I made my self a cup of tea and grabbed my iPod before heading out to the balcony. The view was beautiful as I watched the sun peak over the buildings surrounding the Saint Lawrence. I put my headphones in my ear and put my iPod on shuffle and just let it play through. I barely noticed the music playing after I got to thinking about where my future was headed right now. If I couldn't get a reporting job here in Montreal, then what? Do I go back to hair dressing like I did before New York? Do I go back to New York? Could I go back to New York? Three days here and I was already hooked. I was miserable and releaved to be here all at once. But what if Pierre doesn't stop hating me? Then I would have to leave.
I was so deep in thought I didn't notice Sebastien walk out on to the balcony until be placed his hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump just a little. He crouched down beside the chair I was sitting on and rested his arms on the arm rest.
"What're you listening to?" He asked.
I pulled one ear bud from my ear and pointed my iPod towards him, "Taking Back Sunday."
He smiled, "Glad to see you still like good music."
"Well, you got me hooked."
We sat silently for a moment enjoying the view and each other's company before Seb announced, "We're all going to visit Jay soon... to talk to Pierre."
"Today? and so early?"
"Yeah, well Pierre's usually there around six." Seb sighed, "He's a mess about this whole situation, you know. I'm afraid he'll have a breakdown or something after Jay-"
"Well maybe today isn't a good time to talk to him." I interuptted quickly, "Maybe you just shouldn't talk to him at all."
He shooke his head, "Of he can get over being pissed at you, he'd be a lot less stressed, and more calm."
"Okay if you say so."
"I know so."
"Can I come?" I asked, knowing the most likely answer. "I want to see Jay today, too."
"It's probably best if you're not there for it. But, Rachel's coming over to keep you company. It was her Idea and she said she'd drive you over afterwards."
"Okay," I sighed.
Seb stood up, "Don't sound so sad, you get to catch up with Rachel."
"I'm happy about that."
"Good." He smiled and used his hand to tilt my chin up to look at him, then he leaned down and kissed me.
We didn't stop until we head David say "Woah."
Seb immediatly straightened up and we both looked at David who was standing in the doorway leaning against the frame.
"I mean, I've heard rumours about this but I just thought Pierre was just being jealous and crazy." He crossed his arms.
"No, Man," Seb started, "This is-"
"You don't need to explain yourselves to me. It's your relationship and whatever you decide to do with it is none of my business."
"Please don't mention anything to anybody." I pleaded.
"I wont. It's not my place." He smiled a little, "anyways, Jeff and rachel are on their way up so we better get going."
"Alright, be there in a minute."
David dissapeared in the doorway and Seb leaned back down to kiss me, but I turned my head away.
"Seb, no. Maybe we should just stop this now."
"It's just a kiss." He smirked.
"It's a kiss now, and sex later. I don't want this to get complicated and I don't want anyone to get hurt. I don't want us to get hurt."
"Why would we get hurt?" He asked, "We're friends, best friends. So what is I hold your hand, and kiss you. And so what if we make love. We're not in a real relationship so it's not like we have to go through a break up when one of us does have a real relationship. Plus we did this for 4 years in high school and no body got hurt."
"We were kids, we're adults now and this isn't how adults have relationships with their friends." I sighed, "and I did ger hurt in highschool. When I first started dating Jay, I would want to run to you when I got upset, not him. It hurt me that I couldn't use you as my escpae anymore, and it hurt that I didn't have a real relationship with Jay until I got over that."
"Okay, I understand." He nodded as he walked towards the door. "But, I think if you think about this whole thing a little longer, you'll realize you're over thinking."
"Maybe I am." I shrugged.
Just then Rachel came running out to the balcony, and took a seat beside me. "So, I brought Mean Girls, nailpolish, make-up and candy! You and I are going to have a fun girls night like we used to in highschool. No stress and no worrying today!"
"Staying here sounds like more fun." David whined, jokingly.
"Okay, we're going." Seb announced, "Wish us luck."
"Take care of my girls." Jeff pointed at me, and tried to look serious but he smiled anyways as he followed David and Seb off the balcony.
"You're having a girl?" I gushed.
"Yeah," She smiled, "and thank god too. Could you imagine what these guys would teach my son?"
I laughed, but the more I thought about what good 'uncles' all the guys would be to a baby made me a little emotional. I guess a little too emotional because Rachel noticed.
"Oh, Bethy," She cooed, "I'm sorry, I know how stressed you must be, I can leave."
