"It's always after I've gone and done something that will later be deemed stupid by the guys, after that split-second that makes it too late to pretend it was all a joke, when there's no turning ba...
It's always after I've gone and done something that will later be deemed stupid by the guys, after that split-second that makes it too late to pretend it was all a joke, when there's no turning back - that's when the rush hits and the grin starts - and it's also usually when Heero gets mad at me.
This time I'd taken that step too far with a particularly hairy gentleman who, judging by the outfit, was either a big fan of motorcycles or S&M. I had suggested the latter, inquiring how his boyfriend took such a hobby . . . or gave, as the case may be.
Look. It's not so much a case of "hey, I like boys, therefore I can say 'fag'," or something like that. It's just that I know how to push a person's buttons and this guy, this bastion of testosterone, was just begging for someone to take him on. Asshole.
Anyway, the guy takes the boyfriend comment badly and moves in for the fight he'd been looking for since he walked into the place. Here's a tip kids; if you don't want to be subjected to homosexuality when it's not two chicks involved, don't go into a bar named "Nuts & Bolts."
The whole thing ended with Biker Dude not expecting me to be as fast as I was, or himself to be as top-heavy as he is and with Heero dragging me out of 'Nuts' while the bartender half-heartedly searched for a somewhat clean rag for Biker Dude's (only possibly broken - I didn't get a good angle on the second hit) nose.
Now, this is the part you can't ever tell Heero. It's not just that rush of what-might-happen next-ness that pokes me into doing stupid things. It's the fact Heero is going to be mad. Maybe it's a little pathetic of me, okay, a lot pathetic of me, but I like that Heero cares enough about me, knows enough about me, to react when I do something like this because he's well aware I know better. Because shocker this may be considering where we were tonight, Heero's not gay.
And this is where we get to Duo-could-you-be-more-pathetic land.
I hate Duo-could-you-be-more-pathetic land.
I've been living with Heero for nearly three months now. 'Been spending nearly every day with Heero in that time. My dates other than with Heero - my real dates, tapered off to none within the first month. Turns out, moving in together was a horrible mistake. I thought it'd be great, we had enough in common not to completely alienate one another, but we also had enough separate interests that we wouldn't be living in one another's pockets, either. Well. I love spending time with Heero. I love finding out about those previously separate interests. I love living with Heero.
I kinda love Heero.
Which would be great, if he showed me any kind of interest outside friendship. He doesn't date much, but the times he has, it's always been women. Though the kicker is when I first came out to him, he just shrugged and said "you like who you like. At least you've actually found people you're interested in" with this look on his face. If Heero was ever wistful-looking, it was then. To me, sounds like the boy doesn't like either sex all that much.
But anyway, my discussion with Biker Dude got me an early ticket home and a once-over by Nurse Heero when we got there (with Nurse Heero bitching the whole time about how he shouldn't even bother seeing if I had any injuries considering how happily I'd goaded the guy. Nurse Heero's bedside manner needs some major work.).
After the sadly fully-clothed poking and prodding, Heero stomped off to mutter in his room for a while. I headed to the kitchen since punching complete jerkoffs tends to cause a sandwich craving on my part, and Heero would eventually give up on the muttering and most likely re-emerge wanting a sandwich as well.
I was just cleaning off the countertop when I heard the tv go on out in the living room. That was one of his shorter Duo-is-an-ass sulks. I'm hoping this is a good thing. I have to admit I would not put it past Heero to ambush me with more disapproval when there should have just been tv-watching.
I brought out both sandwiches, Heero accepted his with a grunt and dropped the remote in my lap when I joined him on the couch.
"Giving me the remote's not gonna change that."
"True. But it makes you responsible for whatever drivel we do end up watching."
"Gee, thanks." That's my Heero. At least I appeared to be ambush-safe.
One of the movie channels had a B grade sci-fi thriller and those sorts of things are perfect for getting sucked into. The more ridiculous, the better - though this had to be explained to Heero the first time I subjected him to one. The rule that Heero Is Not Allowed To Ask Non-Humorous Questions During Bad Movies has since been instated.
It might be a little silly that eating sandwiches on an old couch and watching a giant snake break into a colony's sewage system makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it does. This is what I want. Sandwiches and B movies at 1 am with the guy I love.
