I didn't want to just be a girl.. I wanted to be me.
“Oh Jagger…” I moaned in my sleep. I was having the best dream when a loud bang woke me up. My eyes snapped open and several cheers erupted. I rolled my eyes and got out of bed going to chew my stupid friends/band mates’ asses out. No one interrupts my hot sex dreams with…never mind.
“What the hell?” I mumbled angrily. All three of them looked at me shocked.
“Wow you’re actually up.” Aiden smiled and I mumbled incoherently.
“Shut up.” I replied and screamed when I was suddenly in the air, Darren swinging me around.
“Darren put me down!” I screamed and he giggled as he set me down. What the hell was wrong with them?
“Lissa! You’re never going to fucking believe this!” He yelled and I looked at him like he was on crack.
“What is so important that you felt the need to invade my personal space?” I asked him and he smiled.
“Guess who called me!”
“Justin Bieber?” I retorted and he scoffed.
“Ahaha. Very funny, no douche nozzle, Pete fucking Wentz!”
“No way.” I asked and he nodded manically.
“Yes! He said he listened to our demo, he loved it! And guess what he wants us to do!”
“Spit it out!” I yelled.
“He wants us to be part of Sleepless tour!” My jaw dropped. This couldn’t be happening, oh God please tell me is it though!
“Sleepless tour?” I said amazed and he nodded once more.
I should explain to you what is going on yes? Well for starters my name is Felissa and I’m 24. I’m the lead singer of my band Substances of Things Hoped For. It was created by me and my three best friends Aiden, Max, and Darren. We were getting pretty well known around where we live. We played small venues and at certain clubs. We were trying our best to make it big, but we knew it would come at a price. We live in California and you would think that would help us out a bit, but it hasn’t. We finally had enough courage to send our demos to other resources, one that would hopefully pave the way for us to become musicians. Music is what I was made to do, I honestly don’t think I could be anything else. I was stage nervous of course, but once I got warmed up I was fine.
We’ve been a band for almost a year. Max played drums, Darren was bass guitar, and Aiden was lead guitar, and like I told you previously I was the lead singer. It was the only thing I seemed to know how to do right. I took pride in my singing. All we’ve ever wanted was to play larger venues and become known around the world, hoping people would like us. I considered us to be great if Pete Wentz was inviting us to tour with him and everyone else. How the hell could I say no to that?
“This is crazy.” I shook my head to make sure this was real.
“He’d said he call back and explain more to us so we know what’s going on. I only know he really likes us and complimented your singing, and we leave Friday.”
“He liked my voice?” was all I had heard out of his mouth. He rolled his eyes and nodded.
“Yeah he said it was unique.” I blushed completely beet red.
“Here she goes.” mumbled Max.
“Shut up.” I snapped back and he laughed. We all got along for the most part considering I’m a girl with three dudes for best friends. I wasn’t a tomboy at all really. I was girly more than anything, yet we all managed to stick around each other despite my flaws as a female. It was special to me, they were the only ones I could trust. They were there for me when I was almost ready to hang myself on a fucking noose in the bathroom. But that’s for a different time…
“When’s he going to call?” I said impatiently.
“He said in a hour.” Aiden shrugged. I nodded and sat down on the couch in the house we all shared. It was really Max’s grandparents house, but they gave it to him in the inheritance and Max being the push over he was, let us have a room here. It was alright for being almost 10 years old.
“Is this really happening? Are we really going on tour?” I asked softly and they all nodded. We looked at each other and then we all yelled in excitement.
Things were changing right before my eyes, and I happily let it take over me…
2 days later
“Let’s get this shit on the road.” Max smiled. We currently getting the last of our things while a giant tour bus was waiting for us outside. Pete had met up with us and explained who was touring with us and what to expect. I had to say I was speechless. My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and other bands were going to be with us and the boys were excited. But the thing is I wasn’t…
I was happy yes, grateful even, we were given this amazing opportunity, but I just felt out of place. Considering the fact that I’m the only person with breasts and a vagina that will be there was slightly scary. I researched the other bands and they seemed cool, but none of them were females. I have only one female friend and sadly she couldn’t go with me on tour like I had begged her to. I don’t know if I could be with so many dudes.
