I could tell this whole thing with Bert and I was really starting to bother Livvy. I didn’t really know what to do about that. I guess for now, I’m just having fun, and that fun is with Bert. After walking out of the kitchen, I stopped in the living room and looked over at Quinn and Alison. Seeing them together really made me want to scream, but also cry. I didn’t realize I was looking at them for so long because Alison said something to me.
‘Yes?’ She looked disgusted with me.
‘Nothing. Bitch.’ I mumbled looking over at Quinn wondering if he was going to say something. He looked up at me and Bert, but didn’t say anything.
‘Keep going.’ Bert whispered into my ear.
‘Thanks.’ I said after we were away from them, ‘I’m going to get some things and change.’ I told Bert at Quinn’s doorway. Before walking down the stairs, I could hear Hayden talking to Quinn about her adventure in the park. Hearing them talk made me want Quinn and I to be together even though he has hurt me, I still love him so much. I walked downstairs and sat on his bed. I began to wonder if I’ll ever sleep in it again. I laid down and began to cry. I was dozing off when I heard footsteps running down the stairs followed by slower footsteps.
‘Mommy!’ Hayden yelled jumping on me. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Quinn standing a few feet away from the bed. The tears started coming again. I didn’t want Quinn to see though.
‘Yeah, did you have fun?’ I asked her, my voice choking a bit.
‘Yes oh my gosh! Uncle Sonny is SO COOL!’ She sounded really excited. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, mainly to wipe away any noticeable tears. Afterwards I stood up.
‘I’m sorry.’ I said to Quinn, realizing that I hadn’t yet changed out of my wet clothes.
‘Mommy, I wanna go swimming.’ Hayden said before Quinn said anything back to me.
‘It’s alright. Take her swimming.’ He suggested, smiling at me. There was so much I wanted to do right then, but I held myself back. I couldn’t. He was with Alison.
‘We should take her to the beach.’ I suggested, ‘I’ll have to get an actual suit though.’
‘If you want.’ He looked surprised.
‘Yeah.’ I said and looked through some of my clothing to change into. I quickly changed as Quinn picked Hayden up, and she tried covering his eyes.
‘Daddy, you weren’t suppose to look.’ She told him as we walked up the stairs.
‘I wasn’t looking Hayden.’ Quinn laughed behind me as I opened the door and walked into the living room. Alison was sitting on the couch looking extremely pissed off. I was about to say something when Quinn walked up next to me and put Hayden down.
‘What were you doing with her?’ Alison asked Quinn.
‘I was taking my daughter to my room to go get her.’ He informed her as Jeph walked down the hallway and into the kitchen screaming lyrics to whatever he was listening to. He seemed to be in a good mood.
‘You sure you didn’t do anything else?’ She had a real screwed up face. I just wanted to punch it.
‘Yes, now if you’d like to stop questioning me, we’re going to the beach.’ He told her calmly.
‘Ok, I’m coming.’ She stood up as if she was really coming.
‘Haha, I don’t fucking think so.’ I told her straight up, ‘It’s just us three.’
‘I think not.’ She shot back walking up next to Quinn.
‘I am not fucking dealing with this, Quinn you and her take Hayden.’ I said to him.
‘Mommy I want to go with you and Daddy!’ Hayden whined.
‘Alison, can you just go home for tonight?’ Quinn asked her.
‘No, I need to be here with you.’ She told him.
‘Come on Hayden, I’ll bring you to the car.’ I said to her while picking her up. I really didn’t want to be apart of this whole thing. ‘I just wish he would leave her.’ I mumbled putting Hayden’s shoes on her.
‘Alison, I’ll call you later tonight, ok?’ Quinn compromised.
‘But Quinn!’ Alison began to protest.
‘No. Just go home. Don’t worry.’ He told her.
‘Fine!’ She exclaimed and walked to the door, but before she completely left, she slammed the door as hard as she could. Hayden was all ready to go, so I brought her outside, and Quinn followed after us. I put Hayden in the backseat of Quinn’s car and got in the passenger’s seat as he got in the driver’s seat. He riffled through a pile of CD’s before putting Armor For Sleep in and pulling out of the driveway. It was quiet except for the music, and Quinn was focusing on the road. He seemed a little uncomfortable.
‘Are you alright with this? You seem so uncomfortable.’ I wondered.