Though blow jobs and him loving me back is also high up there on the list. Shit.
I must have growled or something because Heero's giving me an odd look. And grinning and waggling my fingers at him was apparently not the reassurance he was looking for since he's now taken my sandwich plate away and put both his and mine on the coffee table. He's muted the tv and I just know I should be worried.
"Duo." Heero sighed. "Duo, you idiot."
"Hey! What the hell, man? I haven't done anyth-" Man. Outrage can't win against your face being pressed into your roommate's chest. We're going to have to go over some hugging pointers or something. But back to the original point, I haven't done anything stupid since we left the bar! So seriously, what the hell? (And yes, I am aware that having to include "since we left the bar" is not a great defense, but it's an accurate one, damn it.)
"Duo." I take a moment to rearrange myself in his grip so I'm no longer being nearly smothered and am instead in an almost comfortable lean against Heero, his arm still around me. Heero's still not exactly the most touchy-feely of people, I know for a fact it still freaks him out when Relena, who's probably one of his closest friends in the world, gives him one of her overly-enthusiastic hugs. But man, that girl does everything with a passion.
For some reason this throws him and he gives me his on-the-verge of being confused look, probably wondering if I'm about to take the conversation away from him.
"Er, I'm sorry." He says.
"Eh?" I have to lift my head up from where it was drifting towards his shoulder to look him in the eye. It's a hard compromise. Pretty roommate face vs comfy roommate shoulder.
"It's just. Well, I know I get upset with you - but you know you do things you're well aware are incredibly stupid - "
I have to wave him off wherever that was going 'cuz; "Hey, Heero. I don't know why you're apologizing, but you gotta admit that's a pretty crappy start."
He actually chuckles and gives my shoulders a squeeze (maybe those hugging pointers aren't necessary).
"I wanted to apologize for getting upset with you. I was wondering if maybe I overreact?"
"Nah, Heero you take me home and you make sure I'm okay. You don't haveta apologize for that. I mean, you're right - I know I do stupid stuff sometimes. But it um, you getting mad, it means you care, yanno?" Okay, so now he knows about the caring part. We just won't tell him about the me enjoying it so much part, all right?
Except, "Oh," is his big reply to that and damn if he doesn't sound really surprised.
"So you know that I care?"
I'm not sure where this is going or where the conversation took its left turn, but "yeah. I know you care. Or I thought I did, anyway. What? Am I wrong?"
"Oh, no! No. I mean, yes. Er, yes, I do care. It's just that I've been driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to tell you that and wondering how you'd react!"
Okay. So the left turn was a reaaaaally wide left turn and I'm definitely not sure where this is going. But Heero's smiling at me and that's a powerful one-armed hug he's giving me, so I've got that going for me.
"Duo," he says, still smiling at me. "Go to dinner with me tomorrow?"
"We always go out to eat on Saturday," there are little things doing acrobatics in my stomach. I think I've picked up the conversation's lead here. "Why would tomorrow be any different?" I ask it slowly. I have to.
"Tomorrow would be a date. A real date." He answers just as slowly and he's not quite looking at me. It's reassuring for some reason, makes the stomach acrobats go nuts.
"You asshole." That gets him looking at me, a little shocked, too. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go on a date. Let's go on lots of 'em. Okay?"
Heero laughs and agrees with me and there's this moment where we're both grinning like the idiots we are. On tv, the hero-types are blowing up the sewage system and the light from the explosion ends our little moment.
Heero grabs the remote from where it slid in between the cushions and tosses it in my lap once again.
"I'm going to bed. Boys who start bar fights have to the dishes."
I'm about to protest the "start bar fights" part of that when he suddenly leans in and the acrobats make a swift return.
The kiss is brief and a little nervous on both our parts. I like it. I look forward to getting to the long, shameless kisses - and I mean both the arrival and the kisses in between.
I watch Heero swagger off to his bedroom, taking the opportunity to openly check out his ass for once. Man. If he ever tells me he's liked me for nearly as long as we've been roommates, I think I'm going to punch him. Because really, not noticing the roommate you've been mooning over has been mooning right back, that doesn't exactly save me from residence in Duo-could-you-be-more-pathetic land.
The bar is named after a real gay bar -"The Nuts and Bolts Lounge"- in New York City. (Er, the title is not named for the bar however :P)