikki and I hastily jerked into sitting positions and pasted innocent smiles on our face. I hoped my parents weren't going to get the wrong idea about me and Nikki. It wasn't as if we had been having sex in their bed or anything.
"What are you two doing?" my mom asked in a hysterical voice. "I've been searching all over for you, Amy! Why's Nikki here?" I noticed my mom's gaze focus in on Nikki. I knew him being here would perturb her. She didn't like me going over to Nikki's, but she tolerated it. But finding me curled up against Nikki on her bed was something completely different. My mom glared at Nikki and eyed the tattoos on his bare chest suspiciously.
"Amy fell and scraped herself up," Nikki replied calmly. "I was helping bandage her up and now I was trying to get her calmed down." That was when my mom noticed the bandages that wound around both my wrists, "Oh Amy, be more careful, will you? It looks like you took quite a fall." She reached down and flipped my arms over to examine my cuts. Luckily, Nikki had done a through job of bandaging me up so she couldn't see how deep the cuts really were.
Nikki quickly slid off the bed, "I think I'd best be going now. Your parents can take care of you now, Ames." A sulky expression quickly formed on my face. The last thing I wanted was to be cooped up with my overprotective parents in bed for the rest of the day. I fluttered my eyelashes and Nikki, "Aw, can't you stay just a little while longer?"
"Nah," Nikki replied, eying my mother hesitantly. "But call me tomorrow, alright?" My face fell, "Well, alright. Thanks...for everything." Nikki smiled at me like the way he used to, "No problem. Anything for you girl." With that, he turned and strode out of the room. As soon as Nikki left, my mom leaned close to me, "Did he do anything to you?" I sighed exasperatedly, "No, mom! I fell and cut myself up. Nikki was helping me, okay? He's not some evil person." My mom shrugged, "Hm. Well, how are you feeling now, sweetie? Are you in a lot of pain?"
"Not really," I lied, trying not to wince at the agony that tore through my veins. Ring, ring, ring! My mom reluctantly left my side and hurried towards the door, "I'm gonna get the phone. I'll be right back." I quickly arranged myself into a sleeping position and closed my eyes. I really just wanted to sleep at the moment.
Just as I was snuggling down under the blankets, my mother walked back into the room with her cell phone. I was surprised to hear her say, "Sure, you can talk to her. She's not feeling all that great because of her fall earlier though." My mom held the cell phone out to me. I took it and gave her a questioningly look and mouthed, "Who is it?"
"Vince," my mom mouthed back. I literally hurled the phone back at her and said in a normal tone, "I am so not talking to him right now. Tell him I'm sleeping or something." My mom caught the phone, gave me a funny expression, and then spoke into the cell phone, "I'm sorry, but Amy's too tired to talk right now. Try her later, okay?"
Mom snapped the phone shut and gave me a funny expression, "Wasn't that your boyfriend who you were dying to have call you the other day?" I felt like spitting at her words, "He's not my boyfriend. We aren't even friends for that matter." My mom's eyes widened with curiosity, "What happened? Did he break up with you?"
"Yeah," I replied, not wishing to go into detail. "I'm kinda tired now, mom. I think I'm gonna sleep, okay?" My mom gave me a disappointed look, "Well, okay. Do whatever you think is best. If you need anything, I'll be in the living room."
After she had shut the door behind her, I flipped onto my stomach and shut my eyes. It had been a long day; so much had happened. I had been betrayed by Vince and made a fool of myself, I had become a cutter, and Nikki had kissed me. I fell asleep dreaming of his lips pressed on mine in that single, tender kiss.
The next week seemed to fly by faster than any other week in my life. I was confined to my bed and was banned for leaving the house. I hadn't objected; I had lost a lot of blood and felt quite weak. It would've been the most boring week of my life if it hadn't been for Nikki. He had come over every single day to see how I was doing. He would either work on his song lyrics for the Crue, sit and talk with me, or sometimes just sit and stare at me.
I was so glad that we were finally friends again. All awkwardness in the past had been forgotten and our bond was closer than ever. To my annoyance, he hadn't kissed me or made and physical advances towards me. I had thought about confessing my feelings for him several times. I had even rehearsed what I planned to him. But no matter how many times I rehearsed, I couldn't find the courage to tell Nikki. I had just won him back; I didn't want to lose him again.
Tommy had come to visit me a few times during my confinement as well. I had told him about Vince and about Nikki. Tommy had suggested firing Vince right away. I told him that would be a stupid thing to do, and so Vince was still the lead singer of the Crue. Mick had come with Tommy on one of his visits and had played a little tune for me on his guitar. I liked being pampered like this. I had never had people come to visit me for being sick or injured before.