"No, it's okay. I'm looking forward to today." I attempted to smile as I wiped tears from my eyes,
"We can talk about it if you want. We can talk about Jay, or Pierre or your job."
"I don't wanna talk about any of that," I Laughed a little. "Can I tell you something that I haven't told another soul?"
"Of course." She nodded slightly, resting her hands over her stomach.
"I kind of can't have children... at all." I shrugged, but wanted to cry.
Rachel's mouth opened a little, but she wasn't sure what to say. "I'm so sorry, Beth." She finally spoke, "I know how badly you've always wanted to have your own little family, and here I am talking about my little girl non stop."
"I don't mind, Rachel." I assured, "I love that you and Jeff are so happy together and I'm so excited that you're having a baby!"
"Okay," She said quietly, "Have you considered adoption?"
"Not really." I shrugged, "I figure that conversation can wait 'til I'm married, if I even get married."
"Of course you'll get married, Beth! Are you kidding? Guys have been falling all over you since highschool. And what other girl has had the lead singer of Simple Plan in love with them for years?"
"Yeah right." I snorted, "Maybe he liked me in highschool, but not now."
"Trust me, he's still as in love with you as he was 6 years ago."
"How do you figure that?"
"I just know."
I bit my lip, "Really?
"Yes!" She laughed, "You still like him! Do you?"
"No! No..." I stopped because I knew I wasn't a very convincing liar. "Maybe. But I can't help it! There's always been something between Pierre and I. Even when he's ready to kill me, I still feel it."
"I know he does too." Before we could say anymore, there was loud, violent knocks at the front door. Rachel and I both glanced at eachother, unsure of who that could possibly be, and why where were being so obnoxious.
"Coming!" I screamed as I made my way to the door, I swung open the door, "Hello- Pierre?"
His face was red, his fist were clenched at his sides and he looked angry. "How dare you!" He snapped, stepping in the door towards me, by instinct, I took a step backwards. "You make my friends, my bandmates and my brother throw this little intervention thing for you? Who do you think you are? You dissappear for three years leaving Jay, leaving all of us, and expect everyone to just forgive you? And when I don't, you make my friends turn on me."
I looked over at Rachel who looked just as shocked and confused as I'm sure I did.
"Pierre, I didn't plan this. It was they're idea and they're not turning on you, they're worried about you." I was trying to stay as calm as possible to pervent us both from raising our voices.
"Bull!" Pierre yelled, despite my calm attitude, "Everything was fine until you showed up!"
"No it wasn't!" I yelled back, "I know you, Pierre. And I know that when something goes wrong in your life you always have some one to blame. Now, Jay is dying and there's no one to blame, so you're taking all your anger out on me! What do you want from me?"
"What do I want?" He grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes as he said, "I want you to feel guilty, I want you to feel so bad that it kills you from the inside out so you know exactly how it feels for me to have watched my brother slowly die for three years." He took a deep breath and squeezed my shoulders a little harder. "But you show up after three years and expect all this sympathy and forgiveness-"
"Pierre you're scaring me." I practically wispered.
He immediatly let go of my shoulders, "Good. I hope I scare you right back to New York."
"You make no sense." I knew I should've kept my mouth shut and just let him walk away but I couldn't. "You hate me at first because I left. Now I'm back and you want me gone? Make up your mind!" Now, I was in tears and almost screaming at him. "Or are you still mad that I choose Jay over you?"
"Oh please. Don't think so highly of yourself." He spat, "I never wanted you that badly."
"Whatever you say. But until you make up your mind, stop harassing me. When you're ready to calm down and talk like adults, then come find me. But until then, don't talk to me, don't even look at me because you are making this whole situation twice as miserable, for both of us."
He just starred at me with his red face, heavy breathing and white knuckled still clenched.
Finally, I said, "Get out."
He hesitated for a moment, then turned and left. But not before he punched the wall and slammed the door, violently, behind him.
Rachel came hurrying over to me as she apologized, "I'm so sorry! I didn't know what to do! I've never-"
"It's okay." I whiped tears from my face. I turned to look at her and asked, "Still think he's falling all over me?"
"No, sorry." She looked a little embarassed. "But I'm confused about one thing."
"Pierre never really wanted relationships when we were younger, He was a pig in highsachool. Was there every really a choice to make between him and Jay?"
I didn't even have to think about my answer, "At one point, there was."