“You got all of your stuff?” Max asked me and I nodded. I had grabbed my clothes, bras, shirts, pants, shoes, and other crap including toiletries. I seriously prayed to God there was showers there. I could just imagine the embarrassing predicaments I could get into. What even burned my toast even more was that Flyleaf was supposed to be on this tour. Flyleaf! Like the best band ever! But I guess they canceled because of personal issues, I’m pretty bummed out. I sighed and looked one last time around my room, I didn’t have much to being with. I shut the door to my room and picked up my suitcase and walked outside into the soft cold air and blue skies. I do admit I’ll miss this, but I need to move on.
“Come on Lis, we’re gonna be late!” Aiden shouted.
“Keep your panties on would ya?” I retorted. Sheesh, you think girls are impatient. I walked up the bus and to my bunk. It was in the middle and I was happy. The bus was large by itself with a small kitchen and bathroom. I could see this causing some slight arguments in the future, I just know it.
“Leaving in five!” someone called from the bus and I looked around confused. The voice was deeper and older.
“That’s our driver Kurt.” Darren whispered and I nodded. I went to greet him and was slightly afraid. His stature was large and powerful. His hair was short black and he looked like he was a no nonsense kind of guy. He gave a small wave and I waved back nervously. He got in the front seat and I walked back to my bunk. I put my favorite zebra comforter on and then my Hello Kitty pillows, yes I love Hello Kitty. I stuffed my suitcase in there and sighed. I can’t believe we were actually leaving.
Max and Aiden were sitting at the kitchen table across from each other and Darren came up the steps last.
“Alright, we’re good to go.” he smiled and Kurt nodded before getting the bus ready and starting it up. My stomach fluttered with the movements of the bus and I joined them at the table as we drove further and further away from our home…
“We almost there yet?” Max asked for the hundredth time. We were driving for at least four hours. I had wasted half the battery of my iPod already and Aiden had managed to eat five sandwiches. We drove past Nevada already half seeing Las Vegas which was incredible, apparently that was where the tour ended. I couldn’t wait. The whole way I tried to write new songs, but my brain was still cluttered. Max and I did most of the song writing, we split evenly.
“Shut up Max, we’ll get there when we get there.” Darren snapped and Max huffed. I laughed and grabbed a diet soda. I was still so nervous. What if no one liked us? The people and other bands. I could just imagine if we were the outsiders of tour. We weren’t necessarily newbies, but now we were playing with big musicians.
“We’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” Kurt said simply.
“What? We’re still in Nevada, I thought the venue was in Utah?”
“No…” Kurt shook his head.
“Aiden you retard.” I shouted, and he shrugged.
“Sorry, I must’ve gotten confused.”
“Clearly.” I snapped. I mumbled under my breath and put my headphones back in my ears. Fefe Dobson began playing and I felt a little better. I got most of my inspiration from other female singers alas, Lacey Mosley, Hayley Williams, Brett Anderson, Blondie, Cree Summer, etc. It made feel less lonely, as sad as that sounds…
I must’ve dozed off for a couple minutes, cause next thing I knew I felt the bus stop and Max’s loud ass voice. I swear quiet is just not in his vocabulary. I sat up and looked around the lonely desert. Next to that was a large venue with other tour buses as well and people crowding around the place. Kurt opened the door and I reluctantly stepped down looking around the area. Nothing but mountains and dirt. I shook my head and joined the rest of the guys.
“What do we do now?” I asked confused, I had no idea what were supposed to do or who to meet.
“We should probably go find Pete.” Darren said softly and I nodded. Kurt walked beside us occasionally chattering with us, he wasn’t as bad as he appeared to be. We walked around the large venue hoping we weren’t getting lost when we saw dressing rooms. I counted them down in my head as we went down. I froze when I saw My Chemical Romance’s dressing room. I smiled, hoping I could meet them, and soon enough we found Fall Out Boy’s dressing room where all of us were star struck as we came face to face with Patrick, Andy, Joe, and of course Pete.
“There you guys are! I was hoping you would come soon.” Pete smiled as he shook all our hands.
“How you like it so far?” He asked and we all shrugged.
“Amazing.” I replied with a laugh.
“Cool, cool.” Pete nodded and looked at the boys.
“Hey dudes, this is the band I was telling you about.” He pointed at us and they nodded.