‘Yeah, this is fine.’ He confirmed while tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song. ‘I’ve actually been waiting to be with you all day.’ I couldn’t help but smile when he said that.
‘Really?’ I needed him to say it again. There were some things I wished he would say, but he probably still thinks I hate him or something. I’m mad about Alison, but if he left her, I wouldn’t be.
‘Nope, I was lying.’ He joked, looking over at me and smiling. ‘Yes I have.’ I smiled back at him and wanted to kiss him, but didn’t. I watched him the whole way to the beach. ‘Anyone hungry?’ We were driving by a strip of fast food restaurants.
‘ME I AM!’ Hayden yelled.
‘Yep.’ I said to him as he pulled into an Arby’s.
‘Welcome to Arby’s. Would you like our special today?’ A nasally voice came from the voice box.
‘No thank you. I’d like a…’ Quinn started but looked to me for an order.
‘Curly fry, two of them.’ I said looking at Hayden, hoping she would eat some of them.
‘Two medium curly fries and a medium strawberry shake.’ Quinn ordered.
‘$4.96 at the first window.’ The voice informed him before he pulled up to the window and handed her a 5 dollar bill. ‘4 cents is your change.’ The old lady handed him his change, a small bag, and his shake. Quinn slowly pulled forward and back on the road while handing us our curly fries.
‘Thanks.’ I said to him.
‘Thank you daddy.’ Hayden said.
‘You’re welcome.’ He told both of us before taking a sip of his shake. ‘Want some?’ He offered me.
‘Oh, sure.’ I smiled taking a sip of his drink, ‘You haven’t been talking much.’
‘Well maybe I don’t want to scare you off by saying the wrong thing.’ He smirked.
‘I don’t think you could. Honestly, I want to hear what you’re thinking. I want to know why you’re with Alison, just little things..’ I began mumbling. Did I really want to know if he still loved me?
‘If you want to know. I’m with Alison because I don’t want to be alone. What would I have if I left her? I can’t have you because I screwed that up and I wouldn’t blame you if you never gave me another chance. So, to sum it all up, I’m using her to get over you. Just another reason I’m an asshole I guess.’ He spat out.
‘Sometimes, yes you can be an ass, but I would give you another chance. And, you wouldn’t be alone. You do have me here, and you have Hayden too. It’s been hard for me to see you with her, knowing that right now, that could be me sitting next to you. I still love you Quinn, and I always will. I still want to be with you.’ I told him looking over at him as we pulled up to the beach.
‘Just to point it out. You are the one sitting next to me. She’s at home. If that says anything.’ He laughed while getting Hayden out of the car.
‘It somewhat does, but there is more that would need to be said.’ I sighed getting out of the car. It was slightly windy out and I saw Hayden take off to the water. I looked over at Quinn and noticed that he was wearing shorts and had taken off his shirt. ‘Oh my.’ I said before even realizing it.
‘Yes?’ He asked, already knowing.
‘N-nothing.’ I smiled at him. I walked by the water where Hayden was playing in the wet sand. Quinn came up behind me, ‘Do you still love me Quinn?’
‘Of course. I can’t just…stop loving you.’ He replied kneeling down beside Hayden.
‘I was just wondering.’ I smiled to myself and started making a sand castle with Quinn and Hayden. It felt like we were really a family.
I was flipping through the TV channels not really paying attention to what was on. Sonny had gone to take a nap and I had been thinking about what Quinn had said for the last hour. I settled on music videos and put the remote down when Bert walked in the room.
‘What’s up love?’ He asked in his best British accent that he could.
‘Thinking I suppose, why?’ I asked, brought out of my thoughts as he sat down.
‘Eh, just curious. I was thinking too, but probably not about the same thing as you. I was thinking about you.’ He told me.
‘Well, I wasn’t thinking about myself actually.’ I laughed, a happy feeling spreading through me at what he said.
‘Oh, what were you thinking about?’ He questioned.
‘I was thinking about you and something Quinn said to me.’ I told him.
‘I see. I think about you a lot. I mean, I.. Nevermind.’ He said looking at the TV.
‘What?’ I asked him, really wanting to know.
‘You are going to marry Sonny, it doesn’t matter, and won’t make a difference.’ He said.
‘Tell me.’ I said, looking over at him.
‘It will fuck things up for you.’ He didn’t look at me.
‘I’ve already fucked things up.’ I sighed.
