Categories > Books > Harry Potter > JEDI POTTER

Chapter 15

by Alorkin 19 Reviews

A longer chapter. Training begins, Draco learns a painful lesson Cho shows some balls and Dumbledore has a really, REALLY bad day.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Crossover,Drama - Characters: Dumbledore,Harry,Hermione,Snape - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2010/07/01 - Updated: 2010/07/02 - 11664 words - Complete

Reviews

  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) zamia 2010-07-02 10:40:31 PM

    G'day mate. Dobby must of loved having a go at Draco. Should have left Vermin with his mates in the Spanish prison. Good to see Amelia rip some cash of Bumbles, he must start feeling the pinch soon. Loved the Eagle Squad looking after Hedwig. Another good chapter. Cheers.
    Z

    Author's response

    G'day!

    Dobby must of loved having a go at Draco.

    Let's just say he didn't need Winky that night!

    Vernon and the Spanish prison: I've got something better in mind. (Insert evil Chuckle!)

    Amelia and her retirement fund: He did it to himself. He knew the laws and busted them, so the fine is entirely reasonable, sez I!

    He's already hurting for cash. Snicker!

    Eagle Squad: You don't think I'd send her in harms way withhold a a bodyguard, do you? (feigns shock)

    Ta

    Alorkin
  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) darthridian 2010-07-02 11:04:13 PM


    good work mate, and i commend you on your use of other language, spot on.

    with that said, wtf mate, i don't read spanish nor any other language you used. it totally screwed up the continutity.

    sure have your way and show off with your foreign language and all that but please don't stick the translation down at the freaking bottom, have them next to the freaking sentence as i'm a lazy reader like every one else.

    with this raping bs c'mon harry says he wont stand for that crap but he wont let vernon rot in prison? i mean WTF. burn the fucker already.

    i enjoyed the other parts of your story like getting the magicals fit and moving.

    with albus getting disarmed does that mean the elder wand now recognizes him as his master?

    Author's response

    Thanks on the commendation.

    I also agree.l I should have made some mark on the Spanish sentences or written them in Parentheses, or alerted you lot to their presence. Brain fart here. Sorry.

    The only reason I re-mentioned the rapes, is because i wanted Petunia to understand just how deep in shit she was. While burning Vernon, is satisfying, it's over too quickly. If Vernon were to remain in prison he'd be dead within a few days. A rapist is the second lowest form of prisoner, the lowest is a child molester. Prisoners have kids too.

    Remember, Harry want's Vernon to SUFFER! So he's set him up in a manner that won't physically harm him, but will hurt him greatly.

    Glad you like the rest. Having been a cop, a SEAL and worked with the Marine Corps, I can assure you Physical fitness is one of the most important aspects of readiness. Harry and his Jedi, are going to go into battle and they'll need every advantage they can get. That is one that they can get cheaply.

    The elder wand...will NOT be playing a part in this fic. I thought the Hallows was a particularly stupid plot device and so, none of my stories will include them. His wand is just a wand.

    Alorkin
  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) ROBERT_1958 2010-07-02 11:20:19 PM

    Great chapter.

    I like the fact that Harry took DumbleDORK's Wand (The Elder Wand). DumbleDORK can not use his wand on Harry as DumbleDORK is NOT the MASTER of the Elder WAND, what will poor DumbleDORK do when he and Harry finly face off?

    I liked Dobby & Winky in this chapter as well.

    I am glad Harry got on Ron's case, showing no favoritism to his frinds will help Harry's control of his troops.



    Great story.

    Looking for more.

    Author's response

    The Hallows will not be a part of this fic. I think the only reference to book sux, or book sux, episode II, is Dudley's willingness to change.

    By the time Harry and Dumbledore face off, it will already be too late for the old wanker.

    Dobby and Winky are two of my favorite characters. Unfortunately so many people make it sound like Dobby is a Brooklyn Wiseguy. I have him using a stilted pigeon, but that's all.

    Ron: I had to. Here, Ron is not a bad guy.(which is unusual, because I usually write him as being a lot worse) He's just undisciplined. He's been coddled all his life and in canon, appears to feel that everything should just be handed to him. I knew that if I didn't have Harry take him firmly in hand, he'd spread his lazy nature to the rest. Favoritism is as damaging to morale as any other factor, more so than most, and a cohesive group cannot afford that kind of disruption.

