Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now.
Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to.
“Ugh! I can’t believe you Gerard! How could you?!” Frank Iero was standing shakily in front of his boyfriend, or more accurately ex-boyfriend, who was sitting on the couch, fists trembling in his lap. His long, raven hair was messy and disheveled, like it always was, and his eyes were aimed at his knuckles that were stretched white below skin. Frank was breathing heavily, shallowly as he fought to find the right words.
Words that could illustrate what he witnessed.
Words that could express the betrayal that flooded his veins.
Words that could explain in detail the regret he so sourly hoped Gerard felt.
His eyes, half lidded and bloodshot, suddenly closed, and his fists unclenched, and his lungs exhaled in physical relief. A pale hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose tightly. “Don’t look at me like that… All innocent and looking like an angel... You’re not an angel Gerard. You’re far from it.”
As I pace back and forth all this time
‘Cause I honestly believed in you.
Frank took a step away from the couch Gerard was seated nervously in. His feet, covered by worn down Vans, began padding back and forth, around and around the ancient coffee table that had been passed down from Frank’s ancestors. The hand that wasn’t touching his face slipped into a back pocket, and Gerard watched uneasily as the hand scrunched together repeatedly within its denim confines.
“It’s just… I trusted you. I believed in you. I would have given anything, and I mean that. And if this was the first time it happened I’d be in your arms right now giving in, asking you if you loved me, asking you if you would really die for me, like you always whispered after we…” He sighed again and kept pacing, shaking his head as if to rid himself of what he was about to say.
As if making love with an alcoholic named Gerard Way was a crime.
Holding on, the days drag on,
Stupid boy, I should’ve known, I should’ve known…
“And, the thing is,” Frank continued, pausing to let in a short, staccato laugh, “I think in the back of my head, I knew it, too. Since day one, I knew that some day, you would pull my last straw. One day, you would get too drunk, and you’d betray me. And I would have to give up on you.”
He finally stopped shuffling around the table, landing once more in front of Gerard. He chuckled without humor and put on a fake, switchblade smile that cut right through Gerard’s limp and weakening soul. He was sure the neighbors could hear the sickening pierce of the wound being cut open. “Dude… I was so right.”
That I’m not a princess.
This ain’t a fairy tale.
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off his feet,
Lead him up the stairwell.
This ain’t Hollywood,
This is a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and
Let me down.
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse
To come around.
“I always hoped that you and I…would go somewhere. That we’d get out of this rat town you call Belleville and we’d see the world, like we always planned. That you could steal me away for yourself. That you’d be my Prince Charming…and I’d be your princess.” He snorted at his word choice, and just so the moment wouldn’t feel too awkward, Gerard joined in with a sticky, crude laugh.
But that just made it worse.
“I always fantasized about you being my knight in shining armor, riding on a noble, white steed, come to rescue me from this unpleasant, gothic setting. Surrounded by ghosts and vampires, you’d fight them away, and when we were finally safe… You’d kiss me. And it would be like fate was finally through with us, and we would be free to live life as we choose.” Frank smiled coldly and sat down next to Gerard on the loveseat, an inch or two away from the boy. Leaning in slightly, he placed a stiff hand on Gerard’s icy thigh, and he squeezed sadly before letting go.
“But… I guess I was just letting my imagination get the best of me, wasn’t I? Fairy tales don’t exist. Saying that you were my Prince Charming is like saying unicorns are real. I won’t know until I go searching for the creatures that I know their actually on this planet… I won’t know what it’s like to be completely and utterly in love until I test out the oceans. I think… I think it’s time for me to test the waters, Gerard.”
Baby I was naïve, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance.
Frank leant back against the couch, his head falling back in a way that exposed his scorpion tattoo. Gerard glared at it, jealous that it would stay with Frank forever, and he was just something to be thrown away when he started malfunctioning. It grinned evilly back at him, pulling and twisting his heart in painful, disgusting ways. It stung, and the ache was almost blinding. But the never-ending sound of Frank’s voice kept him listening and conscious.
“I remember the first time we met. Your eyes were so…entrancing. I was hypnotized from the moment I looked into them. That was my downfall… I gave in so easily…”
My mistake, I didn’t know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand.
