Smoke and Mirrors
The smell of her perfume fills my nose, fills my senses and fills my body. I feel it germinate with the blood that pumps through my veins. It was intoxicating and terrifying. But still I close my eyes and relish the feel of her inside me. My head rolls back, exposing my neck to the world.. I would never be as vulnerable as I was then. I can feel her walking further down the aisle, away from me. I am drawn to her, it was like a magnetic pull and I hate it. It was not the power she has over me that I hate, but the realization that she would never use it. She is too good, too pure to take advantage of me and my state. But I know reality is not that cruel, especially to me. I see it, I always see it, because I was always watching, looking for small glances that she deigns my way, the quaint little blush across her cheeks when one of her friends draws her attention again and she realized what she had been doing. I know the truth.
Slowly I let my eyes open, the darkness does not cease; the glow from her wand shows me where she is. I bite down on my lip to stop the smirk I know will appear. I was he hunter cornering his prey. Two long strides and I see her clearly again. The only thing separating us is the shelf lined with books. My eyes stare at her and I drink her in through the dusty tomes. It seems the appropriate thing to do, considering whom it was I was stalking. Her hand plays gentle patterns along the spines of the books. She feels at home here, I know and I can see the love on her face. It is like a feature that is always present, like her dainty nose or her golden-brown eyes. It was a part of her. I feel my body crave for that affection to be directed at me, for it to be so evident that everyone would know she was mine, just as I was hers. But there was always the issue of status and the fact that she has none in my world. The thought makes me cringe, reminding me of who she really is.
My thoughts are gone with the gentle sigh that escaped from between her lips. Her head hangs low as she rubs her temple. It thrills me. I don't know why, maybe it is because I am seeing this little piece of her that nobody else can. Nobody else is here but her and me. We are entrapped in our own little world, filled with un-elicitated emotions and anticipation. It was a world I could manipulate to my needs. It felt like the world outside the glow of her wand was gone; that it had disappeared. I like it, the feeling of being alone with her. My hands grip the shelf as I peer down on her. She is so petite, it is endearing. I imagine her body pressed against mine and how her head would barely reach my chest. I imagine stroking my arms down the length of her body and feeling her shiver at my touch. My head spins with the images of her lifting her head to gaze up at me as she traces her feather touch across my lips, curving to their design. If only it was real. My body sags into it the thought. I would make it real.
I hear a sound, one that is not contained within my world, within our world and it tears it apart. I realise that the fabric of it, which I had moments ago believed so strong, was nothing but a mere fantasy. My brain starts to work again, the cogs rotating with thoughts I have been neglecting to think upon. Why is she here? Why is she in the dusty ministry library? The only plausible reason I can produce is that she is here to do resource. But why at this hour? She should be at home, in her bed, wrapped in the covers dreaming dreams only the innocent can. Just as the sound tore apart my world, my image of her is slowly crumbling, as a distant smell reaches my nose. The air that had once been filled with her flowery perfume is now contaminated with the faint hint of an old cologne. The smell is all too familiar and I turn by back on her. She was not who she posed to be. I thought I was the one who wore a mask, but I was an amateur in comparison to the facade she played. With my back to her, my vision was encompassed in the black, inky darkness, causing my other senses heighten. The sound of her sudden intake of breathe and the rustle of clothes cause a shiver to run down the line of my back. What was he doing here? My mind is playing tricks on me, that is the only explanation I can think of?
My eyes are given a sight that turns my nightmares into truth. I see her as clear as anything, as though the darkness of my surroundings is just a play on light. I watch as she turn in his arm, a smile upon her face. I drink in the image of my dreams coming to life, as she rests her head against his chest, his arms softly dragging down the length of her arms and her body trembling beneath his touch. My resolve is gone as her hand snakes up to his face, her eyes transfixed, with his whilst her fingers brush lightly over the edges of his mouth. Those are my caresses, my feather touches. He has stolen what I had planned to take and there was no way I would ever get it now. Not from him. All I can register is the constant buzzing in my head, the one question spinning around in the abyss that is now my mind. Why him? Of all the people, why did it have to be him? What did he have, that I could not give in tenfold? It is not the fact that if we were to become something, it would never be recognized by our peers, for no-one knew of the person she embraced now so loving within her am. Then what is it, his sparkling personality? I can't help a scoff escaping my lips, his personality? I even make myself laugh sometimes. I force my eyes to look back at the couple, though this time to scrutinize them. To find the element which would bring the unlikely two together. As the minutes tick on I can find nothing that he possess that I do not already have. I feel the vanity rise in my throat like bile as I think of how more appealing I am to the eye. Maybe that is it, maybe years of being insulted and horded for her appearance has made her seek comfort in someone with the same past experience. I shake my head at the thought; the two can not be compared.
She slowly rises onto her toes and lays a subtle kiss to his lips. The idea of now kissing her mouth after he has been there sickens me, but not enough to deter me either. These feelings have grown too strong and have laid dormant for too long. Determined, I let my mind formulate a plan as my eyes glare holes into his back. I had moments ago, thought that there was no way I would ever get her now. But I have under-estimated myself, and that is not acceptable. I will get what is mine, no matter who it was that stood in my way and what the repercussions will be later. I feel a click in my brain as all the pieces fall into place. I chuckle to myself, at the irony of it all; he had just given me what I needed to claim her as my own. If he ever finds out, I wonder what he might say. Something sharp and witty to be sure, but I wonder if I will see the small hint of surprise, of defeat that his own actions were what cost him the thing we both treasured. I take a step back from them, I have a plan and I am sure it will work but that does not mean I will torment myself with staying in the presence of their moans and sighs of pleasure. With the gained space, the angle of light changed and I can now see his face clearly. His greasy black hair hangs between them as their embrace intensifies, his hooked nose rubbing against her cheek. I take a moment to let my brain finally process what I am seeing before me. Granger and Snape, who ever would have picked it? I feel a sense of excitement fill my lungs as my breathing become heavy with anticipation. I will be the one, of all people to finally defeat the bat of the dungeons, it will make an interesting story when all this is finished.
I turn my back on her once more and head out the door into the quiet hall, the sound of rising pleasure becoming a distant memory as my feet head back the way they had come. They would have their night of fun. I will grant them that. For it will be their last. For now, I posses something that even Snape didn't.
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