    Thanks

    Alorkin
  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) michae1ange1o 2010-07-03 04:31:59 AM

    Bloody fun story, you got your Brit insults a tad wrong. Golliwog or wog=Black, Dago=Italian, Gyppo= Gypsies, Irish Tinkers or even relay scruffy/dirty people. BUT Vernon is an idiot and would use these because he wouldn't know any better and is an arse.

    Amazingly enough I'm British and don't know a single Brit insult for Spaniards, the closest ones I could find were American ones for Hispanics shrugs to be honest I think the reason might be because the majority of us Brits hold no animosity to the country or people.

    Dumbledore = Darth Manipulus heh :)

    Author's response

    Heya, Mikey!

    Glad you're having fun.

    I looked -everywhere- for British insults, for Spaniards, but those there are the only ones I could find. It seems the Brits get along with the Spaniards better than most. Wogs, as listed are anyone of eastern European heritage but especially Indian, Pakistan or Arab, though the more bigoted Brits claim that anybody not of British soil is a wog. One of the attributed origins, is the blue shirts labeled 'Workers On Government Service. It seems 'Golliwog' is a contraction for 'Gallic Wog'.

    Dago, is an epithet for Italian here, but 'apparently' it is used for any Gallic race there.

    Gyppo, IS something I actually heard while I was on liberty in London, the man who said it saw the anger in the girl's eyes and ran for his life. Apparently the only reason she and her friends didn't come after me, is because they heard me say: "Well, that was fuckin' rude!" They told me that Gyppo was an insult to anybody of Gypsy heritage.

    And you're right. Vernon is a small minded, bigoted jackass. He frequently lets his mouth lead.

    Thanks for the corrections.

    Alorkin
  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) Cateagle 2010-07-03 10:00:22 AM

    Well, that was a fun chapter, though the presence of more typos than usual makes me wonder if you hurried it to post before the long weekend; no importa, they didn't interrupt the flow of the story anywhere near enough to spoil my enjoyment of this chapter.

    I quite enjoyed the scenes in the Spanish prison, though I can tell you translated using Babelfish as the Spanish is rather stilted and formal (I'm not sure I agree with it's choice of certain verbs, I'd have used "quiero" instead of "deseo" and the appropriate conjugation of "chingar" instead of the word that software picked for "fuck" - grew up in Texas and have lived a fair bit of time there and in California as well as having three high school credits in Spanish). It looks like Dudley is slowly starting to mature, despite his parents, and may, with a lot of work, become a useful and responsible member of society; he's getting the chance and I hope he uses it. Vernon and Petunia, on the other hand, appear to be way too set in their ways and attitudes and are going to have a rather severe time under the regimen they have to adopt to stay out of prision.

    The scene on the Express was a hoot (go, Dobby!) and I love that he took Draco down with no magic at all. I'm sure that will not enhance Draco's position within Slytherin and within Hogwarts in general (the number of mysteriously appearing rewards would indicate that there's a lot of sentiment against him and that'll likely start becoming more evident with his loss of face). That Cho is willing to do what's right rather than what's easy has to be a direct slap in Albus' face and I suspect he won't forget it. Severus and Draco just think they've seen pain, I rather suspect there's far more and far stronger pain coming as they are schooled in just how much power and control they've lost (that'll be painful enough but I suspect there's going to be physical chastisement, too). The song Harry convinced the Sorting Hat to use was a hoot: I'm sure it shocked a lot of the staff. That it was an effective advert for Harry's efforts was a nice touch, even though most won't realize that for a while (I'm inclined to think that Minerva is simply having trouble keeping from sniggering or laughing out loud). Hedwig's arrival was beautiful and I can just see the four eagle owls flying a 3-D diamond formation around her 'til she peels of for her "delivery run" (if we were talking about aircraft, that'd definitely be a "bombing run") and then reform around her to protect her from Dumbles' stupidity. The set-ups with Amelia and Alastor were nice set-pieces to further weaken and demoralize Albus, I wonder how long it'll take him to realize this. Meanwhile, he hasn't yet stopped to think about the implications of so many students withdrawing before the school year starts adn the hell that's going to play with his budgets.