“How is it going?” Joe asked.
“Pretty dece.” Darren smiled.
“Good, hey well you should know the guys already, guys this is Max.” He said pointing down the line, Max giving a shy wave. “Darren, Aiden, and Felissa.” He pointed at me and I smiled softly. Andy and Joe waved while Patrick looked at me and I blushed slightly, he was so cute in person.
“Well now that you’re here, we gotta check you into security and get you passes and all that jazz, meet the bands, and set up your merch. I hope you guys are ready you’ll be playing tomorrow.”
“Whoa.” I said shocked and Pete laughed.
“Nervous?” He asked and I nodded.
“Just amazed.” I replied and everyone nodded.
“We’re just used to small venues, but we’re ready to take it up a notch.” Aiden said proudly.
“Great, this tour should be fun. A lot of nice people, you should have no problem getting around.” Pete nodded, damn he was like a messiah to me. I nodded, nervous habit I developed when I was younger.
“Should we get started?” Pete asked and we all cheered. My stomach felt in knots as we walked out of the dressing room and down to another where security was. We each got our ID and I felt official inside. I felt slightly better. I hoped this worked out, I haven’t even met all the dudes yet…
Damn that girl Felissa was the prettiest thing I have ever seen. I couldn’t tell if it was lust or the fact that she’s the only chick on this tour performing. Call it hormones, but it’s simply not me. I shook my head and rid the thoughts of her. She would never go for someone like me. She was slender, petite, and her black hair was shinier than the stars in the sky. I sigh and walk out looking around the venue where we’ll be playing tomorrow, I must admit I made an ode to the fans who were already camping out to get in tomorrow. I could never sit there for a full damn day. I turned the corner when someone called me.
“Patrick!” I turned around recognizing that voice anywhere and smirked.
“Frank.” I said smiling and Frank nodded as a way of saying ‘yep that’s me.’
“What’s up man?” He asked, his voice slightly hyper. I wonder what he ate this morning, oh yeah, sugar.
“Not much, just checking the area out, going to go see the other bands.” I said casually.
“Cool, cool. I heard one of the bands’ lead singer is a chick is she is hot.” He smirked. How did he know? I nodded casually, oh if he only knew the truth.
“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” I questioned.
“Hey I can look but not touch. Besides, Jess is starting to rub me the wrong way.” I smirked.
“Not like that Stump.” he chuckled. “I meant she’s just…I don’t know.” He shrugged. I patted him on the shoulder.
“You’ll figure it out, until then, don’t make an ass out of yourself in front of the chick.” I smiled. He rolled his eyes and smiled as he walked off. I continued my little walk and stopped when I saw Felissa talking with Caleb from Heartless, the name fit them well considering they’re all arrogant pricks. I felt slightly protective as Caleb made flirtatious faces and Felissa looked less than impressed. I smiled at her and then made my way back to our dressing room and grabbed my guitar playing several chords out of boredom. It’d be a long tour…especially with her here…
I was fuming inside as this dipstick would not stop hitting on me. I knew I couldn’t make it through one day without someone trying to hit on me. I’m far from conceited but damn.
“Sooo…umm if you’re not busy later maybe we could umm hook upah.” He smiled softly popping the ‘p’. How badly I wanted to punch his mouth. Do I seem like an easy slut? I need to put the stake in the ground now.
“Thank you but I’ll have to decline.” I said simply. The look on his face was priceless.
“What?” he asked and I nodded defiantly.
“Caleb, if you think I’m just a girl who easily sleeps with someone, you are sadly fucking mistaken.” I said walking off not caring to look back and huffed as I ignored everyone else and try to cool off, I’ve only met douche bag number one, and still have others to meet. I seriously hope this doesn’t get in jail for assaulting someone, I just can’t take it. This tour has struck my nerves, I was excited and nervous of course but this being the only girl thing was discouraging. I sighed as I turned left for some reason and ended up walking past the sound techs and stopping when a huge stage grabbed my attention. I looked around in awe as the lights were on. The venue was large but open so it was still outside with the sun shining and the green grass. For one second I felt whole and a vision came to me. I smiled and walked closer.
This was where I was meant to be. I had to stick it out no matter what even being surrounded by dudes 24/7.
I didn’t want to just be a girl.
I wanted to be me…