‘How?’ He asked, ‘Tell me this, are you in love with me?’
‘You won’t leave my mind. Ever since you got here Bert. And I don’t know what’s going on with you and Lilly, but there’s a reason it bugged me so bad today. If that means anything.’ I told him, not answering his question.
‘You really want to know, I planned with Lilly to make you come back to me. I was trying to make you jealous a little, then maybe you would want to be with me. I love you Livvy, that’s what I was going to say. Nothing is going on with Lilly and I. She loves Quinn. And, I know that anything I say will fuck things up with you and Sonny, but it’s your choice.’ He turned to look at me and just stared waiting for my response.
‘I love you too. And I know I’m a bitch for it.’ I sighed.
‘At least you’re being more honest with yourself.’ I heard Sonny say from the hallway.
‘Oh my god.’ I mumbled and looked up at Sonny. I fucked everything up.
‘Don’t worry about it. I’d rather you were honest than marry me without ever loving me.’ He said somewhat bitterly.
‘But I do love you Sonny. And I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you again.’ I said, with tears at my eyes.
‘Well, who do you truly love? I bet its Bert. I’m just going to go. I’ll cancel the wedding plans, so don’t worry about it.’ He said and started heading for the door.
‘Wait.’ I ran up to him. ‘You hate me, right?’
‘Why would I hate you? I love you. I will always love you. You know that, I’ve told you before when this happened, but if I leave now, you won‘t have another chance with me.’ He sighed.
‘I don’t know what to do. You make it so hard Sonny. Can you just stay for a while?’
‘How do I make it hard? You should know what you want. If its me you want, then tell me now. If its him, then I’m leaving.’ Sonny looked at me.
‘You make it so hard because you’re so great. I love you. But then every time Bert comes around I can’t stop thinking about him, because I love him too. And every time I leave you for him I regret it. You never get mad at me, you’re so patient, and you just want me to be happy. You say you’ll always love me, and I don’t know how I got so lucky to be with you.’ I was crying at this point. ‘I don’t want to make the wrong decision, because you’re making this the moment I have to choose. I just…need time to think.’ I hugged him and buried my head in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and started comforting me.
‘You can think all you need to.’ He told me as we stood there.
‘Ok. Where are you going?’ I asked him as I stepped back.
‘I’m just going outside. Let me know when you’ve thought it over.’ He walked out the door. I turned around to face Bert after wiping the tears away.
‘Hey.’ I smiled.
‘You missed one.’ He smiled and wiped one last tear off my cheek, ‘There, no need to cry anymore. I’m here for you.’
‘I’m sorry.’ I laughed a little.
‘For what?’ He asked.
‘For just now.’ I reminded him as we stood by the entryway.
‘You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just wondering who you’re going to choose. I’m not going to say anything to sway you my way, I just hope that we’ll end up together.’ He smirked.
‘I think I’ve already made up my mind, as weird as it may sound. I guess I didn’t need time to think.’ I said.
‘And?’ He asked quickly.
‘I want to be with you.’ I told him, looking up at him.
‘Really.’ He picked me up and started spinning me around. He looked at me and I could see the pure happiness in his eyes. Now I have to tell Sonny.
‘Alright. I have to go outside.’ I informed him before turning and walking outside. I walked out there and didn’t see Sonny anywhere, but I found a note on the ground.
Livvy, I know you’re going to choose Bert, and I respect that. He’s a nice guy. I think you will be really happy now. I hope we see each other again in the future. I’ll be in LA if you ever want to hang out or something. Love, Sonny.
I finished reading the note and put it in my back pocket before walking back inside.
‘You better not screw things up.’ I smiled at Bert.
‘No ma’am I will not.’ He said with a salute, then started laughing, ‘I promise I will do anything I can to keep us together.’
‘Ok good.’ I said before kissing him then sat down on the couch.
After spending a few hours at the beach, we decided to go home. It was already 6. We put Hayden in the backseat and both got in the driver and passenger sides. It only took a few minutes to get home, and by the time we got there, Hayden was asleep. Quinn picked her up and brought her inside to his room. I followed behind them, but stayed in the living room where Livvy and Bert were.
‘Hey guys.’ I said sitting next to Livvy.
‘Hey. Did you have fun at the beach?’ She asked me.
‘Yeah. I really did.’ I smiled thinking about Quinn. He came back upstairs talking on the phone, and that made my smile go away.
