Frank is unimpressed with Gerard's new Kama Sutra book. Maybe Ray and Bob would prefer it...
"NO Gerard. Just NO!"
Gerard frowned and continued whining. "Pleeeeeeee-"
"Oh, ALRIGHT." Frank gave up, throwing his hands in the air and managing to knock over a plate of toast. Frank surveyed the tour bus floor. Not like anyone would notice some extra bread there.
"-sssssssssssseeeeee-Did you say yes?!"Frank scowled and nodded briskly; giving the book Gerard was clutching in his arms the evil eye.
Frank suddenly thought of something. "No! Ha...We can't use it. We're a male couple, in case you hadn't noticed."
Gerard looked astonished. "You're not a girl?!"
"Ha-fucking-ha. But for real, we can't use that...thing because we err...work...differently."
"You mean I fuck your a-"
"Sorry. But anyways, we can just...alter them." Gerard leaned forward and gave an unamused Frank a slutty wink. Frank frowned. Gerard licked his lips. Frank frowned even more. Gerard gave up. "Anywho, yes. We'll look at the positions and change them to work for us." Gerard announced, as proud as punch. Prouder. As proud as two punches. Frank wanted to punch him.
"Stop leering at me, Gerard!"
"I am not leering. I don't leer. I'm admiri-"
The door to the bus popped open and Ray and Bob entered, clearly in the midst of a heated discussion. Bob was talking; "You can't say he wasn't hot! Ray looked at him disdainfully. "I can. He was not. And I thought you were straight?!"
"I'm perfectly straight, I don't have to be gay to appreciate another man's..."
"Hotness?" Ray offered.
Bob nodded. "I was gonna say cock, but yeah, your one sounds better."
Ray's jaw dropped. "My cock sounds better?!"
Bob stepped back. "Wha'?! No, 'hotness' sounds better than 'co-'!"
Frank decided to interrupt. And not just because he seriously wanted to get away from the leering Gerard and the evil book of Kama Sutra he was clutching.
"Fighting a losing battle 'gainst your sexuality there, Bobbo."
Bob turned to scowl, and if Frank hadn't been immune to it since that night he had shaved Bob's cat because she looked 'too hot', he would have died.
"I'm straight!" Bob hissed, much like his cat had while Frank gave her a 'haircut'.
Gerard decided to take offence at his tone. "Excuse me, Robert, do you have a problem with gays or something?" He said in a prissy tone.
Bob looked shocked, "Of course I don't-"
Gerard cut him off with a raised palm. "Whatever Bob, I can't believe it, you of all people!"
Frank caught Gerard's wavelength eventually and chimed in, "God, Bob, I can't believe it, and one of our best friends!"
Bob actually looked quite upset at this, and Frank wanted to hug him, but that wouldn't have boded well with his current 'hate Bob' vibe, unless of course, he mused, it was disguised as some sort of death-hug...
"Guys! You know I don't have a problem with-"
"Whatever. Bob." Gerard waved dismissively. Bob looked rather upset and Ray was exchanging "WTF" looks with Frank.
Suddenly, Gerard got a gleam in his eye, "Prove it then Bob."
"Prove ...how?" Bob looked quite relieved. Frank sighed, Gerard was such a child sometimes. "Kiss Ray."
"Wha'?!" Three voices, all but Gerard chorused.
"Yes, yes, you can prove that you're not uncomfortable with homosexuality as such, by kissing Ray. Or you can kiss Frank or me, but I think you'd prefer to kiss Ray." At Bob's darting look, Gerard added, "Because he's single, of course. Not that you like him or anything."
Ray started to argue, as Bob seemed to be in shock. "I will not kiss my friend just to satisfy some weird-ass urges you're-"
Gerard looked heartbroken; always a second later Frank adopted a kicked-puppy look. Ha-ha Bob would be powerless! Frank thought cheerfully. "I-Do, I have to?"
Frank and Gerard nodded eagerly. "Yes. Or we'll never speak to you again."
"And we'll tell the world you hate gay people." Frank added. Inwardly snorted, yeah right, like Bob would fall for that one. "I don't hate gay people!" Bob hiccupped.
Gerard shrugged. "Fine," Bob snarled, and turned. "I'm going to kiss you now. Please don't punch me." He informed Ray. Who was looking like he had been slapped with a salmon. "Er...Ee!" Was all that Ray got out in his argument before Bob attached himself to his lips. Frank let out a whistle as he witnessed his straight friend's tongue explore the depths of his other straight friend's mouth. Gerard leaned over, and whispered; "Is it just me, or do they look like they're enjoying that?" Frank nodded wisely, as he turned away from Ray and Bob, feeling mildly grossed out as Ray's hands started to get friendly.
About five minutes later, and Frank was inspecting his nails while Gerard whistled innocently. He elbowed Frank, "I think they're done."
"Well, finally. I'm hungry."
Bob and Ray were standing, rather awkwardly, looking at each other. Frank hopped in and handed Bob something. "Here, you'll probably find this more useful than we would." Frank grabbed Gerard's hand and they dashed off happily, leaving Bob looking shocked and holding the Kama Sutra, Ray at his side with his mouth hanging open.