The only person I hadn't spoke to since the cutting incident was Vince. He had called me several times, but everytime I told my mom to tell him I was busy or not home. I couldn't speak to that bastard after he had tried to make me look like a slut. I knew I would have to face him someday though. That day came sooner than expected.
Nikki and I were sitting on my bed as usual. Nikki was finishing up the lyrics to a song called "Take Me to the Top" while I leaned against him and just enjoyed the peacefulness of us being together. After adding the last two lines to the song, Nikki turned and looked at me, "I was thinking about running these lyrics over to Tommy's. We really need to do some practicing...especially Vince. Do you feel well enough to go to Tommy's?" I took a moment to think before answering him. Physically, I wasn't nearly as week as before and could easily go to Tommy's. But my mental state was a different story. I didn't know if I was ready to face Vince. As a matter of fact, I didn't know if I would ever be ready to face Vince.
Nikki read my expression and correctly guessed my thoughts, "I know what you're thinking, Amy. You're gonna have to see Vince at some point though, you do know that, right? It's better not to put it off. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Besides at least I'll be here to protect you. So what do ya say?"
"Fine, I'll go," I sighed reluctantly. Nikki was right; it was best to get this over with. Nikki flashed me a lopsided smile, "Aw, you're such a brave girl, Ames. Let's head over there then." Nikki took my hand and helped me out of the bed.
I took the passenger seat in his car, butterflies spinning around crazily in my stomach. I hated how much my short relationship with Vince affected my emotional state. It was crazy really.
Nikki turned up the radio and we rode together in silence. All too soon, we came to Tommy's house. Nikki parked on the right half the driveway. I hesitated momentarily before exiting the car. My breath came in nervous little puffs and my face was rather flushed. Nikki took my hand in his and gave me a reassuring look, "It'll be fine! Stop worrying so much." I shrugged and finally opened the car door and followed Nikki up the steps that led to Tommy's door.
Nikki rapped loudly on the door. Tommy's familiar voice replied from inside, "What do I always tell you about knocking? Honestly, just come in guys. It's not like you're strangers in my house!" Nikki laughed and entered Tommy's living room, dragging me with him. Unable to resist the urge, I looked up and met Vince's bright blue eyes. Mick, Tommy, and Vince were all arranged in the center of the room. Tommy had his drums set up and Mick had his guitar slung over his neck. The Crue was going to do a rehearsal with Nikki's newly composed lyrics no doubt.
Vince shot me an innocent smile from across the room. I quickly looked away from him. The smile pierced my heart in the same spot where he had split it into two. However, even after all this man's treachery, I couldn't help but find him attractive. He was wearing black pants, boots, and a tank top with several holes in it. His light blonde locks were pulled back by the usual purple headband. I felt like slapping myself; why was I still looking at Vince in this way?
Nikki pushed me gently towards the couch where I took a seat to steady myself. I could tell Vince was trying to meet my eyes. I could feel his gaze boring into me. Shuddering slightly, I kept my gaze resolutely focused on Nikki as he joined the band arranged in the living room. Without saying a word, Nikki thrust the song lyrics sheet he had been working on to Vince and then took his spot next to Mick. I watched as the two exchanged ugly glances which were followed by a short silence.
"Uh...shall we start now?" Tommy asked, looking nervously between Nikki and Vince. Everyone agreed and before I knew it, music had engulfed the room and was pounding through my veins. I had never heard this song before. Nikki had called it "Live Wire." I was so proud of him for being able to compose such a marvelous piece of music.
But try as I might to keep my concentration on the song, my gaze kept fluttering back to Vince. It was as if my eyes were glued to him. I just couldn't seem to be able to look away. After the Crue had run through four songs without error, Vince put the song lyrics done on Tommy's small coffee table and turned towards me, "Excuse us for a moment. I have some things to discuss with Amy that can't wait." Nikki shot Vince a devilish glare and started to open his mouth. I gave Nikki a warning look. I wanted to deal with this on my own and get it over with. Nikki shrugged, but kept glaring at Vince as he roughly took my wrist and dragged me off the couch. He led me into Tommy's bedroom and locked the door shut behind us.
I wasn't sure what to do. Part of me felt like screaming and cursing at him and another part of me felt like breaking down into sobs of misery. I never ended up doing either.