    The training was quite believeable and realistic and I can see where it's going to force Ron to mature. Harry's playing it right with Ron, showing him precisely why he has to "suck it up and get with the program"; you can't afford to carry someone in a combat situation. I rather suspect things are going to get somewhat more interesting once the students are used to the workout and start having even a little time to check out the opposite sex (I'm wondering how soon, if they aren't already, Neville and Susan will become an "item"). It's going to be an interesting year of training and I suspect you'll, of necessity, only be showing us the highlights that particularly advance the story.

    BTW, should Tommy-boy order lots of headache potion, extra-strength, for September 19? Methinks Harry's going to endeavor to make it a most special day for Hermione.

    Author's response

    Heya Cat!

    Typos? Really! I only found a few that I missed before posting. My final edit on this chapter took almost three hours and then I hit the wrong button, and hadda start over. I might not have been in the best of moods the second time 'round.

    Babelfish. Yeah, as I indicated, the Spanish I speak is the Mexican variety. It's a lot different than formal Spanish. Unfortunately, most of what I know is not particularly polite. And I -do- know what 'chinga' means.

    Texas, huh? I was born in Albuquerque, and my daughter was born in San Diego...and my wife died there.

    Dudley: this is the only part of Books six or seven I'll use. Dudley did try to thank Harry, and he meant it. That alone shows he's capable of changing.

    Dursleys elder: I agree. They're both beyond redemption. Each of them is gonna have to walk a very thin line to avoid prison.

    Draco: What better way to rip his reputation to shreds than by having an unarmed, ickle firsty, hand him his ass?

    'Rewards': Basically, you're right. When a bully is taken down, he loses all the 'respect' he used to have. From what I could see in canon, NOBODY, outside Slytherin, liked Draco. With Daddy on the lam, he has no 'official' threat. if he shows his new tat to anyone not in Voldy's social club, Bones will be all over him like a rash.

    It's up to Snape to bolster his position...if he can. He'll be facing some problems of his own. Remember Harry now has control over 'The Daily Prophet' and the 'Quibbler' is sympathetic to him as well.

    While I didn't want Cho in the group of Jedi, (It would cause too many problems) she's a strong personality. Telling Dumbledore to take the pin would have forced him to give it to another person, possibly someone in Voldemort's camp. THAT would have been the end of his tenure and they all knew it.

    Pain: From time to time, yes. there'll be 'accidents'. Mostly it's the social pain that nobody will respect the little shit. Snape will take points, and Minerva and Filius(and eventually Pomona and Aurora), will restore them.

    The sorting song: That was a lot of fun to write. I actually wrote it for another fic, but I couldn't get it to work. Meh. You might see it in the future in slightly altered form.

    Minerva: (I'm inclined to think that Minerva is simply having trouble keeping from sniggering or laughing out loud)

    Why do you think she was hyperventilating? I'd imagine when the feast and staff meeting were over, she'd return to her quarters and fall over laughing, before removing the memory and storing it in her hidden pensieve.

    Be a hell of an ice breaker at parties, though, wouldn't it?

    Setups & Albie: Are you kidding?: He's Albus toodamnmnaynames Dumbledore! He'll never realize! Things like this just don't happen to him! Harry's keeping him off balance for the time being. Even when he finally get's a clue, he's going to discount it, because...well, he's Albus Dumbledore!

    Budget: Ooohhh, yeah! "But there comes among you...a savior strong and Brave.
    With pockets full of gold, to share... if that is what you crave..."

    Of course, he'll never see a knut of it, as Minerva will have gently ousted him, by then.


    The owl guard: I'm more familiar with torpedo runs, but I'd imagine they're similar. I was actually thinking more of the helicopter scene from Apocalypse now. The only thing I didn't have was Wagner.

    Ron: Yeah. I had to have Harry take him firmly in hand. If Ron behaved as he did in canon, even once, discipline would go down the toilet. Don't worry, he'll be making a few appearance in the near future.

    For the first month, they'll be far too tired, and for the first couple months, far too busy, but after that, all bets are off.

    Neville/Susan, are still just 'great friends'. Both are purebloods who grew up in proximity. The rest is still ambiguous. The only Firm Pairings I have now, are H/Hr, Mr/Mrs Granger, Tonks/Remus and Ron/Aint'gonnatellya.

