"Val, you've got to help me. She's gone crazy, literally. I walked in the door and she thought I was Tyler."
add me on twitter...twitter.com/blkmetalbicycle
It was 745 and I had almost successfully gotten ready for school without disturbing Ryan but when I began stripping out of the shirt he had loaned me, I turned around to see his eyes wide and watching me.
"I thought we got past the point of you sneaking out," he said sternly, but I could see the smirk at the corner of his lips. He threw the covers off of his body and began walking towards me. I could see what he wanted in his eyes, and knowing how I would respond the second his body touched mine, I began to back away from him.
"I have to be somewhere," I replied, reaching for my clothes before he could reach me. His eyes saw the movement and he dashed forward and swept me up in his arms, effectively ending my attempt to dress myself, at least for the moment. I giggled as he threw me on the bed and pinned me underneath his body.
"Where do you have to be this early?" he asked as he kissed my shoulders. One of his hands disappeared between my legs where his fingers pressed against my opening. His fingers quickly slickened with my wetness and he pushed them inside me. "Where are you going?" he asked again.
"I have to go to school," I managed to say before I began to moan, but stopped midway and froze. I opened my eyes to see Ryan’s reaction, but he didn't look confused or angry. He was smiling down at me and he said, "I’m not mad, mon ange. I knew." he pulled his fingers out of me and fell down next to me.
"You're not mad that I'm 18?"
He shook his head and rolled onto his side to look at me. "How could I be mad at the love of my life? Age doesn't mean a thing when you're in love. Besides, you're only eighteen. It's not illegal."
I could feel the tightening in my chest after he had said "love of my life," but I pushed it away and focused on the more important thing at hand. Accidently, thanks to sexual lust, I had revealed to Ryan what I was terrified to tell him, but he had already known "How did you know?"
He smiled. "When I was over at your place I saw a Math text book on your dresser. I had a guess before though. You were always unreachabke until three pm."
"So why didn't you tell me you knew?"
He brushed a hand through my hair and looked at me thoughtfully. "I wanted you to tell me when you were ready. I don't want to rush you into anything, Valarie. Please understand that I won't do anything you don't want me to because you are my main priority. Everything, my business, friends, even my family is not important as you are to me. Everything I do for you I do because it's what's best for you." I saw the sincerity in his eyes as he trailed a finger down one side of my face. I began to wish that I didn't have to go to school but I knew I had to if I didn't want Lucas banging down my door again.
"I'll be back soon," I whispered against his lips. He groaned and pulled me in for a deeper kiss. When he pulled away, eyes shining as always, he replied "soon isn't soon enough."
He let me dress, but refused to let me do it anywhere else but in front of him. I had quickly grown accustomed to his requests, but it still surprised me that they made me blush, which it seemed he loved, and I found myself wanting to please him. I had seen him angry, and I didn't like that side of him. That might have had something to do with it. But I think more so, it was the love I felt for him that made me feel like I would do anything for him. I didn't realize, or perhaps didn't want to admit what I didn't think was possible; I loved him more than
I had ever loved Tyler.
He walked me to the door when I was ready to leave but pushed his arms against the frame. "One last thing before you go." his soft lips found mine and held them briefly before he sighed and pulled away. "Come home to me after?" he asked, although I knew it was more than that. I only nodded and hurried out the door before I lost my will and ended up staying with him, which only he wanted more than me.
I went home, changed out of my dress from the previous evening, and had a quick shower before I hurried off to school. As soon as I entered the doors, I knew something was up. I was used to getting stares from people, but usually they were ones of pity because they all knew what happened with Tyler. This time though, I saw something different in their eyes: confusion and intrigue. What had I done to deserve all the stares though? It didn't take me long to find out. As I was walking from my locker to my first class, a girl I didn't recognize cut me off and asked me excitedly, "Are you really dating Ryan Ross?"
It was as if half the students in the hall paused to hear my response. I noticed a few shuffle closer while others pretended to be looking for something in their note books.
"uhm, how-" I started, but she thrust something under my nose. I took the news article from her and found myself looking at the Daily Gossip column, and further down the page, there was a picture of Ryan and me from the night before at his restaurant opening. But it wasn't any of the photos we had posed for, it was a photo of us just after we had gone in and I had gotten over the shock of where I was. I felt a bit of anger flush my cheeks as I looked at our photo because that moment had been intimate and I hadn’t known we were being watched. The caption read: Ryan Ross and new girlfriend Valarie Lawrence: Sin City's newest 'It' item? I noticed the little paragraph under it and folded it up.