‘No, we just got back.’ He was saying.
‘Nothing happened Alison. We spent time with our daughter.’ He said sitting on the floor across from the three of us. You could hear Alison’s voice from where we were sitting.
‘You should just let Lilly take care of her. You don’t need that kind of burden.’
‘What are you talking about Alison, she’s my daughter. Of course I’m going to be here for her.’ He raised his voice a bit.
‘Come get me Quinn. I’m lonely.’
‘It’s late, I’m going to bed soon. I’ll see you tomorrow though.’ He bargained.
‘Quinn, it’s only a little bit past 6. That bitch better not sleep with you tonight. I will fucking kill her.’
‘Don’t talk like that, you won’t touch her. And she’s not sleeping with me tonight, so don’t even worry about it.’
‘Honestly, I don’t believe you. I’ve heard about your past with her and how you cheated so many times. How do I know you won’t do it to me?’
‘Because I’m not like that anymore, I’ve learned from my mistakes. Where did you hear that from anyway?’
‘Someone I’ve been talking to at this café. I believe you know him, Jeph. He seems pretty lonely.’
‘Oh you’ve just been talking to him right Alison? Why don’t I believe that?’
‘What, you think I’d do what you’ve done. I only TALKED with him. Its not like I made out with him or anything.’
‘You probably did. Just tell me so you can be with him if you did. I’d be better off alone anyway.’ He mumbled the last part.
‘You would be nothing without me. And, I didn’t.’
‘So what would you do if I broke up with you then? There’s no one else on the waiting list?’
‘I would move on eventually. And, no. I don’t have a fucking waiting list.’ I heard her say. I was getting really sick of listening to them talk like that.
‘Quinn…’ I said, but didn’t finish what I wanted to say.
‘Yeah?’ He asked, putting his hand over the phone.
‘I don’t have the right to tell you to do anything, so never mind.’ I sighed. I wanted to tell him to hang up on her, but he wouldn’t.
‘No, what were you gonna say?’ He urged me to keep going.
‘QUINN, QUINN DON’T FUCKING IGNORE ME!’
‘I was going to say to just hang up on her, but I never really thought you would, I mean she’s your girlfriend…’ I looked away from him and at the floor.
‘I need to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.’ Quinn said into the phone before hanging it up.
‘So…take a seat Quinn.’ Livvy smiled. He stood up and moved next to me. I wasn’t sure what to do or even think about all of this. I want to be with him, but that bitch..
‘Fucking a.’ I muttered without thinking.
‘Yes?’ Quinn looked at me. A loud noise came from the kitchen, the blender.
‘Ooooh I’m making a smooooothie!’ Travis sang. Quinn gave a weird look in the direction of the kitchen then faced me again.
‘Oh, um it’s nothing. I was just thinking about something that kind of pissed me off a bit.’ I confessed.
‘Which is…?’ He urged.
‘It’s nothing.’ I told him looking away. Having him look at me like he was made me want to tell him so badly.
‘C’mon.’ He bent his head in front of mine.
‘Quinn, no. I don’t want to say.’ I said turning toward Livvy and Bert, who were making out.
‘Now you really don’t want to watch that.’ He pointed at Livvy and Bert. ‘Wouldn’t you want to look at me instead? Then maybe tell me what’s on your mind?’
‘No, I really don’t want to watch them, but I don’t want to tell you either.’ I told him turning back toward him.
‘Well, that’s ok. Talk to me anyway.’ He pleaded.
‘Why do you want to know so badly?’ I asked.
‘Eh, just curious.’ He replied with a sigh.
‘You really want to know. Well, I’m sorry, your girlfriend pisses me off, and I want to be with you but yeah I can’t. That’s what’s on my mind.’ I said in one breath.
‘I uhh, I’m sorry Lilly.’ Quinn said sincerely. ‘Maybe I should leave?’
‘What good will that do? Honestly, whether you are here or not, you are still all I think about. And, everything we did earlier, made me want to be with you more, because I felt like we were a family…’ I sighed.
‘I know, and I’m the one that messed it all up. So I don’t know why I’d be on your mind.’ He told me.
‘Hey guys…we’re gonna head off to bed.’ Livvy stated as her and Bert stood up and left the room. Quinn’s eyes followed them out of the room until they were out of sight, then he settled his gaze back on me.