    As for the training, you're right. I'll show vignettes throughout the year.

    Tommy's extra-strength pain relief: Is going to be a problem in the future. He's going to have Snape brew more and more powerful versions of the stuff over time...

    Ah, Yes, Tommy will and no, Harry can't. They'll celebrate, but he's got sixty three other Jedi a dozen kids and twice that in support staff, not to mention the elves. He's got to keep everything as fair as possible. I have it worked out though.

    On the other hand, Harry and Hermione will give Voldemort a pounding headache.

    Thanks for the insight.

    Until next time...

    Alorkin
  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) twilliams1797 2010-07-03 05:04:06 PM

    As always, I greatly admire your work.

    I was told by Larry Niven, no less, 'write what you know', and I can see the hard days and months of training both with the Policr and the Military there..

    It gives insight into another lifestyle, one that I unfortunately missed. But then, if they had let me in I would not have lived past Quong Tri.
    Once again, I say, I admire and respect those men and women who were able to serve.

    The story is quite compelling, and I thank you.
    Tim

    Author's response

    Heya Tim. Thanks.

    Larry Niven! (Gushes!) Wow! I met Heinlein at a sci-con in Norfolk once. He made one of his few exceptions for me. (He usually requires the donation of blood before he autographs anything. I've had Malaria, and so couldn't donate for twenty years.)

    I agree wholly on the 'write what you know'. I've given that advice several times to other people.

    I'm glad you didn't have to see Quong Tri. I have a buddy named Steve, who was stationed at Pleiku, during Tet in '68. He still has problems.

    Thanks both for the thoughts and the kudos.

    Hug a vet!

    Alorkin
  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) MagnaMorbius 2010-07-09 06:50:49 PM

    Brilliant chapter, very entertaining, but what threw me was Dobby pulling out the copy of Hogwarts: A History; made me think that it was Hermione doing the beat down, until Dobby appeared in the DMLE.

    Language: I've been a Dockworker for 14 years, so it's fair to say that I've learnt a few of the more colourful phrases out there. "Wog" is very much for Black people or Indian/Pakistani, and it became a household thing in Britain when Robertsons allowed you to collect tokens on jam to redeem for Gollywog badges. A Dago is rarely used term for Spanish people, more likely to use the word "Spic(k)". And a Gyppo is either a Gypsy (who are originally from Egypt) or a slang term for Caravan Using Nomadic Traveler.

    If you need any help with English swearwords, let me know; I've got a bucket full!

    Author's response

    Heya MagnaMorbius.

    Actually, I threw the 'Hogwarts: A History' in for comedy effect. In addition, I wanted Cho to see it and wondered where she'd seen it before.

    Language and epithets: Isn't it amazing how often terms and words our parents tell us not to us are advertised to children like that? Go figger!

    I didn't know the Gypsies came from Egypt, though now I think of it, it makes sense. The only Gypsies I was aware of were of and around Romania, Bulgaria and Hungary.

    I'm done with the swearwords for now, but in the future, if you don't mind,I'll check with you for more common terms, translations and the like.

    Alorkin
  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) webslasher01 2012-05-27 12:28:53 AM

    the explanation was unessacery for as i just google translated everything
  • JEDI POTTER

    (#) Fenris 2013-07-05 07:07:54 AM

    pretty good story.
    ---
    lol.
    http://www.bladeplay.com/item--Dynasty-Stubby-Butterfly--7365

    Balisong w/ CA Legal Blade (Satin PLN) 1.9"
    ---
    or one of these, Bottle Opener Strap Cutter Pen Fork Saw / comb.
    ---
    There is a spoon!:) http://www.barringtons-swords.com/knives/butterfly-knives/butterfly-spoon.html

    Author's response

    Heya Fenris

    Balisong. (Butterfly knife) Absolute coolest fast-opening knife I’ve ever used. The Cali-safe one isn’t nearly as intimidating, though in the hands of someone who knows how to use it, equally deadly. The spoon is funny as hell!

    Don’t forget deck of cards, dirt, grass and cigarettes. All can be weapons.

    The reason I had the street punk use a swichblade, is that they’re cheap and easy to find…despite being illegal damn near everywhere.

    Alorkin

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