Gerard needs to see a docter.
"Come in." Said the docter from his office.
"And take your breasts off at the door." Added the docter.
Gerard walked in and sat down.
"You know, some of the older ladies take their breasts off every night. This helps to prolong frimness and and increase levels of Satrogenum B9, Which is a nutrian for shot putters and people who carry stereos on their shoulders. However this should be avoided if you consider your self to be quite horsey." Said Frank looking at me, And I just stared at him. What the fuck is he talking about?
"Just take a look at your shopping list. How are you doing? Have you had any probles with wasps under your arms?" Asked the Docter.
"Uhh... No." I replied.
"Hmm, none that you know of....." He said.
Then the docter pulled out a video and stuck it in the VCR
"Lets face it. Your life is miserable. Your house is a mess as the lighting on this video makes the whole world seem offel. Just look at the rain, and the mess and the walls. The walls are crying. Analysis. You are ill." Said the docter while pausing the movie.
I just sat there and watched him while he kept speaking.
"But you think you can solve all your problems by installing robotic docterware to help around the house, think again, just look at this." He said while unpausing the movie.
"Your calcium triosgain level is looking very good, Miss Peterson." Said the robot from the movie.
"These cheap units may seem helpfull at first, but their manners while decline into that of a pervert." Said the docter while pausing the movie.
"Oh.." I said.
"They will use foul launguage and start making sexual suggestions." Said the docter while unpausing the movie.
"I need to examin your legs for uh, science." Said the robot.
"But you've already done that today."
"This is your fucking medicine, Miss Peterson!."
"Well, I don't think-"
"Would you like a vaginal sip of this medical tea." Said the robot while spilling tea on to the lady.
"Uhh, you horrible machine, uhh." Said the lady.
"Fear not. We have a cure for everything." Said the docter while starting the movie up again.
"Take a look, these our are customers enjoying a hot summer day. But look closely, you'll see the number three.
"Stay away from drugs kiddies." Said the number 3 talking to a little boy.
"What's a drugs?"
"Drugs are what mommies and daddies use to escape reality." Replied the giant number three.
"I want to enscape reality!" Said the little boy.
"But you can! By using toys and your imaganation! Mommies and Daddies cant play with toys because they have to many spread sheets to do."
"I want to do a spread sheet!" Yelled the little boy happily.
"Thats stupid, what would you put on a spread sheet? How many times you picked your nose or how many times you got a ring around your mouth from drinking Cherry Aid? You ridiculous child! And the rest of you! Don't think this is just aimed at little Timothy here, I'm addressing all of you foul smelling little shits."
The movie ended with,
"Think there's a giant number three yelling at kids? Perhaps you've been smoking to much Ganja, mate."
"You can forget everything you've just seen if you switch over to our treatment. We have a cure for everything." Said the docter while taking the movie out.
"Gee wiz, doc, I'd like to know what's in this treatment before I perscribe." Said Gerard.
"The ingredients for this is so complex that even if we showed you on a screen, it would just look like a bunch of foreign shapes, which can cause angry outbursts in some, which is why we keep it from the public." Docter Iero replied.
"Is it not true that the previous release of this medicine can lead people into armed robbery if the dosage was exceeded?" I asked.
"Sadly yes, but it probably didn't sell well enough to get into the hands of stupid people." The docter replied.
"This lesson has ended, now go back into the world and constantly think about how unhealthy you are." Said the docter while pushing Gerard out of the office.
PLEASE WATCH HEALTH REMINDER BY DAVID FIRTH, THANK YOU.