Vince spun me around so that I was looking into his eyes and then pressed my body tightly against him in a tight embrace. Without giving me a chance to speak, he gently met my mouth with a sweet, innocent kiss. My conscious was screaming at me to get away from him before I made another mistake, but I just didn't seem to be able to resist. Vince licked my lower lip and slipped his hand underneath my bra. I knew I had to get away from him for everyone's good. It was now or never, right?
Vince caressed my breasts lightly and skimmed his lips over my neck. Finally, I broke out of my paralysis and broke away from him. I stumbled backwards against the wall and gave Vince a dirty look, "What the hell do you think you're doing to me?"
Vince gave me a hurt look, "Is something wrong, Amy?" All the anger that I had been storing up inside me seemed to explode out of me like lava bursting from a volcano.
"Yes, there IS something wrong, Vince!" I replied, giving him an incredulous look. How could he pretend that he didn't know what was wrong? Couldn't he see how awful it was to cheat on your wife and steal an innocent girl's heart? Vince gave me an uneasy glance, "Um...what's wrong, sweetheart?"
"Oh my God, Vince, you really just don't get it do you?" I screeched at him angrily. "You're married! Do you just decide to forget about your wife when you come here? Or were you trying to make me look like a slut?" Vince stared at me in complete shock, "How would you know if I have a wife or not?"
"Come on, don't play these stupid games with me!" I replied angrily. "If you must know, I saw you with your wife through your window the other day since I came over to see you. Now fess up!" Vince's pale completion colored ever so slightly and he hesitated before answering me, "Okay, you're right; I do have a wife. I've been married for about a year now."
"I knew it!" I screamed rather hysterically, "what were you trying to do to me, Vince? Was I your little toy or an easy target?" Vince stepped towards me and placed his hands on my shoulders. I flinched and pulled away from his touch. Vince looked genuinely hurt, "Amy, you're not getting it. You're taking this the wrong way. You were never my ''toy'. I love you, Amy. I only wanted to love you. There's nothing more to it than that."
"Stop, stop, stop!" I retorted back at him. "Don't give me that shit. We all know that you didn't truly love me. You have your wife. Of course you can't love a girl you met only a few weeks ago when you've been married a year."
"Who's to tell me who I can love and who I can't?" Vince replied. He was looking quite red in the face and I could tell he was starting to get angry now as well. "Honestly, Amy, you can't read my emotions. You can't just go around telling people who they can love and who they can't love. I would think you were smart enough to see that."
"Oh really?" I snapped, "Well, I would think that you would be smart enough not to cheat on your wife! Do you have any idea what you've done? I trusted you; I loved you. And this is how you decide to treat me?" I was shaking angrily now.
"I didn't think about it that way. Please believe me; I love you much more than my wife. I've been thinking about getting a divorce for a while here now," Vince tried to reason with me. I could see through his pathetic excuses easily though, "Oh sure! I just saw you and your wife having sex like a week ago. Of course you aren't gonna divorce her anytime soon! Geez, quit these stupid games, Vince. I'm frickin' sick and tired of them!"
"Amy, I'm being completely honest with you. I don't really like being married. There's so many other beautiful women out there. I get distracted so easily," Vince confessed, looking slightly guilty now. I gave him an incredulous look, "You don't like being married? I've spent my whole life wishing someone would propose to me. At this point, I'm starting to think that's nothing more than a sweet dream." All of the sudden, my anger evaporated and was replaced by despair. I felt weak; I wasn't still completely healed from my incident from last week.
I sank to the ground and buried my head in my hands miserably. Footsteps approached me, "Amy, what can I do to make you believe me? I'd do anything. I love you; I truly do." I peered up at Vince's concerned face. It was awful to be left alone with a man you love who's married. I managed to choke out, "Vince, you don't love me. Honestly, you don't! Face it; all you want is my body. You can use me and throw me away and never think of me ever again."
I was surprised to see silent tears starting to stream from Vince's bright blue eyes, "That's not true. None of that is. Please don't say that. It hurts me to see how you think of me as a monster." I took a deep breath and tried to terminate my sobs, "I don't think you're a monster. I didn't say that." Vince shrugged and turned away from me. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable with me seeing him in tears.
An unexpected wave of guilt washed over me. What if Vince really did love me? What if he was just lost and confused as I was currently? Maybe what he was doing wasn't all that bad after all. True, he was cheating on me and his wife, but it wasn't really his fault. I loved him and I thought he loved me. Wasn't that enough reason for us to be together?
Without really realizing what I was doing, I stood up and walked over to where Vince was standing. He quickly wiped the tears trickling down his cheeks and turned to face me with a questioningly expression. I put a hand on his chest and stared into his attractive face. It was amazing how I still considered him handsome even with flushed cheeks and black streaks down his face.