‘I really don’t think I’m worth it after everything I’ve done to you.’
‘Whatever.’ I said getting up and walking toward Quinn’s room, ‘You know, me telling you that I want to be with you means you have another chance and now you don’t want it.’
‘I do want it.’ He put his head in his hands. ‘I’m kind of…tied up right now Lilly.’
‘You don’t have to be.’ I said before finally walking downstairs. I checked on Hayden and laid down on Quinn’s bed. If he wanted the chance so badly, why won’t he leave that bitch? I heard footsteps coming down, and I knew they were Quinn’s. I felt the bed move as he laid down next to me.
‘I’m sorry, are you ok?’ He asked after getting settled.
‘Not really.’ I told him truthfully.
‘You want me back that bad?’ I could feel his eyes on me.
‘I do, but you seem to not want the same thing.’ I turned on my side facing away from him.
‘It’s not that, you know that.’ He replied as he turned off the lamp on the table next to him.
‘You really make it seem like you don’t. What do you see in her anyway?’ I wondered turning back toward him.
‘Nothing. She used to be an escape. My way of getting over you because you never forgave me. It was like you hated me, so I planned on leaving you alone. I wanted you to be happy, always have.’ He explained.
‘Obviously, I’m not happy right now. And, I never hated you, I was just pissed off. I think I might go for a walk or something.’ I started getting up out of bed to go walk. Just as I was about to go upstairs I heard buttons from a cell phone being pushed. I decided not to listen in on his conversation this time. Maybe he’ll find me if he does what I hope. I walked upstairs and outside. It was sprinkling, but that was ok. I began walking across the yard to the sidewalk. Thoughts of my walks with Quinn in the rain filled my head, and as soon as that happened, the rain started falling harder. I took another glance at the house before turning right on the sidewalk. The only sound that could be heard was the rain hitting the street and houses around me as I walked. The street lights flicked on as a result of the darkness.
As I was walking, I noticed someone sitting on the curb. I couldn’t tell who it was from where I was, but whoever it was seemed to be upset. I walked up to the guy and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked at me, ‘Jeph? Are you ok?’
‘Lilly.’ He stood up, soaked from the rain, took me in his arms, and began kissing me. I could tell Jeph was even more upset, because I wasn’t kissing him back. I heard someone running up to us.
‘LILLY!’ I heard Quinn yell, sounding out of breath. ‘Jeph?’
I felt Jeph slowly let me go, ‘I-I…’ He tried to say, but couldn’t.
‘Quinn.’ I turned and walked up to him. He looked ashamed, like he had been the one who’d done something wrong. He took one last look, considered the situation, and walked away. ‘Quinn, no! Why are you walking away? I didn’t.’
‘I’m not going to get in the way anymore. You can choose what you want, and if it’s Jeph, cool.’ He spoke loudly and slowed down. It was obvious that he was waiting for me to catch up so I could explain.
I walked up to him and took his hand, ‘I don’t want him, I want you. I’ve told you that. I just found Jeph sitting out here and I didn’t know it was him until he tried to kiss me. Which, he did, but I didn’t kiss him. I love you Quinn, not him.’
‘Umm…’ He looked around then back at me. It was like he didn’t know what to say, like he felt stupid for jumping to conclusions and should’ve known.
‘I’m sorry for messing things up between you two.’ Jeph said as he walked past us. He seemed to be heading back to the house.
‘JEPH!’ Quinn shouted after him. Jeph stopped and turned to look at Quinn. He didn’t say anything, just stared. Quinn ran up to him. ‘Hey man, it’s ok. I just hope you’re not mad at me. You don’t hate me do you.’ He smiled at Jeph.
‘Nah man, just be good to Lilly now.’ Jeph told him and continued walking. Quinn turned back around to face me.
‘I don’t think he hates me.’ He laughed.
‘Probably not.’ I smiled and gave Quinn a hug.
‘Aw, that’s all I get?’ He pouted as we started walking.
‘Hey, the rest is up to you to begin.’ I smirked and turned toward him.
‘Well I did break up with Alison, you know.’ He looked at me, then smiled as if he just remembered something. ‘And look at this, it’s raining. Every time we walk, it rains. I’m a lucky man.’
‘Seems like you are.’ I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me, my lips were almost touching his.
‘I always have to make the move!’ Quinn whined before closing the gap and wrapping his arms around me as well. ‘Let’s head back.’