- You know I love your writing! :D This point of view of Auron's is very telling, especially about his inner feelings and resistance towards realizing so much that has gone on recently for both of them. A real poignant part was definitely how he knew how close he could come to becoming like Ginnem and the others but still held on to something that kept him as he is. One starts to feel bad for Auron because he's never gotten a break really in life... it seems he always does things for everyone but never quite for himself. Until now. :)
- Oh, it makes me proud and soar to have sparked such a dead-on bit of writing.
I really like that you used the opportunity to compare Auron's possession by Yojimbo to Jecht's by Sin.
I enjoy that you keep your Auron systematic and focused, even in his quiet angsting. And the exchange between Braska and him is heartbreaking. The fire pulsed like a hearbeat, oooh.
I can't wait to see the next.
One tiny typo nitpick: "Hers was too." I think you forgot the apostrophe?
Author's responseI'm so glad this seems to be working for everybody -- both those who want the romance, and those who are pragmatic enough to realize that poor Auron is a rather repressed and no-nonsense fellow as much as he can be. Nitpick of your nitpick: nope, I didn't! I am an official member of the Apostrophe Protection Society, and I may screw up subordinate clauses out the wazoo, but I am very careful in the care and feeding of apostrophes! :) Quick mini-lesson, because it just happens to be an obscure thing I know well: his, hers, its, theirs, your, and our are possessive forms of pronouns which should not have an apostrophe. The spelling of these forms is enough to indicate that they are possessive. An apostrophe is only used in contractions to indicate dropped letters (don't = "do not", it's = "it is") or with normal nouns -- not pronouns -- to form a possessive (Auron's, dog's). For possessive nouns, if the noun ends in an s, then stick the apostrophe after the s (butterflies', Quistis').
- I like the idea of Yuna's two cultures striving within her. I like the way Auron seems to see the world so dispassionately in some ways - always weighing and comparing different customs and social practices as if he himself is wholly apart from human beings.
I like the way Auron describes Kecht's description of surfing. That's a lovely idea of another sport that Jecht would enjoy.
Auron's thoughts on Jecht as sin are devastatingly perfect and beautiful. I really loved that paragraph. It was quite touching and so apt.
I am not sure how I feel about Kihmari being able to smell that Lulu has been sexually violated or something. I guess I feel like it's been done way too many times (it seems there are lots of races and characters who are always given the ability to be able to smell sex). Still, it's interesting that someone suspects that Auron has hurt Lulu somehow.
I like the way that Auron's mind is so logical that he divides his thoughts into categories with headings. That amuses me.
Your bit of backstory to the rusted sword is awesome as well it's one of those times where, now I think about it it seems so obvious that you have it perfectly right and why did I never think it through).
This thought is lovely: "Auron was just a passing dream, like Tidus. Right now, a cause for nightmares." I like the way that Auron thinks in a distinctly different way from Lulu. He's quite analytical and always comparing.
"It had been the right words at the right moment." "It" should be "They."
"Auron trudged off behind the lodges, turning his back on the Ronso's silent accusation, and ambled among the stores, eying packs and bundles and barrels stacked up in the shadowed alley between the huts and the cliff." Typo: "eyeing."
Author's responseAh, thanks for nitpicks! I shall fix. Oddly, i stared at the "eyeing" problem, but when my spellchecker didn't underline it, I assumed I must be misremembering.
Your comments about Auron thinking in a way distinctly different from Lulu helps; I am just feeling it out!
I guess i haven't run into fanfic as much as you have and hadn't realized that was an overused cliché, whoops! I don't mean to imply that Kimahri can smell the difference between rape and normal sex. I am assuming, perhaps foolishly, that with his nose, he probably has a sense of smell closer to a dog's or at least a cat's. It's my understanding that the human sense of smell is actually rather weak, and that most animals are better at identifying individual scents than humans are. Even with a stuffy nose, I can smell the scent of sex, especially the female scent, and recall not a few time in college getting a whiff of "oh, MY blush I know what you've been up to!" when hugging a friend. Not being an animal, i couldn't ID the partner, but I'm assuming Kimahri's sense is just a bit more fine-tuned. Normally, I assume, he'd only be able to tell that they'd had sex with each other. However, right now Lulu is acting strangely, even though she seemed completely able to handle Ginnem's Sending just a few hours earlier. She's moving as if sore. She's flinching and/or radiating fear when touched. If he's able to smell the latter (and it really isn't a myth that animals can smell fear -- it's a pheromone) -- he might make some unfortunate guesses. Note also that he has a basis for comparison, since when they jumped off the airship to crash Yuna's wedding, Kimahri carried Lulu then. He knows what's normal for her.
Again, this is all making the big assumption that his nose is more critter-like than human!
Sign up to review this story.