"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered, "I didn't see things your way before. C-can we still be friends?" I knew it was a childish question, but I really needed to know if Vince would forgive me or not. It seemed to be the only thing that mattered in my life at the moment. Vince's eyes suddenly cleared and he cautiously wrapped his arms around my waist in a gentle hug, "We can be whatever you want to be, Amy. I need you in my life though. I dunno what I'd do if you abandoned me now." Vince paused for a moment and then added in a tentative voice, "You know, we still could be more than friends if you wanted..." I wasn't expected him to say that. I thought carefully before answering, "Well...okay. But you can't fuck me unless you get divorced, alright? You're already turning me into a slut as it is." Vince gave me a dirty grin, "I'd never think of you as that. To me, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on." That was too much for me.
I couldn't control myself any longer. With a sigh of longing, I nuzzled him gently and gazed into his gorgeous eyes. Vince took my hint and leaned down and pressed his lips to my neck. Before I knew it, I was kissing ever part of his body. Vince wrapped one arm tightly around my waist and tangled the other hand in my hair as he met my lips. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we tumbled onto the bed together. We pressed our bodies as close together as was possible. Vince pulled my head against his chest and kissed the back of my neck urgently. I groaned as snuggled even closer to him. Here I was with the man I loved; nothing was stopping us from going all the way. I felt like ripping off my shirt and begging Vince to make love to me.
A soft clicking noise sounded from far away. I reluctantly tore my lips away from Vince's neck to see where the noise had come from. Tommy was standing doorway with an awkward expression on his face. He gave me an uncomfortable smile and quickly backed out of the doorway.
Vince hadn't even heard the door open. I felt him roll on top of me. I was again seized with a sudden impulse to undress him so our love could finally unite. Vince lightly licked the skin below my lip in a teasing way. I caught his lower lip in my mouth and kissed him recklessly. Vince kissed me back and our lips moved together in sync. Adrenaline started racing up in my body; I couldn't control myself much longer.
When we broke away from the kiss, both gasping for oxygen, I managed to utter, "Vince...we have to stop here. I can't do it anymore." Vince knew better than to press his luck with me, "If that's what you want."
"That's not what I want exactly," I replied, moving into a sitting position. "We just can't do it now. Ugh, if you're gonna get that stupid divorce, just do it. Nothing's stopping you. I want you to be mine..." Vince rolled into a sitting position next to me and gave my lips one last kiss, "You're such a teaser, you know that girl?"
I shrugged as we both slid off the bed, "We should probably go see how the rest of the Crue is doing. They're probably wondering what we've been doing in here this whole time." Vince flung an arm around my shoulder and tucked a blonde lock behind his ear, "Yeah, they probably are. This is more important than the band though."
I rolled my eyes at him as we entered the living room. Three pairs of curious eyes stared back at us with quizzical expressions. I quickly regained my seat on the couch, feeling uncomfortable being stared at. To my surprise, no one asked what we had been doing. Tommy broke the silence, "Shall we start where we left off? I think we were practicing 'Merry-go-round'." Everyone agreed and once again, music filled the room once more. I wasn't listening to the music though; my thoughts were locked onto Vince.
A few hours later after the Crue had run through their new songs several times, Nikki yawned and stretched his arms, "Gah, it's gotten really late guys. Amy and I should be going. She still needs her rest. It was great finally being able to practice all together though. I didn't think that was ever going to happen!" Nikki shot a look at Vince as he said that.
"Yeah, I feel like we accomplished a lot today," Tommy agreed. "I think we'll be ready for our Canada tour next month. We'll be able to release our first album then too. We just have to get some publicity first."
"Mm hm," Nikki agreed, grabbing his coat from the ground and reaching for the doorknob, "Are you coming, Amy?" I nodded and slowly stood up. Relaxing on the couch listening to music had almost lulled me to sleep. Vince quickly reached for me before I made it to the door and kissed my forehead lightly, "Call me, okay sweetie?"
"Yeah," I agreed as I stepped out the door with Nikki. I looked over just in time to see Nikki giving Vince a murderous glance before he shut the door behind us. The two of us walked to silence and both entered Nikki's car. An uneasy silence between us seemed to fall between us. As soon as Nikki started up the car, I cranked the volume on the radio. I really didn't want to have to tell Nikki about what had happened between Vince and me.
But of course, as always, the inevitable happened. Nikki pressed the "mute" button on the radio and turned to me with an intense expression, "So what exactly just happened between you and Vince, Amy?"