"Can I keep this?" I asked, even though I had already put it in my books.
"Yea yea sure. So is it true?" her blue eyes looked back at me, wide with excitement.
"Well the paper never lies," I replied before pushing past her and the half dozen other girls that stood behind her. I didn't fail to notice the looks of awe q few of them wore as I passed them. How was it possible that I has never heard of Ryan? I had wonderer that numerous times, but as I walked down the hall and almost everyone, including some teachers watches me, I began to wonder even more. Ryan was definitely someone important, more so than he was letting on, and I intended on finding out just exactly who he was.
I trudged up the stairs to my apartment after my long day of school was over. I knew that Ryan would be expecting me but all I wanted to do was take a nap. He could wait for a couple more hours. I would be in a better mood after a quick sleep so I discarded my bag on the floor by my shoes, stripped off my jeans so I was just wearing a tank top and my panties, and dumped myself into bed without letting Ryan know I would be a little late, a stupid mistake on my part.
I awoke an hour and a half later to banging on my front door, a scene that seemed all too common. I took a moment to orient myself before I hurried to the door to stop the loud noise. I opened the door and was surprised to see Travis.
"Trav, what are you doing in here?"
"Hey Val," he said calmly, but I could see the frenzy behind his eyes. "Can I come in?"
"Of course." I let him in and he followed me into the living room where he began to pace.
I sat, waiting for him to start talking, but after a few moments, he began to make me anxious. "Is everything ok?" I finally asked.
He looked up as if startled to see that I was there. "Its mom," he whispered. "I hadn't gone to see her since I got back to town until today. I knew she would be in bad shape, but I didn't expect-" his voice cut off in his throat as he tried not to cry. "Val, you've got to help me. She's gone crazy, literally. I walked in the door and she thought I was Tyler. She thought that I was finally coming home and she started asking how you were, but when I tried to tell her I wasn’t Tyler, she wouldn’t listen. She kept shaking her head and saying, “Don’t try and trick your mother, Ty. About an hour later, she snapped back and started crying and hasn’t stopped since."
Travis could very easily pass as his brother if he grew out his hair and changed the way he dressed, it was the very reason that I had slept with him after Tyler was gone; it had made me feel as if he was still with me. I could feel my pulse quicken as I thought about going to see Tyler’s mother. I hadn't seen her the day we found out. I hadn't even seen my own mother since then. I may have been able to move on with another man, but going to see his mother would be too tough. It was hard enough to be in the same room with his brother without seeing him. I wanted to help him, but I couldn’t.
"I can't," I whispered apologetically. "I can't go back to that life. It’s taken me a long time to get to where I am now, I’m happy again. I can’t go back to that old life. I’m so sorry Travis. You know I love your family but if I go back to that place, it will just be everything that I’ve been getting over.” I turned away to hide the pain on my face and breathed deeply to calm myself down. I felt his strong hands grasp my shoulders and turned me towards him.
“Please,” his broken voice begged me. “She’s all I have left. I can’t lose her.”
It felt as if my heart was breaking when his eyes locked with mine. It was then I realized how selfish I had been. After Tyler was gone, I didn’t stop to think about how his family had held up. He and his mom were really close, as well as him and his brothers. I had been so wrapped up in making myself feel better that I had never bothered to check in with his family, even when they had reached out to me.
I knew I would regret it, but I didn’t know what else to say. “Okay.”
Travis wrapped his arms around me and thanked me before he started crying. For once, I was the one soothing someone. I rocked him back and forth in my arms and held the back of his head as he cried against my breasts. I ignored the knock at the door and held him as he continued to cry, but the knocking became more insistent.
“I’m so sorry, I’ll be right back.” I brushed a few tears away from his cheeks before I moved towards the door. I didn’t even stop to think that I was still wearing almost nothing as I pulled it open.
“Where have you been?” Ryan asked, sounding both worried and agitated at the same time.
“Shit, I meant to call you earlier. I took a nap before I was going to come over but I got interrupted.” I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He stepped inside the doorway and shut the door.
“You don’t get off that easily,” he breathed and kissed me hard, pressing his tongue against my bottom lip. “I’ve got a special evening planned for us.” I tore away from him, remembering that Travis was still in the living room.
“I can’t see you tonight. I’ve got a friend who needs me to do something for him.”