“But… My bad, I guess. I was too weak. And by the time I knew what was happening it was too late. I’d given in to you… There was no turning back.”
The smaller boy with the tattoos that formed a second layer of skin pushed himself forward, so his arms were resting on his knees and he was bent towards the ground. He smiled sympathetically almost and shook his head in shame. It was like he was laughing at himself. Gerard hated to see it, hated watching this poor man blame himself for what was happening between the two ex-lovers.
“Frank…” Gerard sighed miserably, letting the name linger there. He had nothing to say, really; he wanted to have something to say. He felt utterly useless, just sitting there, unmoving and rigid.
I had so many dreams about you and me,
Happy endings. Now I know...
“Sssh… I’m not finished Gee…” Frank smirked up at Gerard, and he won a forced, bogus smile in return. Neither one was comforted.
“You know… I wrote these stupid little short stories about us. Sounds weird, right? Yeah… But they were kind of like me spilling out my secrets to this invisible fan base. You and I… We would always go through something tragic, but our love…or what we called love…would overrule whatever we went through… I wrote about so many happy endings…”
Gerard couldn’t take this anymore. He had to do something! He was not going to let Frank slip through his fingers. He would never make it without him.
And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me.
Suddenly, Gerard stood up from the couch, a depression left in the space he’d been sitting in. He fell to his knees in front of the other one, startling Frank.
The man clasped his artist’s hands together as if in prayer, and in a way he was praying. Praying to Frank that he wouldn’t leave him, that he wouldn’t walk out on him like he threatened to do so many times before.
“Frank! Please, please, hear me out! I was drunk; I didn’t know what I was doing.” He tried frantically to explain, desperately staring into those distant hazel eyes for what he was sure would be the last time, at least in a long while.
“I’ll get better Frank, really, I’ll try! I’ll try my best, I’ll be my best! For you! You know I’d do anything for you… Please, don’t go…” Gerard had unclasped his hands, and now one was on each of Frank’s knees.
Just like I always wanted…
But I’m so sorry.
Frank was staring at Gerard, mildly disgusted, slightly appalled, and yet, flattered all at the same time. But defiantly he shook his head and stood up on his feet, refusing to look at the man lying shattered and helpless on the floor. In the back of his mind he rejoiced, the picture in his head that he’d daydreamed of so often finally being painted.
Gerard admitting, in so many words, that he couldn’t live without Frank.
But this… It was too late. Gerard had shown up tardy, and nothing could change the past.
Nothing could erase the countless times Gerard hadn’t come home, leaving Frank alone in the house, wondering when Gerard would return. Nothing could dry the tears that were shed from the numerous times a drunken Gerard had driven Frank to a broken sobbing mess on the bathroom floor, splattered in blood stains and a razor on the tile beneath his body. Nothing could take away the pain that Frank had suffered through the years as he watched Gerard kill himself further and further through booze and drugs, as he watched Gerard commit subconscious suicide. And nothing, not a single goddamn thing could replace the exhaustion Frank felt from trying to save Gerard from himself, from trying to keep Gerard alive. It wasn’t worth it anymore.
Gerard…wasn’t worth it anymore.
Cause I’m not your princess.
This ain’t a fairytale.
I’m gonna find someone, some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
“Gerard… It’s over. Done with. We just aren’t right together. I can’t keep up with you anymore, not like I used to. I’m not good for you and you’re not good for me.”
“But Frank… I can change –”
“No. That’s the thing Gerard – you can’t change! No matter how hard you try, you will always be the same; you’ll always be that unchanged inconsiderate jerk of an alcoholic who whispers sweet nothings in my ear when you’re drunk, and treats me like a ragdoll when you’re sober! I can’t take it anymore! I’m through with this. I’m through with you.”
Frank, now shedding merciless tears, fled from the house, grabbing his wallet, keys and jacket with mind-numbing speed. He almost escaped it, too. He almost missed the ragged sobs coming from the man on the ground.
But he didn’t. Each cry for help was like a painful stab through his already devastated heart.
But he kept going, climbed into the car quickly and sped down the driveway, speedily pulling into an intersection that led him to nowhere. Houses and buildings flew behind him, soon becoming phantoms of the past. They disappeared, along with the years.
And it's too late for you and your white horse,
Now its too late for you and your white horse
To catch me now.