He stepped back from me with his eye brows furrowed. "Him?" He asked, and I could hear the jealous tone that was becoming more prevalent when any male came into a conversation concerning me. "How do you know him?"
"He's just an old friend," I said more quietly hoping that Travis wouldn't hear so that he wouldn't come in to the hall. I knew that Ryan would not be happy with me having him in my apartment, especially when I wasn't wearing much. "I promise to call you later tonight." I needed him to leave before he could find Travis, but just as quickly as I hoped it, I knew how wrong it was to hope for something so unlikely. A door closed somewhere in my apartment, and Ryan's eyes turned from me to behind me, his lips pressed in to a tight line.
"He's here?" His eyes narrowed as he looked down at what I was wearing. I could see the storm brewing behind his fire eyes.
"He just stopped by without calling, Ryan. He's having some personal problems that I'm helping with."
"And you're the only person he can go to?" His anger was coming faster now and I needed to calm him down before he would get so far he wouldn't stop.
"There's nothing to be jealous about. And you don't have to get jealous every time there's a guy around me. This isn't going to work if you're like that because the only people left in my life are all men."
He laughed, but it was not an amused laugh. "I think you would understand if you saw the way men look at you. I'm sorry if I don't trust men around you but I am one myself, and I know what they think when they see a woman who looks like you. I have a hard enough time keeping my hands off of you when we're together, and I think that any other sane man would have the same problem."
"I don't think I am. You're gorgeous. You've got a body that's every man's wet dream, and you don't even know it, which makes you all the more appealing. So please allow me to be a bit jealous when I know that any man in the same room would think of you in the way that I get to have you."
The anger had subsided just the slightest so that I could see how sincere he was being. I was now beginning to understand how he saw me, even if just the littlest bit. Tyler used to tell me he had never seen anything as beautiful as me, but I believed it was because it was something he liked to say. But with Ryan's words, I felt as if he truly meant it. My mouth turned up in to a smile as my cheeks blushed.
"I love you, Ryan. I am yours. At the end of the day, no matter how anyone else thinks of me, you're the one that gets to have me. All of me. Only one other person has ever been able to say that, and he's long gone. It's just you and me." I pushed myself up to his lips and held them for a long few seconds. "And there's nothing to worry about with Travis, he's pretty much family."
Ryan pulled away from me suddenly, and I saw once again that his eyes had changed. But he smiled quickly, and said, "I trust you. Come home to me after you're done, okay?"
He turned and opened the door, but he hesitated and looked back at me. "Please just put some clothes on." He grinned and headed out. I returned to the living room just as Travis had come out of the washroom.
"Let's get going," I said, eager to be back with Ryan.
I stood at the door of Tyler’s childhood home, and found that it wasn't as hard as I had anticipated. The hard part was waiting for me on the other side, and when Travis pushed me along the hallway to the family room where small sobs could be heard, I felt my throat begin to close up. We rounded the corner, and the woman who had once been my mother in law sat in a heap on the floor. She looked up at us as we walked in, before her eyes rested solely on me. They grew wide and the room was silent before she whispered, "Dear god" and scrambled to her feet and took me in her arms. "Valarie," she wailed as fresh sobs exploded. "He's gone. My son. Your husband, he's dead!" She screamed and clung to me. I tried to wrap my arms around her, but I found I had to energy to do it because I was focusing on holding in my own emotions. My husband was dead and had been for almost a year, and I was coming to terms with it. I had finally begin to heal and move on. I didn't know why I was there. I didn't know why I was still friends with Travis. Everything of my life when I was the innocent 17 year old should have remained there. I had made a mistake in going back to his home. I pried her arms off of me and rushed outside to the curb, ignoring the yelling of my name from both Travis and his mother. A black sedan sped past as I ran down the path and called for a cab, and I was at Ryan's in less than ten minutes.
“That was quick,” Ryan commented as I brushed past him and sat myself down at the couch. I wasn’t going to cry, I was almost finished crying over Tyler. And to finally leave him in the past, I had to tell Ryan everything. It would come up sooner or later, and I was almost ready to admit that maybe I had been wrong, maybe Tyler wasn’t the love of my life, it might have been Ryan. In a twist of fate that I would never have been able to see at the time, maybe things worked out a certain way because Tyler wasn’t meant for me.
“I’m ready to talk,” I said gently, and he was sitting down next to me in an instant.
I looked into his heart warming eyes, and I knew I was doing the right thing.